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Friends or Lovers: Do Real Men Cuddle? The Benefits Of Being A Wussy

in For Women, Friends With Benefits
Friend Cuddle Bed Lovers Not Couple

The interview my old good friend DeAnna was done and after the books were closed we ended up getting into a discussion about men cuddling…

It’s no secret that women love to cuddle and she is no exception.

Today’s unusual but often asked questions about cuddling will do a few things for you – whether you’re a man or woman reading this:

One – The truth about guys cuddling and what it means and what type of guy will do it and why too.

Two – DiaLteG TM is mainly for guys learning how to attract women naturally and this part is for them. The takeaway will hopefully be:

If you’re in the friends zone all too often and you find yourself cuddling with women with absolutely NO chance of sex happening then you are probably in the same position I was in long ago.

The hard truth is you’re acting like a part wussy/part woman and although those two combined are without a doubt BAD for attracting women – there’s some great news there and if you know where to look – you WILL learn some positive news about it all so keep reading below for that eye-opening surprise and HOW it WILL help you attract women better than ever before.

ONE: What about friends cuddling?

Let’s discuss this issue and see where it goes. I’m sure you’re very curious as to what all this cuddling means to a guy and IF guys do it while not being attracted to the woman he’s “snuggling” with.

Here is my take on this “cuddling” thing…

I don’t hang out with a “guy friend” and end up spooning over a discussion of our sex lives.

It just doesn’t happen.

A man will share a bed with a woman when it is necessary but he will NOT cuddle with a woman he’s attracted to unless:

He is terrible with women and always in the friends zone with them or currently in it with her.

OR….

He is secretly in love with her and getting closer to her means he will put himself in any position where sex might”accidentally” happen. Yeah like “oops” it slipped inside her is really an accident or something that “accidentally” happens.

DeAnna didn’t disagree and was quite curious. She apparently didn’t know something which I believed was a given. A certain FACT about men and women.

As if every man she cuddled with was there to get warmth and to “hang out.”

Here are the facts:

REAL or at least intimately friendly men DO cuddle when they are with their lover.

Nice guys cuddle when they wish to MAKE a woman their lover and don’t know what or how to go about achieving it or making it happen.

This is NOT a worldly thing so in some areas or social cultures men cuddle with women all the time. I can not account for cultures I’m not aware of and don’t intend to mislead those from other countries.

You should keep in mind where you live and what’s appropriate or more common in your culture.

In the U.S.A we’re not so inclined to cuddle so much and the family unit may be a little less personal. As men grow up from those families they’re less likely to cuddle with a woman UNLESS the two situations above are satisfied.

Personally… the proof:

I have most certainly shared a bed with a woman many times and I’ll let them in on a little secret (as if they didn’t know it already): I wanted each one of them so badly I would give up anything including my self-respect just to put myself close to them…

While at the same time hoping something “else” would happen.

Some of you might believe that friends makes the best lovers but as far as I’m concerned only two kinds of people who believe that…

Women and Wussies.

How do I know that?

Well first of all a woman raised me.

The only male role model in my life that was good with women was my brother. It’s no surprise he was much too concerned with getting laid and treating me like a pain in the ass little brother than teaching me how he did it.

I turned into part wussy and part woman. The exact percentage is not very clear and not really important here anyways.

Here’s the lesson for you guys reading this…

Two: How being part wussy/part woman as a man does not have to be such a bad thing in attraction.

Yes – yes – yes – you are right. Being a part wussy/part woman is not good for attraction.

It’s not really a secret that women who like men prefer their men to actually BE A GUY, right?

So it’s completely understandable and reasonable to assume being that way can make you feel like it’s a lose/lose situation and you’re right – you MUST STOP being that way IF you’re going to be seen as an attractive guy.

BUT…

You’re going to find something GOOD came about while you were that “guy” and it’s actually going to help you attract women.

Great news isn’t it?

Here is how you should look at this now becoming a past problem:

If you were like me then you have learned two invaluable skills in attraction and all you now need to do is USE them in a slightly different way.

You’ve learned:

1. How to talk to women with absolutely no fear. How to truly connect with the opposite sex.

It’s easy to talk to a girl if you are one.

You’ve probably had many “deep” conversations with no nervousness at all. Making the approach easy among other things.

The problem is you were only making friends with those women and HOPING something more would happen when in reality, you were just being thrown in the friends zone.

BUT  you WERE connecting with them and that’s VERY IMPORTANT to women and attraction.

You just need to change where the connection goes and add some sexuality or flirting or real man stuff to those conversations so they will stop seeing you like just another woman and more like the man you are.

Attraction MUST happen early and quickly.

You must understand or learn that connecting with woman, creating sexual chemistry, and triggering attraction tend to be slightly different things and without the last two (chemistry and attraction) you’re really only making a friend.

You’ve also learned another important skill:

2. How to really LISTEN  to a woman.

The emotional connection you’ve made with women all those years of being in the friends zone or connecting with them without a sexual “identity” has given you a certain skill most men can and will never experience.

Listening to what she is saying, really listening and taking it all in is so important in communication, relationships, getting a girlfriend, a marriage, and so on.

It’s a major advantage you have other guys don’t and will have to learn. You’re in essence a step ahead of them and that is a really great thing.

The problem is you’ve been too much of a listener and less of a communicator.

You’ve become or were her “go to guy”. When she needed a friend, since you’re a great listener – she came to you to let it all out.

Now you must turn things around a little. Focus on the interactions and sexual communication part while at the same time – listening.

When you combine these together you’re going to find connecting with a woman on the deeper level with sexual attraction included is very easy.

You’re NOW READY to learn about sexual communication and add it to your skills. The best and easiest solution is right here, right NOW:

Learn The Fail-Proof Secret Language Of Sexual Communication.

Next…

Read the quote below and then click on the article it was borrowed from, it’s stored at DiaLteG TM.

Notice the connection between connecting with a woman, listening, talking to them, and how it actually helps you find a girlfriend:

Woman Magic Girlfriend Get
“You should TAKE ADVANTAGE of the situation immediately to CONNECT WITH HER *EMOTIONALLY*.

How?

Simple.

Ask her to describe in detail how SHE feels.

Ask her to SHOW you how and why she sees things like she does.

Then say something like: “I totally get it. And maybe I see this from a slightly different perspective… but we’re both right to some degree. And I bet if we put our views together, we’ll come up with something even better.”

This is POWERFUL.

Know why?

Because you’re not only showing that you want to understand and learn more about her viewpoint… but that you also want to COME TOGETHER WITH HER.

To make something BETTER.

TOGETHER.

Trust me… that’s the FASTEST WAY to create the feelings inside a woman that will make her practically start BEGGING to become your girlfriend before the end of the night.

GUARANTEED.”

The MAGIC SECRET Of Getting A HOT Girlfriend

Alright – there you go guys. Today’s lesson in attraction how your part wussy/part womanly ways can actually help you attract and connect with women is done.

Best for me to move on to finishing up with answering the women’s question considering I’m a good listener, time to test my communication skills.

Do “real” men cuddle with their friends?

Men Look Cuddle Bed

Again, aside from the different social customs around the world – this ONE, my point of view is based on America so please keep that in mind.

You may be wondering how he feels about you because he cuddled with you.

You may even be attracted to him hoping he feels the same way but for some reason he won’t make a move on you.

You put out all the signals you can but they continue to go over his head. As DeAnna said, “silly boys”.

The truth of your cuddling problem was written in the beginning so in cased you missed it, here it is again:

REAL or at least intimately friendly men DO cuddle when they are with their lover.

Nice guys cuddle when they wish to MAKE a woman their lover and don’t know what or how to go about achieving it or making it happen.

If that’s not helping you out then I have an easy quick solution for you:

You must make the first move.

Hell you got him in bed… You’re not going to get any closer or have a better opportunity to do it.

If your subtle hints are not working and you assume he is not attracted to you, he’s NOT going to change anytime soon.

If you’re spooning then reach back for his hand, make sure you notice where it is, grab it and wrap it around you.

That’s all. Just hold his hand softly. Don’t squeeze. That can feel like a “I need comfort” move.

After you’ve held his hand for a short time, turn and lay on your back. Then turn your head to face his. Look at him like you want a kiss.

From here things will either go one way or another.

Trust you’re already in bed with him so you can throw out being too forward or not offering any real challenge, that time has passed and from now on you MUST do certain things to keep him coming back for more and a possible relationship. (If that’s your objective or goal with this guy.)

Again… one last time…

Men DO cuddle with their lovers and nice guys DO cuddle with women they wish to BE their lover.

This may be all generally spoken and some of us can easily fall outside those lines, especially in other social environments outside my reach but…

As a guideline to follow I believe many of us will find the truth underneath the covers.

Since the transition to making DiaLteG TM just for men I strongly encourage and suggest you take a good look at my “only for women” – “all about guys” website appropriately named  Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Guys Header

You’ll find lots of great stuff on understanding men there.

Your second choice and a great opportunity would be to look at the articles at the approach I’ve written for women. The Approach – For Women Category.

Thanks for stopping by and I do hope you found the answer you were looking for.

Hey guys – Make sure you sign up below for more great uplifting information similar to what you read in the MAN part above. Your “enlistment” in DiaLteG TM can give you a great education and understanding of attraction and show you exactly how to become an attractive man… naturally.

Any questions, comments, complaints, or cuddling experiences you’ve been through – leave them below.

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please LIKE or SHARE my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Find and follow me on Twitter – Peter White.

