Ionce performed “Fearless” by Pink Floyd on a 12-string guitar that was a beast. It would wreck your fingers and test your strength to its painful and often cramping limit.
Sure I was always a little nervous but the song was relatively easy to play and I was quite confident I could pull it off every time.
The venue was small as there was only about a hundred people to watch and listen. Just one mic for my voice and one for the guitar.
The place was cozy but well lit. It was very different than playing in some dark noisy bar where you can get away with so much more.
The people were there to listen. They weren’t drunk.
So the pressure was on thick.
However as a seasoned musician it was close to routine. Simple as it could be… Get up and play three songs and then make room for the next act.
I did it for the experience AND for the crowd. No matter how large or small the venue was, sharing my gift was an emotional experience I loved doing. After all I didn’t practice for hours just to hear myself.
One line from the song meant a lot to me,
Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd… smiling.”
Having the courage to do what I did didn’t seem to come easy to many but for some strange reason I lived and thrived off those nervous feelings and sometimes high intense filled moments. It wasn’t even for the attention because off-stage I was shy and slightly introverted. I didn’t like to be noticed. It creeped me out and made me feel weird and very uncomfortable.
The fear of screwing up, the sweaty nervous palms, the fear of begin booed on stage, and the absolute fear of looking like an “idiot” I’m sure stopped many people from furthering their musical career. But not me it encouraged me and did scare me at all.
So how is it one man such as myself be fearless performing in public yet struggle so desperately for so long when it came time to approach a woman?
In music – almost everything was pre-programmed into my act. I knew what to do, what to sing, and what to play. I had a definite beginning and a pre-selected ending. It was easy to practice in private I got it right.
The strange part was, no matter how much I worked on a song – I was bound to screw up something or miss a note in a performance. Forget a word or two. I’ve even been known to complete miss a whole verse. (Memorizing lyrics was not my thing.)
Yet I was trained almost from birth to keep going.
The show must go on!
I recall playing lead snare in high school for the marching band and one holiday the harness fell apart piece by piece until I was left banging with my left hand and hold the snare with my other hand. It was painful but I still kept going all the way until the end.
Nothing and I mean nothing stopped me.
Another time I was propped up three risers high and just at the moment where I had to do the sort of drum solo fill from “Purple Rain” (mind you the best part of the song for a drummer) I leaned back and down I went; fell over backwards off the risers on to what luckily was a soft grass landing.
But I still managed to jump back up, hit a couple of drums and keep time for the rest of the band.
Anyways… so I was thinking once…
Why can’t you “sort-of” pre-program this whole approaching women thing?
What if you knew exactly how to start a conversation with any woman, anytime, anywhere?
What if you knew, even if you screwed up a few words, no woman in her right mind would suddenly and publicly reject you – just because you approached her?
What if you could “fearlessly” face the crowds of women you see everyday, use an “idiot-proof” system like I did, and still smile?
Of course you could memorize hundreds of pick up lines turning each one into “conversation starters“.
Would that make you fearless approaching women?
Certainly wouldn’t hurt your confidence, that’s for sure.
But would it be fun?
Would you be enjoying yourself?
And would she be having fun with you when you’re not really enjoying yourself?
It’d be like you’re doing some kind of job.
Which is sort of what happened to my music career.
I had the skill. I had the talent. I had the drive.
But one day I just stopped playing out.
A few important elements (aside from me cringing at playing the same shit over and over again AND only being able to play what OTHER people wanted to hear) separated me from the best of the better which led to certain real success for them and only lame performance from me.
The guys who kept going were having fun. They got the crowd into it. They were just a little different than the last act.
They were the so-called “idiots facing the crowd – smiling” that I wasn’t. I’m not assuming they were idiots but having to do what they were doing made ME feel uncomfortable and like an idiot pandering to the crowd.
And so… along the lines or niche of DiaLteG TM:
Approaching women can feel like you’re on stage.
Like every woman is watching you and waiting for you to screw up. It can make your palms sweaty and your heart race.
And if you don’t have a “system,” something to fall back on to help you through that first moment when the words fly out of your mouth – well then you’re more than likely not even going to bother.
The moment when it’s time to meet your potential date will pass quickly leaving you with more doubt and even more fear only making the “next time” even harder.
Which is just one reason so many of you just don’t bother.
Either the fears become too great – or you lose the will and courage to have to live through yet another public rejection.
You want to treat this whole “approaching girls” thing the same way those other guys who succeeded on stage did…
Make sure it’s fun. Be playful with her.
It’s not about trying to be different, most people are more similar anyways and “trying” makes you even more just like everyone else who is also trying to be different and unique.
It’s about just being a guy they’ve NEVER met before.
Which you can easily do because it’s already true.
You’re not really “performing” for HER anyways.
It’s not about what you say, it’s about having fun and an interesting conversation with someone.
Develop that mind-set when you go out to meet women, and it’s going to be okay.
Stop thinking so much about what to say and train yourself to become “fearless” in any given moment.
When you become fearless you can do what you want, say what you want, and never wonder or have to worry about what to say.
You won’t be just another boring performance she’s seen before – you’ll be the guy who interacts with her, makes her smile, and naturally enjoys every moment of it.
Isn’t it time you fearlessly face the crowds of women just dying to meet you?
Okay… the point today.
Memorizing or learning what to say to a woman you’re approaching can help. In fact it’s something I’ve reinforced in my last post:
It can give you confidence similar to the way that me knowing a piece of music inside and out helped me on stage. It can help alleviate some of the fears and frustrations.
And obviously I’m not encouraging you to be or become an idiot. That won’t do any good for you or the women you want to meet.
You CAN pre-program yourself to just ACT instead of letting another woman pass you by because it’s not about trying to be different.
It’s about truly enjoying yourself.
It’s about having fun meeting new people.
It’s not your job. There’s no pressure to succeed.
You don’t have to be unique or even that special because as stated above:
You only have to be someone she has not yet before and THAT makes you different and unique AND that part is already done for you.
The bands or acts who excelled where I failed did so because they got the crowd into it – me, I just sat there and played my heart out.
Which don’t get me wrong, felt amazing but it didn’t land me any premier gigs.
Sooner than later I realized once it became like a job – it wasn’t fun anymore.
Get HER into it because it’s not like playing music – you’re not performing for her. You’re not some side show or lead act… you’re just a guy who wants to start a conversation with her.
As covered in my last post, pre-program yourself by first “learning” the piece inside and out.
You won’t need to be courageous, you only have to let yourself be FEARLESS, and the courage part will take care of itself.
Lastly – if having conversations with women is a little tough on you then start here with some great advice from Bobby Rio:
- Conversation Topics That Keep Her Attention, Charm Her and Attract Her
- How to Avoid Awkward Silences with Women – Conversation Techniques
- How to Have Better Conversations with Women
- The Six Deadliest Conversation Mistakes You Make With Women
And finish with the books that taught me:
It has every you need to pre-program yourself to approach and meet women so you can fearless face any woman you want.
- Image found at Pexels by Gezer Amorim.
- Approaching Women and Starting Conversations– Product info.
- David DeAngelo – Article and page here at DiaLteG TM.
- Free dating advice newsletter – David’s Free newsletter.
- 5 Best Opening Lines to Spark Attraction – David’s special newsletter sign up page.
- Bobby Rio – Conversation Escalation – Weird Flirting Trick Video.
- Bobby Rio – Interview and info here at DiaLteG TM.
- Fearless – Fearless by Pink Floyd Video on You Tube.
- Azlyrics – Fearless lyrics.
- Purple Rain – Video by Prince on You Tube.