I'm friends with this attractive bartender and we talk a lot about the guys who approach her all night long. Some are nice. Some are not. Today's lesson is about one of those nice guys and how he failed her early test.
It's important because there are some major differences of opinions here. Tell me below what's your opinion on what happened. Love to hear it.
In his eyes - he probably thought he was going to pass her "when to call her after you got her number" test and we'll get to what he did in a moment.
In her eyes he failed that test too.
BUT I think they're both wrong.
What I believe happened will definitely show you how to pass a woman's early test making it far less likely you'll be stuck home alone wondering what went wrong instead of enjoying a date with her.
She began to tell me about this guy she met the other night. They talked for a while and in her words, "It went well." He was nice. He seemed like a good person so when he eventually asked for her number, she gave it him.
All is well. You'd think so but here's where things got all messed up.
I said, "cool" and she suddenly sits up from her stool, her eyes widen, she lets it out a huge, "BUT..."
Here it comes...
He called her around ten the next morning and of course, she didn't answer.
She claimed that he called her way too quickly so she let it go to her voice mail.
She believed - TEST FAILED!
(*Side note guys... it's one thing to call a woman the next morning and I'll show you how you can call her whenever you want BUT think first about who you're calling. She's a bartender and they can work until 4am and go to bed at 7am. Calling her at 10am only guarantees she's not going to answer her phone.)
Eventually she listened to it and here's the message he left:
"I 'm doing (whatever he was going to do) this afternoon but call me back if you're interested in going to the movies tonight."
She told me it was a big mistake and because of it, she waited a week to call him back. He didn't answer and let it go to voice mail. She hung up without leaving a message.
Fast forward to a week later when he finally called her back and of course she didn't answer.
She let me know that she'll never call him back or answer if he calls again because she's NEVER going out with him anyways.
Okay... he might've delayed in calling her back because of some stupid dating rule - he probably thought it was a good thing to not look so eager. Which in his situation was and I'll explain that part in a minute.
He also (just maybe) realized that calling her the next day was too quick and it was big mistake. It was a mistake but there's more going on which we're going to get into.
When you're done with this post - you'll definitely want to read this to avoid the BIG mistakes.
It was written over ten years ago and it still rings true with me as I'm sure it will for you too. (It was actually the very first article I ever read on attraction. Read on some Myspace page. Told you it's that old.)
Don't let the age fool you. Read it. Memorize. Avoid what's listed in it and trust you'll be so far ahead in attracting women you'll see instant, yes, an INSTANT change in how women see you.
Either way - mistakes happen.
Nobody is perfect. Guys do this stuff all the time. If you've done it - do NOT worry about it. There's a new plan for you which will erase your old mistakes and set you on a new and better path so you're not left wondering or blaming yourself.
About her - again - she's an attractive bartender and gets approached by guys ALL the time. Which means she's a full out tester. She has to be.
She's also pretty smart when it comes this stuff except in this case she was WRONG for which I happily and teasingly told her so with my perspective on things.
She believed the test he failed was by calling her too early.
A little because of the time of day and a little too quickly. Made him look desperate.
We went on to "discuss" what I believed REALLY happened that assured they were never going to go out on any date - let alone hang out.
There was a another test neither one of them saw. It had practically nothing to do with calling her.
Yes. In her eyes or mind he failed one of her first tests but nope, the actual failure (for him) happened long before that first phone call.
The call was just her excuse or rationalization based on the fact that he did absolutely NOTHING to get her excited about talking or seeing him again.
Listen to how she described the interaction when they first met,
"He was nice. The conversation went well. He seemed like a good guy."
Now before you go on believing it was because he was too nice... hear me about because this changes EVERYTHING.
Fast forward to his morning phone call keeping their "nice" conversation in mind from the night before.
When the phone rang she was IMMEDIATELY reminded of him and some feelings went through her head. This happens to ALL women as they're deciding what to do next or whether they want to get back to you or answer their phone no matter WHEN you call her.
Her thought process became this:
"Nice --> Well --> Actually kind of BORING --> Called me quickly --> Needy --> Seems a little desperate --> We didn't even really connect all that well --> What did I get myself into? --> No, I don't think so --> Not interested --> Not feeling attracted to him at all."
Her subconscious (or intuition on guys) detected all that from just a few interactions which is big reason why passing a woman's early tests are so very important and WHY it has little to do with calling her quickly.
Wait... before you connect the desperate or needy thing above because I have once again, a different more counter-intuitive perspective which will shed some light on this dreary picture.
I offered her a different scenario and waited for her to respond.
"What if this guy really excited you? What if right after you met him you couldn't get him out of your mind? What if instead of having a nice conversation you had a heated fun argument full of banter and wit and he teased the hell out of you...
