Here is how a typical “friends zone” day went for me.
Got up. Worked out. Walked or rode a bike to work. Was a day cook manager with a few employees. Went straight home and practiced my current “passions.” Went to sleep only to do the same thing everyday.
You can see getting out of the friends zone for me was not so simple. I was slowly losing touch with my high school and college friends and the days were going by quicker and quicker.
I was slowly losing my ability to socialize.
I was undoubtedly destined to never find a girlfriend.
I HAD to do something drastic to change my life and I knew it. Aside from the actual circumstances which are not important right now… You can read more about those days here – Breaking the Friends Zone Pattern – Are You Settling for the Easy Way Out?.
So I quit my job. Found a new “career” which forced me to interact with the public. Moved away from current roommate and moved in with a woman.
“If you are not open to the amazing things that could come into your life, then you are just “ripping yourself off” from so much of what is out there waiting for you.
I don’t want you to think you have to do something drastic to erase the friends zone life you’re living but depending on your situation… Something needs to be done to stop the pattern from repeating.
Something needs to be done which will allow the things that are holding you back to happen automatically and naturally. For me, it was getting out of the house more so I found a job further away in which I needed transportation.
For me it was failing to socialize so I found a job which forced me to re-learn my old skills.
For me it was moving away from a source which I was too comfortable and complacent with allowing me to repeat my old patterns.
And I did not want to make it easy for myself to slip back to my old ways.
No matter what it is in your life, you’re going to find certain patterns you are doing which is causing you to avoid your, lets call them “trivial fears.”
Trivial in the sense that I don’t want you to have to take up dangerous activities to feel like that is living.
I just want you to start:
Living more for yourself.
Women can not help being attracted to men who live a lifestyle for themselves. This is partly because men whose lives revolve around women seem needy and even a little helpless. Like they can not function without a “mother” figure in their life.
If you trigger the “mother” instinct in any woman before you let her feel attracted to you, you’ll make another friend and find yourself on a long journey trying to get her to feel attracted to you.
Let women have a glimpse of your exciting life and do it modestly. When she proves to you emotionally she “deserves” more, then you can share more of it with her.
“You’ve got to start doing this now, because life is all about being in the moment and living in the now. You need to totally get rid of the mindset that you will somehow be magically ready to meet someone “as soon as” you do or accomplish some other thing. Life is not about scheduling things like this and putting them on a timetable.
Do the same with her.
Don’t inject yourself into her life. Let her do her own thing.
When she feels you “deserve” more she will be more than happy to let you know.
Notice I used the words proves to you “emotionally.” I carefully chose those words because guys who make too many woman friends confuse that with “but she’s a really cool girl and she’s so nice to me.” So they believe that is proving she’s worth more than just friendship.
Here a “real” lesson on attraction?
When you are qualifying a woman you are not expecting her to live up to what you think you love. That has little to do with attraction.
I met a cute girl once. She was nice. She was kind and she was fun to be around. Truly a one of a kind.
Since her looks turned me on I thought she was exactly what I was looking for so quickly I began acting like an idiot and she emphatically banished me to the friends zone.
What I failed to realize and I do not want you to make the same mistake, was that I did nothing to qualify her emotionally. All I did was look for what I was hoping to find and when I found it, I became the chaser…
Suddenly her life became more important than mine which is NOT how attraction is ever built or kept.
Qualifying a woman emotionally is what builds attraction. It means to challenge her desires for you to a higher and higher level.
Taking “attraction to the extreme must definitely include:
- Interacting more with people you than you have before.
- Making new friends and sometimes replacing those who cause you to fall back into your old habits.
- Opening up new opportunities which will teach you to naturally overcome your fears.
You can keep it simple. Start slow but if women see you as just a friend I can guarantee you’re not living the life you can be.
You see women did NOT want to be a part of my old life. It was boring. It was below average. It was mundane and honestly if I had disappeared not many people would have even realized it.
Now I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I’m merely trying to explain that even if you’re not as extreme as I was, there’s always something you can be doing to live better for yourself while positively affecting the people around you.
Even someone who is working at a fast food restaurant can find a way to become more attractive.
And why is that?
Because people are more attracted to those who can live better for themselves and at the same time positively affect those around them.
How about a quick example…
You’re having trouble making the first move on a woman. You also feel this is a huge reason the just friends discussion always pops up.
It’s like you always move too slowly for her or you’re always just too late.
Here it what you do.
Find a woman you’re attracted to and become friends with her. Just friends. Even tell her that from the beginning. Even if she looks at you funny for bringing it up.
After you’re friends with her tell her you could use some advice. Tell her how you have trouble making the first move on a woman.
Don’t go all wussy on her.
Listen closely to her answer but don’t listen to the exact words. That’s what most guys do and they end up misunderstanding too many women because of it.
After ask her about the men who have made a move on her and tell her you want details on how it all came about.
Now this answer you can listen closely to. Listen to how she was feeling. Listen to what she was feeling after. Listen to what led her to open up intimately.
Because it’s those exact feelings you must learn to create before you make a move.
At this point you’ll know the exact steps it takes to follow through with your attraction. You’ll hear it from an experience. You’ll feel what she is really feelings.
Once you get that deep with a woman you’ll begin not only to see how important it is for a woman to see you as a sexual masculine man, but also as a confident assertive man who is willing to risk it all, to make that first kiss amazing.
I can tell you this shit until I’m blue in the face but you have to experience some things for yourself.
It’s time, no matter what your current situation is to take attracting women to the extreme.
If you’re wondering how all this is going to get you out of the friends zone I get it…
I have yet to meet a woman who is not at least curious or interested in a man, whether he started out that way or not when they met, who is willing to take attraction to the extreme.
I won’t bore you with all my success stories just yet but I will wish you luck and remember be smart, extreme attraction doesn’t have to be cliff diving or jumping from an airplane.
It’s really just about taking a hard serious look at your situation and changing what you have to or have avoided, to help make the friends zone something you too remember from your past.
One more VERY important quote:
“TAKE RISKS No doubt about it… until a man is open and excited to try new things in life, he’ll never escape his comfort zone… including “daring” to connect in a meaningful way with women.
Building confidence means taking chances in life — whether skydiving or simply sampling new foods instead of ordering “the usual.”
So start practice “taking risks” both large and small… and watch how it translates INSTANTLY into new CONFIDENCE.
STOP FEARING REJECTION Most men must discover first-hand that rejection won’t kill them. (Or even break a bone…)
But once a man experiences this for himself enough times and accepts it, women can “feel” it the moment they meet him… that he’s calm, cool, and comfortable in in his own skin.
So start “going for it” whenever you can… because, when it comes to “rejection,” there’s DEFINITELY nothing to fear except fear itself.
Take these small steps toward broadcasting CONFIDENCE to a woman, and it’s almost automatic: she’ll “receive” the message… she’ll remember it… she’ll keep thinking about it… and she’ll want to spend more time around the man who sent it.
And then the sky’s the limit… all because you’re finally sending the signals that EVERY woman is looking for and just can’t ignore.