Written by Scot McKay Deserve What You Want – X&Y Communications.
Just yesterday, I was on the phone with a friend.
During the course of the conversation, we began talking about how amazing it is that so many people are more willing to take the first option that comes along when it comes to dating and relationships than to do what it takes to become a man or a woman who can CHOOSE from MANY OPTIONS.
Ultimately, so many of us feel completely powerless when it comes to actually being able to attract who we truly want, that when the first person comes along who shows any level of attraction we jump right in. Sometimes we do so and never look back.
If you perform a Google search on “number of lifetime sex partners”, you’ll quickly find that darn near 25% of adults (at least in North America) report having had exactly one partner in their life.
Sure, there are always those who have the “high school sweetheart” story going on.
But not withstanding that, you and I both know that there are a WHOLE LOT of people out there who are flat-out, straight-up SETTLING.
Worse, even though they KNOW they’ve settled, they stay in the relationship anyway. All too often, they end up getting MARRIED.
Well, there’s a whole litany of potential excuses.
“It was just time to get married, and this was who I was dating at the time.”
Or, “Well, nobody’s perfect…and I don’t want to be too picky.”
Or, “Hey…some people out there have NOBODY. I should count myself as LUCKY.”
And, of course, the one that truly makes me cringe: “She was willing to put up with me.”
But here’s the thing.
Sometimes, you really can be fairly excited about having met a certain woman early on. You can even be genuinely HOT for her.
Particularly if you haven’t been experiencing a dating life full of rich options lately, you could actually meet a woman who exceeds your expectations and be on Cloud 9 for a while there.
Only after time has passed and you wake up one morning feeling dissatisfied will the reality set in that you had in fact SETTLED.
Scary stuff, isn’t it?
There’s no wonder so many women think guys are “commitment phobes”.
The truth is sometimes we SHOULD BE.
So how do we solve this problem? How can you know UP FRONT that you may wake up feeling like you settled someday?
I mean, how can you really get some 20/20 FORESIGHT here, for a change?
I’m glad you asked.
Here, before your very eyes, I’m about to roll out-for the first time ever-a lucky seven ways you can TEST a new relationship for “Settlement Potential”:
1. When considering a brand new woman to date, teleport yourself into the future and HONESTLY consider how you’ll feel having been exclusive with JUST her for a few months.
You may think she’s pretty sharp, but if you honestly evaluate the situation do you already know she’s lacking in a few places that you are going to seriously wish she wasn’t after the novelty of the relationship wears off?
Every day you may see women you find somewhat attractive, and each will endear themselves to you in a distinct way-and to a varying degree.
With that sea of women around you, understand that building long-term plans with a woman who doesn’t bring your vision of the “complete package” to the table is going to mean inevitable comparison to other women down the road.
And that’s not going to be a positive for either of you.
2. How do you feel about introducing her to your friends?
She may be attractive to you, but are you sort of embarrassed to take her out in public? Do you fear your friends are going to think you could “do better”?
Is there a chance she’ll publicly humiliate you in a social setting?
If you’re feeling any of this stuff, it makes no logical sense to form a “partnership” with her.
3. Imagine you have already seen her naked 100 times and had sex with her about as often.
Are you going to have long since been bored? Do you already look at her and realize she isn’t everything you want in the attraction department?
Even if you are obsessed over her extreme hotness, have you considered that if the entire relationship has been built around sex that you WILL burn out sooner than later…perhaps based on sheer familiarity?
4. Do you enjoy her company?
This might sound like a goofball question. But based on what I’ve seen out there, I had to ask.
She may be the “best thing” who has come along in years, or so you think. But are you basing that premise purely on physical attraction? If she gets on your nerves now-or vice-versa-that isn’t going to get any better later, I can assure you.
5. Is life more fulfilling with her in it?
Are you looking forward to taking her with you on the next adventure you have planned, or would you much rather leave her at home to watch Lifetime Channel while you spend time with your friends instead?
Do you foresee your future plans and lifelong dreams coming to fruition with her in your life, or being postponed–if not scuttled completely?
6. Are you trying to overlook serious character issues?
Are you sticking your head in the sand when it’s clear she has addictions, jealousy issues or a demonstrated history of disrespecting you? Are you fully confident she wouldn’t cheat on you or betray you in some other way?
Do you get this strange feeling that there’s something about her you’re not being told?
7. Do you envy guys who appear to have higher-quality women with them?
Do you get that nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach when you go out and see other guys with women you perceive to be higher quality?
Have you actually gone so far as to COUNT how many guys in a particular public place you’d gladly trade places with?
Do you come home from social events feeling angry or even resentful toward your woman even though she didn’t do anything in particular to cause it?
Did some of those concepts hit home for you?
It really doesn’t matter whether you have a woman in your life right now or not. The stuff we’re talking about here must become part of your mindset as you evaluate the potential of various women who step into your life.
Usually when you take a test like this, you end up with a “sliding scale” to score yourself with.
Not this time, man.
This is like horseshoes and hand grenades. It’s “all or nothing”. If you’ve compromised ANYWHERE, you’re settling.
I know that the simple fact you are here reading this newsletter alone represents that you are one of those who refuse to accept mediocrity.
Deserving what you want is the ONLY WAY TO FLY, and you know that already.
Join Scot’s newsletter by going to his homepage which you’ll find here –> Deserve What You Want – X&Y Communications
Read more great advice from Scot McKay here at DiaLteG TM by going here –> Scot McKay – Attracting Quality Women – A small guy with a huge heart and a desire to help men and women succeed in all areas of dating and relationships.