How to Approach Women – Introductions – Subjects to Discuss and Avoid

Written by Carlos Xuma.

Men just need more confidence in their ability to meet women. This article gives you some of the root strategies in getting to meet women in different circumstances.

The approaches will break down each situation into the essential ingredients.

This isn't your usual "be confident and just ask her" advice.

I'm going to give you specific goals, opportunities, dangers, approaches, and analytical details of each situation.

Consider this an intensive class in meeting women and getting to the first - and most critical - step in the dating game.

Let's continue...

Additional Introduction Skills:

Phone Numbers and Email Addresses

There are some rules for seduction etiquette when it comes to getting phone numbers and email addresses.

First of all, asking for a person's email address (and in this day and age, just about everybody has one) can be a lot less intimidating for a woman (and a man) to get than the phone number.

Ideally, you should be trying to get both, but an email address is a bare minimum.

Never write her number down on anything that has other women's addresses or phone numbers on it.

Don't carry a black book and expect her to pen her name in next to "Lola" or "Desiree."

You can't risk coming off as a "player" type, or you'll trigger a defense system in her head that filters out men that might want only sex.

Also, don't seem too prepared.

It's good to always have a pen, but don't try to whip it out faster than a gunfighter's pistol when you ask for the number.

Make it seem like this experience is entirely unique, and that she's the only one you've approached in the last couple days.

It's always about making her feel unique and special early on.


When you approach a woman with the intent to meet her and get her phone number, you have to realize that you are probably going to have to interrupt her from whatever she is doing.

You just have to remember that you should preface your interactions with a woman that keeps it from being too jarring.

A very simple, polite phrase is all it takes:

"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt your (whatever she's doing), but I wondered where you got that coat."

It's difficult enough to transition from your own thoughts to interacting with another person, and it can be a little disturbing, like jumping into a cold pool.

It's much easier if you can wade in slowly rather than shock too quickly.

So give her a gentle transition with your interruption.

Subjects to Discuss:

Here are some good things to talk about with women that will keep the excitement and attraction moving up, like the mercury in a thermometer.

You want to keep raising the stakes of the conversation so that she is more and more emotionally and sexually involved.

You want positive, fun, seductive topics that bring you closer to an intimate bond with her.

You never want to discuss those things that would make her think twice about you or her attraction for you.

  • Experiences from her past that she can describe to you and relive at the same time.
  • What was her favorite vacation, and why?
  • What was the most uplifting experience she ever had? Why?
  • Positive news stories - uplifting subjects
  • Her dreams and goals.
  • What's her dream house?
  • What are her goals for the next year?
  • Where would she like to vacation?
  • What-if questions, like what she would do with a million dollars, or where she would live if she could choose anywhere in the world.

Use her name as much as you can.

There's a very commanding and confident aura given off by someone that can use our names. It demands our attention, and it personalizes everything you say.


It goes without saying that you always tease her a little on whatever topic you decide to talk about.

Teasing cuts through her need to develop trust for you and puts her in a position where she feels like she did as a little girl, trying to get approval from the boys and girls in the playground.

Another subtle affect of teasing is that we feel a certain assumed familiarity with people we tease.

It's as if we already know them, because how else would we be interacting like this with someone in this playful way unless we were familiar?

Subjects to Avoid:

Always avoid conversation that works against a positive sexual attraction between you.

Here are some clear areas to avoid:

Any subject that puts you down or makes fun of you or your weaknesses.

Don't joke or make fun of yourself or your looks with her because it will appear as if you're looking to get sex from her out of pity.

This will repel her right away, guaranteed.

The only way you can pull this kind of joke off is if you make it clear that you're being sarcastic about your looks.

I suggest you avoid any self-deprecation.

  • Any negative or horrific news stories (tragedy, death, murder, rape, war)
  • Nothing frightening, like ghost stories or horror movies
  • Avoid any sexual topics that she didn't initiate.

If she starts talking about sex, you can, too, but let her be the one to push the topic. Just because she mentions how her roommate's vibrator keeps her up at night from the noise doesn't mean you should then ask her about what kind she has.

Play with this topic so that it seems like you're not going to let her take you in that direction. Tease her about having a dirty mind, or that she's "only got one thing on her mind."

If you seem a little corruptible, you'll let her exercise her dark side a little. Women so rarely get to do this with men.

Don't use put-downs.

I said before that you need to be teasing her, and you also should know that there is a boundary you can cross over from playful teasing to outright insults.

Teasing always ends with a smile and a way for her to understand that you are just joking.

Don't tell her that her dress looks cheap. Instead, tell her you're not sure if you like that color on her.

Then, let her start selling you on the rest of her wardrobe.

(Remember: Don't try to impress her; let her try to impress you.)

Make sure you're watching her responses to your teasing.

If she seems very easily offended or hurt, and you know for a fact you are not insulting her, lean back for a while and take a look at the situation.

