Written by Dean Cortez - Creator of the Tactical Attraction Manual - Words That Make Any Girl Crave You.
There is no such thing as the “perfect pickup line.”
There is, however, a sequential process you can follow to build effective conversations with women, cause them to feel attraction towards you, and get the results you want—whether it‟s getting her phone number and seeing her tomorrow, or taking her home for sex tonight.
This process is completely different from how most guys attempt to pick up women.
Listen in on a typical conversation at a bar between a guy and a girl he‟s met, and you're probably going to hear him ask a series of questions:
- “What’s your name?”
- “Can I buy you a drink?”
- “So what do you do for work?”
- “Are you from around here?”
- “What do you like to do for fun?”
- “What kind of music do you like?”
- And so on...
He tries to keep the conversation alive by asking questions, and if she keeps answering them, he thinks he's making progress.
Until she starts looking around the bar, getting restless… and the guy can sense that he‟s running out of time, so he asks for her phone number.
She replies that she has a boyfriend (even though she probably doesn't), and it's GAME OVER.
Another one bites the dust.
He retreats with his tail between his legs, and soon the next guy will take a shot.
He offers to buy her a drink, asks her about her job, and the cycle repeats…
So why doesn't that conversational strategy (or lack of strategy) work?
Well, there are a few reasons…
It’s completely unoriginal. Nothing about what he is saying is stimulating her imagination or distinguishing him from the last 57 guys who approached her and hoped to get in her pants.
In reality, he could have been a cool guy with a lot to offer.
But because he didn't demonstrate any of this during the conversation, she sees no reason to continue the interaction.
So she cuts him loose.
Demonstrating your value is very important.
When you meet a woman that you‟re aiming to seduce, you've got to show her that you have at least as much value as she does.
(We'll talk about how to demonstrate value in a moment.)
The problem with most guys is that they convey lower value. They behave as if the woman is doing them a favor by granting some of her time.
This is why guys are often quick to offer to buy a drink—they aren't confident in what they're bring to the table, so they attempt to “bribe” her into having a conversation.
The next reason that approach doesn’t work: he’s telegraphing his interest.
By asking her these questions (and certainly by offering to buy her a drink), he might as well have a flashing neon sign on his chest saying “I'm hoping to fuck you.”
She knows he wants her, and by making this obvious he has surrendered his power and control.
He‟s not asking her these questions because he‟s genuinely interested in knowing the answers.
He's going through those motions because he‟s hoping to “get lucky.”
(And for the average guy, it all comes down to getting lucky. Skilled pickup artists don't need to rely on luck; they execute a plan.)
The comedian Chris Rock has a funny routine about this. He says that when a guy meets a woman and starts asking questions, what he‟s really saying beneath the surface is, “Howbout some dick?”
“So what‟s your name?” (Translation: Would you like some dick?)
“Can I buy you a drink?” (Translation: Can I interest you in some dick?)
And so on.
To put it bluntly, the trick to an effective approach & conversation is not “offering her any dick.”
You want to make her curious about you… and where this conversation might lead.
But you don‟t want to show all of your cards and put her in the position of being able to judge you and decide whether you‟re worth talking to.
Another mistake that guy made: the conversation doesn’t seem to be heading
Women hate feeling “trapped” in conversations with guys they‟re not feeling
She knows that as long as she plays along and answers his questions, he'll keep monopolizing her time.
Obviously he has nowhere else to be, and no one else to talk to — which is a sign of a man with low value.
If the first three questions he asks are lame and predictable, imagine how boring this conversation will be if she allows it to continue for another half-hour?
He’s not raising her energy level.
This conversation gives her nothing to get excited about. She came out tonight hoping to have fun; he‟s not providing any.
She could have this same conversation with her dentist, or with one of her mother'‟s friends. She worked hard all week; why should she waste time on a Friday night playing 20 questions with some low-value dude?
He’s not making her feel attraction.
This is the big one.
There is an art to making women feel attraction through conversation, and once you master it, you‟ll never have to go home alone again.
Attraction, for women, is not a conscious choice.
Sure, they might say they‟re attracted to tall guys, guys with muscles, rich guys, cute guys, etc.
But when a guy comes along who knows how to flip her attraction switches—even if he looks nothing like her mental picture of “Mr. Right” — she will want to have sex with him.
Women are hard-wired to feel sexually attracted to men who exhibit certain qualities.
We‟re talking about biology here. Women today are hard-wired the same way they were 10,000 years ago.
We'll cover these qualities in a moment—and the good news is, you've got them.
All men do.
It's just that very few men understand how to showcase these qualities in a way that makes women feel that “sexual spark” —and even fewer know how to present themselves as a challenge that women will actually chase.
The following is a four-step process that will turbo-charge your conversations and take you from the opener, all the way to the “close.”
But before I explain the steps, there are some rules you must follow before you make your approach and begin the interaction.
Before The Approach…
Convey social value.
This means that from the moment you walk in, you‟re interacting with people.
