Written by Carlos Xuma.
When I first started dating, I had good luck in finding women, but lousy luck in keeping them.
I found myself wondering why do women break up with men, anyway?
- Is it my looks?
- Is it my money?
- Is it my job?
Tell me if one of these situations sounds familiar...
DATING DISASTER 1:
In the first situation, I'd go out on a date with a girl, and everything would seem to be going pretty cool. She was digging me, I was digging her.
And there was usually no problem getting that kiss at the end, once I got past the butterflies in my stomach.
Then, I'd call her back the next day (don't women want that?) and I'd never get her, just her voicemail. I'd leave a message, telling her how I had a great time and wanted to see her again.
And then she wouldn't call.
I'd wait for a day or two and try her back again, and if I finally did get her, the conversation would go something like this:
HER: "Hey." (Not very excited. And I'd feel my stomach sink.)
ME: "Uh, I just thought I'd call and say hello. See how you were doing..."
HER: "Oh, yeah, I'm doing great. Look, I can't really talk right now - I'm hanging out with a friend."
ME: "Oh, uh, okay. Call you later?"
HER: "Sure thing. Talk to you later..."
-- CLICK --
And then later on I'd get an email about how she thinks we should "just be friends."
What about this situation...
DATING DISASTER 2:
You go out on a date with a girl, and things seem great. You go out on a 2nd and 3rd date, and everything seems pretty fun and cool. Heavy duty makeout sessions...
Ah, it's bliss.
Then, you decide it's time for the "BIG MOVE™."
You invite her over for dinner at YOUR house.
You're all set. You've even got a condom under the mattress for the "right moment."
Sure enough, she comes over. But you feel a strange vibe as she comes in and gives you a peck on the cheek. Things are a little cooler than before.
You ignore it and go on with the dinner. After the food and wine is done, you go to the living room to chill and hang out on the couch.
You try to get her warmed up, start a little kissing, but she's not as into it as before. She might even throw out the "it's my time of the month" excuse.
Before you know it, she's got an "early day tomorrow," and she has to get going.
I mean, you don't want to admit to yourself that this happened, but it did, and you keep wondering...
WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG?
And then I'd immediately wonder...
WHY do women break up with men like this?
It's frustrating, isn't it?
That's kind of an understatement. It's a real pisser is what it is.
Let's talk about the reasons, but first, you should understand something...
Dating a woman is kind of like driving a car. It takes some work to get it started and moving, but once you get it up to speed, you want to just let it coast under its own power.
You want to click the "cruise control" and just let it riiiiide...
One of the problems here is that dating and attraction has no "cruise control."
And the other problem is that if you don't keep your foot on that gas, you will slow down to nothing when the first hill comes along.
Think of dating "gas" as being the excitement and fun you put into it.
That's all a woman needs to keep feeling that "spark" with you.
I'm going to come back to this one.
Now, let's answer the Big Question: Why do women break up with men?
REASON #1. She found another guy.
Well, this really isn't a reason the way most guys think it is. You see, a woman doesn't want another guy if the one she's with is doing the right things and challenging her.
(Mind you that we're assuming that the woman is stable and doesn't have a major character flaw that leads her to cheating.)
I found out - the hard way - that a woman has NO problem cheating on her boyfriend if she feels that he's not living up to his end of the deal. Meaning, he isn't doing all the things the new guy is to make her feel unique and attractive.
She will feel JUSTIFIED in cheating, in fact. She won't even see it as cheating. She'll see it as self-preservation.
I'm not trying to make women out to be evil here. Guys do the exact same thing - just for slightly different reasons.
I'm going to talk about this again in a minute... Let's move on.
REASON #2. She's exceptionally smart and emotionally mature, and she realizes that you're not what she's looking for in a long term relationship.
This one doesn't happen often, in my experience, even though it really ought to.
The reality is that when I finally "got it" and understood that you can very easily get a woman so addicted to having you around (because you're giving her what no other guy seems to be able to, other than the unstable "bad boys" out there), you'll have the very real problem of women staying with you even when it's not a good match.
But, as we say, that's a High Quality Problem, huh?
In other words, if I'm going to have a problem, that's a good kind to have.
So while I'm including this as Reason 2 here, the reality is that it's not going to happen if you follow my strategies for building attraction.
REASON #3. You STOPPED doing all the things that got her attracted to you in the first place.
In other words, you let the attraction energy die out.
I could write books and books on this topic...
The fact of the matter is that guys typically put in a lot of energy to get things started with a woman, don't we?
We have to approach her (tell me that isn't agony...)
We have to brave the fear of rejection...
We have to get her number...
We have to call her up and ask her out...
We have to make the plans for the date...
We have to keep escalating things until we can sleep with her...
Hey, that's a lot of work! But we don't mind because it's the thrill of the chase.
But after you've conquered her, this is typically where the average guy lets off that gas and expects the woman to take over. And many women DO take over...
... for a time.
Eventually, though, she becomes resentful that she feels like SHE is doing all the work, and she starts to withdraw. Eventually, she'll either cheat, or she'll just break up with you.
Just remember, there's always a guy out there waiting to do whatever it is you stopped doing to attract your woman.
Look, I'm not saying a woman is justified here, but you have to be realistic.
If you weren't doing your work at your job, would you REALLY be surprised if your boss came to you one day and said,
"We're terribly sorry, but you haven't been doing your duties. We've found a replacement for you. You're fired."
Cheating sucks, and it's the most painful lesson in the world. But when you clear away all the emotional fog, you'll usually see that there were signs WAY long ago.
There's a rule you must remember:
HERE'S THE RULE: A woman will NOT leave a man she doesn't feel like she's completely WON.
This is BIG time important!
I can't tell you how much that one tip has made ALL the difference in my dating.
After I learned it, women stopped breaking up with me.
Then it was MY choice to stay with her or not.
I'm not some kind of control freak or something here, but if there's a choice between being the guy that gets dumped, and the guy that does the dumping - I choose to be the guy that breaks up with her.
I suspect you'd rather be that guy, too.
So let's stop "wrongful termination" in its tracks.
Remember that if you focus on ONE area of your connection with women, you'll eliminate about 90% of all the issues you'll ever run into.
That one area is ENERGY.
This is one of the essential ingredients of your game that creates MASSIVE attraction with women - if you know how to use it.
This is the one area that many guys think of as being the "entertainer," or the life of the party, or Mr. Excitement.
Well, this isn't true. It's actually a technique that you apply in different ways and at different times. And I'll be talking about this more in the upcoming videos and newsletters.
Remember, a woman's definition of "romance" is the same as a guy's. It's simply "fun..."
And remember my rule:
A woman will NOT leave a man she doesn't feel like she's completely WON.
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He's the author of many books and programs which are designed to help ANY man succeed and with with women.
Carlos brings to the table a variety of life experiences, including a background in relationship skills, life-coaching, motivational psychology, sales, management, Martial Arts, teaching and instruction, technology and engineering, Eastern philosophy, the psychology of achievement, and music.
Yes, you can call him a bit of a Renaissance Man.
Carlos' mission is to bring men and women together through awareness of both our traditional and contemporary gender roles.
Here's his homepage:
Here's a list of all his articles posted at DiaLteG TM: