Do you have an amazing ability to attract the worst kind of guys into your life? The type of guys who leave a trail of drama in their wake and only leaving you hurt, in lots of pain, and totally confused.
The guy you would refer to as being a loser.
Sometimes they’re practically perfect when you’re first dating but not long after you commit to each other… they become clingy, needy, overbearing, and sometimes borderline controlling.
So just maybe they’re “one” way when you meet but suddenly become “someone else” all too quickly and painfully.
Perhaps they become distant and uncaring… almost always right after you SLEEP with him making you wonder whether they were into you or just used you for your body.
Just maybe you DO feel attracted to a few “good” guys – but they never seem to like you back and even if they show a little interest you find a million reasons to question as to why they would like you causing him to eventually give up and disappear forever.
No matter what your situation is you’ll find this problem of only attracting losers CAN be solved.
It does NOT have to be this way.
Today’s lesson will be taking a break from showing men how to attract you and help you understand this whole “attracting losers” and how to stop it from happening to you starting today.
But first… a few things needs to be covered.
You have absolutely NO CONTROL over the type of guy you feel is attracted to you.
You can create attraction and you can destroy it. You will have men who like you and you will have men who don’t.
This means while you are in control of making it happen more by learning certain communication skills which bring men closer to you or make them more likely to want to commit to you BUT skills aside…
SOME men who you would never even consider dating are going to feel attracted to you… no matter what you say or do.
You have EVERY control over WHO you commit to or date.
The hard but absolute truth is when you decide to date a guy, loser or not, you have all the power in the world to walk away… immediately if at any time you feel he is wrong for you or not the type of guy you thought he was when you first met.
You must never feel trapped into a relationship.
You must never let yourself feel pressured into staying because you might feel like a failure if you do.
You must never WAIT it out because you THINK he’s going to change for you because it’s NOT going to happen UNLESS he takes immediate action and makes an obvious active role in changing himself.
Take a look at the quote below:
You don’t attract the wrong men, you accept the wrong men.
If you consistently find yourself in relationships with liars, cheaters, addicts, leeches, or commitment phobes, your job isn’t to get them to stop lying, cheating, drinking, mooching or flaking.
Your job is to leave.
You’ll never stop attracting the wrong men, but starting now, you can stop ACCEPTING their bad behavior… and save yourself years of heartbreak and pain.
Sometimes you WILL be fooled into thinking he’s perfect for you and then as you date or commit to him you figure out he’s quickly turning into someone else.
These things DO happen and you must not let it stop you from the doing the dating process again or let yourself get too down for just making a mistake.
You’re not a loser because you made a mistake BUT you can hurt yourself unnecessarily if you continue to NOT learn from your mistakes.
You made a wrong or bad decision, that’s all.
When you find yourself with a guy you deemed as a loser – it does not have to mean you only attract losers.
If it’s a pattern in your dating life – then make sure you read the entire post today because you going to be shown the most effective way to break that pattern.
Sometimes you will get fooled and all it means is that you must begin to “qualify” men a little better.
You must learn techniques or skills which will help you figure out who a guy really is BEFORE you proceed with him.
“Dr. Randi will teach you how to spot the 12 characteristics crucial to relationship success and long-lasting love, so you can zero in on the right partner and avoid getting involved in the wrong relationships. You’ll also learn how to embody the Keeper qualities yourself so that the love of your life will never want to let you go.”
If it’s not something which happens to you consistently then don’t worry about it.
We all get fooled sometimes and some people are just really good at hiding who they are when you first meet them.
That’s all so let’s move on…
Men rarely change BUT they can back off or drop out after the commitment.
These 3 types will have you believing you’re dating another loser but their intentions were real from the beginning so they didn’t fool you.
MAN TYPE 1: The “Comfortably Complacent Stand By” Guy.
MAN TYPE 2: The Rare “Easy Way Out” guy.
MAN TYPE 3: The “You’re Too Much Work For Me” guy.
The first type feels like getting you is a lot of work and once they are with you – will become lazier and stop doing what they were doing to attract you.
The second type is looking for an easy way out of the relationship because after they’ve committed to you – they feel like it was a mistake. Their way out is to simply do things to push you away so you’ll be the one doing the breakup.