If you're with friends, loosen up and enjoy yourself.
Always be smiling.
Lead the conversation and keep your group laughing and engaged in what you are saying.
People should notice that your crew is having fun.
Even if you‟re accompanied by only one friend, the two of you should be standing up (not parked on a bar-stool) and engaged in an animated conversation.
If you‟re alone, strike up a chat with the bartender. If the bartender is too busy to talk, start a conversation with someone. It could be a couple of guys standing nearby.
It doesn't matter.
Right now, the women in that place are noticing you.
The guy who is sitting alone, or huddled with his friends—scanning the room for women he would like to talk to—is communicating low value.
It gives your approach a big boost if your target has already observed you socializing with people.
When I go to my favorite bar, it usually takes me at least 15 minutes to settle in and scope out the girls I want to talk to, because I'm busy being welcomed.
The doorman greets me, and we chat for a couple of minutes… then the bartender and the waitresses say hello… and various friends of mine come over and welcome me.
Meanwhile, the women are noticing me. (They're always looking out for new guys who arrive.)
And when I decide to make my move and start talking to a girl, she's receptive because she has already seen how popular I am.
She knows I must have value.
You can demonstrate the same type of value wherever you hang out. It's simply a matter of befriending the people who work there, and perhaps some of the regular customers who you often see there.
Note, this isn't necessary. You should never not approach just because she hasn't seen you demonstrate social value.
In a lot of situations, there isn't any way for you to do so.
Such as when you‟re walking down the street and you spot a girl you want to meet.
What this does is give you an edge. If there are venues where you regularly hang out to meet women, you must invest the time and effort to build up a network of friends & allies in that place.
So now you see the girl you want to talk to.
This is where the Four Steps start…
Step One: Open her
Don't worry too much about what to say first. You don't necessarily need to say something incredibly clever or interesting.
The purpose of the opener is to catch her attention and allow you to transition into the first topic of conversation.
There are endless openers you can use, but they all basically fall under one of two categories:
With these, you‟re not conveying any sexual or romantic interest.
You make an observation (about something she's wearing, the book she's reading, etc), or ask her opinion on something, or get her to answer a question.
The key is to make it interesting. It should serve as a springboard to the conversation, and it should allow you to display your personality. If you're going to ask a question, make it a fun question.
(Not, “So where do you work?”)
Neutral openers are most effective if you provide a reason why you felt compelled to say this to her.
Notice that in the examples below, you're using the word “because” to link the opener to the reason.
“I really like that color/dress/necklace on you. I‟d love to know where you bought it because I need to pick up a birthday gift for my friend Jen. I bet she'd love something like that.”
Opinion opener #1:
“You girls look like experts… let me ask you a quick question. How long do you need to be dating a guy before you change the status on your Facebook page from single to in a relationship? Because my friend Jen has been with a guy for
about a month, and his Facebook page still says single… and she's not sure whether she should say something about it.”
Opinion opener #2:
“Let me ask you something real quick. My best friend‟s girlfriend tried to kiss me last night and to be honest it was extremely awkward. He‟s supposed to meet me here tonight and I don‟t know whether to say anything to him…would you?”
Opinion opener #3:
“Wow, you have a nice sense of style. Let me ask you—my friend John asked me to go shopping with him tomorrow because he wants me to help him do a fashion makeover. He was married for a long time and now he's single again and wants to get back out there and meet new people. So if you were going to take one of your guy friends shopping for clothes, where would you bring them?”
Notice that in these openers, I'm referring to my friends—John, Jen, etc.
It doesn't matter whether they exist!
You can make it up.
I'm communicating value by letting the girl know that I am part of a social circle. I buy birthday gifts for them… I accompany them to do “fashion makeovers”… the point is, my friends count on me and I'm there for them.
This is a way for you to communicate your social value even when your friends
aren't with you!
Question opener #1:
“I have to ask you this because it‟s been tormenting me all day— what's the name of this song?" (Sing the “hook” of some song that is super hot right now, or a classic 1980s pop song.)
Question opener #2:
“Hey, you‟d probably know the answer to this—let me ask you because my friend Jen is coming to town next week and she‟s in charge of her best friend's bachelorette party. She needs to know a really fun place for them to have a girl's night out. If you were in charge of the party, where would you bring everyone?”
Note #1: Neutral openers work best if you deliver them in an offhand, casual way.
You don‟t want to seem like you thought this up just to try to start a conversation.
Also, you don‟t want to walk right up to a girl, look at her straight-on, and ask her.
I like to act like I'm walking past the girl (or the group of girls), on my way somewhere else… and then I pause and ask the question, looking back at them over my shoulder.
Once they answer and the conversation starts flowing, then I‟ll turn and face them directly.
Note #2: Question openers about relationships—specifically, jealousy and what constitutes cheating — work really well, because this is stuff women always have an opinion about.
Ask one of these questions to a group of women, and often they will all chime in and you‟ll spark an animated group discussion.
