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Inside His Heart – Can A Woman Change Our Minds Or Make Us Like Her?

in For Women, Teaching
Is his mind going to change about liking you?

There seems to be a common belief out there among us who have been “friend zoned” that we can change the other person’s mind into liking us.

Man or woman, most of have experienced this question personally and have wondered whether we can change how the opposite sex feels about us.

Since I’m a guy, here is my take on all this with hopefully some other guys will leave their ideas below.

So first…

Let’s put this question out there once and for all. Lets dispel the myth or satisfy the large amounts of women who come here looking for a way out of the friend’s zone.

It doesn’t matter what the reasons are for you not liking her. We’ll get into mine below.

It doesn’t matter if you liked her for a while and then found someone else.

It doesn’t matter if you “friended” her because you found her physically unattractive but you tried to get past it.

It doesn’t matter if you turned her down because you don’t like the way her mother was looking at you.

I want your answers!

“It’s generally accepted that it’s easier to change how SHE feels about us than it is for us guys to start feeling something for her.”

Here are 4 scenarios we might experience with a woman where she might wonder if she could ever make us feel something for her:

Scenario 1: You meet her.

You both go out on a date one or more times.

You realize you’re not feeling it. Maybe she’s kind of cool and all so you wouldn’t mind hanging out with her so you tell her,

I just want to be friends.

Could she ever change your mind?

Scenario 2: You meet her.

She’s totally into you and you begin to think, “You’re in.

She’s hot and sexy and does it for you physically.

There’s no doubt in your mind that you want her so the chemistry rises and you end up having sex one or more times.

Then suddenly you begin to feel if you let this go any further you will end up in a relationship with her and that’s not something you sure you want.

You pull back and stop calling her so much or stop calling her entirely.

You just feel you’re not ready and she is pushing you. You pull back even further until eventually you tell her, “I like you but I don’t want to hurt you.”

Could she ever change your mind into wanting a relationship with her?

Scenario 3: You meet her.

You don’t feel physically attracted to her.

She’s seems really into you and keeps pushing you to go out with her or she flirts with you constantly hoping you’ll get the hint.

But you never do for obvious reasons…

Could she ever get you to feel what you were missing when you first met her?

Scenario 4: You meet her with a friend.

She’s pretty cool and you end up hanging out with her more and doing shit together.

You both quickly realize you have a lot in common. In fact you have so much in common you end up becoming very close friends.

Months or years down the road you have “the talk” because you both have been in and out of so many relationships since you met and it’s driving both of you crazy.

She casually mentions,

Have you ever thought about us going out?” or

“How come we never hooked up?” or

How come you never asked me out on a date?

This surprises you and as you think about her questions you realize she is more like a sister to you so you tell her and she accepts it outwardly…

But inside, deep in her heart, that WAS the VERY moment she realized she had fallen in love with you and now wants more.

Could she ever change your mind about seeing her less as a sister and more as a sexual partner?

T is not a survey. We’re not going to click on some pre-selected box which may or may not be close to what we were or are feeling.

Leave your answers below and let women finally get a glimpse into the mind of “the guy” who either chose to be just friends with her or who was just never feeling it for her.

Okay now it’s my turn…

Here are some of the reasons I have chosen to be just friends with women… In order:

I was not physically attracted to her. She just didn’t turn me on. She didn’t excite me enough to feel anything more or different for her.

She lacks the ability to have fun. She’s rude at first and playful later. She reminds me of an unhappy cashier who is always having a bad day. (She hates her job but chooses to do nothing about it.) She has lost her ability to let go and forget about how the world sees her.

She has a negative outlook on life. She is surrounded by drama and thrives on it. She avoids reality by living through someone else’s life.

She lacks confidence and always looks to others to solve her esteem problems. if she is looking for support I’m all for it. If she’s looking for someone to lean on when she is feeling down, I’m okay with it.

But I just can not spend time working on HER inner game. Honestly and seriously – that is HER problem!

Can a woman change my mind in these cases?

Probably not.

The absolute truth is… If I just don’t feel it, that is NOT going to change unless at least 3 things happen:

1. We don’t see each other for at least a few months maybe even more maybe even a few years.

Three to five months may be enough because we all go through stages in our lives that play out over that time. Depending on where we are and what happens around us.

2. In that time she develops or changes how she appears physically.

It could mean losing weight, changing her hair color, dressing differently, or even just learning how to walk with more sex appeal.

It any case though this must be done according to her life and not mine. I will not feel any more physically attracted to a woman who changes her appearance to compete with other women or to compete for my affection, attention, or even my love.

I just don’t want a woman who is willing to give up who she is for me.

3. She changes her approach or attitude about herself and the life she is living.

This could get me to see her in a new light. A more positive attitude perhaps. Learning how to flirt would be another way.

Since we’re being so truthful here – the attraction must be there or be brought out very close to the first meeting or the odds of me (or I suppose any other guy) changing our minds go down drastically.

If you have a story or a comment or a reason yourself… STOP!

Leave it below because me and hopefully ALL women who visit this post want to hear about it…

Can A Woman Ever Change Your Mind Into Liking Her and How Much Does It Have To Do With The First Attraction Being There Or Not?

