In order to completely break out of the attraction step you must learn how to communicate with women on an entirely new level.
Your communication with women will come down to many aspects of your personality as in being too nice when it lowers your self-confidence and your gut reactions or habits you find yourself constantly doing.
This is how I began to overcome this problem.
You know that little voice inside your head which is constantly telling you to think before you speak.
Aside from being a crude jerk and having total disregard for social dynamics, THAT guy needs to be put in his place.
I didn’t kill him but I learned to stop him from controlling my interactions with women.
My original “teacher” called it a “Wussy Slap”. I now call it, releasing your inner jerk or Letting Out Your Inner Jerk.
Women don’t base their choices of men on how “nice” a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
Let’s take an extreme example so you’ll understand exactly what I mean.
ME IN THE FRIENDS ZONE being accused of being typical:
Her: “Are you staring at my tits?” or giving me a look where I know she is thinking it.
Me: ( Embarrassed, dejected, eyes quickly averted elsewhere, little guy inside helped me to not get caught or avoid getting caught )
- “I’m sorry.” or
- “No I wasn’t.” or
- Looking away quickly.
ME OUT OF THE FRIENDS ZONE:
Her: “Are you staring at my tits?”
- “Well I’m really an ass man but for some reason you haven’t given me the chance. Give it a spin so I can check it out.”
- “Yeah I’m trying to figure out which one is bigger.”
- “Normally I’m not a boobs guy but I have to admit in my mind, the bras off…nice.”
- “Well they ARE spectacular and since I saw you checking out my package, I figured I would return the favor.”
I hope you’re getting the picture but before you go believing I’m asking you to start staring at all her body parts there’s something much bigger going on.
Nice guys who are in the friends zone constantly are typically afraid to be THAT guy. The last thing they want from a woman is to have her believe he is just like every other pervert out there.
And that’s exactly when the nice guy ends up being just like every other nice guy…
He attempts to hide his masculinity from the very person who should see his mature masculine side.
The last time I checked, women who are not lesbians, want men. So the friends zone inhabitant ends up doing the exact opposite of what he should be doing.
For another clever example, read this:
Next, a classic friend zone mistake…
He reacts to every complaint she makes about her boyfriend. He schemes to make him look better by doing the complete opposite of her boyfriends errors.
He tries to show her by NOT being honest that he is the “better” man for her.
Her boyfriend is mostly upfront with her and states his personal opinions honestly but since Jimmy believes he’s the nicer guy and her boyfriend’s a jerk, he believes he’s above him.
The problem with this is classically quoted to him when a friend utters these words… a simple explanation on why his logic is failing him,
“The Opposite of the Guy She Has Sex with. Brilliant Strategy…”
The voice inside your head which is telling you what to say and what not to say, or how to act around women in particular, is having you act a certain way to reinforce its beliefs and NOT to create the most important piece of eliminating the friends zone… ATTRACTION.
If you actually believe you need to prove that you are in fact a kind decent man, you’re fooling yourself the same way I did for years.
If you truly are a good person you will have a greater effect on others well-being, or inspiring their self-confidence by being more real with others and much more honest with yourself.
Which may mean telling that little guy to go screw himself more than you have before and learning to deal with this new way of communication which follows it.
Never forget this:
You ARE a good guy because you don’t steal, hurt, or engage in illegal activities which unfairly takes away from others to benefit yourself.
There’s no need to display or overly compensate your niceness because you like or are in love with someone because that is much more likely to have the opposite effect.
Sometimes you’re going to put your foot in your mouth.
Sometimes you’re going to embarrass yourself.
Sometimes you’re going to go too far.
Sometimes you may even piss a woman off like never before.
You might even end up in a heated opinion based argument with an attractive woman.
In all areas of life there ARE extremes and finding a balance IS important and highly advised.
In an interview I did with Carlos Xuma he explained this balance and how it relates to the whole nice guy, bad boy, inner jerk thing:
I recently posted a page called, You’re Such A Jerk Pete! 7 Reasons to Hate Me? Is this what you Bad Boy Formula About?
Yeah this is a great analogy for something that, I’m actually working on a project I call it the Bad Boy Formula and it’s going to be out very soon.
Where I break down completely the bad boy model and I explain why, you do, as a man, want to be, at least a little bit bad boy.
If not a lot bad boy.
Because bad boy is not bad.
What’s bad, is the jerk.
The jerk is not the same thing as the bad boy.
Okay, there’s a very big difference here. Bad boy’s got that mischievous smirk on his face. He’s the one that has got a little bit of that clever look in his eye like, I’m having fun on my own terms. I’m not hurting anyone but I’m getting my fun.
And I’m making sure other people enjoy themselves too.
That’s a good bad boy right there and that’s close to my Alpha Man model. This is what I, pretty much what I teach every guy to be.
