It wreaks of neediness and acts like mold. Clinging and growing in the darker regions of our minds.
It feeds on our insecurities and holds our thoughts for ransom in an attempt to extort our actions.
It’s called the “Fear Of Attraction.”
“I’m afraid she will think I’m a jerk if I do that.”
“Is she thinking about me or that stupid thing I did?”
When we act out on our insecurities we advertise to the world our deepest needs.
Those fears often stem from our wants or needs to fulfill something in our lives that we are missing.
You must know it’s not good for “attraction” to be needy but sometimes wanting something is just as bad, or even worse….
Because many of our fears are deeply intertwined with our “wants”.
Take these two statements,
- “I want you…”
- “I need you…”
You’re going to hear many people say that each statement is different and that it is typically better to want but think of these two statements in this context.
- “I need food or I will die.”
- “I want a cheeseburger.”
And how about these next two,
- “I need sex or my passion will die.”
- “I want sex now.”
The needs in all of those statements are obviously more valid than the want.
I have realized that all the things I have done to make the changes that I’ve been making have been for the purpose of obtaining positive responses from people. Perhaps what I’ve done is valid, but I did it to be liked. I did it to try and manipulate things, namely how people perceive me. The Real Cure For Neediness, Clinginess And Manipulation
The want is putting the emphasis on the outcome, and not the event.
The need is focusing on the event to avoid the outcome, the death of something.
The real question is – Do we fear not ever eating again or not having sex?
Or do we fear we will lose our life or lose our passion without something?
The fear of not being attractive is, in a way, us afraid of being alone.
- “I’m afraid she won’t like me if I do this and I’ll be single forever.”
- “I don’t like it when she kisses me there but I’m afraid if I tell her, she won’t like me anymore. And I WANT her to like me… but I NEED to be open, honest, and direct.”
The need of being open or honest is more important in growing as a person than the want of attraction. That is because our needs our mostly internal and are in the present while the want is in the future.
It is something we do not have, which we want to acquire.
- “I’m afraid she will think I’m a jerk if do that.”
- “I don’t want to flirt with her friend because she will think I’m a jerk and not like me but her friend is cute and I like to flirt. We just met and I WANT to make a good impression so she will like me but I NEED to be my flirty self.”
We can see how being a flirt fills the need of an emotional present state of being who you are and that is much more important than wanting having someone attracted to us.
The needs of our existence in being a better person is internal and wanting something outside of ourselves is often our insecurities controlling our actions.
Our fears thrive off of those insecure feelings and demands that we act on our thoughts.
And that is precisely where that awful stench of neediness emanates.
So there IS a difference between wanting, needing, and being needy.
Learning these difference and how they affect your actions around those you’re attracted to can help you understand yourself better.
Overcoming it all can and WILL make you a more attractive man.
Is there a way to overcome all these fears?
Well the obvious first step is to figure out what your real fears are and how they truly affect your life.
Begin by asking a few important questions about something very specific:
- Do you WANT it?
- Do You Need it?
- What is the outcome you fear the most?
I’ll give you an example because I understand this stuff can be very complicated. Even my head is reeling from all this and I have the easy – just writing it.
The “Fear Of Not Being Attractive” is merely a fear of being alone, without a girlfriend, or single forever with no hope of intimacy and love.
Admit you DO NEED intimacy and love or a true companion to make your life more enjoyable.
However you become “needy” when you act on wanting to never be alone again.
When you do things to avoid a fear just this wanting a better future becomes a less than attractive trait or something which may appear “needy”.
If you avoid doing certain things because you believe she might think you’re a jerk – this approval seeking is seen as being needy because you WANT to be liked later so you give up acting real and in the present. Which is less attractive.
Now I’m not saying to start acting like a dick and you will attract women.
The difference, or the more attractive thing to do is to admit you DO NEED women but avoid acting on the fear that you’ll be alone forever because one or more women may not like you.
That alone will keep you in the present more often than not.
And that, in a way, is facing your fear of attraction because it no longer resides in the sub-conscious wrapped in many of our thoughts.
I feel when we bring certain things out in the light and see them from a different perspective it can help elevate some of the initial fear through a better more clearer understanding of where it roots itself.
Yes you do WANT to be attractive but you have no real control over whether or not one person is attracted to you.
There are obvious ways or things you can do to help your cause but basing your entire life on that want alone is practically the exact definition of being needy.
Yes. The Fear of Attraction IS a play on words.
Very few of us are actually afraid of being attractive and in those cases it is often based on a fear of success on many different levels.
But our neediness, an urgency to get one girl, the fears of being alone, being afraid of not being attractive causing us to act needy and sometimes desperate is a real fear based on the feelings associated with attraction.
Please – by all means leave your opinions or questions below on your fears of attraction…