I’m standing near a group of girls. I take out my phone, pretending to check a text message and text something back. I turn to the girls and say,
“You girls would know the answer to this. Is my friend Mike wrong for getting mad at his girlfriend? She hacked into his Facebook account and found out that he was emailing with his ex-girlfriend. Nothing bad, they were just chatting and keeping in touch, but she was really upset that they‟re still talking to each other. And Mike was mad because he felt she violated his privacy. Honestly, if you could get into your boyfriend‟s Facebook account, would you check his emails?”
You can come up with endless variations on this same type of theme…
“My best friend Mike has been seeing a girl for about a month and as far as he‟s concerned, they‟re boyfriend & girlfriend now…but in her Facebook account she‟s still got like ten pictures of her and her ex-boyfriend…partying together, on vacation in Hawaii, making out, etc. Mike wants her to delete those pictures but he doesn't want to say anything because she might get offended. So what's the rule on having Facebook pictures with your ex? When you start a new relationship, should the ex pictures get deleted?”
“Let me ask you something real quick. My friend Jen just texted me, and she‟s pissed because she found a scrapbook under her boyfriend's bed and it's full of pictures of him and his ex-fiancee, and letters they sent each other, and all these little mementos of their relationship. This may sound funny, but she hates the idea that she‟s been sleeping in his bed every night and right there underneath the bed is this scrapbook that's all about his ex. Do you think she has the right to tell him to toss it in the garbage?”
If these sound a little too long-winded, try a shorter one:
- “Does kissing someone count as cheating?”
- “Would you let your boyfriend go to a bachelor party if you knew there were going to be strippers there?”
Or, here's a funny one that‟s actually quite effective…
“Do I look gay?” (Or, “Does this shirt make me look gay?”)
After she answers, then you can explain the story behind your question. With the “Do I look gay” question, I'll explain that a gay guy was hitting on me a minute ago… women find this amusing.
Now, here’s the second category of openers…
If you‟re confident in your game, you can “cut to the chase” and express your sexual interest right away.
These work best if you've already made eye contact with her and exchanged a smile. (You don‟t want to surprise her out of nowhere with one of these “direct” lines.)
I use Flirt Openers all the time when I'm at bars and clubs, because I'm confident in my conversation skills.
I don't mind letting her know I'm sexually interested — because I know I can follow it up with great conversation that is going to build her attraction.
Flirt Openers can inject a really strong “spark” into the conversation right away, and they demonstrate massive confidence.
Examples of Flirt Openers:
- “You are so cute, I had to come over here and say hello.”
- “You have a great sense of style — I have to tell you, you look amazing tonight.”
- “I can't think of a good pickup line right now, but if I could, I'd use it on you. You look awesome in that dress.”
The key to using a Flirt Opener is to then immediately transition into a topic of conversation.
Attach a question to it, or ask her opinion on something.
Rules Of Approaching:
Never ask permission to talk to her or apologize for your presence.
Don't say, “Pardon me, can I ask you a question?”
Don't ask her if she's busy.
Assume that she‟ll be interested in what you have to say, and launch right into it.
This may seem impolite; we're brought up to believe we shouldn't talk to strangers, and that if you need to talk to a stranger then you should apologize up front.
High status men, however, don‟t behave this way.
Trying to start a conversation with girl by asking permission, or sounding apologetic, sets the wrong tone.
Don't surrender your power!
Believe that you’re the most fun, interesting guy she could possibly meet in this place — and then back it up by engaging her in a fun, interesting conversation.
Never open with a yes/no question.
To this, she can simply give a “yes” or “no” answer and the conversation won‟t flow.
Your questions should be open ended to encourage her to think, share and express herself.
If it can be answered with “yes” or “no,” don‟t ask it.
Any question can be “spun” to become open-ended.
Closed-ended question: “Are you from around here?”
Open-ended question: “I'm going to guess you're not from around here. You have this sweet, friendly vibe that I don‟t see with most of the girls in this town. A lot of them are pretending to be cool, but you‟re real — and I appreciate that.”
I could be totally wrong; she might have been born two blocks away. That's okay. We'll share a laugh over how wrong my guess was. The conversation will flow either way.
When using an opinion or question opener, anchor it with a reason. Use the word “because.”
Otherwise it sounds like you‟re taking a survey—or repeating an opener you learned in a book.
Studies have shown that by simply attaching a reason to your request, people are far more likely to agree to what you ask.
It's a funny quirk of human psychology.
Be on your way somewhere else. One of the biggest reasons why women get fidgety and blow guys off after a minute or two is that they worry how long they'll have to talk to him.
When some random guy comes walking up and tries to start a conversation, the girl may be already tensing up—thinking to herself,
“If I'm friendly to him, is he going to stand here and try to talk to me for two hours?”
You can eliminate this concern by mentioning how you can “only stay for a minute.”
- “Hi, I can only stay for a minute, but let me ask you…”
- “Let me get your opinion real quick…”
- “Hey, I need to go meet my friends in a second, I just want to tell you…”
You will almost never get shut down by girls if they know your question or comment is only going to require a moment of her time.
Then, you're in the door — and you'll get a chance to display your personality and work the Five Steps.
Once the conversation starts to flow, feel free to stick around as long as you like!
Your body language and tone of voice must be congruent with your words.
A good opener should make it seem as if you‟re totally comfortable striking up
conversations with women.
If you're avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, or talking way too fast, the effect of your opener will be lost.
For any question you ask, have your own opinions and stories to share.
This applies to anything you say during the conversation. If you ask for her opinion about your buddy Mike and whether his girlfriend was wrong to go snooping around in his email account, you should express how you feel about it after she's done answering your question.
This is your opportunity to plant seeds in her mind about your own positive qualities.
Don't totally contradict what she says.
Understand and respect her answer, and then put your own “spin” on it that emphasizes positive things about you — such as the fact that you value things like honesty, commitment, loyalty, discretion, or the importance of letting go of the past and focusing on the present and future.
“Y'know, Mandy, it's interesting that you feel that way. I have to say, if I'm dating someone, I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with her staying in touch with her ex — but I'd want her to be honest about it. When I date someone it's really important for me to be able to trust them, because they can completely trust me. There shouldn't be any secrets.”
“You're so right, Mandy. She should ask him to get rid of that scrapbook of him and his ex, because that‟s the past… and when I'm in a relationship with someone it‟s about us, right now, and where we're going in the future.”
I mentioned discretion as being another “seed” (positive quality of yours) to
When I'm aiming to get a girl to come home with me tonight, I'll often get her opinion on a quick story that allows me to plant the “discretion seed.”
(Women hate the thought of guys blabbing to their friends about their “conquests.” Let her know, you're not kind of guy who will “kiss and tell.” This will eliminate that concern from her mind — that if you bang her, she'll wind up being a story you share with your pals tomorrow night at the bar.)
“So my buddy Mike just texted me, he had a shitty day at work because last night there was a company party, and it got pretty wild, and he wound up going home with this girl he works with. They'd been flirting with each other for months, and last night they finally hooked up. So this morning he goes into work and he's got, like, five emails from different co-workers congratulating him about his big night. It turns out the girl he hooked up with told a bunch of people, which is totally not cool… I‟m a guy who believes in discretion. Never kiss and tell.”
Next, if the girl you’re interested in is with a group, approach the group.
Don't try to wait until she steps away from her friends — if you approach her then, there's a good chance that one of her friends will show up and drag her back to the group.
Use your opener on the group but don't give any indication which of the girls is your target. You'll want to wait until the conversation is flowing, and you've demonstrated some positive qualities, until you start focusing your attention on “the one.”
Remember, the purpose of your opener and first topic is not to sweep the woman off her feet.
It's to get you in the door and get the conversation flowing.
It's during the conversation that you will display your cool, charming personality and build her interest and attraction.
Of course, none of this can happen if you aren't able to successfully open her in the first place.
Also remember, every “opinion” you ask her about, and every little story you share, should have a purpose behind it.
It's not just about getting her to talk and share with you. It's about you using that topic to plant seeds about yourself.
The questions about cheating, relationships, etc... are only meant to start the conversation. These are not topics you want to dwell on for ten minutes, because you won't want her to start going on about her bastard ex-boyfriend or thinking about the time some guy cheated on her and dumped her.
It is your job to keep the conversation moving forward, using Hooks & Ladders.
I''ll explain this concept more in a moment.
For now, let's move past the Opener and go to Step Two.
Step Two: Build the Bond
Spend some time getting to know about her and share a few interesting details about yourself (your talents, ambitions, passions).
To get her to share, use statements, stories and educated guesses instead of asking her predictable questions.
Predictable: “So where do you work?”
Unpredictable: “I bet you‟re really good at what you do during the week, and then on the weekends you've got other interests that would probably surprise me.”
“I'm going to guess that when you're at your job, you're super focused and great at what you do. But then on the weekends you know how to cut loose...”
Predictable: “So where are you from originally?”
Unpredictable: “You strike me as a girl who was probably born in a big city somewhere. You have this cool, sophisticated, metropolitan vibe.”
Note: It doesn't matter whether you are wrong or right. Either way, you're flattering her and inviting her to fill in the blanks and tell you more.
Predictable: “So what kind of movies do you like?”
Unpredictable: “My friend Mike has a big date tomorrow, the girl is coming over to his house and he's cooking them dinner. He asked me which DVD they should watch after dinner. I was thinking something romantic and funny would be best. What do you think—do any romantic comedies come to mind?”
Remember, always have your own positive qualities ready to mention. If she tells you about her job and how she's passionate about it, now you can mention one of your passions.
If you hate your job right now, don't mention it!
Bond with her over the fact that she's passionate about her job, and you’re passionate about snowboarding.
Here's your opportunity to talk about your passion and use it as a way to connect with her.
Women are like talent scouts — they want to see your potential, and often that’s more important than where you are in life right now.
As long as you can convey passion and exciting things you are working towards, they’ll be interested in going along for the ride.
This stage is also known as “comfort building.” She needs to feel comfortable with you before she starts feeling attraction.
This means you want to keep the mood light, playful and positive.
No depressing subjects.
If your opener was about cheating & relationships, Step Two means you move past that and talk her about other topics that put her in a good mood, reveal that you have things in common with her, and that you appreciate and support the things she is doing in her life or working towards.
Pay her thoughtful compliments (e.g. get her to reveal a passion of hers, and then tell her how cool you think that is).
Another great tactic for “building the bond” is to make plans to do things together in the future.
For example, plan a road trip: “I'm looking to another road trip soon. Have you ever done that? Packed up your car with a cooler full of food and drinks, and hit the road with your friends to go somewhere new?”
Then, make a “plan” to do the same with her.
This plan will probably never happen — it can actually be crazy and ridiculous:
“You would be an awesome road trip companion. So what‟s a city you've always wanted to visit?”
She says, “New York.”
So I say, “OK, New York it is. We'll want to do this trip in style, so we'll rob a couple of banks along the way, like Bonnie & Clyde... by the time we get to New York we'll be able to call Donald Trump and reserve a penthouse in one of his towers.”
Or, talk about international travel… mention some amazing destination you went to… and get her to reveal some exotic place she has always wanted to go to.
Then make a “plan.”
I met a girl recently who told me her dream was to go to Venice, Italy because her “hidden passion” was art. She worked some 9-to-5 corporate job, but her dream was to be a painter.
So I said to her…
“OK, it's a plan. You and me are going to Venice. I'll support us by getting a job working as a gondolier, paddling tourists around the canal. You'll work on your paintings, and eventually you‟ll be hailed as the next Picasso and you'll open your own gallery and we'll live a life of luxury.”
The more ridiculous these “plans” sound, the better they work — because she'll be more likely to play along and say “Sure, why not! Sounds great!”
The idea is to get her in the mind-frame that the two of you are going to hang in the future and have fun times and adventures together.
It's a way of building the idea in her mind that the two of you have a “relationship” now and it will go beyond tonight — even if you only met twenty minutes ago.
Getting her psyched up about going on some fun, crazy adventure also creates the perfect opportunity for you to start building physical contact with her.
Give her a high-five.
Ask her where she wants to travel to, and then give your own answer.
Thumb-wrestle her to decide where the two of you will go.
What you're doing here is injecting fun into the conversation in a huge way. My buddy Jon Sinn, the famed pickup artist, says “Fun is the ultimate attraction switch.”
And he's right.
The guy who makes her feel the most fun is usually the guy who has the best chance of taking her home, or seeing her again tomorrow.
Labeling is also part of this step.
This means that you apply a “label” to her and reinforce to her that she‟s a fun, spontaneous person who is up for new things.
Talk to her about travel, make some vague “plan” with her, and then tell her she's awesome because she's a cool, spontaneous person and she's not like most other girls who are uptight and can't think outside the box.
In Robert Cialdini's groundbreaking book “Influence: The Science Of Persuasion”, he writes about a psychological principle called Commitment & Consistency.
This means that when we label someone a certain way and get them to agree (commit) to it, they will want to behave in a way that is consistent with that label.
So, when you talk about how cool she is for being spontaneous, she won't want to act in a way that contradicts that label.
This makes it a whole lot easier to persuade her to do “spontaneous” things with you tonight:
“I know you’re a spontaneous girl and there’s this awesome bar nearby… we should totally grab a drink there because my friend Joe is bar-tending tonight. Let’s go.”
“It’s cool that you’re always up for having fun, because on Friday night my friend is throwing a party and it’s going to be awesome. I’ll pick you up at eight o’clock and we’ll have a really fun time.”
Normally, with a guy she just met, inviting her to these places might cause her to pause and think about reasons not to go along.
But when you “label” her as fun, or adventurous, or free-spirited… and reference this from time to time during the conversation… she'll be much more likely to act in a way that matches that label.
You can label her in all sorts of other ways.
For example, if you like going to the beach, and she expresses how much she loves the beach, then you can tell her,
“I can't remember the last time I met a girl who loves the beach as much as I do. That's awesome that you love the beach. We've got to go to the beach one of these weekends.”
Notice, you said “one of these weekends.” You didn't specifically say “next Saturday.”
Since this sounds totally harmless and vague, she's bound to say “sure, that sounds like fun.”
Although this plan may never happen in reality, these language tactics strengthen your bond with her.
It feels to her like a relationship is developing.
This isn't just ordinary small talk between two strangers at a bar; the two of you have plans to do cool things together.
All you need to do is find out an interest you've got in common.
Then label her.
Play up how cool it is that she loves the same thing that you do.
Then tell her (don‟t ask her) that the two of you are going to hang out and enjoy that activity together.
Another part of this step is building compliance.
This is a Negotiator strategy: frame yourself as the leader, and frame her as the follower.
Get her comfortable with the idea of you leading the way.
Have her grant you small requests at first, which will make her more willing to grant you bigger requests later.
Program her to comply with you.
For example, you could be talking to a girl at a bar or club. Then you say…
“Stay here for a minute, don't move. I need to go say hello to someone real quick.”
“Hold my drink for a minute, I need to step outside and make a quick phone call.”
These “requests” don‟t sound like a big deal.
And they‟re not.
But what you‟re doing is building compliance.
Most guys behave in an opposite manner; they're trying to comply with whatever the girl wants.
Asking her, “Do you want to sit down?” - “Do you need a drink?” - “Do you want to go somewhere else?” etc.
Instead, you want to be the one leading the interaction and having her comply with you.
Women feel comfortable around men who take charge and lead.
This has nothing to do with acting macho or aggressive.
One of the best compliance-building tactics is to simply take her by the hand and lead her to another area of the bar or club.
Instead of asking her, “Do you want to go find a place to sit?”, you take her by the hand, say “C'mon, let‟s find a seat.” and lead her there.
You can also do this if she says she needs to go to the ladies room.
Instead of her walking away, and you standing there alone waiting for her to return, take her by the hand and lead her to the ladies‟ room.
While she's in there doing her business, strike up a conversation with whoever is nearby.
When she comes back out, she should see you talking to someone (and building your social value).
During this step, Hypotheticals and Cold Reads are great techniques for building your bond with her.
Let's proceed to the next step, which is…
Step Three: Challenge Her & Use Push-Pull
You MUST shift gears and go to this next step.
Stage Two is a comfortable place to be… bonding, sharing, talking about cool stuff you've got in common.
But in order to make her feel attraction, you need to demonstrate that you're a high-value guy who isn't sure if she's up to your standards.
Women want what they can‟t have.
They love a guy who is a challenge.
Therefore, Step Three is about displaying a bit of “cocky confidence” and making her feel she‟s going to have to work to get a guy like you.
It won‟t be so easy.
This step is also about injecting some sexual energy into the interaction.
Linger too long in Step Two, and you could wind up in the Friend Zone — she thinks you're a nice guy, but she doesn't feel any desire to have sex with you.
This is where you build sexual tension and sexual chemistry.
Here are some ways to Tease women:
Mention how you two could never date.
"You're cool, Suzie, but we could never be boyfriend and girlfriend. We're way too much alike. We‟d probably clash all the time, and then have crazy make-up sex and wake up all the neighbors... and then we'd break up again the next day… it would be hot, but a lot of drama."
“It's too bad I swore off dating girls like you...”
“You're totally not my type, but for some reason I'm finding you very interesting.”
"You're a really nice girl — you probably shouldn't hang out with a guy like me. I could get you in all kinds of trouble."
“You're so sweet… seriously, though, you should probably be talking to a nice boy like the one over there (point to some dorky-looking dude). I'm more like the guy your mom warned you about.”
Put her in the Friend Zone.
This one is very powerful because it reverses the normal roles — usually it's women who put guys in the Friend Zone, right?
But you can do it to her…
“You're like the little sister I never had.”
“You remind me so much of one of my little sister's friends.”
"I can tell you're a really good friend to have.”
Accuse her of hitting on you.
If it's time to get her a drink — or she offers to buy you one — say,
“Okay, one drink, but promise you won't try to take advantage of me.”
“It's going to take more than a drink to get me into bed. I expect dinner and a movie at least.”
If she touches you, you can say,
“Hey, hands off the merchandise. That'll be twenty dollars.”
Employ her/fire her:
“I'm hiring you as my personal assistant.”
“I've always thought that my life would make a great book. I'm hiring you as my personal biographer. I'll pay you whatever you want.”
If she knows how to build websites, make her your website developer.
If photography is one of her hobbies, she's now your personal photographer.
Or your chef.
Or personal trainer…
Then, when she does something dorky or gives a lame answer to one of your questions, you “fire” her:
“That's it — you're fired. Tell the girl over there in the red dress she can submit her resume.”
Use the point system.
“Okay, I'm going to ask you something but be careful how you answer, because this answer is worth ten points….”
If she answers “correctly,” tell her she has earned ten points and if she gets up to fifty points she wins a bonus.
This can now be a theme that runs through the conversation.
Deduct points for lame answers.
Award points for good ones.
You're building compliance and sending a message: it's her job to impress you, not the other way around.
You‟re making her want to earn your approval.
Step Four: Escalate & Close
During the previous two steps, you should have been slowly and subtly building physical contact with her.
During Step Five, this touching is going to get more intimate.
(Putting an arm around her waist, caressing the back of her neck, having her sit on my lap, etc.)
This is also when you will Close her.
I explain the best Closing tactics in my book… but as the great salesmen say, you've got to “Always Be Closing” (ABC).
Get that phone number.
Bring her back to your place if possible.
Go for the Same Night Lay whenever you can; there's no telling whether you will ever get another chance like the one that exists right now.
Women want to be charmed and seduced.
You don't earn any points for trying to be a “gentleman” who doesn't show any sexual interest and waits for her to give romantic signals.
She probably never will.
She wants to know that you‟re a man who isn't afraid to lead her down the path to seduction and make her enjoy the experience.
Women, being highly emotional creatures, will have all sorts of doubts about hooking up with you if you allow them to start dwelling on those possibilities.
One of their big concerns is “going too fast” and being perceived as a “slut.”
Through effective conversation, bonding with her, and following the Four Steps, you can neutralize those concerns and have her follow your lead every step of the way.
Hooks & Ladders
The key to never running out of conversational material is understanding how to use “hooks.”
A “hook” is anything a girl mentions that you can turn into a topic of conversation — right now, or later on.
A “ladder” is an opportunity in the conversation for you to plant a positive seed in her mind and boost yourself up a notch.
So, you want to look out for hooks that you can turn into ladders.
For example, you might want to talk to her about music. I like to bring up music, because it's a subject I know a lot about, and I'm passionate about the bands and artists that I love.
I won't ask her a standard question like “What kind of music are you into?”
Instead, I'll put an interesting spin on it and say something like,
“I bet you've got good taste in music, Sarah. So who do you think is the hottest new artist out right now?”
She answers, “Lady Gaga. She's amazing in concert, my sister and I saw her play in Vegas a couple of months ago.”
She has just provided me with several possible hooks — springboards to new topics that allow me to build myself up (without ever sounding like I'm bragging).
Just in that one brief answer, she threw out three hooks I might want to use:
A) Lady Gaga.
While I‟m not a big fan, I do respect how original Lady Gaga is.
She's got her own unique style and is a trendsetter.
I'll mention how I respect that about her, and how it‟s cool when a person is willing to take risks and do their own thing — since most people have a “follow the herd” mentality.
Now I can mention how I love being an entrepreneur and taking risks to pursue my own goals, no matter what anyone else may think, and then I'll get her to talk about her own pursuits and passions.
Great stuff. A definite ladder.
B) The fact that she has a sister.
I can ask if her sister is older or younger, and relate a funny little story about a concert I went to with my little sister years ago.
She begged me to bring her to an N Sync concert… which I thought was going to be sheer torture, but by the end of the show I was actually singing along because their songs are so damn catchy!
C) The fact that she went to Vegas.
Tons of conversational material there. I've spent lots of time in Vegas and can talk to her about my favorite clubs, or tell her a story about the time I got ridiculously lucky at the blackjack tables and the casino wound up comping me and my friends a high roller suite.
I'll throw in some “plans” for us to visit Vegas together:
“Sarah, you and I are going to Vegas one of these days. You‟ll be my good luck charm, I'll win us a bundle at blackjack, and we'll have a quickie wedding at the Elvis Chapel and then get it annulled the next day. It'll be a fun story we can tell our grand-kids…”
As I wrote that paragraph above, I was reminded of the hilarious movie “The Hangover.”
Remember how one of the characters, during his drug-induced blackout, married a stripper in some cheesy Vegas chapel and had to get it annulled?
So, if I wanted to, I could say to her,
“We‟ll have a quickie wedding at the Elvis Chapel and then get it annulled the next day. It'll be like that movie, “The Hangover.” Wasn't that one of the funniest movies ever?”
And now we‟re talking about our favorite funny movies.
I'm just giving you some quick examples. I could give a million others.
During any conversation, opportunities to grab onto hooks will arise constantly.
When you identify these hooks, you'll never have to struggle to figure out what to say next.
Being a great conversationalist means being able to recognize hooks, grab onto the most interesting ones, and use them to keep the conversation flowing in new directions.
When you do it right, it will be seamless.
One more example…
Average Guy: "So what do you do for work?"
Girl: "I'm a teacher."
Average Guy: "Really? That's cool. So, um… have you been to this bar before?"
Girl: "Yeah. It's nice to meet you but I need to go find my friends…"
Average guy retreats, sucks down nine more beers, goes home and masturbates to internet porn.
Now let‟s look at how a Mack like yourself might handle it…
You: "You have so much positive energy, Cindi. I really like that. You must be working on saving the world right now, or doing something else that's really interesting…"
Her: "Haha. Not really, I'm just a teacher."
You: "I have a lot of respect for teachers. There's no way I would be where I am today if it wasn't for Mr. Barnes, my high school English teacher. He was the first person to really inspire me to become a writer. So for you to get into teaching, there must have been someone who inspired you…"
The conversation flows and goes deeper… you start talking about passions, goals, the fact that you’re working on a book, the fact that she wants to start an after-school program to help inner-city kids… you’re bonding so quickly that getting her number and seeing her again is guaranteed, and taking her home tonight is a definite possibility.
The more you talk to girls and practice your “flow,” the easier it becomes for you to riff on virtually any topic — and plant seeds in her mind about your own diverse interests, range of knowledge, and talents, passions and goals.