You might have a woman that is clearly got issues. If you think you have a problem woman on your hands, you should consider moving on.

She will grab your attention because she's difficult and a challenge, but you'll spend most of your valuable seduction time trying to excite a woman that is always angry.

No Dirty Jokes.

I'd like to think this is obvious, but a lot of guys get pulled into a sense of false security when they hit it off well with a woman and start to think they can treat her like a buddy of theirs.

Like a guy buddy.

You have to show some restraint and not tell any dirty jokes, or even jokes that are a little off-color.

I used to use jokes as a way of demonstrating a sense of humor with women, but then I noticed that women in general don't enjoy jokes the way men do.

Women like humor that's part of the natural flow of conversation.

I recommend you keep the humor isolated to your observations and your teasing of her.

It's the safest course in seduction.

Do Not Swear.

The use of profanity is almost epidemic now. Everyone swears, and every year that goes by, they even get away with saying more and more on television.

I've even dated women who swore so much that when they go into a bar, sailors come running out.

I once had an English teacher in the eighth grade that made a lasting impression on me by explaining that when everyone uses foul language all the time it ceases to have any real affect.

She was right.

Those people that curse all the time end up seeming a bit shallow, as if the only affect they can have is not through having an original opinion or thought, but by being as vulgar as they can.

Her point was not that you should never swear, but that you use it as a little bit of spice when it's needed.

Do Not Contradict.

No matter what she may say, remember that you're not in this to be right; you're in it to get laid.

If she says she likes something, don't tell her that you don't like it. Just ask her why she likes it.

Guys who have to express a contrary opinion come across as low self-esteem idiots, and women are immediately turned off by them. Every single time, without question.

Leave your ego at the door. She wants acceptance, not rejection.

The exception to this is when she says something offensive, such as expressing prejudice or conflicting with a core belief of yours.

If you feel that your need to set her straight is more important, go right ahead and put your foot down.

You have to do this from time to time to show that you're not just seeking her approval.

Just do it without attacking her or making her feel like an idiot. (Even if she is an idiot.)

Do Not Complain.

She doesn't want to hear complaints about your athlete's foot, or your car repairs. Remember that the tone of a conversation should always be positive.

Complaints are the ultimate downer in any conversation.

This includes commiseration - sharing your troubles.

Do Not Compete With Her Or Show Off.

It's tempting to brag or tell her stories that show you've got something to impress her, but this will always backfire. She is impressed by a man who is impressed by her.

Women are also great at ego-stroking men, which is really just a control tactic, because they know we respond to this more than anything else. Don't fall for this.

Keep the conversation focused on HER at least 75% of the time.

When she steers it your way, she's trying to get you to talk about yourself, and every word you say could disqualify you in her mind.

Don't help her screen you out.

Don't Kiss Her Ass Or Pursue With Your Words.

Treat yourself as the object of desire. Not her.

One mistake that is all too easy to fall into is putting a gorgeous woman up on a pedestal, or any woman for that matter.

You do not want to use compliments or obvious attempts to boost her ego a part of your conversation.

Instead, show that you're expecting to be the one pursued. Saying things like,

"Oh, you're back so quick. You must have missed me." Or,

"Be careful, if you keep hanging around me, I might think you're stalking me."

Statements like this are funny, as well as communicate a level of challenge to a woman.

She'll realize you're different, and that will start her feeling attracted to you.

If she starts talking about anything that works contrary to your seduction, you must guide her back to a positive state again.

Don't trust her to stay on the positive side!

Conversations can often swing into the dark and dreary, and before you know it, she's lost her attraction - not because of you, but because of the mental state she's putting herself in.

Well, I've covered a great deal of material for you to practice and use.

The critical part of this exercise, however, is that you MUST practice and use it.

These skills do no one any good if you just read them, and the next time you meet a girl you walk up and blank out.

Sit down and memorize the words you'll need, so that when the time comes, you won't have to worry about stage fright or any other fears blocking your real goal: getting her phone number. Everything starts there.

Now get out there and put it to use!

Class dismissed!

Learn How To Talk To Women!

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Carlos Xuma Profile PictureCarlos Xuma is a dating and attraction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor.

He's the author of many books and programs which are designed to help ANY man succeed and with with women.

Carlos brings to the table a variety of life experiences, including a background in relationship skills, life-coaching, motivational psychology, sales, management, Martial Arts, teaching and instruction, technology and engineering, Eastern philosophy, the psychology of achievement, and music.

Yes, you can call him a bit of a Renaissance Man.

Carlos' mission is to bring men and women together through awareness of both our traditional and contemporary gender roles.

Here's his homepage:

Click here for Carlos Xuma - Meet & Attract The Woman You Want!

Here's a list of all his articles posted at DiaLteG TM:

Carlos Xuma - An Alpha Male Who Wants To Help you Succeed and Win With Women

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