Written by Carlos Xuma.
There's something you should know... ONE word. One word in the English language is probably what's stopping you from understanding how to get a girlfriend.
I'm going to talk about that word in just a minute, but first...Let's start with your "persona." Your persona is the image of yourself that you project to the world and your social network.
It's kind of like an "avatar" on a computer. You project this image of who you are through the clothes you wear, your style, the jewelry and bling you put on, and through sheer force of your personality.
There's something I call the "Cross Cut" principle.
A few years back, I was dating a med student, Annie. She had a lot of books on anatomy and medicine.
One of them was this incredible book she got from Japan that showed explicit cross-sections of (yuck) the human anatomy. (Apparently this was a book you just couldn't find here in the States. Very rare.)
I'm going to spare you the gross details here, but I'll tell you that I've never seen the human body like this before - or since. I couldn't put that book down for over 2 hours. And it made me realize just how many intricate biological systems are at work in the human body.
Well, this principle is exactly the same when it comes to your "persona" that you project to other people in your social circle and network. The more elements (or "cross-sections" if you prefer) of your charisma that you can show, the more people are going to be fascinated and drawn to you like a magnet. You'll be just like the book they can't put down...
So let's talk really quickly about how to get a girlfriend - without being creepy or fake or a jerk...
These are the 4 Core Skills of how to get a girlfriend.
CORE SKILL 1: Attention and Interest
You need to be able to draw a woman's interest in you for her to take notice of you. There are many ways of doing this, such as "peacocking," as well as demonstrating social value, teasing, complimenting, etc.
The key here is that you get that attention started quickly and effectively.
I'm sure you've heard the saying "he who hesitates is lost," right? Well, in many group and social situations where you'll meet single women, this is very true.
But more importantly is that you know how to gain that attention when the time is right.
After all, a guy who understands how the art of attraction works can walk up to a group of women - ten minutes before closing time - and get her attention - regardless of who she is with.
It's knowing HOW to gain her attention that makes the key difference. If you don't get it started in the first few minutes after she meets you, you're probably never get her interested.
(Notably, "Attention" is the first step in the sales process, also. This is what advertisements and commercials do.)
CORE SKILL 2: Build Attraction
This is where the match meets the gasoline. You've probably heard the saying before: Attraction is not a choice. You don't choose the women you want, you just feel that gut-punch of "WOW... I want her."
Attraction is something that you feel because of specific emotional triggers, and it's something you can learn how to start when you know what those triggers are.
- Social proof: Women are attracted to men who are socially connected. The bigger your entourage, the more she will want you.
- Pre-selected: Women are attracted to the men that women are already interested in. Meaning, a man talking to a group of women will be MUCH more interesting than the guy who is just talking to some of his guy friends.
- Teasing: Women are attracted to men who don't need a woman's approval. Teasing communicates that you're not going to kiss her ass to get her to like you. This kind of socially powerful behavior says: "I don't need you, I'm already fit and complete."
CORE SKILL 3: Vibing & Connecting
This is the ability to create a positive, fun atmosphere with a woman. This forges a link between you and her. Connecting is the skill you might know as "rapport" or building trust, and it follows right along with the vibing.
Plain and simple, you must vibe and connect with every woman you meet if you want to be able to get physical with her.
The skill of connecting is actually a lot more than most of the other dating "advisers" out there are teaching.
Unfortunately, it's an area that a lot of "pickup artists" SAY they can do, but they really only achieve in a very superficial sense. Or, they can only do it in a noisy, high-energy bar or club where the women have been softened up with alcohol.
Vibing & connecting is one of those areas where you can only be effective if you're truly able to tune in to a woman's "energy."
I don't like to throw around that term much because it seems a bit "new age" and vague, but it is something you can learn how to sense from a woman.
And it's something that you can radiate, like the skilled delivery of body language and facial expressions that shows you're cool.
Sharing a laugh about something funny is a perfect example of a vibing moment.
Showing a girl you know what it feels like to lose a close friend is a great example of a connecting moment.
These are the kinds of positive energy moments you're trying to create with every woman you meet. (We call this "adding value.)
