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Friends Zone Test for Men and Women

in For Women, Friends Zone, Learning
Is he in their friends zone or does he just see them as a friend?

How do you know if you are in the friend’s zone?

Long long ago I found this great article to show guys how to escape the friends zone. It’s a small list and rather quickly done as compared to my more advanced Eliminate The Friends Zone pages but I felt through it, we can reverse the steps and devise any easy test to determine if we, you, or anyone is actually in the friends.

It should work for men and women.

Here are the steps the Fly Guy wrote:

  1. Stop Acting Like A Friend
  2. Rock The Boat
  3. Pursue Other People
  4. Get A Little Closer
  5. Peak Their Interest
  6. Close The Deal

Escaping the Friend Zone

1. Stop Acting Like A Friend.

Most men and women end up in the friend’s zone because primarily, they act like a friend. A non-sexual option. A friend is someone you will do things for because you have compassion for or want to help that person. It’s what friends do.

But if you are just meeting someone for the first time and you treat as a lifelong friend by doing overly nice things hoping they’ll feel attracted to you, you’re practically guaranteed to only make a friend.

It’s okay to be nice but it’s not okay to give your status to someone you just met hoping they will like you as something more. It rarely works.

The first question you must ask yourself then is:

When you first met the person you’re attracted to did you do things for them you would only consider doing for a life long friend? Did you give up your status to gain approval?

I am talking about “things” that put yourself well out of the way and are overly too nice. I’m not talking about teasing someone you just met as if you’ve known them forever because it is not the same.

2. Rocking The Boat.

Did you rock the boat?

Did you stir things up when you first met or did you act nice hoping again, they will like you?

Women and men are attracted to edgy conversations and not the same old boring shit about the weather or how their day is going. Don’t be afraid to bring up topics most people would be afraid to talk to their mom’s about.

In this case “rocking the boat” simply means not being afraid of having someone dislike you. Call it indifference or whatever you want.

But if you acted too nice and accommodating just because you wanted that person to not see you as just a friend – then as far as this test goes, consider you’re very close to the friends zone.

Number 3:

3. Pursue other people.

Did you show signs of neediness, being clingy?

Are you “seeing” other people?

When you first met did you suddenly drop everybody else in your life just to get close to that person before you were even intimate?

If you put all your time or energy into a person from the beginning or if you didn’t give create space or if that person sensed you had no other options in your dating life then there’s a good chance they put you in the friends zone.

Although women can feel a bond to men who become their shadows they don’t respect them enough to sleep with them. There’s no real tension or sexual energy created. There’s no challenge.

This may be a little different for a woman. If a man doesn’t feel attraction for you but you’re were willing to do things for him AND you don’t seem interested in other guys (generally speaking) then there’s more than a good chance you’re just his friend.

4. Getting A Little Closer.

There always becomes a time between a man and woman when they test each others physical boundaries. Normally it’s not done on purpose but it does happen.

IF you’re afraid to casually touch them and break the physical barrier, especially if you’re a guy it only makes it that much harder to get physical later. This is something which must be done early on. It also must be done strategically so be warned.

Did you pull back from any kind of touch, playful or casual, or make it seem like getting close to people freaks you out?

I’ve found those who find the act of getting close under normal circumstances are less likely to act that way around a person they’re attracted to. Hence less likely to get stuck in the friends zone.

If you’re a guy who gets nervous or is afraid to touch a woman properly and at the right time AND she sensed your pull back she probably “friended” you quickly.

If you’re a woman who avoided the contact or kind of appeared “frigid” most men friend you because they either felt no attraction or are not comfortable getting past that with you.

As the fly guy stated, “breaking down the physical barriers” is extremely important for both men and women. When others sense you are nervous being too close to someone they feel you may be inexperienced, have little confidence, or may become “too much work.”

5. Peak Their Interest.

The Fly Guy advises to begin playing games with how you see the relationship. I’m not altogether sold on that idea but what I do suggest is leaving her or him with a feeling of uncertainty.

Intention aside… Interest is good. You must show a little interest but you must remain uncertain. It’s far too complicated to discuss here but it’s this challenge which keep people out of the friends zone.

Did they show interest in you? Did the person want to know more about you? Did you show it back but remained uncertain?

If you can not answer yes to any of those than there’s more than a good chance you’re definitely in the friends zone.

Another example would be showing way too much interest at first and it’s usually something guys do.

Investing before any real interaction is a definite path to the friends zone.

6. Closing The Deal.

Most people end up far too deep in the friends zone because they fail to make an appropriate move at the right time.

