Written by Simon H.
Look around and you can see it happening all the time; well-meaning, good and caring guys with the best intentions in the world for a girl he likes, but somehow ends up being placed in the ‘friend zone’ no matter how hard he tries.
If you want to turn a friend to be your girlfriend, a big part of doing it right, getting them to successfully ‘turn’ over is to first know what they really need.
Notice, we didn’t say what women WANT.
Because what they SAY they want, and what they actually NEED, are two different things.
This is an important concept to remember if you want to know how to turn a friend into something more.
We’ve been led to believe that women want a nice, safe, sensitive “metrosexual” guy. A guy who is in touch with his feminine side, and is a friend first and a lover second.
And of course, the media tell us that an “attractive” guy is also supposed to make a lot money, stay in great shape, spoil his girlfriend with attention, and be completely available to her every time she needs to complain about something.
Well, here’s the big secret…
What women NEED… on a core, biological level… is a whole different set of qualities.
Women are programmed to DESPISE weak men. The most important female need is to feel SAFE, and a weak man is never going to be able to make her feel this way.
When you constantly defer to a woman and let HER run the relationship, you might think you’re being a “good boyfriend.”
But you’re actually screwing up the relationship and TURNING HER OFF.
To turn a friend to be your girlfriend, you have to first stop playing “wuss” in your interactions with her.
This is situation MANY guys get into. We call it the “vicious cycle.”
A guy starts dating a girl, and she begins to make demands.
The demands are small at first: always answer when she calls your cell phone.
Spend time with her instead of watching the football game.
Be available to talk to her and see her whenever she wants, even if you’re busy with work or other friends.
Over time, the demands sometimes get bigger: get a better job, don’t hang out with your single buddies because they’re a bad influence, etc.
Eventually, they get married… and that’s when the demands become major. She wants a bigger house, a nicer car, a child or two (even though you don’t feel ready.)
Most guys accept these demands as part of the relationship, and they go along with her demands to avoid having arguments. (This is one of the reasons why they get placed into the friend zone).
You would THINK that she would appreciate this. After all, you are always making the effort to please her!
But it actually has the opposite effect. She becomes annoyed by the fact that he won’t show a backbone. So she keeps making more and more demands, nagging the guy, henpecking him and controlling every area of his life.
Subconsciously, she’s trying to FORCE him to show his Alpha side.
But most guys never do. They just get beaten down and “whipped.”
You see, women, in their hearts, don’t want a guy who always defers to her and agrees with her. This type of guy radiates WEAKNESS, and a woman is never going to feel safe and secure in a relationship with a weak guy.
She has a core need to be with an Alpha Man.
She might SAY she wants a “nice guy”… the sweet, caring type who brings her flowers, provides a shoulder to cry on, and jumps through any hoop she puts in front of him.
But she has an inner NEED to be with a Alpha Man.
A guy who LEADS and MAKES DECISIONS.
When she goes through one of her emotional hissy fits, she needs an Alpha Man who will be FIRM and calm her down.
You can be the sweetest, kindest guy in the world…faithfully bringing home a paycheck… but if you’re a wuss, your woman is actually going to RESENT you for it.
Women are wired to want to be with Alpha Men. They need the sense of stability, security and strength that an Alpha Man provides.
And we’re not talking about physical strength… showing EMOTIONAL strength is far more important, and hugely attractive to women.
She wants a MAN who makes her feel comfortable being the WOMAN.
If you want to get out of the friend zone, remember this...
You CAN be a nice, laidback, respectful dude… and you should be. But you’ve got to have a strong, decisive Alpha core that makes women feel safe and protected.
You can be rich, and have movie-star looks, and all those other qualities that are supposed to be “attractive.”
But take our word for it: until you make your personal Alpha transformation, you’re going to find yourself in unfulfilling relationships with women who will eventually LEAVE you (or drive your crazy with their demands!)
How Get Out Of The Dreaded Friends Zone!
I”ve written extensively on this subject. There’s a folder on my desktop going back to the beginning in 2009 filled with steps on getting out which I used to send to my readers.
Let’s just say I’ve dug deeper than anyone could ever imagine. I even made a survey on the subject:
My conclusion from all the research, testing, and experience being in the friends zone gave me a 3 step process for getting out. Unfortunately we’re dealing with a woman’s feelings I won’t guarantee it will work for everyone.
The preface is here:
A quick sort-of simple write you might want to go through: How You Too Can Escape & Get Out The Her Friends Zone – How I Did It!
The 3 steps are simple and were given in the 11th email:
Stick within the framework that worked for me. Each step contains stages or areas in which you can follow at your own pace and discretion.
It’s not recommended you vary from these steps if you wish to turn a friend of yours into your girlfriend.
However to avoid the friends zone with as many women as possible feel free to skip around. Just be sure to focus on your weak areas more then strengthening your strong points.
First Step is DISTRACTION:
Distract yourself to avoid seeing, calling, texting, etc… her as much.
Distract your focus from women and put the focus on yourself.
The articles listed below contain links for you to follow with more information. Some of them are for paid members. There’s nothing I can or will do about that.
This will include:
Giving yourself a new refined look slowly so others barely notice it’s happening.
Understanding and figuring out how you put yourself in the friends zone.
Chances are, you’re one of those “nice guys” so change your definition:
Finding fun new things to do that you enjoy, in which women will enjoy doing with you.
Creating a natural indifference. Learn the real definition and how it really works.
Allowing women to believe you are the right choice for her. Don’t interrupt the process.
Eliminating or changing your limited belief structure. It’s faltered and needs to be changed.
You’re probably also shy and have social anxiety.
There is a limited belief templates you can use on these two pages:
Enhancing your strong points. You have lots of them so why not enhance them.
Developing and building confidence, esteem, and self worth.
Listing your specific goals, aspirations, and describing to yourself your perfect woman. You can leave them here:
Creating then necessary boundaries between your masculinity and her femininity. Learning what makes you a man and her, a woman.
During the many years I spent in the friends zone I was always too focused on getting women. I was always chasing them. I was always falling for them.
The only focus I had on myself was pity and the depressed helpless feelings I suffered with.
Once I learned how to DISTRACT myself I learned how to focus my new highly driven energy on becoming a man women would chase after me.
This means you should and will stop chasing women and get them to chase you. Then, amd only then, can you successfully pursue and seduce them.
All of that above will create all the distraction you’ll need and you can move on to the next step.
The Second Step Is ATTRACTION:
Believe it or not, this is the easiest of the three and once in it, you’ll be triggering attraction and enjoying the process…
IF you gain and maintain the courage plus the strength to perform and practice it a lot with everyone so stick with it.
Get yourself a real education on attraction.
Learn how to create it and amplify it. Learn the steps needed to turn any woman on.
Dispel any and all myths about sex. Dispel any and all myths about what women really need.
Learning how to talk to women.
Learning how to approach women.
Learning what a woman’s test is and how you can create your own tests to qualify women.
Getting women to qualify themselves to you.
Challenging women with charm, wit, and your own sexuality.
Learn about why mature masculinity is highly attractive to women.
Learn the exact reasons women are attracted to Alpha Males.
I was not clueless on what it took to attract women, I noticed it long ago. Even the subtleties of it, but I did not have a clear understanding on how it all worked but more importantly, my limited mindset didn’t allow me to objectify it use it.
I was also missing important pieces and without them attracting women was just a guessing game where the odds were always stacked against me.
Follow the links above and then continue on to the next step.
You’ll be in a different state of mind. You’ll also be very busy and by now, seeing this friend of your a lot less.
She’ll be wondering where you are, how come you don’t come around as often, why you’re not texting or seeing her like you once did.
She’ll be overly curious and now, the interactions – the when, where, and how are on your time table, not hers. You’re in CHARGE!
You now can RE-INTRODUCE yourself to her because you’ve given her the gift of missing you.
The Third Step is RE-Introduction:
- Re-introduce yourself to her slowly.
- Start flirting and teasing her a little.
- Don’t brag or boast about yourself… ever.
- Allow her to see the change happen.
- Introduce her to your new friends casually.
- Still meet other women and date them.
- Maintain your boundaries.
Chances are you’ve made some mistakes in the past so go through the pages which reveal what you must now avoid doing. Use it as a check list to assure you’re on the right path:
Honestly, there’s a lot going on in this step, which is why the lack of links, it pretty much takes care of itself because you’ve already been working your ass off and setting up a lifestyle that ATTRACTS women.
It’s time to be persistent and stay balanced.
If you need some cool help, I used this to keep me on track: 77 Laws – All The Best Concepts And Techniques For Succeeding With Women In The Fastest Time Possible
I admit it. I sat on my ass for years and did absolutely nothing to get a better experience out of life.
I was comfortably numb on the outside but inside I was a whining and crying wussy begging the world to give me what I wanted.
The final stage of re-introduction made me realize what I was missing in the past. It also showed me how everything I was learning actually worked.
I learned, even though I knew sitting on my ass was getting me nowhere, introducing myself to the world did more than allow myself to grow and get me out of the house.
I learned how social dynamics is not just about attracting women. Suddenly every area of my life was being affected in a positive way.
And that my friend felt wonderful!!!
Just be careful because it’s all too easy to slip back after a few rejections.
It’s also easy to get caught up in a new social lifestyle. For me it was hitting the bars, clubs, getting drunk, and maxing out my credit limit which put me in severe debt.
Ha, minor shit compared to being alone and miserably in love with a women who would only ever see me as friend. Them, those old friends, well let’s say I went back and had some good old-fashioned fun with a few of them.
Below is the second book I purchased, the first was Attraction Isn’t A Choice, which explained to me everything about how attraction works for women but didn’t go quite far enough.
Double your dating, with its package deal and inexpensive price tag, did go there.
You don’t need to “choose wisely my friend” so pick one and go for it.
You can read all of Simon H's article right here at DiaLteG™:
- A Friend Into A Lover When She’s Not Ready for a Serious Relationship
- The Secret To Turning Your Friend Into A Girlfriend
- Using Jealousy Might Turn Your Friend Into A Girlfriend
- Using RF To Turn A Friend To Be Your LOVER and How To Spark Attraction