Yes, the second type is quite rude and certainly can be considered a loser BUT he’s doing you a favor and saying goodbye to him will only help you and make you stronger.
The third type feels misled by you. They also feel like they’ve made a mistake with you and will appear to become a loser based on your communication with him.
Again – they’re not real losers just because they backed off.
Sure you can call them whatever you want but since their INTENTIONS were good you can take it to heart that you didn’t attract or end up with another loser.
And that’s good news because it’s not something you should be overly blaming yourself for and if you’re blaming yourself too much – then you’re more likely to let the same type of man back into your life.
Now for the tough part only you can answer IF it’s why you’re here today.
Do you feel like you’re always falling for losers?
The real question you should be asking is…WHY are you not attracting better relationships with REAL men who are not considered losers?
Remember you don’t have any control over who feels attracted to you unless you allow them in your life AND you’re interacting with them in a way which is creating the attraction.
Here’s the hard truth:
You will find generally find yourself in relationships with those whose self-esteem is equal or extremely close to yours.
My life has been no exception which not necessarily proves the point but certainly reinforces it as an example.
The women I felt the least attracted to (physically & emotionally) seemed to be the most attracted to me.
Seems to go against the facts above but the reality was my self-esteem was not high enough for me to believe I could ever do any better.
On the other side I ended up feeling more attracted to women who would not feel it back because their self-esteem was either too high or too low for me.
Now before you come back thinking I’m calling you a loser because it does sound like that – All I’m saying is…
If you keep ending up in terrible relationships and attracting the wrong men, it has nothing to do with them “attracting you”.
No matter what they do or say or how they act will go against who they are because they’re only acting from their own self-esteem.
They live by their own beliefs and you live by yours.
If they believe they are not worth it or good enough for you, they will find a way to prove it to themselves and everyone around them. Thus doing things loser guys do to destroy the relationship.
This also applies to you.
Unless you alter or change your belief of low self-worth, you will in all likelihood find yourself with men who feel the same way.
Think hard about this…
How many healthy relationships do you see where one partner has high self-esteem and the other does not? Not many because it just doesn’t happen and when it does, the relationship quickly falls apart and fails.
It’s not that you’re attracting “losers” because you don’t DESERVE any better.
That could NOT be farther from the truth.
In fact the person who rejected you may not feel not worthy of you.
These are things you just don’t know and may never find out even though your mind might demand an explanation. The strange thing about our brains is that whether we give it the right clues or not, it will always rationalize the best answer to assure its right.
This might drive you crazy but they will end up with someone they feel is at or near their own level of self-worth.
It had nothing to do with YOU!
Remember – They were like this before you two even met.
When I teach guys who enjoy success with a woman quickly and they find themselves face to face with an incredible woman, it gives them a boost of confidence and they quickly relate success = better women = more confidence.
But if they continue to think like that they will lose her very quickly because they are letting someone else control or dictate their self-worth.
They feel higher because of her and not because of themselves.
They must believe it was THEM who attracted her in the first place and until they fully internalize this, they will eventually fail in that new relationship.
If you’re a woman who ends up with THAT guy, he will certainly find a way to screw it up.
You find yourself no longer attracted to him but still in love with him and it feels like YOU attracted yet another loser.
And because of that love you draw out the relationship longer than it needs to go and try to fix it or worse – fix him!
But since the attraction is gone, you’re really just friends with a sexual past trying to make something more out of something that no longer exists.
I once met this woman who let this slip out in a conversation with me,
“Who would want to marry me?!!“
In her somewhat of a Freudian slip or “an unintentional error regarded as revealing subconscious feelings.” this is what she revealed:
“No guy is good enough for me! If I set the bar high enough I will to prove to myself my reality IS real. I will prove myself right each time.”
Sure her persona laughed it off but inside she feels her self-worth is bloated and not real.
Inside her mind she believed,
“Why would a real cool guy who is in control want to be with someone who loses control all the time? Why would a great man who wants a relationship want it with someone whose unpredictable, moody, and thinks way too much about everything?”
When she begins to question her worth she instantly puts those she’s attracted to… above her (in esteem or worth) and she’s guaranteeing herself to settle with dating loser after loser after loser…
Now this woman is highly attractive, fun to be around, AND she knows how to flirt.
Her outward self-esteem is high but that is just her persona.