For more answers on men, please visit my other half –>Why Do Guys…? Lots of great answers on why us guys do the things we do.

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please visit all my pages: The Nice Guy Approach | The Approach | Why Do Guys…? | Why Do Chics…? OR Like my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Yes, I’m a very busy guy. 🙂 Oh… I almost forgot Twitter – Peter White.

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74 comments… add one
  • Michelle

    There is a guy friend who I had a major crush on years ago but he was in a relationship and moved away, and I let it go and moved on! Recently he has reappeared in my life, seperated for over 6 months and we have been spending alot of time together. He said early on that he viewed me as a sister/close friend. Its very complicated! Our friendship has became very close again and we spend all weekend together with his kids and mine doing family activities. I did not mean to but I think I have fallen for him. I am emotionally attached and “all in”. The signals are mixed and their are constant sexual inuendos between us. Could he possibly change his mind and be into me? Am I delusional?

    • SOPHIE

      once a guy tells you he only wants to be friends, he will never change his mind. take him at face value, he knows you well enough by now to know if he wants more. some men are lonely and will use your company to fill the void, as soon as someone better comes along, he will throw you away. better cut him loose now. don’t let him have his cake and eat it too. speaking from experience.

  • Ashley

    I’m curious about your scenario 2, as it’s something I’ve recently experienced. How does a girl turn that situation around? We had a pretty intense and great connection and dated about six weeks. We did seem to be on different pages about each other – as he asked for FWB and I am interested in a more exclusive relationship. I turned down the FWB offer (and subsequent ‘just friends’ offer) and so we are no longer talking, but I want to know what the odds are that he’ll change his mind.

    • Based on what you wrote me I’d say the odds are good. Too many women settle for the FBW thing (and the friends thing when we know it’s usually just the guy “hoping” he’ll get the benefits anyway).

      This will give him time to revert back to courting or working for you. As time passes there’s a good chance he will want what you had before. Unfortunately, I believe the same thing will happen. He’ll want the quick fun chemistry thinking it’s something else and repeat the “pull back” when it becomes something more real.

      So, good odds Ashley, but maybe not so good odds he will want something different the second time around.


  • Danika Aquash

    I’ve known this guy for 6 years, the first year he invited me to his friends, family reunion. Dropped me as soon as he found someone else. Then he moved out of the country, came back we reconnected for FWB he stopped bc he found someone to be with as I did to. Reconnected for FWB again after our break ups. After awhile he tried to end it & tell me sorry if feelings were hurt. I texted him out of the blue 2 weeks later and the 2 weeks turned into now seeing each other for 3 months things started to get serious, we started to see each other more often, one time he didn’t wanna have sex he just wanted to cuddle & sleep. One night he came out and asked to be with me & told me he thinks he’s falling in love with me. I said yes & the next day he changed his mind. I don’t know what to do?! I fell for him & showed myself & was “all in” he said that he’s lost & we can still be friends. He added that he caught feelings when he tried to end it but I came back and he didn’t know what to do.

  • Sara

    Ive known this guy for 10 years. We met at my first actual job at the age of 20. There was instant attraction. Eventually he said he wanted to date me. One night I was at his place and I wanted to hook up and he said I think we should wait. We eventually did it a few times. It never became a relationship. I stopped working there We stayed in contact and hooked up a few times over the years and even just hung out without sex. I really liked him but did not want to fall back into it. He would always contact me. I got over him but he kept coming back. He has had a couple of gfs. I’ve known only cause of facebook. He never contacted me while he had a gf. One of these times he did tell me he wanted to take me on a date. I wasnt into him anymore so I didnt. He did ask me to go out and do things with him or see his band play. I never did. In the past yr and a half he came back into my life and I did not have feelings for him but they somehow developed. We didnt see eachother for a couple of months but then for the past year ive seen him often almost every week or every other week up to now. We have amazing chemistry in and out of the bedroom. We have so much in common and theres never a dull moment. He just told me I’m a great friend and Im cool and sexy and hot and he doesnt want things to get serious and he doesnt want a relationship now. But still wants to hang. He is focused on making money and working. He works a lot. I told him I was fine with it and eventually I will get bored and move on. Though deep down I really want to be with him. Our “relationship” is great. I don’t understand. I know that I will no longer be contacting him and I am not going to wait around. He never mentions past relationships or other women, does seem to have mommy issues though.Do you think he will ever come around? I would love your input. I really thought he might actually love me.

    • Hey Sara. I don’t think he will ever come around. He’s getting everything he needs from this “relationship” and it doesn’t appear he wants something more.

      If a guy keeps showing up but is saying “you’re cool and all, perfect, sexy, BUT I don’t want to get serious with you and definitely don’t want a relationship” it means he’s not “feeling” it for you in a way which I’d be willing to commit.

      He has a ton of excuses as to why it’s not happening which despite his “mother issues. Remember he’s had several girlfriends in the past. He was willing to risk it for them but not you because of what, “he’s now focused on his career?”

