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He Stares and Flirts at Work But The Next Day, Won’t Say A Word – Is He Interested?

in For Women
Flirting at work can be a risky fun thing but does it mean he really likes you?

I am confused about a guy. He stares at me, then talks sweetly to me, then the next week he flirts with me. He blushes when he talks to me then the next day he does not talk to me at all. What does this mean? This has been going on for a month and is driving me crazy. Is he interested or just playing around? How do I respond? Why the disinterest the following day? All this is going on at work.

I absolutely LOVE this question. It sounds like he is having a sordid love affair with you – INSIDE HIS HEAD. 🙂

And I would not have known that so confidently if I had not been there myself… More than once.

There’s an easy way to get a man to “show” you his hand.

Introduce, stimulate, or trigger attraction.

The fact that he is blushing means he IS feeling highly attracted to you but probably lacks the necessary experience in this area or at work. This means he knows what to do but he can not get himself to do it. Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection, a little failure, and the curse of public rejection.

Can I tell you a little secret?

When I began to learn all this stuff I would flirt with a girl a little but then felt compelled to stay away from her. In the past I would have hung around like a playful little puppy and since that NEVER worked I needed to do something different.

I wanted her to miss me.

I wanted to show her I could give her space.

I wanted her to believe I had a life outside of her and women in general.

I also wanted to play it “cool” in every way possible.

So if you have yourself a “freshmen” who is still learning all this fun stuff, then like me, he could be doing it on purpose. That I will NEVER deny.


The fact he is blushing and then pulling back tells me he feels guilty for flirting with you. Like maybe he crossed a line with you because you’re at work. Some guys even feel guilty crossing that proverbial line outside work so keep your eyes out for them.

But most of all… and this is something almost every guy does:

He’s kicking himself in the ass for not following through with the flirting by asking you out.

This is where knowing what to do next comes in handy but this is also where so many guys like your co-worker fail to act. Once it’s done once or twice the pressure builds and builds along with the fear beginning to grow, making it impossible for him to finally step up and just ask you out.

Your man has done this for about a month now and since you’re left wondering and confused of his intentions, he’s more than likely afraid his intentions will be less than “honorable” or at the same time he is even more curious about how you feel about him.

Many men think this way…

Okay I’m talking with her and I flirted. I think she flirted back. That MUST mean she likes me. But I’m just not sure!!! I know. I’ll test her with the only way I know how. If she comes to me the next day she must like me.

If you don’t come to him after (like the next day) and start flirting with him he becomes more confused because he figures now – if you liked it, you’d have to come back for more.

Yet, he can not help himself. He NEEDS to come back for more or your “goodness”. Just in case you changed your mind. Men will often find every reason to believe there is always hope.

What this type of guy is really doing is waiting for YOU to take that next step. There are several reasons why which goes beyond attraction. For example – in a workplace environment us guys can get ourselves in trouble asking women out because of sexual harassment BUT if she asks then we know she’s cool with the whole situation.


Is he interested in you?

There a 99% chance he is interested in you. 😀 ( This does not mean he will instantly say yes to your advancement. There’s much more going on in most circumstances. )

Is he playing around with you?

I can tell you “players” are good at what they do. If he’s playing you, a date would have already happened unless he’s that deep of a player. Remember, players know the steps to seducing a woman and they know how to do it well.

How do you respond?

That depends on what you want.

If you’re looking for a man who knows and understands the steps of “courtship” and is able to take action then don’t respond at all. Slip him DiaLTeG TM with a helpful wink and a very cute smile.

If you feel strongly about him and you’re willing to risk a date with him because he’s got so many other things going on for him, then you’ll have to either go to him directly on the day he ignores, and demand he take you someplace where you both can forget about work and swap some interesting stories. You’ll want to build to that moment by doing what works for both of you.

Put bluntly – you’re going to have to take the lead and hope he follows. If he doesn’t, please don’t take it personal.

There are too many reasons why men turn down dates at work. There’s a lot more at risk than just rejection.

For more information on guys please visit my absolutely free and “for women only”  Why Do Guys…?  I believe you’ll find it extremely helpful on understanding men and I answer lots of question directly on subject similar to this and more.

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please visit all my pages: The Nice Guy Approach | The Approach | Why Do Guys…? | Why Do Chics…? OR Like my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Yes, I’m a very busy guy. 🙂 Oh… I almost forgot Twitter – Peter White.

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60 comments… add one
  • CJ

    Something like this happened to me. Except I knew he was married because my friend knows his wife professionally. He didn’t know this. He still doesn’t know.

    He flirted intensely…made prolonged and deep eye contact all the time. He came up to me to flirt, which I stamped out tactfully. Still the man kept persisting and became more bold and obvious in his behavior.

    I happened to find another guy cute, and we interacted a lot. But Mr. Flirty would insist in being a part of the interaction or breaking it.

    I didn’t mind the flirting thing. But it eventually just became weird than a flirty interaction every time we were in the same room. He would park his car strategically so he would be near my car or he would park so he would be in my line of vision.

    He would ask me, what I thought were random and unconnected questions and statements, which were more puzzling than enticing.

    “Do you have a headache?”

    I nodded my head.

    “Is it me?”

    Puzzled, I look at him. Then I shake my head to say “no.”

    “You know, you’re the first person that has told me it isn’t me.”

    Choosing to remain silent, I ask myself, why are you telling me this?

    The more I don’t react towards him the more persistent he became to the point where he started to rib the other guy I was talking to. And when that didn’t appear to work, he started befriending us.

    He would start inserting himself in our conversations. He liked what we liked.

    He tried to humnly brag about himself.

    So, at the end of that, I got tired and thought, “Okay, what IS this man’s deal?”

    I gave him mh number and told him to say what you need to say.

    He slowed down his roll, and just gives me that intense blue-eyed stare that he has. I shrugged and walk off.

    He hasn’t called. The guy is married. He has a thing for big, dark eyed women with pouty lips…spanish/oriental looking woman, which is a complete opposite of what his wife looks like.

    My guess is he is Mr. Flirt. He needs acceptance. He likes to flirt and chase. Maybe he has cheated on his wife a few times. Who knows who cares. The guy just needed something.

    It was fun, but weird. Back to our lives.

  • melanie

    I work with this guy who is quite attractive. He seems to be showing all the signs of flirting with me i.e raising eyes. smiling. staring when were talking touching my hands. hugging. high fives trys touching me when ever he can teases me gets excited when we have things in common like not sleeping well. Iv never had a guy be like this with me b4 and i don’t know what to do. I don’t have confidence to ask him out right but we have spoken before about relationships and flirting as people use to say he’s really flirty but he says he’s not a flirt. Im just confused what should i do i like him an we do get on. Please help x

  • Anna

    I started new job and this very good looking guy had a thing for me. I think.
    He walked past my desk starring at me intensely, caught him looking at me when I wasn’t watching. Sometimes he would just walk right at me with a big grin on his face. When he talked to me he seemed all nervous and shy and I was too. I never believed you could feel something for anyone without getting to know them first, but he literally took my breat away everytime he looked at me. I thought he felt it too. When we were around each other you could almost feel the electricity in the air. I didn’t pick up on this flirting because I’m really shy and I almost kind of avoided him. I think I hurt his pride because at xmas party ( hapened month after I started) he didn’t even looked at me, as if on purpose he wasn’t going to acknowledge me.
    Week later he rocks up with his new girlfriend at small office gathering and quite frankly I think he did that on purpose too, to see my reaction, or to hurt me back.
    Since that he hardly even looks at me, sometimes I hear him talk about his girlfriend so loudly I hear it at the other end of the office.
    He also purposefully ignores me at work, omits me from emails, passes on messages through other people.
    I think he may just as well fell in love with the other girl and trying to avoid me to not to lead me on. So I can move on.
    I’m a bit moved on now and won’t do anything to encourage him, but how do you suggest I aproach him ignoring me without looking like I’m desperate for his attention.

    • Anna,

      I’m going to be very blunt.

      Focus on your new job. Forget about this guy. Your need to know the answer will only make things worse for you. Your attraction will only go up.

      You have no way of knowing if he felt it too AND since he now has a girlfriend, he should be allowed to enjoy his new relationship. If something was going on then your statement says it all, “fell in love with the other girl and trying to avoid me to not to lead me on”.

      I don’t suggest you approach him at all. This is your job. This is his job.


      • Anna

        Dear Pete
        Thanks for being blunt, you were right I should have focused on work.
        Me and the guy hooked up and turned out he did have a crush on me, more, he only brought that girl to a pub( which he met on tinder 2 days before) to get back at me for talking to his mate at xmas party.
        His ego was hurt. Turns out she wasn’t even his girlfriend! Anyway since he used that other girl for his own selfish purposes I’ve decided he’s not worth my time.
        Thanks anyway

  • Jen

    Ok so there is this guy who works with me. He flirts with me. Says dirty things to me. Touched me. Like grabs my sides or hips. He even got behind me and kisses my neck. The touching thing happens alot. Which I don’t mind. I do the same to him. This been going on for 2 months now. Yes I like him and I flirty back with him, and talk dirty to him. But my question is if he likes me so much. I mean it’s clear he does. He never told me he does. But you can tell. Everyone says we nake a cut couple. Why haven’t he made a big move yet? I mean I know alot of people who are dating where I work. They keep it to themselves. I know about one couple cause I’m good friends with both. And they know I won’t say anything to anyone. But then today he acted like I wasn’t even there. No talking, no flirty, no dirty talk. Nothing. What is going on? Any advice would be helpful. I’m very much confused about everything with him. But straight and honest when answering back. I can take it.