Inside she’s a mess always questioning herself, her relationships, and whether or not she deserves anything of what her “looks” have given her.
If you constantly question yourself or your value to the world as a person – If you don’t or rarely feel feel good enough – If you feel your looks have given you undue privileges…
Chances are, you’re going to attract men who YOU define as a loser.
What needs to change is your value or belief in yourself because that is the ONLY way to attract your equal. Then you can begin to attract higher quality men giving you a better chance at enjoying relationship success.
The full problem of dating losers is not something which can be externally solved.
Sure you can steer away from putting yourself or allowing yourself to meet the kind of guys who always let you down, that will certainly help…
BUT unless the problem is met internally you might find yourself back in the same line, in a different place, taking the next available number you might call loser 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7… or wherever you left off last.
How To Stop Yourself from Ever Falling For or Dating a Loser Again!
FIRST: Understand your bad boy/loser/nice guy attraction.
“Women don’t develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the “bad boy”!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”. Of course, I don’t believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that’s triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior.”
There’s been a ton of stuff written on why women become attracted to guys who are not good for them in one way or another. Written many of them myself.
You can read them all if you like but they could divert you from solving this problem. You’ll only gain a knowledge of why but not HOW to stop it from happening… and you might not be able to stop it anyways because…
The fact is losers/bad boys/jerks/assholes – call them what you will have qualities or traits which trigger attraction as a side effect.
The typical nice guy does not possess them in a way which creates your attraction to them and that is WHY you don’t fall for those nice guys.
Which means… it’s not YOUR fault that certain men have no skill or ability to make you feel anything more from them than a friendship.
You can try and change a nice guy, you can settle for one, but that won’t make you happy at all.
Your only choice (today) is to assure you are ready, capable, and able to find the type of guy who is GOOD for you AND knows how to attract you.
He’s rare but he’s out there.
Stick with the tips below and you can be ready and put yourself in better situations to meet a guy like him.
(Comment below if you would like to link out to some of those bad boy jerk nice guy articles.)
Find very specific “things” in your life where you don’t feel good about yourself and search for the reasons why they are holding you back.
FOR EXAMPLE: For me, it was my height. I actually believed my “shortness” was holding me back because my mind rationalized ALL women want taller men.
This general assumption destroyed my confidence and the value I put on myself but in reality it had little to do with my ability to allow women to feel attracted to me.
These are called limited beliefs and they are major esteem killers.
The three-fold problem with these beliefs, excuses, or reasons is for one, they weaken your self-esteem and allow others to weaken them also and two, they destroy the barrier of confidence you have in yourself which protects your self-esteem… and third.. consider this…
REAL MEN desire to be with women who don’t make general assumptions about them and what they might find attractive.
You see a man who has a strong self of worth is not attracted to others who make assumptions in cases like this or those who are always looking to a limited belief system as an excuse for their failures.
LOSERS find themselves desiring women who place blame generally on themselves because “it’s just the way the world is”.
What that means to you is – the more you do it too the more likely guys like that will be drawn to you.
Take a little time to think back at your past relationships. Make the connection so you can see past what you felt.
Notice how the past problems had little to do with the loser himself but had more to do with your OWN problems of self-esteem.
Maybe it felt like he was always putting you down.
Maybe he reinforced the negative beliefs you had in yourself.
Maybe it always seemed like he only noticed your worst traits and rarely focused on your strengths as a woman and how you could make him feel.
STEP BACK and OBJECTIFY what was probably really going on:
He felt worthless and was bent on making those around him feel just as shitty as him.
As long as he “kept you down” his low self-worth made it easier for him to believe he could keep you around longer.
The immediate realization that when you first meet a guy he will project his problems or view of the world on you.
As YOUR esteem increases his skill of judgement will have less impact on you.
No loser will ever gain the ability to make you feel like you’re less than who you are assuring your esteem is ALWAYS greater than his – negating his power and at the same time guaranteeing you will NEVER feel attracted or fall for a loser again.
Another added benefit is…
REAL men look for women who are less affected by how others see them.
The less approval you seek the more likely you’ll attract men who share the same views and who are also not approval seekers.
For now, until things change – stay away from the places where you have typically met the “bad” men in your life.
Stop the cycle from where it begins and find “new” places to frequent and go.
