Online dating can be a frustrating experience, that’s for sure.
For us “nice guys” it all starts with putting up a profile even though we know or realize it will probably never get seen or searched for anyways…
Too many guys online and very few women to choose from.
It all ends with a simple heart-felt message which normally gets no response at all.
A message we spend way too much time thinking about, trying to get it right, and then an empty inbox building our frustration to the edge of just giving up.
My past personal experience left me with a few “fake” Russians looking for cash, local women who wouldn’t give me the time of day, and oh yeah, one useless date with a boring hard to reach girl leaving me scratching my head and wondering, “WTF!!!”
I had all but given up UNTIL I learned a few tricks, some undeniable facts about the difference from online to “real life” and some real strategies taught to me in this:
Meeting Women Online – A Proven System For Getting Tons Of Dates With Amazing Women Online… With Almost Zero Effort.
Let’s skip the tricks for now and talk about the “nice guy” experience online and then I promise to reveal the EXACT strategies ( possibly ALL my tips ) I used to finally get some pretty amazing results. ( Along with the material you’ll need AND my best personal recommendations to help you finally succeed.)
No lie, I’m talking model material to the down right dirty girl to the although I shouldn’t admit, cheating wives who just wanted to fool around.
Yes things got pretty deep so consider yourself warned!
Without restraint you can land yourself in a lot of trouble.
First this is how it felt… hopefully you can relate to it.
We turn to online dating for lots of reasons but mostly because we feel helpless or option-less in the real world and we allow ourselves to become nothing more to women than window shopping material.
We spend hours perfecting our profile but in the end we get the feeling women will never find our profile and when she does she skims through the pretty pictures and barely reads what we wrote.
It’s like the sexual roles are reversed. We’re now just a piece of meat and she will choose only the best. We’re either Grade A or the NEXT button. Which is all too easily clicked.
When we DO receive a message it’s usually a woman who struggles with men or has obvious flaws or, since we’re more picky when we got pictures to choose from, we just don’t find attractive.
In other words she’s normally not someone we would even consider dating so we end up treating her like we’re being treated.
The worse comes next when we find ourselves checking our mail fifteen times an hour, spending countless hours checking and hoping a local woman will pop up, and when we do find one we realize she hasn’t been online in three freaking months!
Strange how we’re so positive in the beginning but quickly realize our money is being stolen out from underneath us and our negativity is being fueled higher and higher because it feels like “online dating” was only invented for women to get more dates.
It become just another “nice guy” black hole of loneliness.
This leads me to share with you the first real lesson I learned.
Online dating MUST be approached with a positive plan of action from a realistic outlook. We must not allow ourselves to get caught in a downward spiral of negativity.
If what we’re doing is NOT working we MUST ERASE IT COMPLETELY and START SOMETHING NEW AND DIFFERENT!
Your Expectations… Understanding the reality of online dating:
Your profile will never be read or seen by any women you want to date UNLESS you message her first.
Online dating can work for you if you stay positive, have a life outside the internet, know how to talk “to” women, and know how to talk “with” women.
If you do not fulfill the requirements I have listed above you’re more than likely going to continually fail with women on the internet.
Whether it’s a social site OR a paid dating service.
You must take the lead and contact her first and if she likes what she read or is curious she will then look at your picture and read your profile.
Having a positive mindset insures you’ll message many women without worrying which one responds. Sometimes you won’t even bother checking her out again.
You won’t spend any of your valuable time wondering WHY she didn’t respond.
Trust theses strategies work. You can question them all you want BUT if those question are not objective you won’t learn much from the answers.
Sure you can re-read your message because who knows, maybe you came off like an ass. Maybe a simple proofread later on will point out an obvious mistake you didn’t see the first time.
Make sure you have a life OUTSIDE then internet so you can be in charge of where to take things after first contact.
This allows you to NOT put emphasis on the date having to be some incredible experience you may not be up to giving. Incredible connections happen on dates when you and her get lost in the moment together.
You can prepare but you can’t make it happen every time. Interactions and emotions and chemistry mean everything, the place or where it happens is always second or last.
For one reason you don’t know her that well and you may not be into her, and the second reason is – Preparation allows those connections to happen naturally but it in no way guarantees it will happen.
You’re going to have some horror stories.
Every man or woman who has tried online dating to a certain degree has them.