    • Hey Jen,

      Is all this touching and kissing going on at work and if so, are you accepting applications? Might be a place I want to work for.

      Okay, first of all – a guy “telling” you he likes you is not something “we” recommend unless she has made it abundantly clear she likes the guy and even then, why bother? Actions are so much more powerful from a guy and mean so much more. Anybody can say things but actions are much more reliable. Think of a guy who forever “says” he wants to marry or commit to you but never does – sooner or later you’ll get the picture that his words means nothing if they’re not back by action.

      So… what he’s doing means he likes you. I’m positive I’ve NEVER kissed a woman’s neck I didn’t “like”. The sexual attraction is there. I’m sure you already knew that, right?

      I’m assuming the “big move” you’re talking about is dating. But are you looking for a commitment? Some form of relationship? It’s important to note because dating to me is very casually and it never means we’re girlfriend and boyfriend. Think about what it means to you and what it could mean to him too.

      Okay, I do this sort of stuff all the time. Minus the “groping” girls at work of course. That would get me fired. Haha!! I’ll flirt, pay attention, have fun with a certain woman, and then the next day, it’s business as usual.

      The reasons I do this are: 1. I have work to do and my focus can only be spread so much. 2. I’m not into being one of “those” guys who follow women around all day just to spend precious moments with her hoping something more will happen. 3. It’s a job, not a relationship. Remaining fun and flirty keeps things interesting but first and foremost, the job comes first. Otherwise it would be like going to my girlfriend’s house everyday.

      I’d expect guys in a work environment to go silent a lot and honestly, I would appreciate and respect a guy more for acting that way just as I would expect the women to act the very same way. People need space and independence especially in the work place where personal financial goals are keeping us going.

      Now… the big question… why hasn’t he made a big move such as asking you out? Since I don’t know the whole story, how you are, how he is, I can only guess a few things might be happening:

      1. He refuses to become involved with a woman at work beyond what he’s doing now.
      2. He’s using you as an ego boost. He’s making his job more enjoyable at your expense.
      3. He’s using you to make him self look better in front of other people. Even without words being spoken, people talk.
      4. He doesn’t HAVE a like outside of work and would rather not have you figure that fact out. In this “deal” you have he’s looking great but outside of work, he might be worried you’ll find he’s nothing special and lacks the confidence or conviction he has while performing his job.
      5. He’s “into” the secrecy kind of thing. It turns him on. He likes the public thing.
      6. He’s actually dating someone outside of work and doesn’t want you to know. Might even have a girlfriend.

      Honestly Jen, I think it’s time YOU step up and say something if you’re looking for more than what you’re getting from him. If you’re enjoying it and you’re okay with it, then it’s good. But it doesn’t seem like you are. With that said tell him, “You’re all bark and no bite.” and then laugh a little with a wink. Explain to him when he asks what the hell that means, tell him how you feel. Don’t explain how you feel about him, just tell him how what he’s doing is making you question his motive. Something like that.

      It’s okay at this point to be honest. But again, it’s not about vowing your love for him or anything like that. Just a bit of encouragement to take all this someplace else.

      If then, at that point, he’s still not moving in a real direction then you have to decide just how long you’re willing to be “groped” at work with no real move in sight.

      Let me know how it goes.

      Keep in mid everything I’ve said today because it should trigger something in your head which will reveal a lot more to you in your personal situation.

