These are my thoughts, beliefs, and “nice guy” rules on getting laid.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with just wanting to get laid!
Sex is a very important part of attaining balance and happiness in our life.
It fulfills a certain part of us which often includes our passions and desires.
It’s not always a good time to get into a relationship and getting into one just for the sex is absurd.
Whether it’s a career, family obligations, unfulfilled feelings, following dreams or whatever… when a commitment to another person must be temporarily avoided, why should sex be off the table too?
For those of you who are against ANY kind of casual sex that’s fine. I’m not one to push my opinions or beliefs on how you choose to live your life.
I DO have a problem with “nice guys” wanting it and talking themselves out of it (or abstaining from sex) just because they believe having a one night stand or sleeping with someone somewhat casually is not a nice thing to do a woman. (As if doing it to a woman is something she wouldn’t enjoy?)
Again – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with just wanting to get laid once in a while so I’ve devised a set of rules to follow which (are not perfect by any means) BUT they can help to alleviate the frustration of not getting any while at the same time make you feel better about just wanting to get laid.
These will not protect you completely from some unforeseen drama.
They will not guarantee things happen and when sex is involved, the emotional edge to it creates situations which are going to happen…
BUT hopefully, they’ll allow you (IF YOU’RE A GOOD GUY) to at least feel comfortable enough to know you’ve tried to do the right thing.
AND they are here to protect BOTH parties involved.
#1. Know your intentions.
In the dating phase of any interaction there are a few things which gives a general idea about what is happening…
They are attraction, interest, and intention.
It’s easy to understand how sometimes our minds can be changed.
You could want a woman for something more than just a fling or one night stand but it doesn’t work out that way.
The opposite is also true, you could enjoy sex with her and find yourself wanting her more and just maybe, she isn’t into it.
Hey… it happens. Probably quite a lot too.
BUT that doesn’t change how your intentions must be made clear. It only changes the fact that you have a new problem coming your way.
The complicated part of “intentions” is, if we make it too well known or push the issue or “advertise” it, well it could ruin the chance of it happening… right?
There may be a time, when things are getting steamy where this kind of question arises and I believe that’s the time to be completely honest.
Doing so before is like telling a woman you just met,
“Hi. Great to meet you. My name is Pete. Just wanted to let you know sex is on my mind tonight. I really only just want to get laid.”
Ehhh might work on some women… in some circumstances… or for some guys but as far as building enough attraction and sexual energy to make a one night stand or casual sex happen it will probably just have you going home alone.
MY rule here is honesty BEFORE a rash choice is made WHEN it’s appropriate and definitely not before.
This rule is here to stop you from befriending a co-worker, your friend’s friend, some girl you just met where your intentions are nothing more than sex yet you find a way to get around it.
Don’t lie to yourself. You know when sex is your only intention and playing it out any other way is deceitful and just plain wrong. No matter how you may reason it out – you either want more or less.
Which brings me to…
Rule #2. Maturity and respect.
This rule is for you AND for her too.
Testing for OUR maturity should be partly her concern and testing her for the same should be your concern too.
In other words, just sleeping with a woman without knowing how she can handle a one night stand is not only disrespectful, but a very immature thing to do.
The rule is:
Respect her esteem.
Respect her wishes.
Respect the fact you’re becoming intimate with a real person with real feelings and there will ALWAYS be some kind of EMOTIONAL RISK involved.
It’s YOUR job to be mature and respectful yourself and it’s equally as important to assure SHE is mature enough to and I’m not only talking about age. I’m talking her mental state of being. If you can not figure that out and something is off, don’t fool yourself into thinking anything less than she is not in the right mental state of mind for a one night stand or worse yet, casual sex where you might hook up a few times.
If all signs point to that she’s okay with it and she’s probably in the same place, loves sex, wants sex, enjoys being intimate BUT is not fully committed to being in a relationship to get it… then by all means: Go for it!
Just getting laid doesn’t have to be a bad thing. We can feel confident in calling it casual sex with a woman we’re NOT exclusively dating.
