Can A Woman Change Your Mind Or Make You Like Her?

There seems to be a common belief out there among guys who have been "friend zoned" by a woman that they think or believe they can change the her mind into liking them.

BUT.... you rarely ever hear the other side of the story.

Can a woman change a guy's mind?

Common belief suggests it's easier for a guy to get a woman to feel something more for him than it is for a guy to feel something for her IF there was nothing there in the beginning.

What do you think? Is it easier for a man or woman?

Before you answer in the comment section you might want to read what's coming up next because it's rarely something anyone thinks about BUT it makes a lot of sense.

The not-always-so-obvious problem with questions like this is the one thing we use everyday... our MINDS.

Attraction and love is NOT a CHOICE.

No one chooses to FEEL something - it just happens.

Changing another person's mind is assuming a man is CHOOSING to not feel something which is far from the way attraction and love works.

David DeAngelo wrote the most powerful and insightful book explaining how attraction really works and PROVED to me how something so simple can be so amazingly RIGHT.

(Pick up the ebook for yourself if you're a guy of course and if you have any problems with women. ANY problems because this will literally change your entire mindset and open success with women like most men will never ever experience - Attraction Isn't A Choice.)

The ideas in the book also suggest that once a woman doesn't FEEL something for a guy - no amount of asking, pleading or begging will change it.

"You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.

If a woman doesn’t “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being “reasonable” with her?"

Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women – Common Mistakes to Avoid

The same goes for you too.

Guys are NOT "choosing" to not feel something for you therefore changing his mind is not going to work.

In fact - "trying" to change, convince, call it whatever you like, is one of the biggest mistakes a woman can attempt IF she's to find real love.

MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You.

"What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious? They try to “convince” the man to feel differently.


Never, ever, ever. You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.

Think about it.

If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?

Men are the worst at this by the way. They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.

Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man. She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.

When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches."

Avoid These Ten Mistakes With Men To Get The Love Life of Your Dreams by Christian Carter

Okay so...

Changing someone's mind (man or woman) is definitely NOT the answer.


Finally! Some good news, right?


Assuming it's not a choice this means you can CREATE something and you'll be shown the best way for it to happen below... just be patient.

Let's go back to the original idea of this post and that was to hopefully get "other" guys to tell you the absolute truth about changing how the FEEL about you if nothing was there in the beginning OR if it went away.

Here are 4 scenarios a guy might experience with you followed by a very specific question he could answer.

Scenario 1:

You meet her.

You both go out on a date one or more times.

You realize you're not feeling it.

Maybe she's kind of cool and all so you wouldn't mind hanging out with her so you tell her,

"I just want to be friends."

Could she ever "change" your mind?

Scenario 2:

You meet her.

She's totally into you and you begin to think, "You're in."

She's hot, sexy, and does it for you physically.

There's no doubt in your mind that you want her so the chemistry rises and you end up having sex one or more times.

Then suddenly you begin to feel if you let this go any further you will end up in a relationship with her and that's not something you sure you want from now OR with HER.


You pull back and stop calling her so much or stop calling her entirely.

You just feel you're not ready but she continues pushing you causing you to pull back ever further and eventually you've have enough so you tell her,

"I like you but I don't want to hurt you."

Could she ever change your mind into wanting a relationship with her?

Scenario 3:

You meet her.

You don't feel physically attracted to her.

She's seems really into you and keeps pushing you to go out with her or she flirts with you constantly hoping you'll get the hint.

But you never do for obvious reasons...

Could she ever get you to feel what you were missing when you first met her?

Scenario 4:

You meet her with a friend.

She's pretty cool and you end up hanging out with her more and doing shit together.

You both quickly realize you have a lot in common. In fact you have so much in common you end up becoming very close friends.

Months or years down the road you have "the talk" because you both have been in and out of so many relationships since you met and it's driving both of you crazy.

She casually mentions,

"Have you ever thought about us going out?" or

"How come we never hooked up?" or

"How come you never asked me out on a date?"

This surprises you and as you think about her questions you realize she is more like a sister to you so you tell her and she accepts it outwardly...

But inside, deep in her heart, that WAS the VERY moment she realized she had fallen in love with you and now wants more.

Could she ever change your mind about seeing her less as a sister and more as a sexual partner?

T is not a survey. We're not going to click on some pre-selected box which may or may not be close to what we were or are feeling.

Leave your answers below and let women finally get a glimpse into the mind of "the guy" who either chose to be just friends with her or who was just never feeling it for her.