      All the best,


  • Alison

    So I’m literally falling in love with my co worker hard and this situation is so messed up I don’t even know where to begin. I really need some perspective on what do think or do.
    Let’s start with I’m a bar manager at a place I’ve worked at for 15 years. I decided to hire this guy I used to work with 10 years ago. He was a busboy and I was a waitress then. I couldn’t stand him. Anyway for some reason I decided to give him a chance since it’s be 10 years people change. Anyway so glad I did because he is awesome. He has grown up so much and a great worker.
    Now here’s some back story to this confusing situation. My boyfriend or 10 years also bartends at the same job. We have had are ups and downs through the years. About 5 years ago I decided to snoop around and found that he had been sending and receiving sexually videos and photos with girls from the internet. And having an emotional affair with a customer. I was devastated and kicked him out. He begged for me back and said he was stupid and lonely and never cheated. I forgave him and took him back. And we have been together ever since. But for the past two years we have had sex maybe 3 times. We don’t fight and we say I love you but it’s not normal,
    Anyway so the guy from work has been there for about 6 months. I have never looked at him in a sexually way ever nor did I see what was ahead. We work next to each other ever shift and slowly we have developed a weird bond and connection. Mind you he knows my boyfriend and works with him as well and I guess you could say we are all “friends”. But I don’t know what the defining moment was but all of a sudden it knocked me over and I thought “oh my god I have feelings for him.” We literally complete each other’s sentences and have soooo many things in common I’ve truly Devoloped hard feelings. And I start to have this nagging feeling he has the same feelings back. He started to get more flirty, he started to ask more questions about what’s my favorite movie what kind of shows I like etc.. then we started texting each other stupid things for no reason being flirty.
    Now I knew things are not prefect in my relationship.. we don’t even have sex but I feel so much guilt because of my feeling I tell myself to go through his stuff again to see what I could find. I’m hoping nothing and then I could blame myself for having feelings for someone else. Well I find he has been ing still doing all the same shit behind my back this whole time. So now I’m angry and don’t look at him that way anymore. I tell him what I know. He begs and pleads and says he can’t live without me. I told him I need time and don’t look at him the same. But we still live together. I only found out a week ago so I’m trying to process what the next step us. But I’m done.
    Now back to the co worker all that has done is make me fall even harder for him I want to pursue him. I decide to confide in him what’s going on because I want him to know am available. I know obilously we both feel these connection but he never crossed the line knowing I have a boyfriend and he knows him. We says to me sorry to hear and he is there for us if we need him. He says thank you for trusting me and he won’t tell anyony. All I said is we broke up no details. So next time we work together he is asking more questions about me and my favorite things. We flirt more then ever. The next night we work together flirt he is asking me my shows says I just need to know what you like. I can’t even focus on work cause I’m so consumed by him. At the end of the shift he asks… ” did you guys really break up or were you trying to test me to see if I spread it and you still live together and nevermind forget I said anything don’t mean to pry”. I text him later that night and explained more or the situation and sorry if it’s tmi. He said it’s ok you need to let it out. The next day we worked together he was still flirty but definitely more distance. He kept telling me every time a cute girl came to the bar, flirting with girls in front of me and he never really did that before. And the end of the night he always sits and talks to me and he didn’t this time and don’t say bye.
    I’m so confused? I’m doubting is this all in my head he likes me at all? Is he scared of the situation? How do I approach this? I want him to know how I feel so bad! But how what if I’m wrong and he just looks at me as a friend. I really like him but don’t want to seem desperate. What the f do I do?

  • Kylie

    So my situation is that I met this guy at work through a mutual friend, and at first I wasn’t thinking anything of him, but I learned that he is a nice guy, and the more I interact with him, the more attracted to him I feel. We talk because we do have that mutual friend. When he talks to me he really gives prolonged eye contact. I need to mention that he has a girlfriend, and I am aware of that, so i try to keep my distance as well because i don’t want to be “that woman” who gets in between them. He never asks me questions about me, except when I bring something up to him (for example “I got a new car”—he gave me a thorough advice about this. He even light tapped my hand while talking). When he talks to me he’s not facing me, and yet he is the one who initiates conversations with me. I am a shy girl, so I tend not to approach him first, but I’m left trying to figure out if he likes me or not so I try to talk to him once in a while to test the waters. He’s very sweet and he gives me food. And when he talks to me, he talks to me. But the next day he acts like I’m not there. He doesn’t talk to me. I don’t know if he’s playing me or if he’s just a really friendly guy and I misinterpreted everything. He’s so charming and cool about everything. I’m so attracted to him and I don’ tknow what to do about it or what he’a really thinking.

  • Heatheri

    I’ve had this exact thing happen with an older man at work except it’s been going on for 2 years…yep 2 flipping years. The more time that goes by the higher my attraction for him increases. I know I should just ask him out but I’m afraid if its a no he’ll stop talking to me and it will be awkward. All my friend say go for it because they’ve seen the flirting that goes on but that still doesn’t garauntee a yes. When he goes cold I always say I’m done but then he comes back the next day and flirts and I’m all in again like I have no control. What am I supposed to do?

  • Cynthia

    There is this new guy in my area,his sister is my friend actually..he stares at me always and once talked to me but that was indirectly as in he sent his sister to me with his messages..i dunno,am sick and tired of his stares,its freaking me out..what should i do??

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