A girlfriend of mine told me she was worried about a guy she was friends with and asked me to help him.
He was very stand-offish, nervous, and frankly a little too stuck to his manhood.
He was even afraid to talk to a “guy” on the phone because it made him feel gay.
Exchanging emails was the only way he would “accept” my advice.
Despite what he told me he insisted he just wanted to find a great woman to settle down with but his options were limited. He was tired of meeting women who were lets say, not worthy of him.
I quickly assessed his problem and gave him the simplest advice I could think of,
“Move. You’re not going to find what you’re looking for unless you move. You will settle for someone who kind of does it for you and you will live out a boring life with someone who you feel is not up to your standards. You will regret it. You will despise her for it. Your kids will become a product of a relationship you settled for and this lsit of problems go on.”
He quickly denied what I had given him and said,
“I can’t move. What other advice do you have for me?”
Yet he didn’t give me any real reasons on why he couldn’t move. He was young, 22, and lived in a town where the cows outnumbered the people. He didn’t have any kids. He wasn’t taking care of his sick Mother. He wasn’t in a high-paying job where people relied on him to dole out the paychecks.
So I got back to him with,
“Then go get laid.”
You see he was a virgin but wouldn’t admit that to me. My girlfriend told me in confidence.
He of course replied with,
“I can’t do that. I want a girlfriend. I can get laid anytime I want but that’s not why I came to you. I came to you because I want to find a girlfriend.”
Do you see the hole he was digging for himself?
I saw through it right away… He was scared shitless of life among other things.
His list of excuses were long and definitely un-attractive to women:
- He was afraid and unsure of his sexuality.
- He was secretly afraid that he might be gay.
- He was scared to leave his comfort zone.
- He was worried he sucked in bed and couldn’t please a woman like his friends probably bragged about.
- He was in love with the girl I was seeing and instead of manning up to it he used a “cheap tactic” to find out who I was or what I was all about.
- He was scared women would find out he really was so he built giant muscles and masked his personality with over the top humor thinking he could distract women into believing he was more confident or fearless than he actually was.
- He hid in his small town where things were all too easy for him because he was afraid of change and how change would upset his limited belief in life.
I’m going to tell you some things about attraction which will blow your mind.
You may not believe any of it but I can not help that.
You either trust my advice works or go find out for yourself or go on never believing they can ever work for YOU.
That’s YOUR choice to make and not mine.
My girlfriend’s friend chose not to make a real effort and hid behind his “mask” of “nice guy” manipulation.
I hope you see things differently – failure or not – the old adage works – You either face your fears head-on or they will always haunt you.
Let’s take a look at why the man above finds it difficult to create attraction rather get stuck in their friends zone.
Women do NOT feel much attraction for guys who are uncertain about who they are. Certainty is attractive even if you’re wrong most of the time.
Women do NOT feel much attraction for guys who always only live in their comfort zone or who are afraid of everyday risks. They don’t necessarily want a mountain climber just someone who is not afraid to live.
Women do NOT feel much attraction for guys who always try to put women in their comfort zones or “dumbing” the world down for them as if they’re trying to protect them. Eye to eye, respect a woman can live through her own means and she’ll respect you back for it.
Women do NOT feel much attraction for guys who are not self-assured sexually. If you believe any woman would leave you because you can not give her a mind blowing sexual orgasm ( although I would learn that skill immediately –> Why And How You Might Have To “Go Get Laid” to Get A Girlfriend you’re basically calling her shallow.
Women do NOT feel much attraction for guys who never man up under typically normal situations. Upfront, honest, and real always works better than the opposite. ( As long as it’s done with some sort of tact, humor, or flirtiness – works much better. )
Women do NOT feel much attraction for guys who are too scared to live their life to the fullest or are not afraid to try. Simple everyday courage goes along way in attraction and women flock to guys who do that.
Women do NOT feel much attraction for guys who mask their intentions or personalities. Hiding behind the “nice guy” persona through humor. doing nice things, or seeking approval is one the biggest attraction killers out there.
