Escaping The Friends Zone

Man or woman, no one likes being in the friends zone. It's a lonely place inside your heart which can leave you bitter and overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness.

Once you're stuck inside it's almost impossible to get out without ruining the friendship or destroying all hope that you and the one you love so much, will ever be together.

But if there's one guy in the world who understands what being "just friends" feels like, it is me.

1. Do You Feel When You Are Attracted to Another, They Are More Physically Attractive Than You?

  • Never let someone's looks affect your actions.
  • Just because a person is physically attractive, does not mean they are better than you.
  • Highly physically attractive people have their own set of problems.
  • Good-looking people only seem to have more choices because others want to kiss their ass and seek their approval.
  • You can begin to separate yourself from others by focusing on your strong points, working on your weaker areas, and allowing your attractive personality to grow.

2. Do You Try to Get Others to Like You Making Sure You Do Nothing Wrong to Offend Them?

  • Never give your status away.
  • Be self-assured your opinions are just as valid as anyone else.
  • Trust in your non-limiting beliefs.
  • Don't fear making mistakes and learn to recover quickly.
  • Confidence allows a quicker recovery.

3. Do you feel love is beyond you?

  • Stop living in the past.
  • Do not live in the future.
  • Stay in the present as often as possible.
  • Learn to overcome fears or anxiousness by putting yourself in situations where they will naturally allow you to overcome them.
  • You can not give someone your present self if you are not there.
  • Date more people and create more opportunities.
  • Understand a cool state of mind is having a natural indifference.

4. Have You Ever Made a Move, or Tried to Kiss Someone Who Refused or Rejected You?

  • Learn more about creating sexual chemistry.
  • When the time is right do not hesitate but please refrain from attacking.
  • Understand you'll find out quicker and spare yourself a long drawn out courtship which will keep you in the friends zone.
  • Understand when another rejects you it is rarely personal.
  • It's easier to escape the friends zone after attempting the first move then it is to never make one.

5. Have You Ever Tried to Kiss Someone Who You Felt Was More Attractive Than You?

  • Whereas attraction has a little to do with physical attributes it is important to separate the two for learning purposes.
  • Sometimes people in the friends zone try so hard they often fail to realize that a man or woman wants to experience the unforgettable and often unpredictable first kiss.
  • Learn to escalate with anticipation so the kiss will happen more naturally.

6. Have You Ever Turned Down Someone From Kissing You, Because You Felt Nothing Physically For Them?

  • Develop a consistent personality to share with everyone.
  • Learn why you are not considered sexy.
  • Create more opportunities where you usually hold back from.
  • Treat those you are attracted to as if they are no different from anyone else.
  • Read the post below about body language and being sexy.

7. How Long Does it Take to Ask for a Date When You Meet Someone You Are Interested In?

  • If you're living out of a fear of rejection you'll never escape the friends zone.
  • Use any of your failures to get a date as a learning experience.
  • Fear is 'future living'. Enjoy the moment more or you will naturally fear less.
  • Your desires are important. If you desire a date with someone, make it happen. If it fails it's not personal. But just by you making something happens allows you to develop a strong self-confidence.
  • The friends zone is full of people who are not willing to step up to simple challenges. Challenge yourself to learn exactly how to get more dates and one way or another, that will not be you in friends zone anymore.

8. Do You Feel Becoming Friends Before Dating is the Best Way to Start A Relationship?

  • Find and eliminate your irrational fears which center around physical intimacy.
  • Understand attraction is not a logical process which can be reasoned out with excuses.
  • I'm going to say it...Casual sex. Be smart and ethical but go get some.
  • Build a sexual identity first and then let the friendship develop.
  • If you're already deep into a friendship you must understand not everyone will develop sexual feelings or share your same views. You must make it happen through your personality and the way you communicate your sexual self.

9. Do You Take Risks In Your Everyday Life?

  • Avoid over analyzing simple fears.
  • Start small and work your way up to overcoming bigger risks.
  • Put yourself in situations where you can naturally face your fears.
  • Embrace the energy you feel. It's designed to heighten your awareness. Use that to your advantage.
  • Your self-esteem grows and your confidence is strengthened with each fear you face.
  • If you're afraid you'll lose a friend, it may be time to face it.
  • If you're afraid your friend will reject you, that is a risk you're going to have to take if you ever want out.

