The nervous chatter. The butterflies.
The stress of trying impress someone all the while hoping your date will also impress you.
The memory of your last first date that went bad still lingering in your mind as you try anything and everything to avoid it from happening yet again.
Today's lesson is obviously in dating and you'll learn just how nervous women are on them, what you can do to make her feel comfortable and more open to having fun with you.
First things first - a friend of mine is going on a first date.
Who's more nervous... you or her?
Well let me tell you about this little firecracker I know who just happens to call me coach... on her way to a "first date" she called me for advice..
She claims to have a problem... She only goes out with jerks! She's freshly out of a two-year relationship and is desperate to do things "different" this time.
She want two things right now and it's what ALL women want.. especially on a first date:
Avoid past mistakes and have fun!
Quite a tall order for a short ass girl on a first date.
Anyways they first started talking on Facebook and soon decided to meet up with each other.
She's excited AND scared. It's been years since she's been on a date making it that much more important and of course with the entire night ahead of her, she's incredibly nervous!!!
I got "the call" while she was driving to the restaurant.
Her words were, "I need some last minute advice!" but I suspect she was just so nervous that she really just needed someone to talk with and calm her down.
She's worried about what to talk about and how the conversation should go.
She also is a little flaky and told me in all her nervousness she left her house with any money except a ten she found hiding in her coat pocket. Definitely not enough to buy ANYTHING in New York.
Imagine this young woman.... A total "hot" mess. Speaking quickly. Answering her own questions with even more questions. Thoughts are popping in her head and disappearing before she can even get them all out.
In the very end she's actually beginning to feel vulnerable and on top of it all the biggest question of the night finally comes out,
"What if he doesn't pay for the meal?"
Talk about an awkward ending.
I tell her this,
"I don't feel it's a man's responsibility to pay for the date exclusively BUT you must be upfront about forgetting your money. Just tell him right away. Get it out or else you're going to worry about it all night and you're going to ruin any chances of having fun."
Of course she doesn't agree.
She feels it is the mans responsibility to pay for the date.
Did I mention she wasn't really looking for advice? Haha!!
So I move on and tell her,
"I say it's the man's role just to keep the conversation going. Say a few things and let her run with it. AND it's also up to him LEAD the evening. Kind of like being one step ahead of her."
She agreed as she pulled up to the restaurant and hung up the phone.
After the date she gave me a quick call to let me know how things went.
She thanked me for my "advice" and said that he DID find topics to keep the conversation going.
How a lot of her nervousness went away when I told her how HE should lead the evening and when he did, it relaxed her and she happily followed along.
He paid for the meal when she went to the bathroom (smart man) and overall...
"The truth is, when you spend substantial amounts of money on a woman you’ve just begun to date, you’re actually making things more difficult for yourself, and creating a bad expectation.
There is a principle of persuasion that salespeople use on customers called the Rule of Reciprocity."
He was a nice guy....
More to come on that in the second part and I've included the link on the bottom of the page.
First Date Advice you can use.
REMEMBER this story.
Women are just as nervous as you are on the first date. Their unsure thoughts race through their minds like you would never believe and there are a ton of them.
Some might feel insecure a times.
Some will definitely feel anxious.
Some will also experience BOTH at the same time!
Notice the one piece of advice I gave to my friend which helped her out the most...
Leading the date.
It relaxed her and when he took charge... made all the difference in the world to her.
It's very important to plan effective dates so you can at least pretend you got everything under control.
Sure you can drift from the plan but be prepared.
Done right YOU can create the right mood and she WILL follow.
If you're all over the place she will only feel more nervous. She'll be less responsive and feel all too vulnerable.
She'll put her guards up to protect herself and you'll have to work that much harder to have fun, create attraction, and get to know each other.
So make sure you LEAD the entire evening.
Make sure you have a PLAN.
Make sure you have a conversational plan or at least something in your head which you're going to talk to her about.
Making her feel comfortable the right way will allow her to be herself among other things.
Avoid the mistake of making her feel too comfortable the wrong way would be kissing her ass, trying to win her approval, trying to be someone you're not just to make her like, and pretending you're not a little nervous yourself.
Here's the advice you can now follow or take to help make your next first date memorable, fun, and exciting.
PLANNING THE DATE: Innovative Ideas For Dates She Will Never Forget.
INVITE HER HERE: 32 Great Date Places – Where To Go and Meet Up With Her.
LEADING THE CONVERSATION: Conversation Topics That Keep Her Attention, Charm Her and Attract Her.
DO THIS: How To Act On The First Date.
But most of all make sure you read this one because it will teach you EVERYTHING you need to know about dating and creating the PERFECT DATE:
"No longer will you settle or put up with a traditional date trying to follow dating rules which to little create what a date is supposed to be. Getting to know each other and deciding if you want to see each other again while you're having fun. Build excitement mini adventures which are inexpensive and amazing."
If you're wondering if she saw this guy again or if there was a second date - you can read all about it here: