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Friends or Lovers: Do Real Men Cuddle?

in Experience, For Women
Woman Sleeping and getting ready to cuddle?

The interview I did with my good friend DeAnna was done and after the books were closed we ended up getting into a discussion about men cuddling…

It’s no secret that women love to cuddle and she is no exception.

But what about friends cuddling?

Well I can tell you this… I don’t hang out with a “guy friend” and end up spooning over a discussion of our sex lives.

It just doesn’t happen.

Here is my take on this “cuddling” thing…

A man will share a bed with a woman when it is necessary but he will not cuddle with a woman he’s attracted to unless:

He is terrible with women and always in the friends zone with them.


He is secretly in love with her and getting closer to her means he will put himself in any position where sex might just accidentally happen.

DeAnna didn’t disagree and was quite curious.

It seemed like she didn’t know something which I believed was a given. A Fact about men and women.

As if every man she cuddled with was there to get warmth and to “hang out.”

Here’s the difference:

  • REAL or at least intimately friendly men DO cuddle when they are with their lover.
  • Nice guys cuddle when they wish to MAKE a woman their lover and don’t know what or how to do it.

I HAVE shared a bed with a woman many times before and just so those women know, since I don’t do the nice guy “manipulation” any more, I wanted each one of them so badly I would give up anything including my self-respect just to put myself close to them…

While at the same time hoping something “else” would happen.

Some do believe that friends makes the best lovers but as far as I’m concerned only two kinds of people believe that…

Women and Wussies.

How do I know that?

Well first of all a woman raised me.

The only male role model in my life that was good with women was my brother. It’s no surprise he was much too concerned with getting laid and treating me like a pain in the ass little brother than teaching me how he did it.

I turned into part wussy and part woman. The exact percentage is not very clear.

Yet being an optimistic person and I would hate to have a bunch of good guys out there thinking how they feel my pain and and that it was a bad thing.

Because it was not.

You see the wussy part of me learned a ton from my experiences and it took me a long time to finally see the advantages…

1. How to talk to a hot woman with absolutely no fear.

It’s easy to talk to a girl if you are one.

I’ve had many “deep” conversations where there was no nervousness involved with approaching them or just starting a conversation.

Of course I didn’t know my conversations were putting me in the friends zone just left to cuddle. I thought we were really connecting.

The disadvantage is quite clear and that’s not being able to create or amplify a woman’s attraction just through conversation. Confusing connection with chemistry and attraction.

2. How to listen to a woman speak.

Reading between her lines.

Her “secret” innuendos.

All those clues women love to give out hoping we’ll get the hint. The ones where, if we miss too many during we end up in the friend zone.

Listening to women this way is a HUGE Advantage over other guys who may not be very good at it.

The disadvantage is again, getting sucked into just being friends because we’re too much of a listener and less of an “interaction.”

We become her “go to guy” when she’s having problem with the men she DOES sleep with.

Becoming a non-sexual friend as she spouts out without worry every last detail of her terrible experiences with the guys she has sex with.

So do “real” men cuddle with their friends

If you’re still asking this question I’ll assume you’re a woman… Nice to meet you. πŸ˜€

You may be wondering how he feels about you because he cuddled with you.

You may even be attracted to him and hoping he feels the same way but for some reason he won’t make a move on you.

You put out all the signals you can but they continue to go over his head.

My gut tells me that to find the truth out here… You must make the first move.

Hell you got him in bed… You’re not going to get any closer or have a better opportunity to do it.

If your subtle hints are not working and you assume he is not attracted to you, he’s NOT going to change anytime soon.

If you’re spooning then reach back for his hand, make sure you notice where it is, grab it and wrap it around you.

That’s all. Just hold his hand softly. Don’t squeeze. That can feel like a “I need comfort” move.

After you’ve held his hand for a short time, turn and lay on your back. Then turn your head to face his. Look at him like you want a kiss.

From here things will either go one way or another.

Men DO cuddle with their lovers and nice guys DO cuddle with women they wish to BE their lover.

This may be all generally spoken and some of us can easily fall outside those lines, especially in other social environments outside my reach but…

As a guidleine to follow I believe many of us will find the truth underneath the covers. πŸ˜‰

Since the transition to making DiaLteG TM just for men I strongly encourage and suggest you take a good look at my “only for women” – “all about guys” website appropriately named Why Do Guys…? You’ll find lots of great stuff on understanding men there.

Your second choice and a great opportunity would be to look at the articles at the approach I’ve written for women. The Approach – For Women Category.

Thanks for stopping by and I do hope you found the answer you were looking for.

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please visit all my pages: The Nice Guy Approach | The Approach | Why Do Guys…? | Why Do Chics…? OR Like my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Yes, I’m a very busy guy. πŸ™‚ Oh… I almost forgot Twitter – Peter White.

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21 comments… add one
  • Nichole

    I don’t know how old this article is but would like to get some help or idea on my situation. A friend of mine came into town who i haven’t seen since we were kids. We connected right away he opened up to me Just about everything like we haven’t lost contact. We almost spent an entire 2 weeks together hanging out at his family place and were petty much friends with benefits and i try to leave it at just that and nothing more though i have feelings for him and want it to be more. He seems like he might like me back to sometimes but I’m unsure. He told me once he had feelings for me but i said birthing and disreguarded it cuz i don’t even know what he meant by it exactly and i didn’t want to put to much in to what he said. We have sex almost every night. And i started cuddling with him but he never move my arms or me away so i kept doing it he only cuddled me back a couple of times though. The night he was to leave back home i had mentioned to him how i think he was lying to me previous about a girl texting him in the middle of the night not just being a friend and don’t eat to be lied to and if he was wit somebody i didn’t wanna step on her toes. He got really defensive and mad and said things basically y does it even matter if I’m not his gf and he rather not talk about me and him. We still manage to have sex later on that night before he left tho i was a bit against the cuddling that night. My mine is going crazy. I want to go after it wit him but to scared. Is it that he’s really into me to? Do him letting me cuddle with him mean the same thing. Sorry so long

    • peter white

      Hello “Niki”

      We can’t really go by the cuddling thing here because lots of men will cuddle or let a woman cuddle with them after sex. Only complete jerks or total asses would walk away leaving you there alone after.

      The first thing I saw was that in the beginning he said he had feelings for you and you (sort of) blew it off.

      Then came the “talk” about his “friend” texting him and how he got upset over you asking and that you accused him of lying about it. So you’re acting like it’s a relationship but both are you were not or are not defining this relationship in any such way.

      A big problem here is starting all this with sex and not much else like dating. Friends with benefits rarely if ever works especially when one of you or both of you may or may not have more feelings than sex and friendship.

      My only suggestion is for you two to start over but it might not work. You must keep the sex out of it for a while and start dating. People need definitions and right now yours and his are not really defined at all.

      I can tell you most men won’t just enter a relationship in this way. Again you need to start again. Pull back the sex AND friendship and start dating. Doing that you’ll find out quick enough how he really feels and whether he’s willing to go for it. Giving up sex with a woman is not easy for any guy especially when it feels like you’re going backwards. So if he’s does it then there’s a chance more will happen.

      If a woman came to me who I was already having sex with and talked to me about the whole friends with benefits thing and whether it works and how if I believed it does work and whether a woman can handle it without developing more feelings… well I’d be honest with her. Asking him to be your girlfriend or commit or accusing him of lying will NOT work and will push him away very quickly.

      Be open, honest, don’t confront him, just discuss… you two are already having sex and talking about the friends with benefits is fine. Again, if he doesn’t want it, responds negatively or defensively., then you know where he stands.

      Remember, it’s NOT, “let’s talk about where this is going” – that won’t work.

      Yes, there’s no easy way to lead into it BUT you must admit if anything between you and him is to move forward then you “both” must learn to communicate anyways. Without that – you don’t have much anyways, right?

      Good luck and all the best,


  • tina whittle

    i met a man i really like,we have slept in the same bed now twice,kissed, cuddled,even had forplay but never actually had intercorse.he strokes my hair holds my hand n holds me tight alnyt, even asked me for a kiss n cuddle b4 he leaves .and snogged me in the street.but he as never asked me out .so i sent him a txt other day saying how do you feel about going on a propper date with me ? then sent him another saying im asking you out.do you think i may have been to forward?however he did get back to me saying yes sounds good to me .now im confused about his feelings towards me ie does he actually want a relationship with me ? please can somebody help n give me some advice

  • Rebecca

    My ex will come over and snuggle but won’t have sex with me. When I asked him why… He said “he can’t get wrapped up in me again. He stays over another night and holds me and kisses my neck. What is going on here?

  • Eps

    Hi Peter White 8 years ago I have a crush on my male best friend although that year I was on a relationship. I slept with my college friends they are my higher years friends. A close to male best friend a gay friend all night long was fine because we are just chitchating and bonding the whole night. My male best friend is next to me in bed horizontally and our gay friend is above us vertically. Morning came our guy friend is awake hes outside the room, and I open my eyes i felt like someone is hugging me from my back i pretend not yet awake then suddenly he pull back his arms and I guess he wakes up thinking why hes hugging me but he brings it back again and it feels good though because that year I was really hoping him to notice me. My boyfriend came and my gay friend is outside they both saw that he is hugging me but I didn’t act like I know what is happening they just left us quietly.So the question is why people hugging out of subconciousnes?Is this a proof that someone likes you that much?

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