You know when you might need to get laid but have you ever asked yourself how BAD do you want to get laid? Think "hard" about that question and let me know what your answer was below, before you read another word.
Got your answer? Cool, now let's talk about my answer.
I asked myself that very same question over twenty years ago and apparently, the answer was just not good enough. It wasn't enough for me to get that part of my life handled. It wasn't enough to force myself and find or develop the real parts of me women might find attractive.
It wasn't even enough to get me off my ass and actually do something about it!
Apparently I just didn't want it BAD enough.
I wanted a really expensive guitar once - spent the whole summer saving for it and got it. I wanted to get into music college and had no money and nothing to practice on (yeah I was a percussion major and getting a Marimba and Tympani wasn't really going to happen.)...
Yet, I wanted it so bad, I made it happen.
However - in a rather annoying twist, when I would scream how bad I just wanted to get laid - nothing.
I did absolutely NOTHING REAL to make it happen.
Now I say getting laid because honestly that WAS the goal. I could rationalize it and think that maybe it really about just getting a girlfriend but I wouldn't be completely honest with you or me, the longer I went without it - sex became the ultimate goal.
The dry feeling of absolutely no sex between my legs seeped into every part of my life. It made me angry. It made me short-tempered.
It made me put so much emphasis on just getting some, I found it difficult just looking at a woman without undressing her and imagining "doing it" with her wherever I happened to hanging out.
I couldn't rationalize away my sexual desires without lying to myself.
The frustrated feeling of not getting any fueled my anger. I would then add more fuel everyday by adding pressure on myself to achieve that goal. When I couldn't, that just made me more angry and even more frustrated.
I quickly and all too easily lost sight of what I should be focused on, becoming a REAL man so a woman would want to sleep with in the first place.
Women sense this urgency in a man.
No doubt they sniffed it on me a mile away.
They could smell my lack of experience and lack of confidence and how all of it combined was driving my actions towards her... badly and unattractive.
Overly nice and respectful.
Boring and non-sexual on the outside, seething and desperate inside.
Okay enough of that.
In the end it meant being disqualified for so many reasons there was no way out, and I was NOT going to "get laid" until I learned how to control the desperate anger inside and get to the real issues of my failed internal self.
I fully admitted what I saw when I looked in the mirror...
An average looking, short, skinny muscular (man?)
And as each year passed the beliefs I had about who I was, changed or rearranged itself to fit the current dry spell of getting laid.
Each failure with a girl led me to a new belief and I wasn't even aware that they were piling up in my head:
When a tall woman turned me down it was because I was too short.
When a highly attractive woman turned me down it was because I wasn't good-looking enough.
When a sexually open woman turned me down it was because I didn't have enough sex with other girls. I wasn't a male slut.
When SHE turned me down it was because I wasn't rich enough. Rich girl only wanted the rich guy.
When SHE turned me down it was because her friends wouldn't sleep with me either. Pass the hot guy around chic only wanted the guy her social circle would pass around.
When SHE turned me down it was because I was too nice. SHE only liked jerks. The SWEET girl apparently liked to be treated like shit.
WELL... as you might have guessed it:
Sooner or later I ran out of excuses.
Who knows, I probably just ran out of different types of women that turned me down.
You would think I'd stop all the bullshit at that point but nope, I just came up with a different line of excuses or reasons:
This extremely overweight woman wants me therefore only big women must want me.
This divorced woman with three kids at age twenty-three wanted me, she must be settling with me. Looks like I only attract THAT type of woman.
If ANY woman wanted me that I didn't want then I thought, fuck! Guess only women I don't want will sleep with me.
And it didn't stop there. Nope.
I had one more option to explore. One more "reason of failure" avenue to take and this time it took the expected turn. The "How Could I...?" OR "As Soon As I...?" route of despair.
- How could I have confidence with women if I have no successes with them?
- How could I expect my self-esteem to be high when I've been turned down by so many women?
OR better explained (or taken) from an excuse article written by David Wygant:
You’ve heard them, and I certainly have heard them, saying something like “David, as soon as I lose weight I’ll go out and talk to people.”
There are a million other phrases that could be filled in after the “as soon as” part of that sentence:
- As soon as I get back in the gym…
- As soon as I finish this big project at work…
- As soon as I go on this new diet…
- As soon as my kids get older…
I could go on and on for days, But you get the idea.
When you start using “as soon as” excuses, you become the person who truly believes that life is going to change the second you accomplish other things.
Yes, I knew I reached the end because I finally gotten to the point where my excuses need excuses.
Seriously, how bad has it gotten when you need excuses for your excuses?
They were obviously coming from a man who did NOT want to get laid bad enough.
How could I want it bad enough if I allowed myself to go without sex for so long without doing anything real about it.
How badly could I have really wanted a woman in my life "sexually" if I wasn't willing to START doing something different?
How bad could I have wanted it if I wasn't willing to ditch the bullshit excuses?
Now it's YOUR turn...
How bad do YOU want to get laid?
Have you reached the end of your excuses or "reasons" why it's not happening for you?