10. How Big Is Your Social Circle?

  • Understand meeting new people gives you new perspectives to learn from.
  • Truthfully speaking the friends zone did not mean so much, when I had more opportunities in dating.
  • Understand people who attract others easily almost always have a robust and healthy social life.
  • If you find yourself saying no when others invite you out, stop immediately and start saying "Yes." more often.
  • Keep yourself from falling into a daily routine. I know it's comfortable and easy, I've done it myself but once I broke up my routine suddenly staying at home doing nothing wasn't worth it the easiness.
  • Having and maintaining high social status and values will almost guarantee you to attract or create attraction in even a friend.

11. Do You Travel For Pleasure?

  • Have more attractive stories to tell.
  • Offer adventure and excitement to a partner.
  • Experience different perspectives from new and sometimes interesting people.
  • Enjoy the smaller times in life and effectively stay in the moment easier.
  • Give yourself a little time in the mornings before work and start taking different routes. Who cares if it takes you longer. Look outside your normal routine and start noticing the life around you.
  • Again break from your normal routines and go to places you have always wanted to try but never bothered. You would be surprised how easier it becomes when you do it just once. Don't forget to talk to people.
  • Remember those Road Trip days we all went through when we first got our licenses. Well why have they stopped. Go get your best friend, even the one you secretly want, and take some random short road trips. They're inexpensive.
  • On any road trip opt for a few random stops even if it's just to take a few cool pictures. Don't just say it. Do it!
  • Understand creating and building attraction happens naturally when you're more of an interesting person to listen to.
  • Without being conceited allow others to share the experiences you have when you visited a cool place you never saw before, but just happened to be fifteen minutes from your house.

12. How Often Do You Go Out?

  • Follow a passion you keep putting off.
  • Understand interacting with others constantly while having a good time boosts your confidence and lifts your mood.
  • Understand the more you go out you'll be more likely to want to keep doing it.
  • Going out more can absolutely mean dating more.
  • Going out doesn't only mean finding a bar and getting drunk.
  • Going out can be as simple as taking a long walk.

13. Where Do You Go Out to be Social?

  • Safe sex is good. Use these opportunities to enjoy casual sex more often. It helped me get out.
  • Frequent new bars alone so you're constantly forcing yourself to meet new people. Again it helped me a ton.
  • Involve yourself in more activities.
  • Alcohol will kill your chances of impressing a man or woman you wnt to be more than friends with. You're just going to have to learn to catch a buzz and not get drunk.
  • Pay close attention to how others are hooking up, especially the quick ones. Notice the dynamics.
  • Use this social surroundings to learn from how people act socially. Sit back. Relax. Enjoy the show once in a while. This will help you because if you're like I was being clueless as to the real signs of attraction, you'll find it all here.

14. When You Are NOT Around Close Friends, Do You Hold Back Your Opinions or Actions because You Worry People Will Not Like You?

  • Fear not. You will never please everyone. It's impossible.
  • Understand your opinions do matter to you.
  • Understand when you downplay your actions because you want to please the opposite sex it is a one way ticket to the friends zone.
  • Just because your opinions may be different from someone you're interested may not make much of a difference in how much attraction they feel for you.
  • When your actions or opinions vary so much from another person, you're more than likely not compatible anyways.


15. Do You Feel You Are Better than Most People You Meet Who are Always In a Relationship?

  • Until I learned to let go out of the past, I found it extremely difficult to live and prepare for my future success.
  • I was once told when you're good at something, there's always going to be someone who is better at it. Sounds awful I know. But the advice behind the statement was to compare your success to yourself first...always...and you will increase your chance at success.
  • WARNING: Prolonged feelings of bitterness often leads to desperation.
  • WARNING: Prolonged feelings of being better than others often leads to loneliness.
  • WARNING: Loneliness and desperation leads to jealousy, rage, and acting out. All signs of immaturity.
  • Suck it up, and ask questions of those who are in committed relationships. Ask them how they met. What attracts them to each other. Ask them direct questions about why did not put their partner in the friends zone or if they were friends first.
  • It's time to admit and notice NO ONE has a perfect life. We all suffer at some point in our lives. Even those who may have everything they have ever asked for.

16. Do You Lead Your Social Group or Follow?

  • Start standing up in your group and take more leadership roles. Start small with easy decisions. There's no need to start throwing your weight around forcefully. That will only backfire on you.
  • Understand those who lead their lives confidently, often become natural leaders.
  • Throwing small parties and hosting easy event is a great start for others to begin to feel your leadership.
  • Instead of waiting around for someone else to come up with new things to do, step up and come up with a few of your own and then begin to propose them to the group.
  • Consider this friends zone problem coincides with your ability to be a confident leader. In other words don't be surprised when your opposite sex friends begin to feel attracted to you as you get better at it.
  • Learn from other Alpha on how they handle themselves. Their body language. Mannerisms. Calm cool confidence. Notice how their leadership is not just a matter of telling people what to do.
  • Lead by example. Don't be afraid to "get dirty."
  • Great leaders learn to handle every aspect of their lives.
  • Managing by brute force and strength is not leading. Always remember that and others will begin to look to you for guidance.
  • If you know something and feel others can benefit from it, teach them modestly and never expect a return.

17. Are You Decisive On Dates and/or When You're Around Someone You Are Highly Attracted To?

  • Begin to recognize those indecisive moments.
  • Risk being wrong. Start small and take responsibility for any mistakes.
  • Most people are decisive in something. Find out what yours are and take note to increase your confidence.
  • Plan out evenings better so it appears you're being more decisive. Over time it will get easier.
  • You need to stop thinking about small consequences in your decision making. Learn to let the 'what ifs' go.
  • Recognize and eliminate using the word 'Should.' When you find yourself saying it, it usually means you were indecisive about something.

18. Do You Feel Sexy?

  • Sexy people are confident in their abilities to turn on the opposite sex. You can help yourself by insuring you know how to do just that.
  • Being sexy is often a state of mind. An attitude. It's more than just looks.
  • If your look does not inspire others to believe in you, you can benefit from dressing more confidently in yourself.
  • If your body language is choppy and you appear nervous because of your motions it's hard to appear sexy. Slow down your movements. Move at an easy pace. Relax more and act like you're okay wherever you are.
  • If you do not workout or exercise enough this can affect your confidence in feelings sexy. Not only will you begin to feel better by starting to workout, but your body movements will be stronger and will naturally appear sexier to others.
  • Sometimes people who are not considered sexy have no idea what clothes look best on them. Educate yourself on what works best for you and your body type.
  • Your vocal inflections are important. A sexy voice is something everyone can work on easily.

19. Do You Workout or Exercise Regularly?

  • Understand people who are in shape do appear more confident.
  • Understand people who stay in shape can feel more confident.
  • If you're lacking in confidence an exercise routine is highly advisable within your own personal limitations.
  • People who are considered sexy are often in great shape and are less likely to be in the friends zone.
  • Sexy body language which is universally attractive works more effectively when your body is able to work together.
  • Looking younger and feeling stronger and younger can intensify even a mildly attractive personality.
  • Start your routine slowly but find a way to learn what exercises you can start small with and work your way up.
  • Your body is an important thing to take care of and if you put some time in it, others will understand you value yourself. And high value is important to escape or avoid the friends zone.

20. Do You Find Yourself Dreaming (running scenarios) of You Winning Over Someone Else, But You Never Act Out On Those Desire?

  • Start saying YES more when for some reason, it's easier to say no. When I started doing this more I found myself more tired at night and fell asleep quicker.
  • I redirected the day dreams inward. Instead of day dreaming of events and how I would act, I started picturing myself as exactly of who I wanted to be.
  • Prepare yourself to act more confidently when luck seems to appear. This is different from person to person. For me it was learning how to flirt, having a sexy image of myself, etc...
  • Understand life is NOT a series of events which can appear monotonous, boring, and predictable. There are not many constants in life and if you train yourself to look for those exciting details you may notice life is far more exciting than your dreams can ever be.

21. Do You Feel Everyday Which Passes, and You Are Still Alone, It Gets Even Harder To Get Out of Your Current Non-Relationship or Dating Status?

  • Understand feeling alone is not necessarily something you have control over. But feeling sorry for yourself is something you DO have control.
  • You have no control over outside forces but you do control your choices and your belief system evolves and changes accordingly.
  • Sure it's okay to feel pity for yourself once in a while, but you must always limit it and find an easy way to get past it quickly. It can be anything from taking a long drive to writing a quick comment below. The point is to get it out of your system and move on.
  • Understand when you are choosing those who feel no attraction for you, and refuse to do something real about it, as in becoming a more attractive person while stepping back from the situation, you are the one choosing to be alone. Those people are not "destining" you to a life of solitude.
  • When you decide to take charge of your own life and find a way to achieve in the smallest successes you WILL be seen as more attractive.
  • IMPORTANT: If there are others in your life who are enabling you to feel this way...remove them maturely. I did it and yes it hurt at first. But in the end it helped both of us to grow.
  • What makes you happy everyday, even the smallest things, and doing it more often, can be used to eliminate a mode of self-pity.
  • Bring more positive people in your life. Do not consider them your support group. Learn to inspire them more than they inspire you. Your confidence and self-esteem will skyrocket.

22. Do You Find Yourself Often Relating to Sad Songs When You Are Attracted to Someone But You Are Just Friends With Them?

  • Make it a goal to stop feeding your unhappy emotions.
  • You can not fill a hole of security inside you from an outside source. It often makes the hole larger.
  • Distract yourself to avoid getting sucked into another song.
  • Understand these songs are just an artists passion and it's supposed to affect your emotions. But it's not in any way meant to solve any problem you have.
  • Stop consoling yourself immediately and start controlling how you act on your emotions.
  • Calmness and Coolness are often just a step and a few deep breaths away.
  • Understand romance is great but no one wants to be around an overly emotionally needy person. It brings them down.
  • Raise your expectations of your high emotional moments by first discovering the more powerful happy feelings you inspire in those around you. And the feelings you get from sad songs will pale in comparison.

23. Do You Enjoy Meeting New People?

  • Start paying attention to all aspects of social dynamics.
  • Focus on the positive of those dynamics.
  • Focus more on the pieces you enjoy the most.
  • Understand you are a part of this world. Your presence can affect people negatively or positively. The choice is up to you.
  • Understand when you do nothing in this world, with regards to meeting new people, you inadvertently impose negative energy.
  • Understand you may not get along with everyone you meet but you will learn something from everyone which will give you a broader perspective.
  • Those who have a more complete perspective on the world around them will have people naturally want to meet you.
  • When people want to meet you and you inject a positive energy into them, the will feel more attraction for you.

24. Do You Believe There's NOT have Enough Time or Money in Your Life to Pursue an Active Dating Life?

  • Think of balancing your life as if you were stopping yourself from falling in the friends zone for inspiration and drive.
  • Understand sometimes you will have to give up a little you might not want to but never forget to give back to yourself too. This is part of what a VERY attractive person does.
  • If you're not finding inexpensive things to do while dating, you're not looking hard enough.
  • If you're not making enough time for your "personal" time, I believe you will begin to miss yourself.
  • You may not notice the signs you are missing yourself but your body and how you feel, will never forget to give you hints that you're unbalanced.
  • If you miss yourself for long periods of time how can others truly connect with you. Sexual chemistry is very important to keep yourself out of the friends zone.
  • Connecting with people emotionally through our desires, our energetic personality, with deep physical awareness a powder keg of sexual chemistry is just waiting to be ignited.

25. Are You A Jealous Person?

  • Understand jealousy is a mixture of emotions which should be taken care of, acknowledged, and never ignored.
  • Fear, anger, a feeling of being inadequate, a feeling of deserving something someone else has, plus more... are some of the components of jealousy. Although these may not always be unavoidable, the control they have over you decreases as you strengthen your confidence and self-esteem.
  • When your trust in others is greater than the strength of your beliefs, a feeling of jealousy is sure to eventually appear.
  • Understand or learn how you handle jealousy. Do you take it out on yourself or take it out on others. Learning where you lie on that scale can help you find the weaknesses which are causing the emotions.
  • Just trying to be indifferent won't fully decrease your jealousy. Stating to yourself or others your indifference is NOT a solution. Higher worth or learning to value yourself more is one path to true indifference.
  • If escaping or not entering the friends zone is a goal of yours understand your level of jealousy will determine the type of people who friend you.
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