“the man has absolutely no power before you have sex with her, so you are completely at her whim.”
We think we know things. We assume when something feels so right it must be true.
But that doesn’t always prove to be real.
There’s no consistent example where when something feels right, that it must be true.
A man left the statement above which made me think hard about “power” and the interactions between men and women.
He said that a man has absolutely no power before a woman has sex with him and so men are left completely at her whim until they do it.
Of course this is taken out of context and he might have meant it generally but nonetheless the “concept of power and sex” does make you think and deserves further exploration.
If we take that further we might then guess when they do have sex, the man finally gains power and she is left at his whim.
When I think far back at my past and all the women who refused to have sex with me, it was probably right.
As I was left chasing and her running, for as long as I wasn’t getting anything from her, she held this power over me.
But that was with women who I had no chance with anyways.
Of course, I acted from slim pickings. I found one woman. Got hooked on her. Gave her my “friendship” and hoped for more. Not really a well thought out plan and so, never really worked.
I literally and figuratively handed over my power to her and became some subservient semblance of a man.
Sure I had the “cock and balls” below but you wouldn’t know it by watching how I interacted with attractive women.
The opposite was true with the women who wanted me and I felt little or nothing for them. I was their “unattainable”.
The women who chased me and made it clear what they wanted from me handed ME all the power to decide – and my answer was always a “No. Sorry. I’m not interested.”
Or I would continually blow her off until she got the picture. Rejecting a woman was not a strong suit of mine and yes, I DO believe that made me even less than the man I could’ve been.
Moving on to the next “stage” of my life I learned how much power I actually did have and finally chose to use it to MY advantage.
(Mostly for good of course because I was never into playing women or playing a power game.)
First, I learned or finally agreed that women were into sex just as much as I was.
Who would of thought women could become as sexually frustrated as I was.
Sure their outlet or how they dealt with it was mostly different from guys but remove any real sexual interaction with a guy for years and she must find her own way of dealing with it.
The difference was, since most women wanted it just as much, they didn’t seem to put so much importance on getting it as us guys do.
To us, if we’re not getting it, it can become everything.
To her, if she’s not getting it, it becomes something else. Since I’m not a woman I will not be speculating what it means to them.
Secondly, since I understood how women tend to put less emphasis on the “having sex” part with a guy, it became all too clear getting this power (and I use that term loosely) wasn’t coming from a sexual end.
There was something else going on…
What she imagined.
How her “over-thinking” was handing power over to any guy which she could not get out of her head.
How her “not knowing” or inability to figure some dude out was the “real” source of HIS power over HER.
Third – and of high importance – IF I’m not getting it from her AND I have absolutely NO chance of getting it… maybe I screwed up every chance I had or just maybe she’s just not into me at all (hey it happens) then the last thing I would want to do, was to try even harder.
The stubborn man who only uses brute force to move a two ton object and can only think to push harder, is really just an idiot.
My point is, while I’m stuck giving away all my power to some girl who would never have me, I’m drained.
I’m at my weakest state and attracting another woman becomes that much harder.
If I hand over my masculinity to one women then what, I have to wait to be seen as a real guy to someone else until she hands me back something she didn’t want or actually take anyways?
Fourth – the end of it all…
POWER is not what we think it really is.
Most people assume power means control over others.
How powerful people have masses following them and their every move.
Sure, it is a “form” of power.
It’s been used forever as a form of control BUT…
When it comes to men, women, dating, relationships, and personal growth… THAT definition only spells disaster.
Power then needs to be redefined if we’re to achieve it conditionally.
REAL power comes from within.
It has nothing to do with “others” although most people respond more favorably or attractively to people with the highest personal power.
With those statements it does “appear” that women hold all the power with guys when he’s not getting it from her because of how people (men and women) are attracted to people with high personal power.
In my world – it doesn’t seem a reality that women have all the power before I have sex with her.
I see it as all things being equal.
Given the right circumstance – she wants it just as much as I do.
If we turn things into a “power game” we turn dating and relationships into a never-ending quest for power over something or someone we have no real control over – which to me is a waste of energy.
“Personal power. Masculine power. Knowledge power. All kinds of power. Powerful men don’t have try too hard.” – In The Game Of Sexual Power With Women – Are You A Winner Or Loser?
Personal power is highly attractive and gives us control over something we can control… ourselves… our actions… our beliefs… our sex drive… some are harder to achieve but at least the effort is worth expending lots of energy.
I absolutely LOVE this subject.
Dating can all too easily turn into a power struggle.
Relationships can live or die when one or both are trying to get, keep, or give up the power to control.
Despite the lack of man I used to be, I still maintain NO woman has power of me just because she won’t “give it up” or holds something back or wouldn’t sleep with me if I was the last “man” on earth.