There was a woman who clued me in on all my “women” problems.
She empathized with me one day because I told her how much I liked her and she needed to “let me down easy.”
Her entire “take” on the whole thing was confidently stated back to me,
“Your standards were too high Pete”
Jump forward to about five years later while I was at a birthday party with my family. The subject of dating and marriage came up and my name was obviously mentioned,
“How come you don’t have a girlfriend?”
You know that may seem fine to a young guy but I’m guessing I was 34 or 35 years old at that time. It happened about the time things started to come together for me and mind you, they didn’t say, “wife.”
The men were looking at me like I was some “lucky bastard” because I get to sleep around and avoided the whole “ball and chain” thing.
However the women had a whole different perspective…
In other words they defended with a huge overtone of sarcasm attached,
“Ohhhh He’s too picky.” and “Ohhhh Yeah his standards are too high.”
No harm intended I’m sure they were doing what my family does best, we say what’s on our mind but there it was again…
I can’t tell you how much that pissed me off because I wasn’t hearing “my standards”, I was hearing…
- “I’m not good enough!”
- “I’m not physically attractive.”
- “Other Women MUST believe I’m below average.”
Not really a healthy attitude to have, was it and certainly made the friends zone problem much worse and inescapable.
Luckily I discovered the truth before it was too late…
It wasn’t that my standards of women were too high, but they were higher the standards I held or expected from myself.
Maybe that’s a fancy way of saying that I was putting women on a pedestal” but to eliminate the friends zone I feel it’s more helpful if we look at anything and everything from a different perspective.
The difference is…
It’s one thing to think, believe, and act like women are better AND yes, doing that can be repulsive; however when we take women out of the equation we must look at the standards we hold to ourselves.
Since these self-esteem issues are covered in distraction – Creating Attractive Boundaries and Eliminating Your Limited Beliefs and some more in Your Excuses and Fears Are Holding You Back From Creating Attraction we won’t go there.
Just remember: Expect more from ourselves, increase our self-worth, build some self-esteem, allow confidence to work the way it’s supposed to be and attraction WILL happen a lot more than before.
The point today relates to creating attraction through action and QUALIFICATION.
When we qualify a woman we do certain things which in a way shows her indirectly,
“Sure I like but I want something more than just a physical attraction. I want to be positive that you’re a woman I want to date and thus possibly enter into a relationship.”
You can read more about qualification in a few articles I wrote, Are You Qualifying Her Too? – Attracting Women & Better Relationships and Stop Disqualifying Yourself to Women and Act Like You’re Good Enough.
There are also lots of techniques to help you qualify better women more directly and this series can help you “test” them out… Girlfriend Secrets – Automatic Attraction – Attraction on Auto Pilot. It’s an “informational” video series but if you want the really good stuff, go ahead and buy it. It’s not a bad thing to learn how to keep a girlfriend, or train her as the video suggests.
Beyond the techniques I’ve come to understand how a little magic happens all by itself…
True Confidence indirectly demands qualification from anyone whether they are a friend, co-worker, family member, or the woman you just met.
When our confidence inspires the confidence in others, they assume we have high standards and they might even attempt to raise themselves up to our level… and must because it feels so freaking good.
When women begin do those things around certain guys, they also start to feel attracted to the person they’re trying to match up with.
Suddenly they start doing things to please us, to make us happy, or things which are her way of saying, “I dig your standards and if you choose me, that means I must be one hell of a woman.”
In Nice Guy Tip 19 I cover confidence so I suggest you read it as soon as you can: What is Confidence Really All About?
In this second step of learning about attraction we’ve covered:
How attraction can work naturally for us… What Is Attraction? How And Why It Can Work For You Naturally
How we can take women out of the equation, focus on ourselves ( without arrogance ), and build ourselves into a real masculine counterpart to the feminine role and nature will quite literally take care of the rest for us.
We also covered building a set of man rules to follow and ALLOW her to feel something and have her understand she’s making the right choice for her… On Attraction, Being A Man, and Allowing Her To Feel Something For You.
We dabbled in how to communicate this “natural attraction” in your interactions with women and how our nice guy ways must be redefined to achieve it.
Next we’ve added “confidence” and how and why it naturally creates attraction.
How it’s not wrong to have high standards IF we hold ourselves to those very standards because women feel more attracted to guys who do that.
How we must learn to qualify women so she’s feel more important, like if we choose her it’s a good thing and she feels special because of it.