Why do so many smart men have warm friendly personalities?
Why do they get lots of respect and gratitude from others?
Why do so many of them find themselves with a handful of rare true friends?
And yet still fail to attract the women they desire the most??!!!
You and I have a problem. We’re smart men. Not extremely intelligent. Not geniuses. Just smart men who have lofty goals which others may perceive as being better than average.
BUT… Women are NOT attracted to this intelligence any more than I feel attracted to the brains on a woman. Honestly speaking you will rarely if ever hear me say,
“Wow would you look at the brains on that girl!!”
As far as I’m concerned attraction is not gender biased. What I feel is what she feels. Although the mixture of emotions may vary from person to person causing a wide variety in their display –
Happy is happy.
Sad is sad.
Insecurity is insecurity and so on…
Therefore I’m going to assume a woman will never look at me, smile at me, and get turned on by the size of my brain.
Since women are not attracted purely to intelligence and why is being smart NOT the ultimate factor behind how we gain the attraction of another?
Why has nature supposedly chosen to ignore this trait after a million of years of evolution?
Why can’t smart men get by on how smart they are and yet, as the question I posed above – They appear to have personalities that attract respect and true friendships?
I have a friend. He is angry. He believes the human race is going backwards. He feels we are “down breeding” because smart men are not being allowed to procreate.
Therefore natural selection will eventually weed out the smart men like himself.
Hence we’re getting dumber and dumber each generation. He sees it as an inherited human flaw which will inevitably lead to our certain extinction.
I bet you can tell he’s a smart man. He’s thought a lot about it. He’s assessed the problem. Predicted an outcome. He has chosen factual information based on the probability of a less than controlled experiment of what he sees in the natural world of human interaction.
And none of all that work has helped him to attract a REAL woman with all the traits in a female he values the most.
Do this experiment for me.
Bury you head in your school work memorizing facts. Learn new theories. Learn how the complexity of our world can be broken down into a few (not always so simple) formulas. Read book after book gaining vast enormous amounts of knowledge…
Now go smile at the next woman you find attractive.
Did it help? Probably not.
Just because you feel more intelligent and learned some tough stuff it did not “trigger” any kind of attraction.
I understand it’s not much of an experiment but that’s probably because if you’re a smart man you go through it everyday.
If you’ve been around the “attraction” blogs or advice pages then I’m sure you’ve read all about how smart “nice” men ruin their chances.
In fact one of them listed below caused me to venture into this field.
Intelligent men often tend to be overly serious when they meet women. But even the most serious and intellectual of women is looking to have fun and relax when she goes out as opposed to having deep and meaningful conversations right off the bat. –
In fact, I believe that there are a lot of smart guys running around this planet who don’t even have “social skills” and “be a cool guy that people like” in their “MENTAL MODEL” of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just that… SKILLS.
They’re not social INFORMATION.
They’re not social THEORIES.
They’re social SKILLS.
And you don’t get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
He goes out and meets women on occasion, but he finds the same pattern evolving:
He meets a gal every once in a while, usually by luck. He’ll ask and get her number from her. He’ll call a day or two later, and usually get an answering machine. She never calls him back, and he ends up calling several times before he finally gets hold of her.
She’s usually polite, and he’ll muster up the courage to ask for date. She agrees, but when the day comes for them to meet up, she calls him and says she can’t make it. Or she stands him up.
Bob then looks at this as being yet another reason women are unreliable, and he starts to get self-righteous. He’s doing everything right, and THEY are acting all weird. It must be them, he figures.
And his passivity increases. Why bother trying if you just get shot down every time?
Take notice that the common theme above is socially related.
It’s not that your intelligence is turning them off, it’s because social skills have very little to do with being smart.
I have lots of friends who wouldn’t even consider themselves to be one of the “smarter” guys but when it comes to their social interaction – they are far more effective than I have ever been.
They’re not trying to think a woman into bed and they’re not trying to rationalize a new friend into liking them.
They discuss issues which they know a little about and they try to have the best time they can regardless of the unavoidable drama that goes along with social dynamics.
I believe nature has NOT chosen to ignore intelligence as being a factor in attraction. And I would never ask a guy to “dumb” himself down to get a girl.
But I DO believe when your knowledge is not used externally in more ways than to just be right, the limited view of your genes chooses to ignore the benefit of how smart we are.
I realize I’ve brought up more questions than answers and this post may only scrape the surface but I do have a purpose and a clear direction…
Social Studies is not just a course you were forced to take in school.
Social interaction, no matter where you are with it, or what level you’re on has a direct impact on ANY guys ability in attracting women.