Do Women Play Hard To Get and Why? What Does It Prove?

Do women really play hard to get? Is it a scheme? A plan? Do they sit around thinking,

"I'm going to keep what I have and make him chase my cute ass!"

My personal experience says yes and no.

Some women DO choose to stay aloof.

For some it's a conscious thought and for others it comes more from experience and habits.

It happens because it normally works.

The three reasons why playing hard to get works or what it achieves, or better known as "congruence tests" are listed below:

#1. She needs to know without a doubt you are who you say you are.

They're thinking,

"How can I trust this guy? Does he really like me? Is he using me?"

Words are rarely enough and actions can be faked however with the right test a woman can learn to see through most men quickly.

#2. She must protect herself from looking, feeling, or acting like a slut.

Not many women, if any, like feeling easy. They know somewhere inside them that if a guy is willing to work a little harder for her, then she must be valuable.

Giving anything away too easily or for free is normally equated to having less value.

#3. She needs to validate their belief that if they give it away too easy, from dating to sex, the guy won't want it as much or just want sex.

Men are supposed to be the chaser.

Men are supposed to want what they can't have.

Men are supposed to take on a masculine role.

If she's not challenging him enough, he probably won't want it.

Therefore playing or being harder to get (than other women) assures her the guy will always want it. Sort of 🙂

Yes. I do believe women think about this sort of thing... a lot! Perhaps too much.

The most common advice I find myself giving to women is,

"Stop thinking so much!!!"

Yet, as so many of us know, if you can not get a woman to think about you, how will she ever feel attracted to you.

Some women ARE just aloof.

It's less of a conscious thought, (although it's definitely thought about a little) and more of a habit.

Perhaps they've been chased by many men in their lives and saw the pattern early on.

Their initial reaction is to run from a guy who is chasing them and most guys will continue to "court".

They quickly realize if he chases long enough, she proves again the three items listed above.

The result is the same EXCEPT for the woman who does it out of habit or behaviors probably betters her chances of finding herself with the right guy for her.

I'm not proposing that women should run and make a guy chase them, just that thinking a little less on how to get a guy or if he likes her or what his actions mean, tends to have her acting in a present frame of mind.

My absolute "opinion" on this matter is that most women tend to fall back and forth between the two listed above.

With some guys, they find themselves over thinking everything, with other guys they go with the flow and trust their instincts.

In some rare moments, for some guys, they find themselves following an all too common pattern which by far happens the most...

Once in a while they go with the moment and things "just happen".

Later on they find themselves thinking about what happened and continue to do that for a while.

Once their thoughts subside a bit and everything is somewhat normal again, he re-enters, something connects, and they once more find themselves getting caught up in the moment again.

Less thinking.

More doing.

So we have some women who make it a conscious decision, some think less and it just happens, and most just go back and forth depending on how they're feeling about a specific guy.

"The majority of women are NOT mean manipulative game players out to put every nice guy down by playing hard to get."

Why Women Play The Hard To Get Game And Why It’s A Good Thing For You

It must be said that there are at least two more we should cover...

One plays hard to get because it makes her feel in more control.

Not only of herself but the guy too.

Let's not get into her control problems are why she feels that need, or what brought her to act that way.

That's HER thing and probably none of our business anyways.

The other woman doesn't actually "play hard to get" but due to low self-esteem or confidence issues IS hard to get.

She's not playing. She just doesn't give herself enough credit. She might not believe in herself or what she has to offer.

Something ALWAYS happens which stops anything more from happening with her because of it.

This could be anything from "bad timing" to "keeping herself too busy to date" to even flaking out at the last minute because she just doesn't feel right.

Her self-sabotaging habits often confirms a negative belief she has in herself.

So... Yes.

Women DO play hard to get and when done right seems to make sense.

Call it a test.

Call it building attraction.

Call it whatever you want.

The fact remains that it MUST happen at least a little, like through flirting, challenging, proving value, assuring the guy is for real, firming her trust in him and what he wants, avoids feeling and/or looking like a slut.

Perhaps the end game is the same but the way it happens or how it happens often separates the type of women who is doing it.

If it's about controlling others it's probably a "bad" game. I would never fault someone for trying to gain more control over themselves.

If it's hurting others or using others then again, it's a "bad" game.

For all the rest who play hard to get the nice way, I'm all for it and since this is my nice guys approach to attraction I'd say too many nice guy are probably just a little too easy to get.

Take a page from what women have perfected and learn to BE hard to get because there IS a nice way to do it AND it proves to have many benefits when it comes to dating.

One last thing, just because she "looks" hard to get does NOT mean she is.

Just because she looks "easy" to get doesn't mean she is.

How we judge people instantly based on their looks is one reason why games like playing hard to get may actually be necessary.

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Dave here (…) I never put it use in my social life probably because I was raised to believe only “sluts” want sex and who wants a slut, right? Right now she is looking pretty good. LOL (…)  making me feel better about many things I just wanted to say I am glad I accidentally ran across your site and to say Thank You and keep up the good work. 

Thank You again your awesome and your teachings are also, Dave Allen

About the author: Peter White – I know a few things about life, dating, attraction, & relationships. It feels great to share & also helps pay some bills. Get in touch, become a member, and hope you get something useful out of it all.

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The article is posted in these Categories: Understanding Women – How To Become The Guy Who Gets Her

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2 comments… add one
  • Paal

    Good article, but as usual I can only speak for my self on the matter…this types of games women are playing are not for me to understand I guess, for my part all my life I’ve been judging these games wrong, and for me it’s in fact a big turn off when a woman starts to play hard to get when she has been flirting with you for days, in some cases weeks…a test or two in the beginning is fine, but later on is a real killer for me. I will start to think wtf is going on… So if it is to get me more interested and committed to them then they are basically shooting them self down.. But then again I don’t worry to much about them, they probably did it to make room for a new guy any way.
    My refusal to play these games are probably why I’m sitting alone at the age of 34 writing on this forum.
    The world we are living in now is a fu. Place for sure, equally rights they tell us, but that rule applys to everything except dating I guess, were women do not share power….

    • Peter White

      Thanks for sharing and thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.

      I used to think the same thing – that I wasn’t getting any because I wasn’t willing to play “their” games.

      Over the years I started to learn the difference between good games and bad games. Once I discovered that, the “game” changed for me. Hope it does for you too Paal.