I used to ride a bike to work. I rode that shitty thing for years… Monday through Friday.
I would get up a 6am. Make a cup of coffee. Turn on the television.
When my body was awake I would workout for about a half an hour.
Then came the hot water timed shower. Meaning as long as there was hot water I wasn’t moving. Who doesn’t love a hot shower?
With the hot water gone I of course would put some clothes and ride the few miles to my 9 to 4 job. Rain or snow. In fact, it got so bad sometimes I would get to work with my ass and the back of my legs drenched or even frozen.
I did that everyday non-stop for years. Even after I moved. Even after my bike fell apart because when that happened I just started walking.
What I came to realize at some point is how I was putting myself out there looking the worst I could look. Breathing in the fumes of every passing car which always felt like they were judging me because I looked like an under paid cook who couldn’t afford a car. ( Which I was. )
I tried not to let it affect me even though while every car whizzed by me it felt like they were looking down at me. It literally felt like I was at a lower status than them because I wasn’t choosing to walk or ride my bike for the exercise, I got plenty of that at home; nope, it was because I refused to save the money and bother with a car.
I was comfortable cycling along the same old pattern over and over and over and over…
The nights were also complacently comfortable. I kept myself busy and I kept myself close to a couple of friends who were stuck in the same “plane circling pattern” with me.
As you can probably tell by now the “outer game of any friends zone inhabitant” is a lot like what I was forcing myself to suffer through:
It always seems like we feel “different” when we’re not at or looking our best. Making it a task or chore or utterly impossible to put ourselves out there.
It’s like we’re always trying “to be” our best for everyone because that is what WE want from THEM and if we don’t get it from ourselves we get depressed.
If we don’t get it from someone else we feel disappointed.
It always feels like we’re being judged or how other people must care about who we are or what we are, when in fact their just living out their daily holding patterns.
We’re always taking things too personal as if we have some sort of weird affect on people.
When in reality, very few of us normally do. Especially if we’re stuck in any kind of monotonous lifestyle.
Comfortably enjoyable or not, if it’s not challenging we’re not challenging ourselves to be better people or take certain risks, we’re definitely not challenging complete strangers to want to get to know us or even be around us.
It’s not that we settle for the easy way out. Some of us are quite accomplished in our careers and overall lives but we do apprear to fear breaking the cycle or going out of our norm.
We stick with what we know and hope things work out in our favor.
They do work out for some lucky folks but I feel most of us get stuck with whatever life deals us and until we make it a point in our lives to break these “friends zone” cycles we settle with being complacent.
Never actually achieving the real results we often dream about.
Here’s an example.
Did you know when I walked those very same streets growing up I may have even taken my shirt off?
I didn’t care how others saw me and I certainly, not for one minute, believed I had any affect on the world. I was just there having fun and taking advantage of every opportunity I could.
And despite not really achieving a huge success with women I did a hell of a lot better than I did all those years I spent hiding away in the restaurant refusing to step out of myself just once.
The friends zone cycle is our pattern of behaviors which happen over and over again with whomever we’re attracted to – thus giving the same or similar results.
And they’re closely related or even identical to what I mentioned above.
- Always needing to feel comfortable.
- Always feeling like we’re being judged by others especially when we’re not at our best or given the opportunity “to be” our best.
- Always feelings like we have a huge affect on the lives of others when in fact when we can not challenge ourselves enough to break the pattern.