I need to share some emails with you from David DeAngelo's "mailbag" - I think are totally "on point" when addressing fears and behaviors that you may have when approaching a woman you want to meet...
When you act like a Wuss, women AUTOMATICALLY lose their ATTRACTION for you -- and they can't even explain why it's happening.
So read up ........
Time for a little tough love... a little "wake up and smell the coffee"...
HARSH REALITY IS: There's only 1 thing that EVERY great woman wants to know the moment she meets you...
It's simply this:
Is there ANY chance that YOU might be her one-and- only "Mr. Right"?
I received a lot of great emails this week, including one that makes me want to tell you right up front:
DON'T BE LIKE THIS GUY.
I'll tell you WHY in a sec. First, the letter...
I would of never expected myself to email you but sadly that day has come, where I need help oh yes.
I fell head over heals with this one girl. I went out with her, she'd always have fun, but still I wasn't always at my full potential cause she made me feel all tingly inside.
There was this one occasion where I listened to my friend.. he said "tell her you like her".. but I knew I shouldn't cause you always say never tell a girl you like them.
Well, you guessed it. I told her that.
And everything started going down hill after that.
After that happened I tried to forget about her, but she IMed me once saying she wanted to give me back something I had given her for her birthday, but she didn't want to give it to me personally. Still had fun teasing her, then nothing.
Sure people have told me to move on, and probably you'll say that. But I've tried, but I feel like she's the one. So Dave, is there something you can tell this grasshopper to try get her back or try to do to I don't know.. it's tough though.
B., my man, all I can say is THIS IS VERY BAD.
You've done a VERY VERY VERY bad thing with this woman...
YOU TURNED INTO A COMPLETE AND TOTAL WUSSY on her!!!
So now here's your punishment:
Take out an entire blank notebook full of paper and write the following by hand:
"I will not act like a WUSSY. I will not act like a WUSSY. I will not act like a WUSSY."
When you've filled the notebook, you may stop.
See where this is going?
Once again, I find myself unable to say it loud enough or often enough:
WOMEN ARE *NEVER* ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES!!!!
As in, EVER.
And now you've gone and made the situation worse with each move you've made... probably to the point where there's not much you're going to be able to do about it.
The reason why she's blowing you off is because she no longer feels that CRITICAL emotion called ATTRACTION for you... and it's all because of your WUSSY ACTIONS.
And, as I always say... attraction isn't a choice.
When you act like a wuss around a woman, you kill any chance of it.
And you can't re-convince her to feel it by chasing her around and telling her how you "feel" about her.
That's why you need to stop acting like a needy, lovesick puppy RIGHT NOW if you want to salvage any chance of turning this thing around.
And, for all you OTHER guys out there in the same boat, let me make this clear:
If you act like our friend B. here, YOU WILL NEVER, EVER SUCCEED WITH WOMEN.
Okay, B, back to you.
Here's what I want you to do:
- Start to date other women immediately, and making sure this girl knows about it.
- Stop calling her all the time and spending any time with her.
- NEVER again tell her how you "feel about her" (at least until BOTH of you are ready to take things to the next level... also known as a serious RELATIONSHIP).
- Accept that, at this point, you will probably be just friends with her forever, so start acting that way.
If you do these things exactly as I've described, there's a small chance that you could turn this around.
For now, though, just get on with your life, and let this be a lesson to ALL of you reading this:
NEVER, EVER act like a WUSSY!
Don't tell a woman you "like" her too early on.
Don't call her too often.
Don't act clingy and needy.
JUST STOP IT.
Because, when you act like a Wuss, women AUTOMATICALLY lose their ATTRACTION for you -- and they can't even explain why it's happening.
if you need some HELP stopping it... well, that's what I'm here for.
I'm kind of legendary for doing this VERY thing... taking men who are submissive... insecure... nervous... even outright SCARED with women... and transforming them into CALM, COOL, CONFIDENT, DATING-SUCCESS MACHINES.
If this transformation sounds like something you'd be interested in, here's what to do:
... then start following the SUCCESS-PROVEN ADVICE you'll find there to START CHANGING YOUR LIFE.
And do yourself a favor... do it SOONER rather than LATER.
I got your book and I've read it twice. It's helped me to pinpoint areas where I need to improve and basically understand some of why women do what they do. However I have a situation.
Normally I'm a smart ass, I'm always making smart comments, and a general joker. The problem is, when I go to a club or a bar, with gorgeous HBs (Hot Babes), my mind goes blank.
It's almost like my brain locks and all i can do is look without anything to say. Needless to say it frustrates the hell outta me.
Any advice? Should I do some affirmations? How do I overcome this?
Pissed off in DC
Hey PO, I think your problem is really pretty simple.
You are experiencing something that I have been through a bazillion times.
In fact, I think that most guys have been through this cycle at some point in life.
One of the ideas that I teach is "Have one good default thing to do in each common situation".
In other words, it sounds to me like you haven't taken the time to work out a basic system for yourself that will allow you to meet any woman you come across in one of these situations.
So here's YOUR homework:
Take out a piece of paper and write down your one single favorite way to start a conversation with a woman.
Next, plan out EXACTLY how it should go in your mind.
Next, mentally rehearse this scenario over and over and over until you have it clearly in your mind.
Finally, go out tomorrow night and use this one introduction to meet 10 women.