When there was a right amount of sexual tension or their interest was peaked enough – did you fail to make an appropriate physical move?

If that happened you are definitely in the friends zone.

This can included holding hands, hugging, kissing, putting your arm around someone, touching their face sensually or just about anything you don’t normally do with just a close friend.

Timing is very important.

For most guys they miss the clues or fail to act because their scared and she pulls back thinking she did something wrong or doesn’t believe he’s interested in more.

For most women they fail to give the appropriate clues and actually stop themselves from getting in a situation where something could happen which makes it extremely difficult for a guy to advance physically.

This was never intended be a normal test where you get graded but I do believe if you go through these steps and ask yourself honestly what happened you can easily figure out if you are in the friends zone or not.

I have yet to devise a method to get a woman out of the friends zone but I do suggest you stop by Why Do Guys…? for answers and a better understanding of men. This understanding can in the very least, keep you out the next time you meet a guy you like and it’s all written by me.

For you guys – I have more than you could ever imagine to stop, eliminate, and eventually escape the friends zone.

When it comes to “turning a friend into a girlfriend” I NEVER make hard promises but this guy does –> Friends Into Lovers Hope it works out for you. He does have some great ideas and concepts which work extremely well with women you’re already friends with.

*Don’t forget my steps which are located here –> Eliminate The Friends Zone

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please visit all my pages: The Nice Guy Approach | The Approach | Why Do Guys…? | Why Do Chics…? OR Like my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Yes, I’m a very busy guy. 🙂 Oh… I almost forgot Twitter – Peter White.

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9 comments… add one
  • adamon2011

    i enjoyed this list it’s something I wish I read when I was younger but I kinda disagree with the “closing the deal” part. It’s sort of a dicey situation especially us guys trying to gage when/how to make physical contact with a girl you’re not familuiar with yet because on one hand yes it could turn out well and it shows confidence i guess but on the other hand it could badly backfire because most girls I come across have to becomfortable with you over time so if u attempt to carress them or worse try to kiss them and they didnt like it u could get slapped or worse with some women press charges on u so the “safe” route is to, yes, respect herand and gain her trust over time because no matter how u look at it, as a guy , its embarrasing to make a move on a girl by putting your arms around her and she squirms away from you or getting slapped or pushed away for trying to kiss her ,sensitive guys like myself gets really discouraged and from that point on play the safe route when it comes to women and become conservative around them.

  • Thanks for the comment and I apologize for taking so long to respond.

    Oh and you don’t know how much I wish I wrote or heard about lists similar to this when I was younger too. Well maybe you do seeing how much I write about it now.

    Playing safe was a huge reason I would fail and get thrown into the friend zone. Closing the deal literally scared my pants on. (haha!) Seriously though…

    I don’t worry anymore about getting slapped, looking bad in front of others, and since I’m a respectful guy, having pressed charges against me. I used to believe exactly what you believed but I have since found women don’t feel much of that gut attraction for men who “play it safe.”

    Now I don’t advocate men advancing too quickly or becoming an over confident jerk who does nothing but hit on every woman hard until one literally ‘bites’ but…

    Knowing what I know about attraction and how quickly I can create it even during my worst moments, if a woman squirms away or pushes me back, tells me she isn’t feeling it for me. (at that time at least) And that’s something I don’t want to find out a month or two down the road.

    Obviously there’s much more to this discussion such as:
    Creating enough attraction to get her to make a move on me.
    Making it easier for her to get close to me or want to get close enough to see the signs she is looking for a kiss.
    How being too sensitive with her during those critical moments will decrease the attraction she feels.
    And so on…

    Thanks again for the comment and please feel free reply,

  • adamon2011

    thanks pete for the reply, here’s a situation i had : it was early february and i was interested in asking a co-worker of mines out for valentines day and one night since we , along with a couple other co workers and the closing manager, all leave at night at the same time, i walked her to her car which i had been doing for a while already and b4 i could ask her about vday plans , she realized her car keys were locked in the car, so my manager( a guy) who knew i was single and is always tryin’ 2 hook me up wanted me 2 stay with her until AAA showed up. One other caveat was that me and the girl lived in the same apt. complex and my manager knew this so it was xtra convenient 4 me 2 be the one 2 stay with her( i knew he wanted me 2 get with her its how he is).Long story short, we sat in my car for like an hr. but i was afraid of asking her about the vday dinner because i was thinking she would be forced 2 say yes even if she didnt really want 2 go because i was helping her and she would felt pressured 2 say yes so it wouldve been awkward 4 her, so i just asked her a few questions about herself”playing it safe,again”. Then when the AAA guy showed up 2 unlock her car door i saw her with her arms crossed bundled up and i stood right next 2 her and i felt her slightly leaning against me and my instincts said “hold her” and “massage her shoulders” or something 2 relax her but i just stood there and said a couple things 2 her saying ” u look cute all cuddled up”. In retrospect i feel i screwed up my chances with her there even though i was a good company and not coming onto her and respecting her feelings instead of taking a chance and going for it but i feel that its not in my nature and by not creating attractionim seen by her as a friendly coworker who helped me out in a time of need. sorry for such a long story but your thoughts on this scenario and how u wouldve handled it would be greatly appreciated,thanks again pete.

    • No problem and it’s great to hear back from you.

      You have an interesting situation because there are so many things going on but I’ll do my best to answer your question.

      First of all. In your circumstance don’t worry about why she might say yes. (Of course if women are constantly flaking out on you by not showing up to a date you should address that issue.) Let’s say she says yes and she does it because you helped her out. Who cares. Once you’re out together having fun this is your real chance to amplify any attraction she may have for you. So no matter what her reasons are unless she’s out for a free meal which is a whole different discussion, her saying yes should only mean you get to qualify her and have fun doing so.

      Secondly. Men seem to confuse being nice and attracting women. For example in your story you mention how she probably saw you as just a friend helping her out. You know…girls dig guys who come to their rescue so that means you get to use this to your advantage. This means sure you’re being a good guy but how you spent the time with her is the most important thing. I would have teased her, had fun with her, telling her the story of when my brother locked himself out of a running car with just a towel on in thirty degree weather. And yes the towel went flying. Luck as they says doesn’t let you know when it coming. Which is why we must take advantage of any lucky situation we run into. In this case it wasn’t to make a move on her, but your chance to be her hero, build the attraction, and never mention again how you helped her out. Although you could use it to tease her and leave the address of a memory expert casually by her. As long as you’re good at making her laugh this is a great way to demonstrate what a cool fun guy you are.

      Third. Ever hear a woman talk about how she met the man of her dreams. There’s always some unusual circumstance which brought them together and how if it wasn’t for “this” we would have never met.

      Fourth. You can ease the awkward moment by shaking your head and saying, “Oh you owe me dinner for this.” This is probably how I would’ve handled it.

      Fifth. When a woman is tired from working her ass off, and is frustrated about what she did, and then leans up against me you don’t have to hug her, or even console her. And you don’t want to massage her shoulders. All you have to do is cup your hand along the small of her back on the far side from you, and lightly squeeze and lightly tap a few times. Saying something or anything I have found comes out wrong. But this small gesture demonstrates security, strength, masculinity, and whether she consciously notices it or not, says you’re a sexually aware man and you would make more than just a friend to help her out.

      When you said “You look all cute cuddled up” it probably had the opposite affect. It said, “I feel awkward and uncomfortable around women I want” I know that answer sucks but now that you’ve seen it happen you know what to do next time. Learning from our experiences is how we grow quickly into who we want to be.

      Last. Believe it or not you dodged a huge bullet here so there’s great news in your story. Trust me the last thing you want to do is to randomly ask a fellow worker out for the first time to a Valentines Dinner. Too much pressure on both of you. You start with attraction and not romance. I’ve made this mistakes many times and I know from the lucky experience of doing it twice.

      Yep. In two circumstances I went out with a fellow worker on a first date on Valentine’s Day. This was before I did any work on myself. What they did was tell a woman I couldn’t find a date. It made me more attracted to her and her less attracted to me. It was a friendship vibe from the beginning. It cost lots of money which could have been better spent. Even today with my skills and knowledge I would never put my self through that.

      So in reality this scenario worked out much better than you would first believe.

      When you get a chance let me know what has happened between you since that evening. Thanks for asking and I appreciate you coming to me.

      Talk soon,


  • adamon2011

    good points, the next day after that she called me for a ride 2 work(i at least gave her my number) i agreed after teasing her for a couple minutes. on the drive 2 work i asked her if she was available on vday and she said she was working( and so was i)so i then said someday we should go out 4 a dinner when we’re both off. 2 weeks later after a night off we both closed and i usually walk near her 2 her car ( not 2 close then my manager,ron, would start teasing us about it)and told her not 2 leave yet so i could drive my car over and we’ll talk. so i waited until ron drove off and then i drove up next 2 jackie’s car and asked her has she decided on a place 2 go and she kinda shrugged like she wasnt sure so i said im goin’ on vacation in a couple wks and when u get a day off let me know and i altered my plans by asking her we can go 2 a spring training game instead or something active and she said thats cool. So my last day day b4 vacation i was gonna tell her i was getting the tickets but alas she didnt come 2 work nor did i hear from her the whole wk vacation. When i returned 2 work, our next closing night 2gether, i walked her 2 her car and asked what happened last wk(mid march) and unfortunately her grandad passed and she left town( she doesnt have a phone so this is the only chance we really talk, after work)for a few days. So she apologized and isaid its ok and said im sorry 4 your loss and i didnt know what else 2 say and left, she said bye and looked surprised that i didnt ask her about our plans. wks passed by i see her @ work smile @ each other but no mention of when were goin’ out. One night we were suppose 2 close 2gether but the stock crew had 2 stay back and finish so i stayed so i left a note by her groceries so only she can see it. I saw her 4 days later and asked her if she saw the letter, she said she didnt get see it and i basically said 2 get a specific day off and she said sure,and 3 days b4 the date(late april) she came by me as was clocking in 2 say she couldnt make it because she had 2 take some asvab(sp?) test because she wanted 2 take some college courses and go into military someday. So basically im not sure if she wants 2 go but circumstances keep popping up or she keeps saying yes she’d like 2 go out but doesnt really want to( she’s a pisces and a trait of theirs is they dont like rejection nor rejecting someone). Meanwhile, Ron keeps asking me whats giong on between us because he sees us in the parking lot after work and has always been tryin’ 2 put us 2gether since i told him we stay in the same complex so i have 2 hear that regularly @ work. theres a little more 2 this story but i’ll let u comment on this first, thanks

  • adamon2011

    also in addition,a) im not interested in going anywhere with him, but since im in his car and i have nowhere 2 go i’ll say yes now andjust flake on a later date, or b) she really was open 2 going out but changed her mind over time because of something I may have done/said( i stumble over words when speaking 2 her sometimes, perhaps a turnoff?) or was hesitant 2 date outside her race( im black,she’s white btw i like em light skinned what can I say lol) but it leaves me in a situation where i dont know the root of the issue so i can better myself going forward, is it me or her, did my stumblig of words turn her off therefore i must improve on that (a must regardless),was she afraid of a simple dinner becoming something more she wasnt prepared 4? That 2 me is as important as whether we ever hang out or not because i’d like 2 know what i did that i could’ve done differently that made her not go, perhaps its her and has nothing 2 do with me but thats was my reasoning 4 not asking her in the car.

    • Its hard for me to gather the real root of your specific situation. However I have seen the pattern many times.

      It always comes down to creating attraction first and foremost. It’s just too difficult to back up and start over again. Especially when you see this women so often.

      I don’t think she changed her mind. I believe she was just being nice. I don’t meet too many women who are afraid of a simple dinner becoming something they are not prepared for. But that’s not important. Her reasons or excuses are not important. What is important is she has been nothing but reluctant to see you outside of work. She knows what you are looking for and she’s not interested but she does not want to hurt your feelings.

      But you know what? That’s not a big deal for you. Because you’re trying to objectify and learn from this situation. And that’s what really matter here.

      Whenever I found myself stuck on a woman or screwing something up and couldn’t understand why, I always went right back to the basics. Which meant not putting myself in a position to be around her. Which I believe is what you should do.

      The basics you should focus on have really nothing to do with her so you need to stop thinking about what you did wrong with her and focus on what you can right with the next one, and the next, and the next…

      Here is what I suggest you do to get back to basics…

      1. Tell your buddy there’s nothing going on. She wasn’t interested and you’re okay with it. Then tell him to please stop asking. Don’t be afraid to laugh about your situation with him. Just be okay with it because honestly it’s not a big deal. There are lots of white women out there just looking for a guy who cares enough to learn about themselves and women.

      1 A. Learn about attraction. Here is the best I have found:
      How to Get a Girl to Like You – The 3 Laws of Attracting Women
      Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women – This was one of the very first posts that changed my life with women. You got twenty dollars?? Pick this up please because it’s still number one in my book.
      Attraction Isn’t A Choice

      2. Take some stock in yourself. Enhance your good points and work on the parts you don’t like about yourself. That is key to inner game. Liking yourself enough for women to feel attracted to you.

      3. Go somewhere where the type of women you want, but please avoid any Vanilla Ice Concerts. Haha! I don’t think he’s touring anyways. Seriously when you’re there make it a point to start simple but short conversations with any woman. Whether you’re attracted to them or not. Just make them genuinely smile about meeting you and then walk away. Don’t look back just move to the next one. What we’re doing here is getting you to learn how to walk away and not expect anything more, and then we’re looking to develop your ability to create attraction within a few minutes of meeting her. You’re not there to pick up women. You’re there to learn and have fun doing it. Trust me when you start to succeed doing this your confidence will skyrocket quickly.

      4. Take another assessment of your situation. Where were you failing in your conversations. What type of women are you looking for and do you really have what those women are looking for. If it helps writes this stuff down and keep an objective journal. Not a diary of your feelings. An objective journal. It worked great for me.

      5. Tell yourself, “No dinners with any women ever again on the first date.” and live by it. Find something fun and short to do and invite them along. First dates are about qualifying her. First dates are your chance to figure out if she will be worth both of your time. They’re not meant to be romantic dinners or long drawn out occasions. Save it for a fourth or fifth date.

      6. Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves here….

      Let me know how you’re progressing or if you have any more questions. I appreciate you value my opinions and I commend you for laying it all out so we can read. It takes balls man and that says a lot about you.


  • adamon2011

    great points, so to put a wrap on this situation, she has since moved to st.pete( 25 miles from us in tampa) and tranfered groc. stores 2 move with her dad so she can take up classes down there she wants 2 go in the military. On the last time that we worked the same day( she got off an 1 1/2 earlier than me) i went up 2 the service desk where she was and said hi and asked her 2 meet me on the aisle when she got off, sh was like sure so she came over and i asked her if she needed help moving, asking if she wanted to go do something( i was thinking bowling, something we both like) since we were both off on the same day ( the next day) and she was le aaww thanks but its not much i need help with and she then said it’s mothers day AD, im gonna be with my mom most of the day , so @ that point i said ” i know but u really have 2 be with her all day we can hang later in the day” and i followed with” did u really ever wanted 2 go anyways” and she said “Yes ADi just have things goin’ on and im sorry i cant find time”. I was like ” in 3 months u never came up and said ” AD im open on this day” or “AD i wanna go 2 an art museum or a zoo” , something that implies u would be interested in spending time out 2gether(i promise all this was in a low voice tone, neither of us yellers). So she asked 4 my number ( another red flag, i gave her my number 3 mnths earlier in my car when she called me 2 take her 2 work) i wrote it4 her and she said she’d call 2 say hi and keep in touch and told me she now has a FaceBook which she said she didnt have b4 when i asked(because she doesnt carry a phone with her) so we left it @ that and i teased her about her eyes( gray) and that was it. i typed her on fb a couple times but no word fom her since, although se seemingly dont log on that often,her mom and other friendstype her and she hasnt replied. but thats the situation in a wrap.

  • adamon2011

    in conclusion, ahen i 1st thought about asking her out, i wasnt really into her like that but i just figured that vday was around the corner, i had no plans, she seemingly is always home cause i see her car in front of her apt. all the time when im out joggin’ or shootin’ hoops, she’s seems like she didnt hang with many friends so i thought about askin’ her moreso because i thought it would be an easy “yes” thinkin she was seekin’ just ” someone ” 2 spend time away from home with, not 2 mention the myth of ” single females will go with anyone on vday 2 avoid being alone”, and i wanted 2 do something but had no one to hang with. As u pointed out, dinners from now on is a no-no from now on, but @ the time due 2 my relative inexperience in initiating a date/ hang out experience, i felt that was the logical thing 2 do then. However, after a couple wks i thought about changing it 2 something of an activity like bowling,atr( she likes to draw), or a spring training gm followed by eating, but basically an activity thats fun and exciting and were enjoying it threrfore taking the awkwardness out of a 1st date hangout. So instinctively i figured out that a dinner date was a bad idea but in closing even though i didnt really feel “that” into” her @ 1st the fact that nothing came of my efforts still bothers me somewhat and that surprises me because going in i knew she was a casual smoker ( i hate being around a lot of smoking) and still i went on with my advancements thinkin’ even if i dont suceed @ least i dont have 2 b around a lot of smoking, although she wouldnt do it around me if i ask but the scent on her, so i would create a win-win scenario 4 myself. Today , 2 a small degree i still wonder 2 myself what did i do 2 make her bail out on our plans its hard 2 shake even 4 someone i wasnt completely “into” just the fact i tried 2 get with someone and it dont work bothers me i feel like a failure even though i know i shouldnt because i tried)and thats something that i think maybe just how i naturally react ’cause i wanted 2 b over it after she left 4 st pete but i still think about where i went wrong if its me @ all. Certain thoughts enter my mind like”wow, that girl rather b single with nothing 2 do @home(but surf the net and smoke probably) than spend even 1 hr in your presence, i must really suck!!” and i m tryin 2 get thru those inner thoughts, thanks.

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