These moments give her the feeling of: "You're a lot like me... and I'm not alone."
CORE SKILL 4: Escalating & Closing
This is probably the one skill that most guys fear the most.
Why is this?
Well, it's because we hate to risk ruining what we have. Even if it means that we stand to win a bunch more by risking. If we escalate things by asking for something from a woman, she could say NO. And that would be rejection.
Have you ever been in a great conversation with a woman, and you didn't want to risk asking her for her phone number or a date because you didn't want her to say "No" and ruin everything for you?
The fact is that if you DON'T ask her for her number, you lose by default.
In the words of Wayne Gretzky, the great hockey player: "I miss every shot I don't take..."
Escalation & closing is the simple skill of guiding a woman to the next step in the chain of events of how to get a girlfriend. Y
ou escalate the seduction, and then make it real.
Uh-oh...I said a bad thing. "Seduction"
Some guys don't like this term because it has a very negative connotation. Like you've just used some 'fast seduction' technique to hypnotize a woman against her will.
Let's be perfectly honest here...Women WANT to be seduced - by a man who can take the lead confidently, and take her where she wants to go.
If you doubt this for one moment, you should read just one of the thousands of romance novels that have out-sold every best-seller you've ever heard of.
Women buy these romance books by the millions because they speak DIRECTLY to what a woman desires - a confident Alpha Man that knows how things work, and he'll take her to bed and show her the time of her life.
Seduce with masculine strength and power, not with tricks and mind-games.
Seduce with authenticity and honor.
By the way, I want to tell you about that word I mentioned before - the one word that gets in the way of attraction...
That word is simply this: "GET."
When your motivation is to GET something rather than to give, you will always be communicating a hole in you that needs to be filled.
Like "get her number..."
Or "get a kiss from her..."
Or "get her into bed..."
You've probably seen this in guys who are the "try-hards."
These are guys that have put way too much energy into approval-seeking instead of putting that energy into living their own Alpha Male lives.
They simply want to get more than they know how to give. When you give her what she wants - she's YOURS for the taking. And it's so much more ethical and respectable.
These attraction skills are all part of how to get a girlfriend - but they are also about how to master the Art of Cool.
- If you've ever met a guy that you felt was a cool dude, someone who seemed so relaxed - and he could vibe with anyone, you met an Alpha Man.
- If he was cool enough to never seem like he was "trying hard," he was an Alpha Man.
- If he was so cool that women didn't affect him, and he seemed to know instinctively how to get a girlfriend - and never had a problem attracting girls, he was most definitely an Alpha Man.
Look, I spent over 6 years researching the ways for men to get success with women - without having to resort to drinking games in bars, or silly hypnotic tricks that don't work.
In the end, every guy (including me) that has ever tried to be a "pickup artist" to solve his issues with women has discovered only one way out...
Take care of the simple "coolness" issues that are holding you back and you're going to win. It's not about the next pickup line or routine stack or "micro-hoop-loop" theory, or "M8" model, or... whatever.
It's about being an Alpha Man. And it's easy to do when you have the right coach.
Learn how to be the Alpha Man women want... because THAT is how to get a girlfriend - a quality woman that you will want to seduce over and over again.
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Keeping A Girlfriend Is Not The Same As Seducing Her - Or Working “Pickup” On Her…
The fact is that the skills you need to “pickup” a woman or seduce her will not help you keep her as your girlfriend. The one thing most guys might not admit – but they long for – is that they actually want a girlfriend.
Afraid you're going to lose her, maybe she's losing interest in you, maybe you think some other guy is going to snatch her up, maybe you just want to train her to always and forever feel attracted to you.
He's the author of many books and programs which are designed to help ANY man succeed and with with women.
Carlos brings to the table a variety of life experiences, including a background in relationship skills, life-coaching, motivational psychology, sales, management, Martial Arts, teaching and instruction, technology and engineering, Eastern philosophy, the psychology of achievement, and music.
Yes, you can call him a bit of a Renaissance Man.
Carlos' mission is to bring men and women together through awareness of both our traditional and contemporary gender roles.
Here's his homepage:
Here's a list of all his articles posted at DiaLteG TM: