The first date is one of the most important, for obvious reasons. The better you do on the first date the more likely there will be a second and third to follow.
Sure, it’s funny the next day when I’m telling my friends, but while the sordid episode is unfolding, it doesn’t seem funny at all.
So, in the interest of reducing future dismal dates, I’ve made a list of things not to do on your next first date.
Please, read it carefully, and DO NOT…
1. Arrive in a car full of junk
This should be a no-brainer, and yet it happens again and again.
I remember a date whose steering wheel was spattered with what looked like dry white paint.
The guy explained that it was because every time he drank milk, he sneezed. Ewwwwww!!!!
2. Appear too nervous
It’s all right to be considerate on a first date; it’s recommended. But don’t bend over backwards, don’t try so hard you end up sweating, and don’t forget that you are the host and your date will be happy to follow your lead.
No need to be insecure–she agreed to go out with you, right?
3. Choose a bad restaurant or venue
Oh boy. Make sure the place you take your date isn’t sleazy, noisy, or miles away in heavy traffic.
Keep it simple.
Most women of any age would be happy at a small Italian place for a first date.
The important thing is that you are able to converse without too much distraction. Save your favorite punk bar for a later time, when you know each other better.
4. Appear fussy while interacting with servers
Just order the grilled salmon and move on! Don’t interview the server on the provenance of the arugula.
Don’t send anything back unless it has a rat in it, and a live one at that.
5. Name drop or brag about accomplishments
If a woman likes you, she likes you for who you are.
You don’t need to make flimsy connections between yourself and Bruce Willis’s ex-nutritionist to get a date’s attention.
Talk instead about what you enjoy doing, what you’ve done recently that’s slightly out of the ordinary (river rafting, wine country tours, etc.).
6. Forget to ask questions
Don’t forget that your date is a person too.
Yes, even though she is a female, she has a brain very much like yours and a heart and soul, too.
She’d like a chance to tell you about herself.
If she likes you, she’ll be talking partly to make a connection, so be sure to respond when she hits a nerve in a good way.
7. Speak ill of past dates, girlfriends, or wives
It doesn’t matter how astoundingly unpleasant your ex was, your current date doesn’t want to know about it.
She’ll instantly put herself in your ex’s shoes and feel some female solidarity.
So, dissing your ex is dissing all women is dissing your date. Got it?
8. Ogle other women or watch TV
You’d think this would go without saying, but it doesn’t. Don’t ogle. I mean, if Angelina Jolie walks by, you aren’t expected to ignore her.
But your expression when you return your gaze to your date should be of bemusement or confusion, not unfettered lust!
And if your team is playing on the TV at the pub, please do not watch it. Please.
(Note that this suggestion can be ignored if your date is a fan. In that case, you’ve hit the jackpot. Change seats, order a pitcher, and enjoy the game!)
9. Ask her if she wants to have children
You might be conditioned to believe that all women want to marry–that they are desperate, in fact. But it ain’t so.
So if you think you can score faster by talking serious relationship on the first date, think again.
If you really must know whether she wants to have children one day, I can only suggest that you bring it up early in a joking manner, adding “I always say that on the first date; I find it breaks the tension,” or something.
10. Agree to split the tab
If you asked her out, you pay. Even if you didn’t ask her out you pay.
Don’t let her trick you either by offering to pay her share.
This is where woman’s lib does not come into a play.
11. Not try for a kiss goodnight, or more…
Yes, you should try for a kiss. There are many ways to signal a desire to give a peck. You can ask, for example.
“May I kiss you good night?” might work.
If she says “no,” just smile and thank her for a great evening. If she says “yes,” take it moment by moment.
Failure to at least try for something is going to make you look like a wimp, or worse, make her think you don’t like her.
So risk rejection and make a little move.
She’ll appreciate it if she’s into you, and if she isn’t, well, you’ll find out fast!
To review, this was not a “how to” list…it was a list of eleven ways to wreck a first date.
Review it carefully before your next one.
Above all, remember that women are people too.
But things that please your manly friends (noisy bars, bodily noises, wisecracks about other women) don’t work on us.
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More great advice from Marni can be found at DiaLteG TM by going here: Marni Kinrys – A true heart of gold determined to teach you how to attract a quality woman like herself. A Dynamite look with a remarkably cool attitude even when under pressure.