Another side thing to this maturity and respect is:
Mature men and women do NOT sleep with other men and women who are married or already in a relationship. RESPECT the “other” person who she might be involved with and refrain from sleeping with her.
There are plenty of single women out there you can sleep with… so stay away from some other dude’s girl.
Rule #3: Total responsibility.
This means you just might have to ruin a “short moment” to put on some protection. You can’t just enter this blindly and expect you’ll get lucky.
I’m not saying to take responsibility when she might get pregnant, that I do hope goes without saying.
I’m saying to BE responsible in the first place even if it means having to wait.
Obviously this is much easier when you’re not just out looking for a one night stand so if you don’t feel you’re up to it, find some women to again, casually date so you can be prepared more often.
Being responsible is also not something that comes and goes – you can do it one time and not the next. Consistency is very important here.
It only takes thinking ahead just a little and it’s not really that hard to do.
After responsibility comes…
Rule #4: Sex is NOT a prize or trophy.
We must avoid “bragging” to our friends or using a wonderful thing just to make us look better in front of our friends.
If it’s not enough for you to enjoy “getting laid” internally to satisfy a common need for intimacy then maybe you should re-consider having casual sex.
Just having sex is NOT a real confidence builder.
It’s a shared experience to achieve a “happy” balance in your life.
It’s a means to connect with someone on an often “felt like” primitive level.
Having another notch on your bed won’t make you a better man inside. The type of guys who worship “other” guys just because they’ve slept with more women than them might want to take a hard look at themselves and get over it.
I feel as long those rules above are understood competently, just getting laid, or having causal sex with someone you’re not exclusive with should not be a problem or a big deal.
In face it’s actually advised for a guy who might struggle in the sexual confidence and skills area…
“If you can’t stop yourself from using sex as the prize – go get laid by women who want to be your prize for the evening whether it takes a few non-traditional dates or not to achieve.”
Learning how to “get laid” while following the guidelines above can have some great benefits and many of them are covered in that link above.
Another great benefit to casual sex is taking the time to learn to be happy while you’re single making you more more ready and capable when you do finally enter an exclusive relationship.
“You must date MANY women to give you the experience, successes, and understanding that put you on the upward spiral of success. There is no more security in having a girlfriend than there is in being a single, dynamic man with the ability to create the dating life HE wants.
If you feel intimidated or scared by the thought of giving up the girl you’ve got, even if the situation you’re in with her is painful, you’re not truly free. You’re not truly secure. You’re at HER mercy.
Develop a full and complete life without a woman. If you aren’t happy being single, you won’t be happy being a couple.”
The better you become at being yourself, the more you will have to give to others.
This includes sex, relationships, dating, family, friends, career…
Sometimes being single and just wanting to get laid for a while can give ALL of us the time to better ourselves and put the focus where it belongs.
It’s not bad to just want to get laid.
Maybe it should be recommended, even prescribed… okay I won’t go that far just yet but I will leave this:
Balance IS important and I firmly believe being intimate and our raw sexual desires are PART of that balance which needs to be maintained as best as we can.
Whether it’s done though a one night stand or casual sex with a non-exclusive dating partner… Just getting laid does not have to be a bad thing.
One night stands are a very real thing BUT they are not to be taken lightly.
The rules MUST be followed.
If you want them to be a part of your life I would definitely recommend your learn HOW to make them happen. I suppose I shouldn’t have to tell you that anyways.
My main point here today is to just to assure that YES, you can still be a good “nice” guy and enjoy ALL THE BENEFITS of casual sex. Wanting it, getting it, enjoying does NOT make you a bad guy.
What CAN and WILL make you a bad guy is how you go about getting it and choosing to avoid the RULES of casual sex.
For those who wish to pursue your skills in this area I strongly suggest you read two of my getting a girlfriend steps:
There are a ton of links, tips, and helpful stuff on seduction and obviously getting laid.
Whether you’re looking for something quick like first date seduction or something longer like a sex buddy, it’s all there.