      Men (even those who are not capable of commitment) will almost always take ACTION when a woman makes him feel that she’s the one for him. That action may not always make sense or it might be disastrous or whatever, but not many men can resist some sort of relationship when he’s really feeling it.

      I know, not the best news but good to hear, right?

      Hoped it helped Sara and the best of luck,


  • Sara

    Hes also told me I’m perfect a couple of times. sorry forgot to mention it.

  • Carrie d

    I dated a guy for a few weeks . Their was lots of chemistry , we were both into eachother sleeping together but I have just recently separated from a 5 year relationship . I found he got a little distant with me and I became insecure and asked him questions about he’s x and about how he felt . He said he thought we were on 2 different pages and he couldn’t deal with my insecurities and he dropped it . I fell for him so quick it hurt and I didn’t want to let it go so I messaged him a lot . He tells me to move on he’s done and this isn’t what he wants . Will he come around if I give him space ?

  • Eva

    Well there is this guy with whom i came close the past 6 months. We both studed at the same city but at the end of may he would move back to his family’s city. About two months before he leaves he reveals his crush for me and we started dating. But i was in a state of mind thinking of the long distance we would both have and i ended us. He was very disappointed in me. But i soon after asked him for a second chance which he gave but in a reluctant mood. I was feeling so bad because i was so wrong and judged to fast. I acted crazy which didn’t suit me at all. Anyway we started dating again but the day of his returned was getting close and i felt like he was very anxcious and scared about the responsibilities of his return and our hanging relationship so he asked me to stop what we where having. He called me later that day asking if i was mad at him and why i wasn’t answering his texts. I asked him to stop because i needed time for myself.
    I really really really want this guy in my life with all his flaws but i don’t know how to earn him back for good. We will be in the same city for summer holidays. Any suggestions?

  • María camelo

    I know him for half a year, we started as classmates, then friends, while this his friends always use to tease him around me “trying” to make him make a move, later we started to text and talk everyday

    • María camelo

      I know him for half a year, we started as classmates, then friends, while this his friends always use to tease him around me “trying” to make him make a move, later we started to text and talk everyday about everything, I always felt there was chemistry and sexual tension between us, we even shared very intimate information

  • Sophie

    Hello there,

    there was a guy that had a serious crush on me (like 2 years i think…), and i knew that because one of my friends said it to me. I was recently out of a bad ‘relationship’ with a guy that broked my heart a couple of times. In the same time phrase I dated that guy that had a serious crush on me. We went on 4 dates, and the dates were very nice! He had respect for me, he opened for me but I was still broken over this other guy so I didn’t opened to him. He tried too had sex with me two times, but I said no and he was just fine. So after those 4 dates I messaged him what his intensions are, and his answer was that he thinks I’m a nice girl and we get along with eachother, but he didn’t feel the ‘spark’ or whatever for being more then just friends, and he never will feel that way. It was very hard, because I was heartbroken before plus now this guy that had a thing for me wasn’t interested anymore. So I gave it one month en I texted him for a converstation between two friends for not making things awkward in the future. And he said ‘okay’. He gave me some dates, and we never met. because he was sick or whatever… Now two months after that I messaged him for refreshing that last date. So he came to me, we watched a movie (like always), and it was fun and we had sex… After the sex we watched a docu and then he left because he wanted too sleep in his bed and in the early morning he needed too go to the IKEA with his mother and father. After that I hadn’t had one message from him. I saw him like 3 times in that same week in some cafés, and we ignored eachother, so it was really awkward. Then a week later I’ve messaged him a very long text with everything that I needed too say before ( like I didn’t opened because I was hurt and scared, end that I want to be cool around him…). It was a very long message, but I’m cool right now. He messaged that he understands, and there will ‘never’ really come something out of us. I’m cool about it but you know I really hope in a couple of months or years he thinks differently. Because he’s a good guy, with brains and he had only 1 relationship, he is like 5 years single ( just like me). What can I do about this situation? Act normal, friendly? Or nothing? Or maybe become closer friends without really go after something more?


  • Annon

    I’ve been with a guy for 5 month. We started having sex about one month into knowing each other. Sex was great and intense! We’re both in fit conditions, we both treat each other really amazingly. We used to go on dates alone together and it’s always nice and great. But lately we’ve only been hanging out with his guy friends. No longer just the two of us. In fact he often chooses them over me. At first I was supportive, telling him to have fun. But then I get fed up and tell him I don’t feel appreciated. And I’d say, I almost immediately tell him I’d want to break up if he doesn’t care. Just to see his reaction. This happened three times. Every time he’s super willing to break up, but two days later he comes back and we mend things up. This time was the third time, and he confessed, he really likes me as a person, and loves sex with me. But finds it hard to fall in love with me, especially that him and I are of different religions. (That was the reason for our first break up, but then we talked it through and made mends). But it came back up. I think the problem is his friends group, they’re all 30 and single and living like they’re in their 20’s Bro life, and the religious difference obviously makes it hard to get over it. I’ve accepted I’m not the girl to make him get out of that, simply because he doesn’t want it. But it kind of sucks because I really enjoyed our time together and we got along quite nice. Could have seen a future but there’s no point now

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