That is a broad list and it may seem insurmountable but most of them can be overcome through simple acts like this:
“… he never really put it out there…. he didn’t risk enough of himself. He doesn’t see himself as an attractive man. I definitely believe that all game with women starts with the inner game. You can not walk up, approach, and for a lack of a better term, seduce a woman,with a shitty sense of your own internal value. You can’t do it…. and women do see right through it. How The Nice Guy Kills Attraction
You want to become more certain?
Easy, just do more things you are uncertain about. Whether it’s facing your irrational fears or walking across the street to just say “Hi” to a beautiful woman.
When women are not feeling attracted to you in “that way” look at it this way…
Imagine she is putting up a force field around her “emotional instincts” which are connected to her instinctive attraction trigger.
Which basically means her subconscious won’t allow herself to feel attracted to you.
Now you must understand attraction is NOT her choice but you also have to understand what you might be doing through all your excuses triggers the blockage in the first place.
BUT the more time she spends with you… the stronger the field grows, shifts, or in some cases does not go up at all causing her to feel attraction.
In order for you to break out of the friends zone you must break down her force field so you can allow her to feel something for you.
The man above lived his life through with lots of excuses. He had his “reason” for everything guaranteeing himself he’d fail.
He made decisions which had the least amount of risk attached to the outcome.
You have several ways to conquer any woman’s force field which will allow you to sexually or intimately advance with her.
The obvious one is to stop any and all of your “negative rationalizations” to get positive results or as stated in this page Creating Attractive Boundaries and Eliminating Your Limited Beliefs – remove many of your limited beliefs.
Here’s another way to look at it:
Creating attraction is not always about how to get women to feel something for you, it can be about allowing her to remove the barriers she puts up to protect herself from feeling nothing.
Your excuses make it easy for her subconscious to NOT feel something for you.
Your excuses make it all far too easy to put AND keep you in her friends zone.
Your excuses and fears will always hold you back from meeting, approaching, AND attracting women and when you do it will always feel like those few women you do meet, are only going to put you in the friends zone.
So many people make these kind of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves “out there” in the dating world, OR to avoid having to face that they need to work on their confidence or conversation skills. How To Get Past Your Dating Excuses and Reasons For Failing With Women.
I went through every excuse myself and honestly I did not get rid of all of them instantly so please do not put that much pressure on yourself.
Take it day by day and remove them piece by piece.
When you eliminate each one women WILL notice something is different about you and the only way they can explain it is… they’re beginning to FEEL attraction.
Here’s where we’ve gone so far in eliminating this friends zone affliction.
There’s a three step blueprint you must follow in order.
You’ve also learned why most women put you in the friends zone: She felt little or no attraction when you first met or got to know each other.
You’ve also learned 36 other less common reasons women will put you there and how many of them can be avoided.
By now you should have a clear idea of specifically why you’re there.
You also learned about limited belief systems, why hold you back, how they have you acting negatively and how they produce so many negative “friend only” responses from women AND how you start changing it immediately.
It was the beginning of the inner work needed to create an attractive mindset.
Last page we worked on create a new look, a possible new lifestyle, and better way of presenting high value of yourself to women and a little on social proofing so you’re not being ruled out so easily.
We’ve worked on common excuses men have and how yes, they’re related to your limited beliefs so once you know them – go back and re-frame many of your own personal excuses.
Your excuses are blocking women from feeling attracted to you and are holding you back or hiding you from behind a “nice guy” mask AND trust me, women see right through it find it friendly, because you’re intentions might be nice BUT far from attractive by any stretch of the word.
Remember: Being nice has little or nothing to do with attraction so there must be something else going on which is why you constantly find yourself in the friends zone.
Let’s keeping moving on so make sure you…
Today’s recommendation comes from my two favorite programs designed to give you a more rounded education on attraction AND help you remove the fears of meeting and attracting women. Both are equally important in remove the friends zone from your life: Attraction Is NOT a Choice and The Fearless Code. Get them both NOW because knowing the truth about how attraction works for women, combined with a fearless attitude might be all you’ll ever need to eliminate the friends zone.