How to Create (or Kill) Sexual Tension

Written by Carlos Xuma.

One thing that is critical for developing attraction with a woman that will lead to your eventual seduction success is learning how to build and nurture the sexual tension between you.

Remember that when you first begin to interact with a woman, unless she already has a strong initial attraction for you - sometimes known as "chemistry", you are in a neutral zone with her. This is a place where she has yet to make up her mind as to whether you are interesting to her or not.

Now, you can choose to sift through dozens and dozens of women looking for the few that you have that instant "chemistry" with, but I find it much more practical to stimulate the woman's attraction so that she has that chemistry right away, and then I can choose whether or not to act on my own attraction.

It's like getting a pre-approved loan and knowing you COULD go out and buy that new Porsche, but it's YOUR choice.

This, guys, is what seduction is all about.

Having your own choice as to whether a woman interests YOU or not, not the other way around.

Back to the Neutral Zone (and I'm not talking about that Star Trek term, either...)

In order to get that tension going - a necessary tension - you need to zap her out of her neutral funk and get her into feeling EXCITEMENT. There are many ways to do this:

1. Teasing

You find little areas of insecurity, and you play with them a little. This isn't to belittle her or make her feel bad about herself, but to demonstrate your own confidence and security by showing that you're aware of your own dominance as a man, and that you do not fear her.

Teasing also lowers her guard a little so that you can reach that "real" part of her personality that she is cloaking with defensive behavior. (Sometimes called "tease to please")

2. Humor

Humor takes the edge off your teasing (sometimes called cocky/funny). Women are dying to laugh.

There are so many guys out there that have ZERO humor to them. They take everything too seriously, including women, which - honestly - creeps them out.

Compare: A man with humor enjoys life, is relaxed enough to find the fun in everything, and shows that he has a sense of inner calm.

A man without humor is not relaxed, takes things way too seriously, and tends to smother and convey insecurity with his intense behavior.

3. Contradiction

An independent, secure guy can express his own opinion (and he MUST).

You should make it a point to contradict her opinion from time to time to demonstrate that you do not need her approval.

He doesn't do it to prove her wrong, but to state his own belief in clear terms. And this includes calling her on her bratty behavior, as well as taking control when the situation demands it.

This may be the toughest behavior for most "nice guys" to adopt. And it will also sound radically contrary to what you've been brought up to believe by the media and your mom.

4. Detachment

Again, an independent, secure man does not NEED a woman (or other people, for that matter) for his approval.

He can stand alone and separate of her opinion, and it doesn't ruffle his feathers if she doesn't like something he did or said.

This means the ability to walk away, turn away, and otherwise disengage from a woman so that she understands he is not there to kiss her ass.

Another way to show this is to allow for long pauses between contacts with a woman.

Don't email her right back.

Don't call her right back.

A few days could easily pass for a guy who is overwhelmed with women, so why shouldn't it be that way for you right now?

Give her a chance to miss you. (Instead of wondering why you're so desperate that you leave five messages every day.)

These are just some of the ways you can heighten the level of sexual tension between you and a woman.

Now, there are some guys out there that are afraid of raising this tension.

I suspect this is partly because this kind of tension feels uncomfortable to them. It can often border on making her angry which is something that most guys are afraid to do.

After all, you want her to LIKE you, right?

How will making her potentially DIS-like you help?

Well, it's really about a push-pull effect. The idea is to induce a gentle tug-of-war with her that will get things started. When she thinks you're going to pull, you give her slack, which throws her off balance. And that's when you pull her back in.

It's just like fishing:

Give her a little "line," and see if she bites. When she does, you pull in a little. (Too much too quick and you yank the hook right back out.)

Then you give her a little slack so she thinks she's free, and the hook digs in a little more. Then you give it a little tug to pull her back in.

Push-pull. Reel her in, let her go.

The tension you are elevating has only one kind of outlet - sexual attraction. Sometimes it will even start out as anger and then morph into passion and lust.

Remember the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy.

You're better off with a woman that is pissed at you than one that has no feelings for you.

Your knee-jerk reaction to her anger is to smooth out the problem, afraid that you've somehow lost her.

When you don't NEED, you can't LOSE.

Again, passion very often starts out with a woman APPEARING to hate the man at first.

Review how this happens in the first Indiana Jones movie, as well as the movie "The Breakfast Club," and especially the police station scene in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

Yes, they are movies, but they accurately depict how this phenomenon works.

And if you'll watch it closely, it may seem counter to what you might think, but at a gut level - it MAKES SENSE and feels right. This sort of thing happens all the time.

Don't be afraid of that tension, guys.

Feed off it and escalate it.

This will make the difference between the guy that walks away with the sweet taste of woman on his lips... or the bland and disappointing taste of her friendship.

Carlos Xuma Profile PictureCarlos Xuma is a dating and attraction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor.

He's the author of many books and programs which are designed to help ANY man succeed and with with women.

Carlos brings to the table a variety of life experiences, including a background in relationship skills, life-coaching, motivational psychology, sales, management, Martial Arts, teaching and instruction, technology and engineering, Eastern philosophy, the psychology of achievement, and music.

Yes, you can call him a bit of a Renaissance Man.

Carlos' mission is to bring men and women together through awareness of both our traditional and contemporary gender roles.

Here's his homepage:

Click here for Carlos Xuma - Meet & Attract The Woman You Want!

Here's a list of all his articles posted at DiaLteG TM:

Carlos Xuma - An Alpha Male Who Wants To Help you Succeed and Win With Women

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