Men and women generally disagree on this: “Women think guys only want what they can’t have and men think women only want what they can’t have or get.” as explained in my recent article at “Why Do Guys…?” – “Men Wanting What They Can’t Have, Attract, or Get“
But what about this:
Do we, as men, believe women tend to want a guy more who already has a woman or has lots of women in his life?
In other words,
Does it feel like you need a girlfriend or a list of women wanting you just to be seen as more attractive?
All this is commonly referred to and related “pre-selection” and “social proofing”.
It’s no secret I once lived with a girl who would take half her clothes off on stage for money. We would do lots of things together. She would bring me lunch at work occasionally and for a while we went everywhere together.
But did it get me laid?
Did it have women falling all over me after she left the room?
Did I suddenly have lots of women staring at me all dreamy-eyed and horny?
Sure it worked on some women but I firmly believe since I didn’t use it or “her” properly” its effect on other women were quite small or unnoticeable.
Maybe some of it was her. Maybe she pushed others away to keep me to herself but that’s doubtful.
Just maybe I was too far stuck up her ass to notice other women or knew how to take advantage of this so-called “good thing”.
One last maybe, it’s possible she only helped to attract a certain type of woman I wanted nothing to do with OR she, being who she was, scared some into thinking they could never compete with her anyways, so why bother.
All is quite possible and there must a be little truth to each maybe. It was a little of everything and more combined which led to the failure.
This leads me to question the whole “Pre-selection” slash “Socially Proofed” theory along with how it works, when it works, and what else must be in place for it to work its magic.
Okay first it MUST LOOK REAL or BE REAL. Women are socially smart and are going to know what’s going on.
They’re going to see whether she’s “just a friend” or not.
They KNOW what’s up and they know it much better than men.
Second, the guy must me well aware of his surroundings.
Being blind eyed to other women leering about and what they’re doing will only bring the women who are commonly known as home wreckers or pretty fucked up ones who want to break things up.
Not a good thing. I’m all for women approaching guys but when he is with another women, this says a lot about who she is, doesn’t it?
The same goes for the other side.
If a guy feels he needs a girlfriend to get another one and is willing to fake it with one just to make others happen, doesn’t say much about him and his character and he has earned to right to only find women who are just like him.
Third, the all important creating attraction and communicating in a way which naturally triggers attraction.
If you’re out with your “girl” friend and other women are noticing you, when you become more social with them, if you don’t have this skill, it’s NOT going to work.
She or they are just going to think the woman you’re “with” is out of her mind. (Again not ruling out the few who are just as messed up.)
Fourth, with regards to social proofing and social communication, when a guy interacts with other men in an Alpha way, this proofing is highly effective and women do notice. Hence, he doesn’t need another woman hanging on him to become or appear socially proofed.
You see, all this happened to me BEFORE I learned attraction skills and I feel this lack of communication doomed me no matter what I did or how popular I looked with other women.
AND BEFORE I learned to embrace my Alpha ways attractively or became a better man.
A big part of me does believe “Pre-selection” does work. Becoming socially proofed is a good thing and can help attract more choices of women.
I also believe it works better in certain situations than it does in others making it a somewhat restricted tool.
There’s also some reality behind using it as an advantage over other men and when used in such a way certainly boosts the attraction however tends to be very manipulative and often ends negatively with the woman being hurt.
When you think about attraction and how women experience it, of course “social proof” is attractive.
It presumes the man has the right communication skills and knows how to use them. Being actually pre-selected also gives a man confidence AND experience with women.
Give a man CONFIDENCE, EXPERIENCE, and the right COMMUNICATION SKILLS and put him in a public place where other women are abound – you’d have to be a fool to believe that guy isn’t going to attract his fair share of not only single and available women, but even the ones who are willing to forgo something to see if the grass IS actually greener on the other side.
Don’t get me wrong – the basic ideas behind my nice guy approach shows how “pre-selection” and “social proofing” can be used without any kind of manipulation thus avoiding the negative backlash associated with players, jerks, or bad boys.
The (nice guy approach sort of) came to me as an offshoot long after reading “The Bad Boy Formula“ by Carlos Xuma and of course David DeAngelo’s explanation of attraction in “Attraction Isn’t A Choice“.)
Yes, there is a RIGHT way to do it and a way to prove or deepen its effect from merely a play on words, a different mindset or perspective, or by simply building ones confidence, a willingness to experience and learn, just a basic understanding of what attractive communication skills are, and a determination to use them until they are natural.
When a woman meets or experiences a guy with those qualities pre-selection is felt, social proofed is assumed.
When he handles himself (and communicates) in a mature Alpha Male way with men AND women, underneath the surface this is a big part of what’s really happening and WHY the ideas or concepts behind pre-selection and social proofing can be a powerful thing when attracting women.