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22 comments… add one
  • Nichole

    I don’t know how old this article is but would like to get some help or idea on my situation. A friend of mine came into town who i haven’t seen since we were kids. We connected right away he opened up to me Just about everything like we haven’t lost contact. We almost spent an entire 2 weeks together hanging out at his family place and were petty much friends with benefits and i try to leave it at just that and nothing more though i have feelings for him and want it to be more. He seems like he might like me back to sometimes but I’m unsure. He told me once he had feelings for me but i said birthing and disreguarded it cuz i don’t even know what he meant by it exactly and i didn’t want to put to much in to what he said. We have sex almost every night. And i started cuddling with him but he never move my arms or me away so i kept doing it he only cuddled me back a couple of times though. The night he was to leave back home i had mentioned to him how i think he was lying to me previous about a girl texting him in the middle of the night not just being a friend and don’t eat to be lied to and if he was wit somebody i didn’t wanna step on her toes. He got really defensive and mad and said things basically y does it even matter if I’m not his gf and he rather not talk about me and him. We still manage to have sex later on that night before he left tho i was a bit against the cuddling that night. My mine is going crazy. I want to go after it wit him but to scared. Is it that he’s really into me to? Do him letting me cuddle with him mean the same thing. Sorry so long

    • peter white

      Hello “Niki”

      We can’t really go by the cuddling thing here because lots of men will cuddle or let a woman cuddle with them after sex. Only complete jerks or total asses would walk away leaving you there alone after.

      The first thing I saw was that in the beginning he said he had feelings for you and you (sort of) blew it off.

      Then came the “talk” about his “friend” texting him and how he got upset over you asking and that you accused him of lying about it. So you’re acting like it’s a relationship but both are you were not or are not defining this relationship in any such way.

      A big problem here is starting all this with sex and not much else like dating. Friends with benefits rarely if ever works especially when one of you or both of you may or may not have more feelings than sex and friendship.

      My only suggestion is for you two to start over but it might not work. You must keep the sex out of it for a while and start dating. People need definitions and right now yours and his are not really defined at all.

      I can tell you most men won’t just enter a relationship in this way. Again you need to start again. Pull back the sex AND friendship and start dating. Doing that you’ll find out quick enough how he really feels and whether he’s willing to go for it. Giving up sex with a woman is not easy for any guy especially when it feels like you’re going backwards. So if he’s does it then there’s a chance more will happen.

      If a woman came to me who I was already having sex with and talked to me about the whole friends with benefits thing and whether it works and how if I believed it does work and whether a woman can handle it without developing more feelings… well I’d be honest with her. Asking him to be your girlfriend or commit or accusing him of lying will NOT work and will push him away very quickly.

      Be open, honest, don’t confront him, just discuss… you two are already having sex and talking about the friends with benefits is fine. Again, if he doesn’t want it, responds negatively or defensively., then you know where he stands.

      Remember, it’s NOT, “let’s talk about where this is going” – that won’t work.

      Yes, there’s no easy way to lead into it BUT you must admit if anything between you and him is to move forward then you “both” must learn to communicate anyways. Without that – you don’t have much anyways, right?

      Good luck and all the best,

      Pete

  • tina whittle

    i met a man i really like,we have slept in the same bed now twice,kissed, cuddled,even had forplay but never actually had intercorse.he strokes my hair holds my hand n holds me tight alnyt, even asked me for a kiss n cuddle b4 he leaves .and snogged me in the street.but he as never asked me out .so i sent him a txt other day saying how do you feel about going on a propper date with me ? then sent him another saying im asking you out.do you think i may have been to forward?however he did get back to me saying yes sounds good to me .now im confused about his feelings towards me ie does he actually want a relationship with me ? please can somebody help n give me some advice

    • Peter White

      Tina, it’s way too early to tell if he wants a relationship with you. If he acts the same way in public with you that he does in private, then he’s certainly attracted to you so that’s a good thing. The relationship phase or when men decide to further one will come later so you shouldn’t concern yourself with that. Date him for a while and see what happens.

      As far as men are concerned you were a little too forward because you didn’t leave much room for him to chase or pursue. You’re not challenging him enough to “come get you”. Things are just happening way too easy for him and when it comes to guy and gals – when it’s too easy – it’s not as fun or attractive. Just the way it works.

      My suggestion is to immediately start becoming a little less available to him, stop giving him everything he wants – date some other guys – he must learn he NOW has to start working a little harder for your attention.

      All the best,
      Pete

  • Rebecca

    My ex will come over and snuggle but won’t have sex with me. When I asked him why… He said “he can’t get wrapped up in me again. He stays over another night and holds me and kisses my neck. What is going on here?

    • Peter White

      Men are actually very easy to read – he wants the closeness, to be emotionally hugged AND he wants the sex too. BUT my more than good guess is that he feels IF he has sex with you, he’ll think you’ll begin to turn it into something more and the relationship will start it’s second course.

      Something he obviously doesn’t want. Now sure, some guys can get wrapped up in the sex part and turn it into a relationship (because of the intimacy) BUT it’s very rare so I wouldn’t rely on it in the case. Chances are he’s more worried that having sex with you – YOU will want to go back to being together again.

      Thanks for asking,
      Pete

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