Yes it’s work but you’d be surprised how the type of guys change from place to place.
Start opening yourself up to meeting men where you would least expect it.
Stay away from places where men have the advantage of fooling you or can hide their true self for as long as necessary.
Again – it only makes sense – if you’re meeting the same type of guys in the same place, by eliminating it immediately you’re giving yourself a big step towards meeting a different type of guy.
Simple but highly effective.
Stop settling out of a fear of losing time with a guy or because you’re afraid of failing.
Stay positive – you didn’t waste a year of your life with a loser – you learned the type of guy you NEVER want to get involved with again.
Fear is all much much of a driving force in many of our lives. Sure it has good reason but when it comes to relationships and finding better men – it often puts you on a cleared path self-destruction.
Show as much self-responsibility as you can and understand you do not control the outcome of everything in your life.
You’re NOT a loser because you fail.
You become a “loser” when you try the same thing over and over again hoping this time it’s going to be different.
Mistakes are great teachers to build new success IF they are used to gain understanding and not used as another reason to hate yourself.
Start being more selfish about yourself and your personal goals.
Understand this profound statement…
The more you have – the more you have to give to a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.
“Putting yourself first may be scary but if you want to show him you’re a great catch, his value for you will go up when he has to work for you. It’s not what you do, it’s what you are. Let him give to you. Set boundaries a man needs to respect. Put yourself first.”
There’s just no better way to eliminate losers from your dating or relationship life.
Focus on YOURSELF.
Make yourself HAPPY FIRST.
When you’re secure in yourself you will naturally attract more secure men.
You’ll also be more capable and have a better clarity to see and spot men who are just plain bad for you.
When you look at yourself and feel amazing about who you are and all you’ve done plus all you’ve accomplished and how you’ve gone – the LAST thing you’ll ever want to do is to let it all be destroyed over a guy… period!
Lots of women just like you have used the tips you’ve been shown today and have succeeded so I firmly believe you can too.
In conclusion and a summary of what was covered today:
You have no real control over the type of guy who may become attracted to you BUT you can trigger attraction in the right guy for you who is not a loser.
Sometimes you’re going to get fooled. Don’t beat yourself up over it. LEARN what you can from the experience to help you avoid it from happening again.
Redefine your definition of loser to assure yourself you didn’t end up with another bad guy – he just changed his mind for whatever his reasons were and that’s nothing on you.
You are in COMPLETE CONTROL over the men you choose to date.
“You don’t attract the wrong men, you accept the wrong men.
You’ll never stop attracting the wrong men, but starting now, you can stop ACCEPTING their bad behavior… and save yourself years of heartbreak and pain.”
You will generally find yourself in relationships with those who share the same self-worth or esteem.
The more you work on yourself – the more you value yourself and the work you’re doing – the more you’ll attract a higher quality man AND you’ll be more capable of spotting a loser guy from a mile away.
Put YOURSELF FIRST!
There are skills and communication techniques you can start using to help you see a guy for who he is and to help you see if he’s the right guy for you.
“How to spot the 12 characteristics crucial to relationship success and long-lasting love, so you can zero in on the right partner and avoid getting involved in the wrong relationships.”
Eliminate any and all of your limited beliefs centered around how and why you attract men, your past relationships, why you fall for guys who are no good for you – and dating in general.
It’s part of building your self-esteem and valuing yourself more.
You’re not a loser because you’ve been with a loser.
You only fail when you fail to learn from your past – stay POSITIVE and keep moving forward.
You will get STRONGER.
Immediately start meeting men in places you have not been. Avoid places where the same types of guys keep showing up who are losers.
Travel. Get yourself in new more happier places with like-minded people.
Start being more SELFISH because you will ultimately have more to give when you have MORE of yourself to give.
Thanks for stopping by today and I do hope there was enough material covered today to help you get headed in a better direction of your love life AND to help you eliminate dating any more losers from it.
Many of the steps or tips today which can help you to stop dating losers again is covered entirely through a 7 step process.
Since the transition to making DiaLteG TM just for men I strongly encourage and suggest you take a good look at my “only for women” – “all about guys” website appropriately named Why Do Guys…?
You’ll find lots of great stuff on understanding men there.
Your second choice and a great opportunity would be to look at the articles at the approach I’ve written for women. The Approach – For Women Category.