Attractive men have clear boundaries.
Men in the “friends zone” have “gray” areas where women predict you’re not the guy she is looking for making it difficult to feel attraction.
Eliminating the friends zone means eliminating the “gray areas” and creating a clear, concise, congruent, “attractive” man with boundaries.
One major gray area is something I call PUSHING. One reason it’s gray is because you think you’re doing something to “get her” when in reality you’re manipulating the situation in your favor.
So it’s not clear to you but most women see right through it and HATE it.
Here are some examples which never worked for me and I highly doubt they will work for you. Some are obvious. Some are not.
If you’re doing them, stop it immediately.
- Trying to make her like you.
- Constantly seeking her approval.
- Pleading with her emotionally.
- Sending “wussy” notes, flowers, or gifts.
- Calling, texting or emailing her too often.
- Talking about your feelings towards her with anyone.
- Talking about your feelings towards her with her.
- Accommodating her needs and trying to fulfill her wants.
- “Fetching a stick.” She says do this and you do it.
The best way to determine if what you’re doing falls under “pushing” is to ask yourself a few questions BEFORE you act.
It’s best to rehearse them so when the moment arrives you’re ready for it.
- “Am I doing (…) because I think she’ll like me more if I do it?”
- “Am I doing (…) because if I don’t she will like me less?”
- “Am I doing (…) because it will give me a chance to see her.”
You must be completely honest with yourself when asking these questions. If you’re not you might as well not bother asking. Make sure you’re extremely objective.
I’ve been in the friends zone enough to know exactly what will not work. I have also tried everything I mentioned above and in each case it only made the situation worse.
This step is important because you must CREATE BOUNDARIES for yourself which are clear to you and everyone around you.
Doing the exercise above will also help you achieve a higher level of confidence.
Self-assured people are rarely unsure of their boundaries.
Their ability to sustain these “walls” means they value their opinions and have a high self-worth.
And You’re going to need confidence to create attraction.
You will also hash out a clearly defined list of mistakes you’re making which has, and/or will put you deeper into a friendship.
You will be teaching yourself how to be objective in many situations to help you think more clearly and make better and more informed decisions.
Objectivity is essential in any learning process.
This will also help you in creating a natural indifference.
You’re going to need a sustained level of indifference to create and amplify any attraction.
If you’re struggling with any part of learning to be objective take the time to learn how to re-frame your limited beliefs.
It’s a simple procedure which may not always feel like it’s working but it’s essential to creating new stronger boundaries and that new decisive or self-assured attitude women find highly attracted to.
Here’s a quick run down of how to re-frame your beliefs.
FIRST Choose the External State of the belief or how you believe those around you see it.
Here are a few examples I’ve learned to re-frame.
“I’m too short so women are not attracted to me.”
“I’m too nice and women are not attracted to nice guys.”
SECOND: How do you internalize that external belief or how does it make you feel?
This where you’re connecting the external state to the internal belief.
“ I don’t feel attractive or good-looking because women only like tall men.”
“ Being nice means I can not be myself because women are ONLY attracted to jerks.”
THIRD: You want to ask a few simple questions to re-frame the negative or limited beliefs above.
The “all” question – Take the internal belief and make it apply to everyone, everywhere…
“Is it true that all women, everywhere, at any given time, are not attracted to a shorter man? ”
“Is it true that every woman are only in a relationship with a guy who treats them badly?”
FOURTH: The “what if” question – Reverse the internal belief and put yourself in that new position it creates.
“If I were a taller man, how would that change my existence, or who would I be if I was born a taller man?”
“If I had always been a jerk to women, how would that change my existence, or who would I be right not if I had only treated women badly?”
FIFTH: The “End Result” question – Take the internal belief and imagine yourself never-changing the belief. It always must be.
“How will my life be if I continue to think this way? If I continue to only believe women are not attracted to me because I’m short, where will that put me in 1,5,10,20 years of my life?”
“How will my life be if I continue to believe women are only attracted to jerks? If I continue to believe women are not attracted to me because I’m a jerk where will that put me in 1,5,10,20 years of my life?”
SIXTH: The “Alternate” Question – Take your belief and come up with a clear example of when it was not true.
“Can I think of a time in which I did feel attractive despite my height?”
“Can I think of a time where a woman WAS attracted to me despite me being a nice guy?”
SEVENTH: The “Other Perspective” Question – Now assume the role where this belief HAS to be true from her perspective.
“I could never be attracted to a short man because they can not protect me like a tall man.”
“At Least a jerk doesn’t lie to me. He tells me when I look bad or when I’m being stupid.”
Try some on your own based on your limited belief system and TRUST this exercise serves a purpose.
It’s tiring and a lot of the time it doesn’t feel like it’s working but it is.
Think about it this way.
Since all your thoughts and actions start with your mind and have been created throughout your life – based on your experiences and how you saw the cause effect, you were create a belief system by simply rationalizing what is going on.
As time went on those thought or ideas become ingrained in your mind and become your present belief system.
This “limited belief” exercise allow your brain to objectify what has been happening. It starts with your mind and reworks the cause-effect thing going on.
These are not affirmations.
What you’re doing is creating a new thought template to help you better rationalize your existence.
It removes the “gray area” because when you can think more clearly, see what happening despite how it’s making you feel, remove the negative associations based on a limited view of the world we ALL perceive…
We’re redefining ourselves to create more attractive edges thus making it easier for others to see it.
I realize it’s all vague but trust me:
The first REAL ACTION step to eliminating the friends zone is to ELIMINATE as many limited beliefs as you can.
Personally I went through a lot of shit, tried lots of tactics and games, and since they were all based on a false belief system they were all likely to fail.
Realizing I needed a new template became obvious and while going through it all – I always find myself back to square one – Limited beliefs.
Here are a few articles I’ve pulled to help you gain a little better perspective of what we’ve covered today:
- A Limited Belief of Men: Being Short – My personal answers.
- Limited Beliefs – Nice Guys Finish First
- Too Ugly? Too Short? Here’s How To Turn Your Flaws Into Strengths– Amazing inspirational ideas.
- Limiting Beliefs in Reverse – See Dating and Attraction From a Woman’s Perspective and Succeed.
- Put Your Limiting Beliefs Aside – How to Become Her Superman.
- Communicating Confidence Despite Your Liabilities Is Key To Attraction.
This Ebook is about YOU escaping the friends zone. Below is a template you can use to re-frame any and all of your limited beliefs of why YOU believe you’re there.
LIMITED BELIEF TEMPLATE
THE EXTERNAL STATE – LIMITED BELIEF:
Women put me in the friends zone because…
THE INTERNAL STATE – HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL:
When I am put in the friends because of…( your external state )…it makes me feel…
The “all” question:
Is it true that all…
The “what if” question:
If I was not…I would be…
The “End Result” question:
If I continue to believe…I will end up…
The “Alternate” Question:
I can think of a time when…was not true.
The “Other Perspective” Question:
Enter her thoughts as you see them…
Please do not avoid doing your limited belief exercises.
Not only will they help you untangle your mind and think more clearly about the reality of your situation they will help to distract you from her and/or from women entirely which is the first step of my Eebook. DISTRACTION.
They will also help you create new boundaries based on your new belief system.
Without clear boundaries life is not one thing or another.
It’s indecisive moment after moment and women are not generally attracted to indecisive men. They may not care if you’re right all the time or not, but they DO care how much you value yourself and the decisions YOU make.
Any questions or problems or answers please comment them below.