Is the lack of sex now controlling your life and occupying way too much of your brain?
Is it day after day of frustration seeing women, watching couples, knowing you're going home alone once again?
Are you getting angry over stupid little things? Short-tempered and short-sighted for something which seems beyond your control.
Think of all the accomplishments you've made in your life. Think about all you've done, all you've seen, all the problems you've solved, the triumphs small and big...
Just think about how far you've come and yet this one PROBLEM - getting laid is the one thing which seems impossible to overcome.
Of course it feels different than those other things, right? I mean really, we're talking about sex and she has to agree to it. It's not like you have some sci-fi mind control device you can use.
We're talking about another human being CHOOSING to have sex with you and on the surface, doesn't appear to be something you actually have CONTROL over. NO one can MAKE someone do anything they don't want to do.
You certainly won't allow yourself to go to the "dark side". You're not willing to manipulate or play a woman for it. You're too nice. You're not THAT type of guy.
And I say - good for you. Really, I'm happy you find it literally impossible to become a manipulative bastard. I'm happy you couldn't live with yourself doing things you hopefully only see in movies or bad sit-coms.
You must BELIEVE... Solving your sex, girlfriend, dating problems is not impossible.
It's no different than working your ass off for a few months or a year to buy something you really want. It's no different than saving up for a dream vacation.
The ONLY difference is, unlike saving up for something, you can't just show up to your job and mindlessly give up your time and freedom to watch the small bits of money roll in.
Yet - that IS the only difference and that's a great thing.
You CAN use your mind to solve this problem. In fact - it's a requirement.
Sure, the pay sucks but the payoff is worth it - don't you think? I mean if you really WANT it bad enough - then it's worth every ounce of energy and thought you can muster up.
How DO you solve this "getting laid" problem?
First - figure out what you really want and don't accept any answer to be the wrong answer for you.
If it's all about sex - then make THAT your goal.
If it's about just getting a really cool girlfriend - then make THAT your goal.
Be completely and totally honest with yourself and understand there is NO WRONG answer for you. I won't judge you for it so don't judge yourself for it.
Write them down somewhere. I used a clever little "man journal" but you can use whatever you'd like. If you're really daring put them down here:
What Are Your Goals With Girls? Do You Know Exactly What You Want? and I'll try and see what I can do for you minus getting you a hooker.
Second - FIND out what your REAL problem is.
No more excuses. STOP blaming the world for your role in your life.
Take responsibility for anything and everything which brought you to this point.
Take ownership for YOUR WORLD you've created for yourself and please whatever you do... do NOT feel sorry for yourself.
There's no need to get down on yourself.
There's no point or productive reason for feeling like a piece of shit or that you've done something wrong. You are no less than any other man because if this.
The truth is you have never been taught the right skills and over the years, your mindset has been corrupted by your experience and all the bullshit that's been fed to you.
Third - GET TO WORK!
Since I don't know your life or specific problems I'm not positive which direction you need to go or where you need the most help - all I can do is point you in the direction I went because it helped me a lot.
However - you now know EXACTLY what you want AND you know what your biggest problems are so getting to work should not be difficult for you.
Yes, I know, I make it sound so freaking easy when we both know IF it was that easy this probably wouldn't be a problem. But that's not right - it actually IS that easy but you just haven't found the right answers yet making it seem difficult.
Here ARE those answers and it's what worked for me. Your results may vary but not by much.
#1: Erase your brain.
Everything you've think you know about men, women, dating, attraction, sex - gone! Forget it all. I don't care what you have to do minus going out and getting so trashed you don't remember the last ten years of your life.
#2: Get a REAL education on attraction.
Replace the forgotten old out-dated knowledge you had on attraction with something new which makes sense.
Come on, you must have known this was going to cost you something but all you're going to lose is money and think about what you're going to get in return AND this is not beyond any man's wallet.
Here's what I first bought: Attraction Isn't A Choice.
(Obviously you'll have to click on that link for more information, the pricing, the guarantees, the bonuses, etc...)
#3: Start practicing what you learned IMMEDIATELY.
No lie, within a day after reading that book, I went out with my head held high like I was given some "insider" information. It was the confidence boost of knowledge I needed and I immediately started seeing thing in a more positive different light.
Now I'm not sure if women were looking at me differently but it certainly felt that way - and sometimes that's all you need.
Number 3 is not the end but it IS THE BEGINNING.
There is not real end for everyone. That would depend on your goals, your specific problems, your personal deal in life and where you are at this moment in time.
I'll be completely honest with you - Attraction Isn't A Choice will NOT cover everything.
Sure some guys will "get laid" quicker than others but don't worry about them, focus on yourself...
You're only GOAL with regards to what I know about you is to KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
Once you're done reading PLEASE go through my, yes it's free: Ebook on Getting A Girlfriend
It has all the steps for you to follow; and by taking the time to carefully but confidently proceed through it - you'll have a clear understanding of what needs to be done and where you will need to go next.
No more excuses.
No more bullshitting yourself.
No more feeling sorry for yourself.
No more feeling helpless or powerless to overcome it all.
This is now YOUR time to succeed.