The next day, sit down again for a few minutes and think about how it worked for you.
Think about ways you could improve your approach, and if you come up with some good innovations, go ahead and do the same process of mentally rehearsing the new ideas until you have them down.
One thing that really makes me laugh is that MOST GUYS SPEND MORE TIME REHEARSING THEIR VOICEMAIL MESSAGE THAN THEY DO REHEARSING SCENARIOS WITH WOMEN.
You need one good, solid, default thing to do in each common situation with women. So pick one, and refine it until your mind no longer goes blank.
Your material is golden. The c+f routine and tips have done me wonders, but you know they work so ill get to the point.
I have been working on this girl for quite some time (she's a ten and worth it), I built the anticipation, got her to give me her phone number: she has asked me to hang out and repeatedly emailed me asking me what I'm up to.
However! I waited a little while to actually ask her to hang out (to make me look a little busy), but when I did call her and ask her to hang out she said sure, and said she would call me right back and never did!......and to make things worse, she wrote me an email the next day telling me she forgot to call me back!
She's so sorry, blah blah blah etc........I know the girl thinks about me and I know she wants to hang out with me, why would she do that?......calling her repeatedly would be a wussy move: am i right?.....I blew it of and gave her a c+f answer saying do u expect me to believe that, I'm starting to think I make you nervous.
I honestly don't think she forgot, is this a game?......This is the first 10 I've encountered since I've used your techniques so I need some advice. I wanna make this one count.
Thanks Dave PLEASE WRITE BACK!
JR New Jersey
>>> MY COMMENTS:
No worries, JR... you're doing great.
But here's something to remember:
Attractive women are approached ALL THE TIME by men. Some attractive women give out their number several times every night they go out.
This is reality.
Often, attractive women will actually give out their number JUST TO GET RID OF YOU. Some women get an "ego hit" of power and self esteem when a lot of guys are calling them.
But this leads to another problem... the problem of not having enough time to see all of these men (or never even intending to from the beginning).
This is why you're going to find that a lot of women "flake out" when you make plans with them.
I will say that the fact that she emailed you the next day to tell you that she forgot to call you is a positive sign. If she just wanted you to go away, she wouldn't have done this.
Now you need to bust her balls, make fun of her for flaking, and tell her that she's on strike one.
You might want to tell her
"Well, since you flaked out on me once, now you have to take ME out. Here's my address and the directions to my house. Come pick me up."
You need to let her know that it's NOT OK for her to be flaky, and at the same time use her flaky behavior as material to tease her with.
You'll learn how to deal with this as you date more women.
Needless to say my success rate has gone through the roof! I will be ordering the whole series soon.
Which brings me to my question. Here goes:
How can I win back the affections of a girl I once felt a connection with and would love to get back on the right track?
Our mutual friends have not been of assistance so far. I try calling, but I feel as though if I called as much as I'd like to I'd look like a wuss.
I have had no problem with setting up mystery. I drive a hot car, play semi pro sports, and use these things carefully and only discuss when asked. Don't want to look too arrogant!
What else should I try, or how should I act to achieve the desired result?
I know getting another girl, or even flirting in front of her, while not impossible would kill any chances...
While "Cocky and Funny" got my foot in the door, I don't know if it is right for the situation.
>>> MY COMMENTS:
Your email is profound, E..
There are many lessons that can be learned from it, but I want to point out one MAJOR thing...
Above all, as I said above, trying to "get her back" is a losing game in most situations...
The act alone suggests that you're needy -- especially when you don't even know a woman very well, and you're trying to "get her back" after one or two dates.
That in mind, the best things you can do to get a woman back are to:
- Act like you're totally OK with her decision to leave... like you COULDN'T CARE LESS...
- Start dating other people right away and LET HER KNOW ABOUT IT.
This combination is often enough to make them come back to you... and it's all because JEALOUSY is a POWERFUL tool for creating new attraction.
In fact, It's FAR more powerful than most people suspect.
That's why, as I said above, the best thing you can do is get on with your life, and date other women.
And in the future, don't allow a woman to control you AND the situation.
As a side note, I want to thank you for your email, and thank you for the compliments on my eBook.
Most guys think they don't need this material... but as I always say (and YOU should know by now), until you REALLY understand how women and dating "work", then almost nothing can help you.
And by the way...
If you're reading this Mailbag right now and you are wondering how you can take your success with women and dating to the next level RIGHT NOW...
... then I once again have to recommend Man Transformation:
Meantime, I'm digging through a TIDAL WAVE of fascinating, powerful emails from you guys, so I'll talk to you again VERY soon.
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About David DeAngelo:
David released his first book over ten years ago which changed the dating and attraction world for all the men he helped. He coined the phrase "Attraction Isn't A Choice" which is the first of many books and programs I went through personally as did millions of men in every corner of the world.
His Double Your Dating ebook set up a series of programs that help men in any part of their game they need it in from approaching women, inner game work, all the way to meeting, finding, and entering a relationship with the woman of their dreams.
His advice is unique, ethical, smart, and cleverly intuitive as he progresses from matter-of-fact to counter intuitive techniques and tips he practiced himself first, before ever releasing them to the public.
He and I share many things in common as we both went from practically being a loser with women and dating to marrying the woman of our dreams.
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You can also read lots of great advice articles from him here at DiaLteG TM: