How To Get Rid of Your Public Fears – No More Social Anxiety or Being Shy

Overcoming Shyness, Social Anxiety, and Public Anxiousness By Going Through Limited Belief Exercises

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Overcoming Shyness, Social Anxiety, and Public Anxiousness By Going Through Limited Belief Exercises .pdf

You should also be aware I am not a licensed counselor or therapist.

This is not legal counseling and this book should only be used as an informational study and beginning guide to help you eliminate many or all of your limited beliefs which may be holding you back in life.

Hello and thank you for downloading or reading this book on eliminating your limited beliefs and improving many aspects of your life.

Today’s main topic centers around shyness, social awkwardness, and public anxiety.

My name is Peter White – I’m the owner and writer of DiaLteG TM and my story may be similar to yours.

I must tell you I am FAR from an expert on overcoming shyness but I think I can help you and get you headed in the right direction.

I was very shy growing up and it certainly affected my life in one way or another, all probably not good.

My first way around it, which was NOT a solution, was do what so many other “famous” people have done – find an outlet to show myself off to the public which gave me an excuse, or a fall back to remain shy on the sidelines.

Jimi Hendrix, and others like him were my inspiration. They were famous musicians who suffered from extreme shyness off the stage.

I started my music career at the age of five and since I felt I had the balls to perform in front of small and sometimes very large stages – it EXCUSED me from my social awkwardness and shyness.

In other words, it gave me a (supposedly) valid reason to avoid the social scenes, specifically around women – avoid fixing my shyness, and made me feel better about myself and the fears I felt made me suffer inside.

But like I said – it was NOT a solution and if you dig deep into many of those famous men and women who suffer from social anxiety, it didn’t solve their problems either – because they eventually turned to drugs and alcohol which eventually killed them off.

My shyness was eventually overcome by what some would call the “easy” way and the “hard” way.

This means I took MAJOR steps to build my knowledge, my confidence, and took it entirely on myself to face EVERY fear I carried along with me.

I was a complete and utter failure with women, fixing that was more important to me, which meant coming out of my shell and interacting with WOMEN as much as possible.

The EASY way was to focus all my efforts on attracting lots of women. It was a much-needed distraction.

The HARD way, and it’s what most avoid doing, to make sure EVERYDAY I put myself in any circumstance or position which FORCED me to face these long-held fears.

Yes – EVERY fear.

From meeting to talking to kissing to making my moves to even leaving a comfy job to travel the world on nothing more than I could ever think I could afford.

When I rewind my clock and see the steps I took, it’s very clear that ANYBODY can do the same as I stumbled upon accidentally.

I gathered knowledge, insights, and perspectives which alluded me before.

I used that to build my confidence and strengthen my character in a way which was fluid and easily changed as I saw fit.

I, as stated above, FORCED myself to face ALL of my fears, even if they had nothing to do with women and it made me stronger and resourceful and courageous too.

While all this was going on – I RE-FRAMED many of my beliefs that were holding me back. I kept digging and digging, writing them all down, working through them one at a time until my MINDSET changed and altered my life, for the better… forever!

Told you – it was easy and hard at the same time BUT if you’re anxious to overcome it all, and fix this women thing too – it’s an unbeatable plan…

BUT YOU have to do the work.

I’m not here to hold you hand. I can offer support and outside help. I can get you headed in the right direction.

However, ultimately, you have to stand on your own – tall and proud of your accomplishments, small and big, that you achieved along the way.

Chances are, you picked this book up, or came here today –  as it relates to women and that’s okay.

This WILL help.

Use the steps I went through and you’ll see and get rather quick results.

This book only centers on getting you past and eliminating many of your limited beliefs which are keeping you in this shy, anxious, and social awkwardness state.

I’ll suggest a major overhaul program you can buy to solidify and strengthen your inner game with women and in life at the end – so keep your eyes out for it and PLEASE…

Don’t let your Ego and strong masculine beliefs hold you back from digging deep into your mind and letting it all out OR your results will be small, if not ineffectual in your life.

Now let’s get right to it…

What IS a Limited Belief in real-world terms?

Everyday of your life you experience something.

These experiences create feelings or emotions which are connected to it.

Your subconscious mind interprets these feelings and experiences and connects them in ways in which some will be conscious or known, while others will bury deep.

Here’s an analogy which will probably never happen but explains it in a way most would understand:

Imagine you’re walking down the street and you trip; as you’re falling a Red Subaru Forester passes and the driver sees it and honks his horn.

You take notice and feel angry and disgusted at the driver. What a dick, right?

SIDE NOTE: Keep in mind this experience as it related to beliefs, shyness, and social anxiety because it can be used in the limited belief exercises below.

Did you assume it was a guy without seeing him?

Did you assume it was a woman?

And without the beeping of the horn, would you have felt embarrassed and assumed the driver saw you and probably laughed?

Okay – back to the analogy.

The next day you’re walking on the same sidewalk and you recall what happened yesterday and it still pissed you off.

Your mind wanders for a moment – as you feel angry inside, and distracts you – and it happens AGAIN!

And wouldn’t you know it – that same asshole, probably on a schedule to work – does the VERY same thing.

Is it bad luck?

A terrible coincidence?

Does it now feel like the driver has something against you?

Do you now start thinking, WHY?

Why does this shit always happen to you?

It’s like you’re cursed, right?

You start to think there MUST be something more to all this but you shake it off and get over it.

Now – what if that happened everyday for a week, a month, or a year – would that be proof that it must be personal. It’s you, something is wrong…

HOW does this shit keep happening to you?

Whether it’s one day or two or more – you’re forming a limited belief system based on that event which would make ANYONE in their right mind want to avoid it from ever happening again.

Suddenly you find yourself looking for a different road to walk, a different time to leave your house, and you’ll do everything within your power to avoid the shame and embarrassment you felt.

Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Now consider or imagine this…

This experience only happened to you twice.

You car died and because of that, it was the only reason why you were walking down that road anyways.

Problem solved soon because you have an appointment to get a new or used one.

You get to the lot or showroom and browse them all.

You’re excited and trying to stay logical and smart because you know how easy it is to get ripped off and stuck with a piece of junk.

But you did your homework – you know what to expect. You’re extremely confident you’ll make the right decisions.

And then it happens…

Around the corner, inexpensive, barely driven, just what you might need – and then you notice it’s a freaking RED SUBARU!!!!!

Do you buy it?

OR…

Do you let your emotions get the better of you. THAT car MUST be bad luck.

Suddenly you’re pissed off and find it difficult to get back to where you were not a minute ago…

ALL because of a bad experience that happened to you twice!

You’ve connected it your mind – consciously and subconsciously and you know as well as I do:

You will NEVER EVER buy that car and NOBODY can talk you out of it.

You’ve now just created a LIMITED BELIEF which has no real logic or reasoning behind it.

But for all you know that event, seemingly rude and offensive, could’ve been a good sign leading you to the perfect car, which will give you years and years of faithful service.

However – since you’ve connected it to a bad experience, it must represent bad luck to you.

IF you were to re-frame that belief – perhaps buy the car – and everything works out fine, it wasn’t bad luck those days you tripped, it was GOOD fortune.

All coming from your personal perspective of the circumstances and experience you encountered.

That seeming strange analogy is not rare.

These things happens on sometimes a very small scale, and other times a very large scale…

And when they do – your belief system is built on and you, knowingly or not, take action or no action, based on them.

Change your perspective one way, your belief system – and good luck is granted to you.

Change your perspective the other way or do nothing to stop the connections from being made – and bad luck is your life and your belief system becomes and automated process dooming you to see far more than actually exists in the real word.

Experiences happen ALL the time as you build a belief system and you might think they have a little to do with being an optimist or pessimist; you’re partly right, but they go much deeper.

Shy individuals, social anxious people, those who suffer with awkwardness in public often have fears built on many limited beliefs which in part come from being overly self-conscious.

As if they always being judged – seen – as if others are always thinking about them – how their actions are always being monitored – how if they screw up or say the wrong thing, the consequences could be drastic and sometimes give rise to a very real felt humiliating experience.

Those are just some things to consider as you go through the exercise below.

How the Limited Belief Exercise is Designed.

Above I gave you an analogy on how you may interpret and INTERNALIZE an EXTERNAL event and connect them in ways which may or may not be right.

Done wrong and consistently over time, this internalizing can become very unhealthy and lead a person down of a path of constant despair and unfounded fears – causing them to take action to either avoid the pain, numb the pain, and even make it worse as their brains try to VALIDATE logically and emotionally what happened and what CAN or WILL happen in the future.

These connections must be unwound or untied so they’re no longer affecting a person in a negative way, offering them a more positive solution they can turn to, in times of distress and fear.

This exercise is open for you to insert your emotions and states of being based on your INTERNAL STATE – how you feel, how something makes you feel, how it might make you feel in the future, and the EXTERNAL event that caused the emotion or may cause another external future event from happening again and that could happen.

One more definition in case you’re not quite getting it because I do understand this is not an easy concept for many to get right away.

This definition is borrowed from two sources: Meg James and her limited belief template she created, and the works of Byron Katie.

You can find many of Byron Katie’s material on Amazon and you can find Meg James limited belief template here on squarespace.

“Limiting beliefs are a collection of opinions of ourselves and others that constrain us in some way.

The stronger the belief, the more evidence we seem to find to support them, despite the fact that the vast majority of limiting beliefs are simply untrue.

Such beliefs are formed unconsciously based on our life experiences, and are most often misinterpretations of past events.

We cement these beliefs in our minds through repeated thoughts once we have decided that the opinions must be true.

The challenge is that holding on to limiting beliefs prevent us from taking action.

