It’s no secret… the bad boys and the jerks of the world have had their share of women.
The bad boy type being the “seemingly” careless guy who lives on the edge. The unattainable. The dare devil. A rebel who fights authority at every turn. We might even consider him the “ultimate” challenge to women.
He has a sexy sultry side, deep private thinker but is often misunderstood. At least that’s what he might believe. Give him a certain look and you won’t find many women who haven’t fantasized about their own or have enjoyed a few casual nights with one of them.
The jerk is somewhat different. He’s not typically that way from the beginning. He might treat “some” other women like shit but when she lands him he appears to her as the sweetest man… in private. She sees the good in him or the potential he might have.
The asshole who DOES get women is often given the term “jerk” after the relationship. Although he was more than likely that way from the beginning but she chose to ignore it or see something more in him.
His charm is a little different than the bad boy. For one – we must accept the fact a woman with very low self-esteem or possesses a self-sabotaging personality streak is more likely to end up with a jerk. That would be his charm.
Two – It seems this guy has the ability to play women and end up being the jerk so in those cases, he’s just good at hiding it. For others his socially dysfunctional is kind of attractive because like the bad boy – the indifferent challenge had its own rewards.
Three – because whereas the “bad boy” has his own gritty personal look often considered sexy, the “jerk” might often have certain superficial things which have given him the edge over other men and therefore is given more opportunity to literally be the jerk. Such as having money, being handsome, or even muscle bound and over-protective.
The strange part about women being attracted to these two types of guys is the different reasons we often hear men and women give. Even in my cases above.
Ask a guy why she is only attracted to jerks (and not him) and it’s because he has something tangible he doesn’t. More money –> better looking –> taller –> stronger and so on.
Ask a woman why she is attracted to one type of the other, and, well, I did ask and I gave them a choice. Here are the answers to my short “why women are attracted to jerks” survey I put up on a public survey site.
Why Are Women Attracted To Jerks – Survey Results
85 different women responded – they were allowed to choose several answers
- 48 said it was: Their bad boy attitude.
- 38 : They don’t care what others think of them.
- 37 It was because: They live exciting adventurous lives.
- 38 Their mysterious attitude was intriguing.
- 34 women preferred the emotional roller coaster with them.
- 33 wanted to: Change or Tame him.
- 33 believed: He offered the special protection.
- 17 said her family and friends did not approve of him.
- 17 times he was the ultimate challenge and she wanted to make him like or love her.
- 16 actually claimed, “I am NOT attracted to jerks!”
- 13 admitted she had father figure issues.
- 10 couldn’t explain why or I didn’t give them a reasonable choice.
In my direct and perhaps subjective view while being “stuck” listening because I was in her friends zone, they explained it to me differently or she couldn’t explain her attraction:
- “I don’t know why I always end up with a jerk. I just want a NICE GUY.”
- “I don’t know why I love him so much but i do.”
- “I know he treats me like shit but I can’t help but to love him.”
- “He just has this control over me which makes me keep giving him another chance to be better.”
- “We’ve been through so much together, and I know, deep down, there’s a great guy inside him.”
- “You just don’t know him like I do!!!”
With all that said – are we any closer to finding the exact reasons why women seem to be attracted to the jerk or “bad boy”?
There does seem to be a pattern. A common thread. Certain traits which go deeper than the exterior “machismo” we see and which go beyond her own insecurities. (Meaning lots of stable high quality women without a doubt feel some form of attraction to many of these guys even though they may never act on it.)
There are many clues in my more recent post Letting Out Your Inner Jerk where I explain:
- Natural indifference or a “Take it or leave it attitude”.
- How some guys are so scared of becoming a jerk so they often act out of fear which limits their ability to attract.
- How some “nice guys” avoid tension which can create strong sexual moments with women. Diffusing this tension destroys the immediate often very deep attraction some women feel.
In another post I get into how to use the jerk’s attractive qualities How to Use His Bad Boy Ways to Nicely Attract More Women for good by filtering out the bad stuff that comes along with it.
- He might blow her off because he doesn’t care but if we have many options with women it just means we’re busy, in demand, and haven’t decided which one is the best option for us.
- How real men reject but the jerk might just throw her away. When we believe in a healthy high value of ourselves we’re less likely to settle and how the women we DO choose to be with knows without a doubt our high expectations means we value her just as much.
- The jerk might advertise his sexual conquests but it does not have to be that way. We can easily allow her to believe we’re seeing other women, especially if it’s true.
You can see, along with so many others, this “bay boy attraction” thing has been explored quite deeply. We might not all agree why but there has been some noted reasons which appear consistent:
The good on his end.
- Generally wanted by other women.
- A challenge.
- A Fearless attitude.
The bad on her end.
- Lower self-esteem.
- Superficial goals.
- Deep and emotional father figure issues.
- Jealousy and or physical protection to prove the attachment he has towards her.
Seems that they’re all (mostly) connected and it goes without saying we’re generalizing here BUT when we consider if a nice guy who struggles with women attains the good qualities above he CAN attract as easily as the perceived jerk does.
When we filter out the harmful qualities we’re left with attraction all its own.
On the other end (her side) it’s clear she’s attracted to something beyond his good qualities. Her reasons are more self-destructive which does little to explain what makes HIM attractive.
We also have not touched upon the Alpha Male qualities which are often confused with the jerks and bad boy traits.
- The leadership.
- The out-pouring of passion.
- The unique ability to affect others.
- The strength of character.
Of course they too can be used for good or bad.
Of course, again, the same traits when added to the nice guys life while filtering out the bad, make for a pretty attractive guy.
It’s my belief then – the reasons why women are attracted to jerks are easily found and described if we can strip away the negative destructive pieces and still find so many women attracted to them.
Many of which were hopefully covered here.
In my web career and for the life of DiaLteG TM it’s been revealed publicly how to strip away the negative parts which make up the bad boy’s ability to attract. Something you can follow above in the links. To get a complete handle on how to do it along with a full course on attraction there are two versions of The Bad Boy Formula. This one is my favorite –> The Bad Boy Formula.