To become exclusive or not is a great question about the woman you’re currently dating . Reasons against – she’s the only one you’re dating. She’s talked you into it more than others. You’re afraid she’ll get away. Pros – Knowing what you want. No curiosity in other women. You’ve tested and approved her worthiness. …Written by Scot McKay.
After all, the truth is that how you conduct your dating life is your business, and there is no valid reasoning to support slapping a value judgment on how you do so. And yeah, I realize that doesn’t stop the “mainstream” dating advice crowd from telling you one thing and the PUA “bootcampers” from telling you the exact opposite…as if each respective side’s mutually exclusive viewpoint was “absolute“.
You’d think there’s no middle ground.
And really, you never, ever hear about how to handle any potential PROGRESSION from dating multiple women now to possibly selecting one for a more stable relationship later.
From what you read out there, it really is made out to be an “all or nothing” deal. You’re told either to go sarging as much as possible and hopefully build a collection of HB’s contact info, or you’re admonished to think more in terms of building a monogamous relationship from minute one.
Well, once again, welcome to yet another newsletter about a topic you’ve likely NEVER, EVER heard mentioned elsewhere.
To be sure, I’m not going to tell you IF you should have an exclusive girlfriend or not.
No pre-determined outcomes. No agendas.
Instead, just straight talk on how to handle the decision to go exclusive with a certain woman…or not.
Almost every day, it seems, I hear from guys who want to date lots of women, but have found themselves in a steady relationship they never really asked for explicitly. Or, I hear from guys with the opposite problem. They really want a great girlfriend and someone to build a future with, but having focused on pickup techniques they’re left wanting when it comes to relationship management skills.
Well, today I’ve got your back on this issue.
Here, in simple English, are three UNACCEPTABLE reasons to make a woman your steady girlfriend, followed logically by three OUTSTANDING reasons to go exclusive:
Three unacceptable reasons to go exclusive:
#1: She’s the only one you’re dating anyway.
OK. You feel as if you don’t have any other options and don’t see any on the immediate horizon. But you DO have a woman who actually seems to like you. Why not just make her your steady girlfriend? Seems uncomplicated enough.
And indeed, this is how things go for A LOT of guys out there. I’d dare say the MAJORITY.
I thought about devoting an entire newsletter to the concept of how if ONE woman is wildly attracted to you, it almost GUARANTEES that there would be others. And that’s pretty much true.
Some guys truly are at “ground zero” when it comes to attraction and aren’t yet deserving what they want. But other guys are passively sleepwalking through life and only end up with a woman by default, basically. Out of happenstance, a guy may be introduced to a woman and end up on a first date with her. Date one turns into date two, and so on until what we’re talking about here happens.
And what’s next? That nagging feeling of having SETTLED, that’s what.
If you can get one woman in your life, you could theoretically have options if you summon the confidence to believe it. Apart from that, you are operating from a position of very limited personal power.
#2: She cajoled you more than others.
You may actually have several women you are casually dating, all of whom are interesting and interested. But often there’s that one woman who levels the ultimatum on exclusivity a bit earlier and with decidedly more conviction than the others. Since she’s so vocal about it, and since you kind of like her, you capitulate.
And “capitulate” is a profane word around here. It rhymes with “settle“.
For that matter, if you look up “capitulate” in the dictionary, it’ll probably say “gave away all his power to a woman who lost all respect for him almost immediately after he caved in to her demands.”
Careful here. I’m NOT saying that any woman who wants an exclusive relationship with you should be denied categorically. I AM saying that you shouldn’t kowtow to HER decision to be exclusive…especially if it’s not YOUR decision also.
#3: You feel like you’ve got to “lock her down“.
Maybe you have some options, but then the World’s Hottest Woman shows up in your life. You have this “OMG” moment and start scrambling to make her your steady girlfriend because… 1) She’s the most ridiculously sexy chick you’ve ever dated and you’ve got to make her yours, and… 2) …if you don’t, you’re afraid some other guy will.
First of all, remember that if a high-quality woman shows up in your life, that’s to be treated as having RAISED THE BAR. It’s not to be considered a “stroke of luck“. This is kind of a logical progression to the concept of having the ability to attract ONE begets the ability to attract MANY.
Indeed, this woman is simply an indicator that you have earned the ability to attract a higher echelon of women. So continue the rational progression of seeing how well you two get along before getting serious, please.
But more importantly here, you are seriously damaging you own attractiveness here by jumping all over her. Remember, getting kills wanting…especially if you’re trying to hold onto her with a “death grip” very early on.
And most importantly, um…you CAN’T lock another human being down, dude. She can still leave you, even if she’s you’re steady girlfriend.
Three outstanding reasons to go exclusive:
#1: You know what you want in a woman
If you haven’t dated many women at all, how do you know what you REALLY want? If you’ve dated your share of high-quality women and you’ve had a chance to fine-tune exactly who it is you’re looking for, then you’ll be WAY better equipped to recognize her when she shows up in your life.
And if you find yourself in the mood to actually HAVE an exclusive relationship with her, it’s probably because of the next point…
#2: You’ve left no curiosity unanswered in the dating world
Here’ a truth that’s about as simple as truth gets: If you’re still interested in dating lots of women, then you probably aren’t interested in choosing one of them from the mix at this point.
If you end up in a steady relationship under such circumstances, you’ll probably end up with your nose pressed against the glass looking at “greener pastures” outside.
And this will be the case no matter how great your girlfriend is. After all, you weren’t in the “relationship” state of mind just yet.
On the other hand, what if you’ve been dating sixteen women at once, and have grown tired of all the juggling?
Let’s say you narrowed that field down to four or five at that point. And after a while, you then started realizing that you had met and enjoyed the company of lots of incredible women but were now thinking more about stability and long-term vision than you have in the past.
It’s about then that you may realize that one woman on your list is by far your first choice. Were she available every night, you’d see her instead of the others.
Well, that woman would be a GOOD choice for an exclusive relationship, I’d say. You will have selected her from many options and with a solid frame of mind.
#3: You have tested and approved her ultimate worthiness
Even if you have a firm grasp on what runs your guns as far as women go, and even if you have a pile of women in your life, there’s always the off chance that one’s going to come along who flat-out knocks your socks off. The switch gets flipped and she’s basically all you can think of.
Whoa there, cowboy.
You’ve been around the block to know that it takes sweet time to qualify a woman fully. Spend loads of time with her in common, everyday situations. Mix it up some. Meet her friends and vice-versa. Go on that all-important road trip I talked about in a newsletter a couple of months ago.
You’ve got to make sure you know that what’s under the hood has the horsepower to back the sexy bodywork. Otherwise, she’s “all show and no go”. And true character takes time to show forth in its fullness.
Take your time and decide from a position of strength. And deserve what you want also, because a great woman like her is probably as tuned in to reason as you are.
You’ll notice that conspicuous by its absence from either list is “because she’s pregnant“. That’s either the subject of a whole ‘nother newsletter, or something that needs to be handled on a case-by-case basis. I’m still trying to figure out which it is for sure.
But either way, guys, the one thing is DO know for sure is that you have GOT to be a man who makes his own informed decisions in the dating world rather than being subject to the whim of someone else.