When your relationship goes bad…
When you meet a woman and she turns you down…
When you think you’ve found a great guy and he turns out to be a jerk…
When your marriage falls apart after only a few years…
When your girlfriend begins to stray and lose interest in you…
When your boyfriend wants to see other women…
Who do you blame more?
Do you blame yourself and look closely inside? Scrutinizing your every behavior.
Do you blame others?
Is your energy focused outside yourself?
Do you take a little of the blame on yourself, and then give a little blame to the other person?
Maybe you go back and forth. One minute it’s you, the next minute it’s them, driving yourself crazy trying to figure out what really went wrong.
I have found that both men and women tend to blame others verbally but deep inside they mostly blame themselves when a relationship fails or a meeting goes bad.
And in “the world” of blame…
You meet a guy who is kind of a jerk but not enough to turn you off completely. He shows a little interest in you and his rudeness kind of makes you wonder who he really is.
You go out and eventually begin to date exclusively.
Sure he’s a little rough around the edges but there’s something about him you can’t resist and when you’re both alone he can be one of the sweetest guys in the world.
aS the weeks fly by he becomes less and sweet on the inside and downright rude to you at times. He becomes totally unpredictable.
One minute he’s nice and the next an unbearable ass.
The ups and downs drive you so crazy but you can not help yourself. You find yourself starting to feel attracted to the ups and downs.
You actually begin to thrive off of his bad energy and at times wanting so desperately for him to play nice again.
Yet eventually the emotional roller coaster pushes you too far and you find the courage to break it off.
Leaving you confused, depressed, angry, hurt, and it feels like you failed.
When you tell your close friend what happened it goes like this,
“ALL men are jerks. Why do I continually fall for the asshole? I really thought this guy was different. He was so sweet to me when we first starting dating!!!”
So part of you blames him for what?
Acting like himself… a jerk.
Then a part of you blames yourself for even falling for an asshole in the first place.
You put yourself down for making a bad decision and getting “fooled.”
Externally you blamed him but inside you felt like a failure and blamed yourself.
And then the pattern repeats itself over and over.
You meet her online. You flirt with her a little but she insists you were just being rude.
So you explain you were just showing interest and she should not take it the wrong way.
Suddenly her mood changes and reveals to you how much she likes you.
In that short amount of time she didn’t get what you were doing.
She got angry all too easily over it.
She claims it’s because she’s shy and doesn’t trust anyone and even blames her family life for making her that way.
But despite all the obvious warning signs you wanted to see past it all.
Because you were so attracted to her.
Then the jealousy came and got worse and worse. Suddenly every woman was only out to get you in your pants and steal her from you…until one day it suddenly stopped.
Like someone had taken over her mind.
She grew distant sexually, uncaring to what you were doing, and completely unresponsive to anything you did.
She literally turned into a friend and stopped being your girlfriend – but she forgot to tell you.
Your feelings become torn between deep anger towards her or feeling like shit inside.
Angry then hurt and over and over again.
Now you don’t know who to blame because you feel like you blew it. You let it happen. You were not good enough for you and she found someone better.
You blame yourself internally but to your friends – it as all HER!
She turned into a freak and you did nothing wrong but ALL the signs were there from the beginning.
She did not understand you.
She did not trust you.
She was overly emotional and never really got you.
This sends your mind into blame mode.
You blame yourself for not reacting sooner or realizing it was never going to work out and then you blame her for what?
Being who she was when you first met her.
When you blame someone for just being who they are, you’re putting part of the blame on yourself.
When you blame yourself you’re in turn putting part of that blame on someone else.
And your intuition takes a back seat.
The blame game is a search for answers which can easily be found without attaching a cause.
You can’t blame yourself for acting as who YOU ARE.
And you can’t blame someone else for acting in a way that is consistent with who THEY ARE.
When a woman falls for a jerk and then calls him a jerk so ending the relationship, what does that really say about who she is?
When as a man fails to see the obvious flaws in a woman because of the way she looks, what does that really say about him?
And without always looking for someone to blame we’re get to enjoy real growth as a person.
And it just so happens that person is far more attractive.
You see it’s not blaming others.
It’s not blaming ourselves.
It’s seeing how your actions are nothing more than an extension of who you are.
That realization alone is a secret to real growth and secret to creating attraction in others.
Attraction does NOT care who you are.
It is not a rational thinking being.
It is an instinctual emotion which you have NO control over.
It also makes no sense to blame that emotion or blame how we act on our attraction.
When you commit acting on that emotion blindly you will end up playing the blame game and succumb to the never-ending pattern of finding who is at fault.
The blame will waste your time and energy and if you admit your time and energy are finite in your world, it’s best to keep every minute of for as long as you can.
The next time you find your attraction towards someone else is enticing you to play the game, step back and consciously decide if this person is really right for you.
Take a few seconds to ask yourself some important questions before you jump into the relationship,
“Will I end up blaming this person for just being who they are?”, and
“Will I end up blaming myself for being who I really am?”
Don’t fall blindly for your attraction. Listen to your intuition and trust yourself before you end up ultimately blaming yourself.
Do THAT more often and you will notice not only how much more attractive you feel, but how others who practice the same start feeling are more attracted to you…
And you’ll be that much closer to attracting better relationships into your life.