Alpha man is right next to the bad boy. If you were to line up these guys up, like in terms of, the wimpiest to the strongest.
Way over on the left hand side is that super super nice guy, who isn’t really that nice by the way because he has got kind of, a covert agenda going on.
Then you’ve got various forms of the nice guy all the way up until you got a good guy. He’s just a good guy but he doesn’t really have a lot of strong masculine energy.
And then you’ve got the Alpha Man. Who’s got a lot more of an edgy side of the equation.
Now we’re getting further over to the right. And just to the right of the Alpha Man is the bad boy.
Then to the right of the bad boy is the jerk. And then beyond the jerk comes the asshole and the complete psychopath.
So there’s an extreme to each one of these, and you’ve got to be able to play in that danger zone.
So you’re right.
If you assume that a woman is upset and that means it equates to, not liking you, you’re making a very big mistake.
It’s a two dimensional way of looking at emotions, and feelings from people. It show a very distinct need to improve your emotional intelligence and understanding that,
Disapproval is not the same thing as being disliked.
Disapproval is not the same thing as, not being unattractive.
And being upset does not equate to, not liking you.
And when you make that desperate scramble to get her to like you….
Well you’re really going off the deep end there because the reality is, and this has been demonstrated time and time again, you’ve probably seen this in movies, and you’ve know it’s true when you see it.
You see this woman that really just kind of does not get along with this guy. And later as you go through the movie there’s this sudden change where she suddenly in love with him.
Her angry and her hatred for this guy turns into complete love and devotion to him.
Now how could this happen, right?
You see hatred is not the opposite of love. Hatred is very close to love. It’s a passionate feeling.
The opposite of love is apathy. That’s the opposite. No feeling at all. That’s the worst place to be.
Please do not confuse the voice inside you with your inner jerk.
The voice inside is the nice guy always trying to say and do the right thing.
The inner jerk inside you is the masculine part who displays a natural indifference and almost a complete assurance, despite any flaws, that he affects people around him positively and never advertises or feels the need to reassure the voice inside.
You can read more about that in the article I mentioned above, Letting Out Your Inner Jerk.
After reading through it I want you to do a few things.
Act more in the present especially around the women you are most attracted to.
That voice we are changing in order to eliminate the friends zone either lives in the past or in the future.
Have you ever seen the show, “My Name is Earl” ?
The statement Earl uses is, “Do good things and good things will happen.”
No where does it state,
“Say nice things.”
This means start doing good things for others because of the special abilities you have which are beneficial to others.
Reassure yourself confidently by those actions alone and you will quickly understand what living in the present feels like.
You will have a greater positive affect on others well-being, or inspire more of their self-confidence by being more real with others and honest with yourself.
Mature masculine men do this AND are also considered to be the Alpha Males of the world.
Let’s quickly cover some of the points I’ve made today related to how you can change your communication to women with your masculine self:
- Notice the moments when you’re attempting to hide your “manly self” because that’s what we do NOT want to happen.
- Give yourself the proverbial Wussy Slap when you feel it’s happening.
- Learn how to release your inner jerk or “bad boy” as Carlos says or does and how it relates to creating attraction and displaying a natural indifference.
- Don’t try to show women, or a woman who put you in the friends zone that you’re better than the jerks she tends to date because it will have a negative often opposite effect.
- Do NOT try to get a woman to like you be being the complete opposite of the guys she has sex with. This also backfires and proves nothing.
- You’re a good ( nice ) guy because of your actions and affect op the world and you should never ever have to prove that to anyone, anytime, anywhere especially a woman you’re attracted to.
- Inject a little “bad boy” into your personality because it communicate so many of the Alpha traits women are attracted to.
- Learn to balance it all and understand the extreme ends of the spectrum from nice to bad to jerk and where your most attractive self should be.
- Understand these important words: Just because a woman is upset with you does NOT mean she does not like you. Disapproval is not the same thing as being disliked. Disapproval is not the same thing as, not being unattractive. And being upset does NOT equate to, not liking you. Hatred is not the opposite of love. Hatred is very close to love. It’s a passionate feeling. The opposite of love is apathy. That’s the opposite. No feeling at all.
If you’re having some serious problems at this point with regards to all this inner jerk stuff and hiding your masculinity you CAN find more advanced or specifically designed help. I would highly recommend you choose one or more of these products. Learn to communicate by using all the techniques in The Bad Boy Formula. It will add a little edge to your personality. For a more well-rounded Alpha man definitely try this: No More Mister Nice Guy – Alpha Masculinity. Both are written and produced by Carlos Xuma. The next two come highly recommended because it’s what I studied with and is produced by David DeAngelo: Sexual Communication – The Fail-Proof Secret Language Of Sexual Communication AND Man Transformation – Transform Into A Man Who Can Attract And Keep A “Total 10” With The Fastest, Most Powerful Inner & Outer Game Training Ever Created.