And that very same guy called you the next morning?"
Her eyes lit up as she smacked me on the arm, "YES!!! You're right!"
Then I suggested a "what if " he left a better impression, as noted above, and she got this message instead of the unfortunate lame one he did leave,
"Great meeting you yesterday. I'm going to be busy for a while but I wanted to make sure you weren't lost without my great conversation skills. I'll call you back soon. We'll do something."
My point is - after leaving a real (attractive) impression on her which has little to do with being nice - you do NOT have to leave some pre-programmed message or follow a wait time before you first call her...
All you have to do is pick up right where you left off the last time you spoke and REMIND her, assure her, of who you are and what you're going to mean to her.
It would've become perfectly naturally to leave her a message the very next day and she wouldn't even have considered that he called her too quickly.
Leave an amazing lasting impression on a woman and she'll want you to call her as quickly as you can and she won't think twice about it.
The call test won't mean anything and she won't even consider it being a failure.
She'll want to know you remembered her. She'll want to know you're at least interested in getting to know her because "hello" you DID ASK FOR HER NUMBER.
If you want to know my personal thoughts on calling or texting her and when - you can do so here:
(Just wait until you're finished here first. This stuff can get very confusing if you bounce all over the place. One thing at a time.)
Failing a woman's early tests such as this is rarely about knowing or not knowing how long to wait before you call her
The test starts from first eye contact and continues as you interact with her.
This guy's niceness had nothing to do with what happened or why he probably spent a few weeks wondering what the hell happened - oblivious to when or how he screwed it up.
He probably still thinks it was because he called her too quickly.
He failed because he did little to create attraction and leave her wanting more of him.
She just put it together in her head that way - nice, boring, and now he's calling too quickly. If he gave her every reason to eagerly await his call - things would've have played out differently and she'd be the one wanting to pass his tests.
Again when you're done with this post - read the article below because it will show and prove to you that his niceness wasn't the real test he failed plus the part of being nice that does matter in attracting women.
"The bottom line is that if you interact with a woman long enough that she forms an “impression” of you, and she doesn’t “feel it” for you, then you’re done.
Women test men CONSTANTLY.
And ATTRACTIVE women test men MUCH MORE INTENSELY than “regular” women.
If you don’t know how to spot these tests (and most of them are very subtle), and then deal with them, you’re going to lose your chance to create ATTRACTION before you even GET it.
What's been covered so far...
Obviously you want to pass a woman's tests. Here's my page to help you do just that:
Okay so it's not your niceness which is the mistake with women here.
It's the FIRST interaction which starts with eye contact and continues through your interactions with her where the real tests are failed and the mistakes are made.
You want to make sure you're making a great first impression which makes the problems of when to call her not an issue at all. You can basically do what you want - within reason - and she'll want to hear from you as quickly as possible.
You also want to leave her with a REAL desire to see you again AND give her a reason to want to continue where things left off.
Because then and only then can you stop worrying about all the rules or passing her tests because when done right - she'll be more interested or worried about passing your test and if you are interested in HER or not.
I spend an enormous amount of time giving women advice and believe me - when they FEEL a certain way about a guy - something you CAN do... they're so wrapped up in your interest in them, they get themselves in a lot of trouble as they forget about their end of the deal.
It's a two way thing here. Just the same as you might worry or be concerned if some woman is into you - so is she (and much more) IF you do things right from the beginning.
Don't you think it's best to get out of your own way so she can experience all you've created rather than getting caught up in all the mind-games you play on yourself trying and hoping you don't break some stupid rule or fail her test?
I think so and if you don't - let me hear about it below. It's ALWAYS open for discussion.
I hear you and I know you read it all too often if you've been around the web looking for answers on women...
Sure - create attraction - that's all you hear but NOBODY tells you exactly how it's done and I'll admit, I've been guilty of that myself.
By the time you're done you'll know exactly what MUST happen for ANY woman to feel attraction for you and the really cool part is - you don't even have to know how to trigger it.
Remember we're in this together and I don't mean that we lining up so weird-ass bro-code stuff either.
I'll help you IF you are willing to TRY this stuff out and let me know how it works for you below. The good or the bad. I WANT to hear it.
That guy above didn't have to the opportunity to meet or talk to me and I honestly feel bad for him because I've been far worse than him.
Think about what he did.
He succeeded at getting some "hot" bartender's real number and talked to her for a while. That's something most guys wouldn't dare doing knowing how many sober and drunk guys hit on her all night long - five days week!
Imagine what he COULD learn and achieve with confidence like that IF he had this kind of information you now have along with all the links above.
Wouldn't been a whole different story but of course I would have to find something else to write about - guess that might've sucked.