"Hi Peter, I’ve been seeing this girl for a month now, at first, she was really attracted to me, never declined my invitations and made a couple of investments in our budding relationship.
She always avoided my gaze because I realized it made her blush (she’s the shy type).. after the second date, we had a long passionate kiss, after which I acted like it wasn’t a big deal.
I didn’t contact her for about 2 days, within which she showed signs of loosing control over me, like sending me txt msg that she misses me and giving missed calls of which she quickly made excuses that they were sent due to an error on her phone (her phone is in good condition…lol) so the next time we met, I made a mistake and asked her to be the number one girl in my life…
she immediately freaked out saying that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and that it was a no (she just got out of a terrible relationship months back) she brought all kinds of objections especially about me not saying anything about the kiss and insinuating that all I wanted was to have her and dump her. but her body language was saying “pls I don’t want you to go”
I acted cool as if it didn’t bother me and she texted me later that night asking if we were cool.. a few days later, we were supposed to hang out but she came late with a guy (I learnt had been chasing her for 2 years and she had friendzoned) saying she came to pick some of her stuffs from my room and that she couldn’t stay for long.
I immediately knew it was a scheme to make me jealous out of my skin..lol.
At this point I knew I had messed up but as an alpha male, I made up my mind to correct the mess..so I didn’t contact her for a few days.
I started focusing on my other options and she got to know through one of my blackberry update…so she pinged me asking if I was home that she wanted to hang out but I told her I was tired and needed to rest so she said it was okay.
Ever since, our relationship has been akward even though she still shows signs that she’s attracted to me but she kinda has a wall up now and is not as open as she used to be.
I need to bring down those walls as fast as possible and bed her before its too late…. pls I need help. tnx"
Hi Sholmn, so...
"You want to bring down her walls and bed her before its too late."
Sorry man, not my exact definition of how an Alpha Male works and the code he lives by but I'm going to assume something is lost in my interpretation of what you wrote.
What you're really asking is how you can make her your girlfriend. because you feel you made some major mistakes along the way.
Here's the REAL definition of an Alpha Male (preview version) along with a detailed description for members only:
And one from the Master Alpha himself.
What the Alpha Male is:
- Dominant (not aggressive, but demonstrating superior social skills)
- Fit (healthy lifestyle)
What the Alpha Male is NOT:
- Angry at women
- Verbally abusive
It means that you understand the basic primal reasons a woman is attracted to a man, and you're not afraid to BE a man.
Okay - FIRST things first because if you're going to get into a relationship you need to understand this...
You don't "correct a mess" by not contacting her.
"At this point I knew I had messed up but as an alpha male, I made up my mind to correct the mess.. so I didn’t contact her for a few days."
Sure, sometimes walking away is the right thing to do but let's not confuse what that actually accomplishes.
If it's to move on because a woman has rejected you, or a means to stop you from obsessing over her, or if it's to give you time to personalize your life and your goals - then it's highly appropriate but...
Correcting a mess between two people (in these types of situations) requires communication.
Something neither one of you have proven to me (through your words) as being very clear and game free.
Pulling away only decreases open communication and assures, if this pattern continues and a relationship happens, it's going to fall apart quickly.
When you're ready for some REAL relationship advice then check this out:
It seems you two are just on different time frames, among other things.
She wants to take things slowly, have some fun, and play a little with you at first.
She doesn't trust your intentions so she feels by taking some time to do those things you'll prove to her you're in it for the long run and not just for a quick "bedding" of her.
You want to move "as fast as possible" before she ends up with some other dude or possibly so you can get yourself off.
If that's how I'm seeing it then you must imagine she's thinking the same thing.
You failed her test and now is sensing your urgency which makes it look like you're only trying to get laid.
You can read all about this "sense of urgency" men feel or experience in this page:
She feels like you're playing a game with her and you're out to manipulate her.
Your biggest mistake wasn't asking her to be your "number one" girl. It was inappropriate and badly timed but since the attraction is there, you've kissed already, and you've been dating for a while, it's not the worst thing to do.
It wouldn't kill your chances of being with her.
Her walls went up for different reasons.
The big mistake was kissing her and acting like it wasn't a big deal to you.
You may have believed it was the "cool" or "Alpha" thing to do but as far as I'm concerned you couldn't be further from the truth.
Kissing a woman is not normally a life changing event. I get you.
Being Alpha definitely means not suddenly changing your entire life because you made out with a girl or professing a false love after you swap spit just because you're in the moment.