Now it's my turn...

"If a guy is not feeling any kind of attraction towards a woman it’s very rare for him to begin to feel it.

This includes both types of attraction.

Making it incredibly much more difficult for a woman to escape his friends zone."

Men generally experience two forms of attraction.

The first is purely physical and is by sight only.

The second happens when a man connects deeply with a woman and a bond is formed which includes love and possibly a relationship.

If the attraction is there and he's hesitant about entering or committing to you - his mind can DEFINITELY be changed.

But again - like mentioned above - you can NOT convince him of anything.

You can uses certain skills, techniques, or communicate to him differently to urge him to decide he wants a relationship with you.

There are literally thousands of advice and tip articles to help you there and even more paid advice products.

(Tell me a little about your problem below and I'll do my best to suggest the best for you because I've reviewed and advertised hundreds of them over the years.)

Here's a cool Ebook to help you out if this is the problem:  

why Men Won't Commit Cover

10 Reasons Why Men Won’t Commit And What To Do About It.


If there is no initial physical attraction then you're going to have a much harder problem on your hands because like before - you can't MAKE him feel physically attracted to you.

It's not that guys are only into looks - that couldn't be further from the truth. Despite what most feel - it's a myth.

Men are definitely not just into how attractive you are.... it just helps to gain his initial interest in wanting to get to know you better.

If you think he was missing the physical attraction part when you first met AND you want to get his attention then this might be your only solution:

Do not see him for at least a few months.

Three to five months may be enough because we all go through stages in our lives that play out over that time.

A lot of time needs to pass BEFORE she could ever be seen any differently.

Develop or change how you appear physically.

It could mean losing weight, changing your hair color, dressing differently, or even just learning how to walk with more sex appeal.

It any case this must be done according to YOUR life and not for him.

You must understand that for him to begin to feel something different for you - this must be done selfishly - for yourself.

It's hard to create something new with him if you're only doing for his love and affection.

Just like you - men like a challenge.

If you're too willing to give up so much of yourself for him, it will destroy the chances of a second stage attraction. (Connection, love, relationship.)

So you can see - you're not TRYING to change his mind - you're merely presenting yourself differently to him by triggering his physical attraction towards you.

And you can see the only REAL solution to that is to get far away from him and create a new look for yourself.

Which takes time and patience.

As noted above - men are NOT all into looks BUT if you're not doing certain things for yourself which can help him feel attracted to you - then that needs to be taken care of.... immediately.

Something noted in this popular article:

#1: Look after yourself.

You may think that this is about being a flawless specimen of beauty or wallowing in vanity.

NOT at all.

What I’m stressing here is that you need to let everyone know you care enough to look your best. And that’s not the same as physical perfection “guys just need to cotton on to the fact that you’re always on top of your looks.”

How To Be The Girl That Guys Want To Date

You can read this Ebook to learn some FACTS about men and their attraction to women:

The Many Ways On How To Be Sexy To Men Based On How Men Evaluate Women

The book brings up a point which is very important to understand IF and WHEN you want to change how a guy FEELS about you.

Remember the two forms of attraction above?

IF a guy isn't too physically attracted to you at first BUT becomes more emotionally connected to you and bonds with you (intimately and sexually) you WILL become more physically attracted to you.

Likewise - your PERSONALITY - regardless of your overall look CAN AND WILL MAKE YOU APPEAR MORE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE.

This is good news because it gives you just as much opportunity as he does in making you FEEL something even though nothing was there in the beginning.

Does it fully answer the BIG question today?

Can you CHANGE a guy's mind into "liking" you if any of those scenarios have happened to you or you're going through something "different"?



Because you must get away from changing his mind.

Remember - you can not convince someone to feel something for you and attraction in all its form is not something which is chosen... it is FELT!

You can not change his mind BUT...

Do the right things and you CAN make him start to FEEL something for you.

If all other things are in place and you learn the right skills to make that happen.

Obviously it's not guaranteed to work on 100% of all guys in every situation but it can and does happen.

Just like you might not have felt something for a guy you knew and then months or years down the road he started to feel it - the same goes for him.

Lots of guys have personally wrote to me to tell me that they didn't experience anything more than a friendship with a woman and slowly, over time BEGAN to have real deep feelings for her.

It's TOTALLY possible so it can be work.

In all the scenarios above you can get him to "feel" something different BUT it does require some work and since this about people, there's never a guarantee it will work.

You might end up wasting a lot of  your valuable time with nothing to show for it and each situation requires a different technique or skill or communication style.

Since the transition to making DiaLteG TM just for men I strongly encourage and suggest you take a good look at my "only for women" - "all about guys" website appropriately named  Why Do Guys...?

You'll find lots of great stuff on understanding men there.

You Can Become The Perfect Man For Any Woman You Desire!

DiaLteG Perfect Woman

Not everything at DiaLteG Tm is available to non-members.

CLICK HERE to learn how you can unlock all of it and be shown how to attract women naturally.

Go Here, Become A Member and Attract Your Perfect Woman… Naturally!

22 Signs Of Attraction & Interest A Woman Will ALWAYS Give you… IF she’s actually feeling attracted to you!

Her Attraction Signs Signals Cover

♦ What happens when you have fears of being sexually unattractive. Six ways you make it worse & the easy solution to it.

♦ A simple method to avoid ever having to figure out if a woman is interested in you or not. Do this every time and watch the results.

♦ How to interpret a woman’s signals and the order of their importance. She only has 3 which makes learning them easy.

♦ The secrets of escalating from eye contact to physical intimacy. If the thought of escalating with a woman makes you nervous – This is something you won’t want to miss.

♦ Over 22 signs of attraction & interest from a woman you can easily detect.  From her body language, sexual interest, to when she wants a kiss and even further to the bedroom. (39 pages in all!)

♦ The absolute reality behind her every sign and signal of attraction and what it means to you, and why it’s a good thing too.

Sign in below for your free download:

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Stop wasting time with women who only will EVER want to be your friend!


Dave here I like the way you communicate, it makes me think. I am what I call a thinker, meaning I am always consciously thinking about something, usually a project or a future project how to proceed about things. But for some reason I never put it use in my social life probably because I was raised to believe only “sluts” want sex and who wants a slut, right? Right now she is looking pretty good. LOL anyway You make me think in ways I haven’t before and it is making me feel better about many things I just wanted to say I am glad I accidentally ran across your site and to say Thank You and keep up the good work. If you want to feel free to use this letter.
Thank You again your awesome and your teachings are also, Dave Allen

Talk about women – JOIN the Facebook group Why Do Chics…? or Visit the Facebook DiaLteG TM page and leave comments – never miss a thing and tips too.

About the author: Peter White – Blatantly honest with an awesome ability to see the reality of attraction, dating, & relationships for men and women. DiaLteG TM started as a way to help you become better with women and more attractive. All you need is here. It’s transformed into something more: A place to discuss our man problems that women just don’t seem to get or understand.

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The article is posted in these Categories: Her Friends Zone – Getting In, Getting Out, and Staying Out

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85 comments… add one
  • Sue

    Recently had a guy I’d dated for 4 months break it off bc he said he didn’t feel a connection after the initial stage. Took him 2 months to figure that out and pull the trigger to end it? Everything was there from great physical chemistry he said but just no connection, assume he meant emotional connection. He came on strong at the start leaving stuff at my place and sleeping over. I let his crazy busy schedule derail my boundaries. I let him come hangout whenever he could. Then when he knew I was really into him he backed out. He said in time we could be friends but we have no friends in common. I would never see him naturally unless we got back in touch. We are following each other on Instagram but that’s it. Is there anyway to reach out in a certain amount of time and get time with him? Is there even a way for me to reach out and get in touch that wouldn’t seem desperate? Is there anything I can post to my Instagram to intrigue him again? Why is it that if a man isn’t feeling connected but all thwe foundation with a woman is just what he’s looking for he just dumps her instead of telling her and trying to build a connection? Why do they just cut it off so quick?

  • Stephanie

    Pete…. I’m confused!