I can not tell you to enjoy them but I can tell you what great stories you’ll have from those experiences. Waste no experience in your life and you’ll be much happier one way or another.
You absolutely must know HOW TO TALK WITH WOMEN.
I used “with” because there are two parts.
You also must know HOW TO TALK “TO” WOMEN.
Talking WITH women is your basic conversational skills, moving it along, flirting, teasing, and it means not all of a sudden finding you’re out of words and don’t know what to say next.
Talking with women is easier and more effective when you’re not trying to steer the conversation. You let it happen naturally just like you would any other person you’re not interested in dating or who you’re not attracted to.
Talking TO women goes beyond your conversational skills. This is where a woman says to herself, “Wow. This guy gets it.”
In a way this is you creating and amplifying attraction but more importantly when you’re approaching women, even online, you want to speak to her feminine side and ignite her passions.
Done right her passion WILL be directed your way.
I’m telling you this because without this skill talking TO women it will always feel like work. And like anything else in life, working harder does not always get results. It’s no different online.
Here’s an easy way to detect if you know how to talk TO women…
If it feels like work you’re doing something wrong.
It’s as simple as that.
The worse part of this problem too may nice guys have is women will let you work your ass off trying to impress her.
No she’s not thinking I’m going to make him work his ass for me. She will just not feel much attraction towards you or will stop messaging you altogether.
If you don’t believe me think about this.
How many women have told you half way through a conversation,
“Stop trying so hard. I already like you.”
That’s a movie fantasy and rarely happens in real life.
I’m telling you this for your own good because I don’t want you to get stuck on one woman thinking she giving you a green light so to speak, when it fact her stop sign went up quickly after your first message.
Again. Assume this.
If it is feeling like work, it’s not working for her.
Either change your approach quickly or move on before you get stuck trying to make her like you.
As bad as it sounds women will let you fry without a word.
There’s not much out there to show you how to really talk to women. Most of it’s mind triggering stuff and quick attraction tactics. None of which is going to help you learn some of what I went over with you today. My only suggestion would be How To Talk TO Women by Carlos Xuma. He’ll show you skills you can use online AND in person. If you’re failing in the conversation area, please get it handled because it can and will make a huge difference.
Let ‘s recap what I’ve covered along with a few more helpful tips:
* Always maintain positive attitude. Women are members of online sites because they are looking for dates AND to socialize and they spend a lot of time online. This is GOOD news for us!
* Don’t get stuck on one woman. This includes spending way too much time thinking about your first message or staring at her picture. Use the numbers to an advantage.
* Don’t EVER expect to be contacted. It could happen but success happens more if YOU make first contact. If you can not lead yourself to do this, how will any women see you as a leader. There are ways to assure you get contacted first but for now, there are too many variables to account for.
* Understand the important difference between talking “TO” women and talking “WITH” women. This will help you on the date and for the rest of your life. Single or not.
* If she opens your message and is curious she will then “inspect” who you are. She will read through the profile and attempt to see past your exterior self. This is where she’s deciding to write you back.
* Online dating is not an alternative lifestyle to the real world. It is merely another avenue to explore more options. That’s it. Put your entire dating life on the internet alone and you will make it that much harder for yourself.
* If at any time you feel you have to work for her attention, it’s NOT working for her. Change what you’re doing quickly or move on.
* The internet is mostly just a microcosm of the real world. Women are NOT going to tell you what you’re doing wrong. If things are not progressing forward she’s probably not interested or you’re not leading it positively and effectively. It happens. This includes responding to your first message and continuing to talk after a second message.
This concludes your first lesson.
I’ve covered a very basic framework and no, it won’t magically wipe out your frustrations with women but I feel it clarifies some issues men have which are important.
I’ve dispelled some myths I used to cling to in hopes you’ll gain a fresh new, optimistic attitude, and yes that alone, CAN increase your success.
Make sure you read the entire online series to completely eliminate your frustration and give you a much better experience.
- How To Write A Headline That Gets Women Interested In Reading Your Profile – Part Two.
- How To Write A Perfect Online Profile Women Will Want to Read – Part Three.
- Writing Messages to Women to Get Responses On Many Online Dating Sites – Part Four.
- How My Short Internet Story Can Change Your Dating Life Online – Plus A Lesson in Flirting – Part Five.