However there's absolutely nothing "Beta" about texting a woman the next day something small and cute, just to let her know it was enjoyable. It can even be, "My lips are still tingling." and nothing more.
Here are some great texts you can send the next day or whenever you want to drive up her attraction towards you while letting her know subtly you enjoyed kissing her:
The second mistake was not contacting her for several days.
Maybe you thought it was the Alpha thing to do but an Alpha Male doesn't put strict rules and regulations on things like this.
He has no set time table with regards to women.
His pace is sure often slow and often calculated but each experience is taken as it is, one at a time because he has the ability to change course and alter his actions in real time according to each individual situation.
You see, you waited because you thought it would correct the mess and NOT because you were just busy and felt it was unnecessary to speak with each other so soon after the date.
They're totally different and give totally difference results.
The third mistake was pretending to act "cool" like her rejection wasn't a big deal to you.
The fact is, when you felt rejected it immediately amped up your sense of urgency, and as you stated, you're the one who asked her to be your number one girl.
Suddenly, you HAD to have her before it was too late and you acted according to this new law you created for yourself. (And failed her test in the mean time.)
An Alpha male acts congruently from his words to his actions. He doesn't switch gears just because a woman makes him feel it's now or never, even if it's not her intention.
When a woman sees a guy acting this way she will automatically, once again, question your REAL intention with her.
She'll begin to dig deep and wonder if getting in her pants is your only goal with her despite your words, because your actions are saying something entirely different.
When she felt you were treating her like a game that is WHY and WHEN she put up those walls and pushed you away.
You acted inconsistent and unpredictable.
You were not real and genuine with her.
You went quiet when you should've spoken up.
And because of all that, she's far less likely to trust you ever again
Sure she may have wanted to make you jealous by bringing her friend (I already stated I think both of you are playing some games) but I bet she also brought him along because she didn't trust you enough.
And yes of course she didn't trust herself enough either. He was her guarantee not to get into it with you.
I'm not going to lie to you and say you screwed it all up and she'll never bother with you again.
I'd be a fool to believe that.
As I mentioned earlier there's probably a greater chance than you might believe that she'll keep coming around. I see this kind of thing happen all too often because you're both invested in an emotional connection with each other.
My advice for you would be to stop treating her like she has manual titled,
"How to Get In My Pants - The Hard Way!"
Stop "acting" all together and start being real with her.
That does NOT mean acting all girlie and becoming her wussy plaything which will only land you in her friend zone like the other guy.
She has already invested her time and emotions with you which means when you take away the games and the "blackberry updates" she's more likely to start to trust you again.
Although those walls will be on high alert for a while and can easily pop up at seemingly the worst possible times for you.
There's not a chance I'm going to tell you how to "bed her quickly", it's not what I'm about and honestly, if you do things right, she's going to sleep with you anyways and you know it.
In the end or my conclusion for today's post...
You must be doing something right! A lot of things actually.
You did attract her, she did kiss you, she made an emotional connection to you, and you're a guy...
Which means you DO have the ability to be a real Alpha Male because it's already inside you.
There's just more to it than trying to act all cool and not contacting her for a few days when you think you screwed up, or when you believe she's acting clingy or whatever.
There's more to it than understanding how her body is saying one thing and her words are telling you something different.
If you know anything about women that's a no-brainer to see because it happens so often with women who are "feeling it".
In reality she's proving to you that she has more restraint that you have and it's giving her more power to test you and figure your end-game out.
Below is some further reading to help you out with as it relates to being Alpha and your Masculinity too.
I would also suggest you become a member here at DiaLteG™ (of course, right?) and go right to the page on passing a woman's test.
Here's the preview page to get you started:
You've done what a lot of guys do when they experience problems after everything seems to be going great with a woman. Almost like they (the problems) came out of nowhere but trust me, they were set up from the beginning because you made a fatal error in dealing with women...
You INTERUPPTED her PROCESS of ATTRACTION.
You got in the way!
Something I cover deep in Chapter One:
Thanks for your great question Sholmn. I felt honored to be able and capable to answer it for you.
Make sure you read the attachments below and all the best to you.
Sincerely your friend,
33 Rules To Alpha Attraction
These thirty three rules will show you the Alpha way to attract women through personal development along with some tips you can use right away to create sexual chemistry.
Defining Your Masculinity
Women define your masculinity in a way which is shown in this bonus book. Study it, live it, and problems like this won't get this far.