    I met this guy on a dating site. His stated “wants a relationship” while mine said “wants to date but nothing serious.” SO I messaged him and we started talking/texting get instantly, so I’m going into this thinking he’s looking to see what’s outhe there for possible matches. Our attraction was instant and honestly things took a sexting turn fairly quickly. Before that though I insisted that I don’t do that if I haven’t met the guy. Well, us both being in our mid 30’s, screw it, what’s wrong with talking sexy. So we talk around the clock for a week… he puts in effort in his texts, feels good. Then we meet finally. At the end he leans in and kisses me, but after 5 minutes of texting post date I end up back at his place for sex. Here’s where it gets weird to me: the next day he tells me he enjoyed my company but he’s just not looking to date right now, he doesn’t have the time. Says he still wants to hang out. In his defense, he is very busy, as he’s in sports and his team just started their season and are traveling, practice every day, promotional things, etc. VERY busy guy! I tell him I understand and I’m not upset, and things go back almost to normal (almost). I told him i kinda figured this was only about sex and he says, “we don’t have to have sex, I dont care about that.” He still talks to me though, he texts me when he can, but does often go days without saying anything or responding. But I get it… I’ve been understanding about his career and have met up with him another 2 times, both were hook ups. Now he’s gone for their game and I’m contemplating things. He doesn’t want to date, was it me? Like did he meetc me and think, “nah… she’said ok for a hook up but I’m good.” Or maybe he realized where he was in his life and career? I really like him, so I don’t want to get my hopes up and get crushed. I get the feeling that he’s really busy but I’m just not enough to really get his spark going, although he’s never hidden that he finds me sexy or enjoys hooking up. Before we had gotten sexy in the beginning I asked him what he wanted and he said, “fwb, but not just sex, dinner or movie every now and then.” I don’t know if I’m in a FWB zone or a “I don’t know how to say I don’t wanna talk” place. I’m so confused, and hate that I found a guy that’s so unavailable. 🙁

  • Wolf_with_a_Shotgun

    Okay, so I’ve had a crush on a girl for 3 years with no luck…
    First, I asked her over text and it was more of a “do you like me” not a “wiLloyd you go out with me?” And that’s how I did it every time, but even still she responded with a friend zoned
    Second, I invite her to a few places, but she never invited me. Eventually I invite her to the skating ring and she says yes, but when I ask her she replies with the same ol’ friend zone and talks about the last 2 she friend zoned
    Then, I realized that a girl doesn’t like to be harassed and whatnot so I apologizedon’t for it and said I was most likely done because a brain injury had apparently made me lose a few feelings for her at the time, and of course I like her again… but anyway, as I’m apologizing, she responds with the same thing… I didn’t even ask her out! Then I offer to delete her number from my phone or for me to stop talking about it and she complains and tells me not to…
    I’ve just been curious for all these years… Trying different strategies of my trusted friends or my own… Do I have a chance with her? If so what the hell do I do bc I’m tired of the same ol’ bs…

  • Jessica

    Pete.. you’re freaking cute! 🙂

    • That is one of my better qualities… thank you Jessica. Except I am more than just a cute man – I also have a brain and occasionally it works. :p

  • Lauren

    Hey Pete

    Okay, so I’ve known this guy for about two years now and we’ve always been really great friends. Good friends to the point where people assumed we were dating. Anyways, I realized a while ago that I had romantic feelings for him. I eventually got the guts to tell him and unfortunately he didn’t feel the same way. However, ever since then he’s become even more flirty and touchy feely. I’m trying really hard to move on and just get over it but it seem impossible. I still really want him in my life, he’s one of my best friends, but I don’t know if I should just give up or continue to hope for something to happen.

    What should I do?

  • J

    Long shot, but hey, Peter.

    There’s a guy I’ve technically known for ten years through good friends (the good friends we still see on a regular basis), but because of our paths, we’ve never really had the opportunity to get to know each other until a few weeks ago when we matched on Tinder, of all places. We really get along really well, share the same sense of humor, and we’ve kept each other up really late at night with our texting.

    We finally met last week for a first date, and while we were still having a good time, when he went in to kiss me, he was very honest and said that he didn’t feel butterflies. I thought he was joking at first because of the type of humor we do, but he was serious. We still made out for a bit and talked for a few hours until it got dark and lost track of time. The second date happened two days later and things to be going well again and I got my hopes up. He went in to kiss me again and after a few minutes stopped and said, in the nicest way humanly possible (and I truly mean that even though it is a horrible thing I wish he hadn’t said), that he didn’t find me sexually attractive. I was floored and speechless, and just listened to him talk about how he felt like he was forcing things and how hard it is to find someone that you even get along with and how much this sucks and blah blah blah. We went our separate ways, and he still wants to talk with me and I am after giving a bit of time to myself to think about things.

    I need to include three things that might affect the situation: 1) I was very modestly dressed both dates. First was jeans and a t-shirt although I wanted to wear a dress, I didn’t want to seem like I was over dressed, and the second date I wore my work uniform which were pants and a polo. 2) I had just gotten a huge pimple the day of the date and it didn’t go away until five days later, and let’s just face the fact that pimples are not remotely sexy 3) I was beyond nervous and didn’t feel completely like myself since I was not in my element. Nervous laughter, stuck in my head, I think you get the idea.

    Crazy as it sounds, I really want to see him in the future still. I’m not immediately crazy about the idea of dating anyone after doing all that leg work and getting the response that I did, but there is a high chance that I will be seeing him in the near future at a social event or several, and I want to know even if it doesn’t mean that I will win him over as a date, do you think he was premature in judging me sexually? Because I do, and I wonder if it’s remotely possible that he will realize this and I just want some confirmation bias to ease the pain. Or the truth. Whichever you think will be better (hopefully the answer is the same for both queries).

    Thanks <3

    • J,

      I highly doubt he was premature about judging you sexually. He’s known you for ten years. We (us guys) know almost instantly whether or not we’re attracted to someone. Don’t get me wrong, attraction can grow for some men especially as they grow and change BUT it doesn’t happen for all men.

      He gave it a try to see if he could feel it with you, because you get along, but it didn’t happen.

      What you’re wearing, pimple here, pimple there, mean barely nothing to a guy when they’re kissing a woman. If you got that far and he pulled back, that’s a clear signal because he would’ve definitely known by then.

      Okay. Men can get excited by what you wear. We can be made more aware sexually. We can be teased into submission. But all that happens after we feel an instant attraction one way or another.

      I’d say you both did good. He didn’t waste your time. You both gave it a try.

      As long as you don’t take it personal or believe his idea of attraction is every mans you’l find it much easier to just go back to being friends.

      Trust me, all us guys have some common traits we find attractive, but we all feel the most attraction towards someone which is generally unique to who we are and not her basic looks. That means – to each their own.

      Hope that helps you on all ends,


  • Dana

    I met a guy 4 days ago at work(housekeeper) and hung out with him and he was 100% honest and said he wants to date but he is always on the road for work? You think there is any way he would changet his mind on dating ?

  • Becky

    Hi Pete
    I’ve known this guy for 4 years, we have alot of mutual friends and he’s always flirted with me in person and by message. We’ve hung out a few times alone in the past. He has continually initiated contact with me during the time I’ve known and we have remained friends. After the first year when he always contacted me and I replied, it was at least 70/30 him intiating contact with me after that. Over message, he did make some advances to me about making a move in earlier contact. He would always message me and at one time it was almost everyday just to tell me about what was going on in his life and ask about mine. Earlier on he even contacted me while on holiday. We got a bit intimate a while ago (kissed) one night, nothing major but i was in a relationship at the time so we never took it further. We’ve been away on a few group holidays where he made suggestive remarks and jokes/sexual innuendos like if i said the table’ s not laid and he would say do you want to get laid etc Later on down the line he said it felt like it was getting too intense though nothing had happened, we were just good friends. He thought i liked him alot and miscontrued things i did as liking him more, but i was fond of him as a friend and never went after him. When i took it up with him he said it was all me showing i liked him, like it was one sided even after all the messages, flirting, suggestions, sexually jokey videos and picture messages from him. He became distant and pulled back for a while. He’s almost 37 and never had a serious girlfriend. The last woman he was seeing for over a year told me a year after they broke up that he held a candle for me, although she didnt really know much about us or had not really seen us together. I asked her why and she said she thought we had a connection. Other friends have made comments about us asking if anything was going on. He has said in the past he just wanted to be friends, although admitted in the first year we knew each other that if we’d met when i was single something would of happened. I know i was not in the situation to act on this but it felt like it was more. I don’t believe i was imagining it. What I don’t understand is why is he still contacting me. Its must be more than an ego boost. If he knows I liked him/like him now?, and he knew that i thought he was leading me on, even though he said he wasn’t. If he knew I wanted something with him, and he just wants to be friends then why waste time, why does he still message me now ? Sometimes with Long detailed messages and some flirting when out with mutual friends. Why not just say hi and chat in passing if he’s not interested. It can’t be all about friendship. Do guys really do this when they just want to be friends? I can’t believe it, i felt like he was the one and really fell for him but i’ve tried to let it go and have moved on. We click in every way and the attraction has always been there. I don’t know what went wrong and i think life is so unfair. What’s your take on this? What could i do to turn the tables? Thanks for reading.

    • Becky

      Hi Pete can you respond to mine above
      Thank you!

  • Ginger.

    I met this guy Leo, at a formal party of mutual friends, and it was pretty obvious we were attracted to each other straight away. He was a gentlemen, playful talker, funny, and we got on really well very quickly, we just clicked you know!
    However I was eighteen and not really interested in guys (late bloomer) and even though I found him attractive, I didn’t want to date anyone, plus my best friend of the time had developed a HUGE crush on him so we became and remained just friends. We quickly became close told each other secrets, and we arranged to meet up with friends, I soon discovered I was hooked, I really liked him. He was flirty but I was afraid I didn’t want to be just another girl, and I was not about to compete with my best friend.
    Our friendship cooled off until later that summer, then I fell head over heels for him again, however he was extremely flirtatious with me he was also coy with others, I hoped we might date but we didn’t. He dated a much younger girl in the winter and it ended badly. I left it months, I gave him time tried to get over him but I couldn’t, I caved and told him I liked him and cared for him, I was simple and direct but I never uttered the L word. He told me that he just wanted to stay single for a while, the breakup was tough on him, and he needed to heel. So four months on we are closer friends again, but, he contacts me how he used to, all flirty and coy, the spark is there and it’s not just in my head but he won’t commit, he makes hints at an us, but will he ever come around? thoughts please. I’m now nearly twenty one and I am still unsure if he wants us!?
    From confused Ginger x x

    • Truthfully Ginger, you might be going about all this the wrong way. It seems you want a relationship or nothing with him. Almost like you want to skip the dating part. AND I think he’s feeling the same thing.

      He also knows how much you like him, even before you told him.

      So… what you need to do is create some dating time first BEFORE a commitment. We (most guys) do not like or chase instant relationships. We want to court a little. Somewhat show ourselves off to prove who we are and assure it’s us attracting you. At the same time we use that time to figure out if you are what we’re looking for.

      For that to happen, he needs to see in a different light. He needs to understand that just because you “like” him does not mean it’s going to be an instant relationship. He needs to understand he will either have to work for you a little harder or he’s getting nothing. He also needs to understand that nothing ever will happen unless you start doing fun things together which might be perceived or seen as being on a date.

      That means – date other guys. Give yourself more options. Feel free to blow him off once in a while because you’re busy with other guys who are interested in dating you. (Not a commitment.)

      We go from meeting, connecting, casual dating, time to test for compatibility and a deeper connection, then the possible relationship.

      Skipping parts normally creates confusion, Ginger. Right? 😀

      Don’t let you being hooked on this guy stop you from exploring your options. You can tell him all you want and it won’t change a thing. Change his urgency to date you and he might. Erase relationship and commitment for now. Take it off the table. Let it happen naturally.


  • Meg

    I was with this guy for 8 months. We met online. We’re both in our 30s. He’s been divorced for almost 3 years (married for 2). He shares custody of his dogs with her, says they’re best friends, and brings her up a lot. We got in an argument about it before and he says that he does not want to get back together with her. However, I still believe a connection was there because I saw them outside his house when she dropped the dogs off one day and they embraced for a full minute, then she stood there with her arms around his neck while they talked. He chased me, so things seemed all good. I accidentally told him I loved him 5 months in. He did not say it back. We’ve met each other’s families and then all of a sudden one night he seems emotional and tells me that he’s not a good person and that he can’t love me. He went on to tell me that I’m amazing, smart, beautiful, etc. so if he can’t love me he can’t love anyone. I guess I talked him into trying. But one night a month later I told him that I don’t feel like a priority and he told me he doesn’t know why we’re together if he can’t love me. I got my things and left. The next day I called him (mistake, I know) and he tells me that he can’t be my boyfriend and having sex with me is like having sex with his sister. He told me to not contact him for a month and MAYBE we could be friends. I left him alone. It’s been 3 weeks. I believe he’s not over his ex, but this just felt sudden and hurtful. What can I do?

    • Meg,

      I would say the best thing to do would be to move on as quickly as you can. Yeah, sounds a bit harsh and yes, it’s easy for me to say BUT all things considered, why waste anymore time on him. Use your valuable time to gather yourself and look elsewhere.

      Whether he feels something for you or not is not going to make a difference. He hasn’t said he loves you. He’s done everything he can to push you away, his ex is not going away, and he has told you not to contact him for a while. Add to it the fact your thoughts of him and his ex seem to be dominating your mind and trust me, when I say what seemed sudden to you, is not for a guy. It’s been building for a while.

      Things don’t work out. It happens. It happens a lot between men and women. Holding on at this point will only make it harder on you. Take what you can learn from it all and look onward. You’ll thank yourself later for it.