If she happens to mention something about California, I'll mention my old college buddy John who lives in California and left his corporate job to be a full-time surfer.
Some people might call him a slacker; I love how he went against the grain and did what would make him happy, because life is too short to live any other way.
Now I can talk to her about college and find out where she went to school, whether she was a party girl or a serious student, etc. I can relate some of my own college experiences, and talk about how it was an amazing time in my life that shaped who I am today.
I can keep the conversation light and funny and tell some funny stories about my days in the fraternity, or take it a little bit deeper.
Pay attention and watch for the hooks.
She'll supply them.
By using them and controlling the flow of the conversation, she won't pause to think “well this guy is kinda fun to talk to, but he's not really my type so I should go find my friends…”
Instead, she'll be swept up in your enthusiasm and energy and go with your flow.
Where you take it is up to you.
I personally you're now ready to take it further than you ever imagined it could go...
The Tactical Attraction Manual
The Tactical Attraction System - The Strategic Guide to Dating Domination.
101 powerful "tricks" and techniques that can give you a major advantage during all your conversations with women.
Cocky/funny lines, routines, approaches, and escalation tactics.
Conversation Commando - How to Be Fearless & Funny Whenever Your Talk To Women.
A Step-by-step gameplan to create flirty conversations with women. It will show you how to skip the small talk, grab her interest, and instantly connect with her on an emotional level.
Control the conversation and build sexual chemistry and a much deeper attraction with any woman of your choice.
Body Language Mastery - Secrets of Non-Verbal Sexual Communication.
Body language is very important as it was covered heavily on this page but you can go much deeper too for maximum results with women.
Learn the best and most powerful signals you can give off, non-verbally, that will make women feel curious and attracted to you.
The Friend Zone Annihilator - How To Make Her Want You In A Sexual Way.
A simple effective plan for staying out of the friends zone by getting any woman to feel sexual chemistry towards you.
If you're already in one and want out - you'll be shown how to change her feelings towards you and to stop seeing you as "just a friend".
Get the Look Women Love - Style & Grooming For Modern.
A lot was covered above on getting a look which works for you and attracts women too.
This add-on contains simple, proven tweaks not mentioned above that will make you much more attractive to women, without having to buy new clothes.
A simple sequence of steps to get the look women love and to stop being rejected by them too.
Internet Seduction - Conquer The Online Dating Game.
Online dating made easy with all sites including Instagram and Facebook.
Stand out from the crowd of horny guys who get nowhere and seduce lots of the hot, sexy women you see everyday on social media.
Step-by-step coaching from the top experts will show you how to set up your profile, get attention from women, and make them reach out to you.
Crawl Inside Her Mind - Read Her Thoughts & Decode Her Signals.
Learn mind-reading techniques to get inside her head, decode her thoughts, and feelings too.
Makes it extremely easy to build a connection with a woman quickly and effortlessly.
Instant Sexual Attraction!
Instant Sexual Activation teaches a set of tactics for escalating with women without risk of rejection.
You’ll discover how to take an ordinary conversation and put it on “seduction steroids,” so that women can’t help but feel irresistible attraction towards you.
This course also contains all of the tools you need to successfully “close the deal” in any situation – whether your goal is to get her phone number and a date, get her back to your place tonight, or turn a female friend of yours into your new girlfriend.
If you’ve ever struggled to figure out how to take things from “friendly small talk” to “red-hot romance,” you’re about to discover how to instantly active the sexual desire center of any woman’s mind.
This is when your skills go from “okay” to “unstoppable.”
Automatic Obsession Words
Automatic Obsession Words shows you the exact words and phrases to say to women to trigger the emotional response you want.
You’ll know the perfect words to use when you make your approach and start a conversation; what to say to control her attention and build her curiosity and attraction; and how to use words and language to drive up her desire and make her WANT you sexually.
(No more getting stuck in the friend zone!)
Hey man, ever heard of “obsession words?”
They're one of the most closely-guarded secrets of the world’s greatest seduction experts…
These are innocent-sounding words that are scientifically proven to trigger UNCONTROLLABLE emotions in women…
Just say a few of these words, and even a “hard to get” girl will suddenly become TOTALLY focused on you, and
desperate for your attention...
Or use a few other obsession words, and you can instantly make a girl CRAVE your boner inside of her (even if the two of you are "just friends"...)
You can even use a certain "obsession phrase" to make your ex-girlfriend…
Or ANY girl you messed things up with…
Come crawling back to you and BEG you to bang her!
More from Dean Cortez posted at DiaLteG TM:
- “Taste Test” & How It’ll Get You One Night Stands
- Penetrate Women DEEP With Creative Phrasing
- 5 COMMON Objections For One Night Stands
- One Night Stands: How to Get It
- Speed Closing Women With Seductive Humor
- Dean Cortez – From Conversations to One Night Stands With Women
- One Night Stands Secret: How Your Conversations Can Lead To Sex or Not