Working through your limiting beliefs can have a profoundly positive impact on your self-worth, confidence and personal empowerment.”

Your Limited Belief Template & Instructions.

This probably won’t be easy the first time but it will come to you.

Give yourself a break and try again later.

It’s not a test – there are wrong answers but it doesn’t matter so don’t worry about. A therapist could help you through them but it’s not needed and terribly expensive.

The more you go through them, the more they will affect you positively.

Some will be easier than others.

Some will make you feel instantly good, uplifted, and enlightened; others will seem like a dead-end as you struggle to find a definitive conclusion.

#1. How the world sees you or ONE EXTERNAL.

STATE of your belief.

Think outside yourself and imagine how YOU believe others see you.

Write down ONE external example to work with at a time and use it throughout the exercise.

You can do this continually with every belief you have but just make sure you only do one at a time.

Here are some quick examples to get you started:

Because I’m shy – others must see me as being SLOW or STUPID.

The EXTERNAL is: Being Seen as Slow or even Stupid.

Since I’m social awkward – others see me as a LOSER or a BELOW AVERAGE PERSON.

The EXTERNAL is: Being Seen as a LOWER or BELOW AVERAGE.

Because I struggle communicating myself to others publicly, I must appear to others as something I’m not – they ASSUME I’m different in an inferior way.

The EXTERNAL is: Being seen as INFERIOR based on FALSE ASSUMPTIONS.

Now try it yourself or pick one I’ve used but make sure you put it in your own voice that’s inside your head.

It’s VERY important to use your own words to pop up in your mind and not mine.

I’ll continue with one so you can see how it all plays out until the end of the exercise.

#2. How it makes you feel or your INTERNAL STATE of your belief.

Take one external belief and write down how it makes you feel.

Don’t just write one down – give as many examples as you can and dig deep into it.

The further the better.

I’ll use this one to show you how it works and write down in quotes what you will say or write down yourself:

“Because I struggle communicating myself to others publicly, I must appear to others as something I’m not – they ASSUME I’m different in an inferior way.

The EXTERNAL is: Being seen is INFERIOR based on FALSE ASSUMPTIONS.

This makes me feel unimportant, like nobody would ever listen to me anyways.

They assume bad shit about me and none of it’s right. I’m sorry that I can not communicate or talk to other openly without fear – but it’s just how I am.

I feel like I have no effect on the world and no one listens to me anyways.

They make me feel like they’re better than me or smarter than me, just because they’re not shy or awkward.

I feel unheard. I feel like I’m forgotten quickly. If someone even does remember me – they ONLY thing they remember is that I’m shy, awkward, and a failure in life.”

NOW – you try it. Continue where I left off or start a new one on your own.

REMEMBER – It’s extremely IMPORTANT that you phrase everything in your own voice which you hear in your head, and not mine or how I’ve given you these examples.

It MUST come from YOU and your own personal thoughts and experiences.

No one will hear it. No one will read it. So don’t be afraid to go as deep as you want.

If you get overly emotional, either work through it, or take a break and come back to it later.

Next – you’re going to ask a few questions which will either reveal the limited belief or wrong connection and/or show you a different way of looking at your problem.

This one will always start with “Is it true” … and contain the word ALL.

Take your current belief and add it to the next the best you can.

#3. Is it TRUE that ALL people I’ve known in my life or met, have seen me as inferior based on their assumptions, because of my shyness?

For this one you can do two things.

Reason it out to prove it’s false and list factual or actual experiences which make this belief false.

It would go like this, but again, in your own words,

“I’ve known, and do know lots of people, friends, family, work associates who respect me and believe I’m smart and far from being inferior.

There have been many times in my life where I’ve met people who didn’t assume anything about me – just because I’m shy. They were kind and even helped me to open up.

This statement could NOT possibly be true or else everyone I’ve ever met in my life would think I’m inferior and that is just not the case!”

Now – you try it with yours or continue where I left off.

The next question is the IF step or WHAT IF.

You will take the belief and flip it around to imagine how your life would be if you were not shy your entire life.

#4. If you were out-going your whole life – HOW would that have changed your life and existence?

WHAT IF you were not shy up until now?

This one can be difficult at times but work your way through it however you feel is appropriate.

The purpose of this question is to show you that your assumptions of being another person with social skills would’ve changed your life – which is a FALSE belief because you have no way of knowing it to be true.

It would go something like this,

“My life would’ve been so much better if people would stop making assumptions about me and if I was not shy. If they didn’t think I was differently inferior, I’d have a better job. An amazing relationship.

I’d be going out and doing things more often. I would have more friends, be more respected, and feel more confident in public situations.”

Now – ask yourself if there is real credible proof to that statement.

“Really – can I prove it to be true that only smart people get good jobs and have great relationships because others don’t assume shit about their intelligence? When I think about it, there are lots of outgoing people with junk jobs and no relationship, just the same as some non-so-smart people who make lots of money and are in terrible relationship.

Can I prove that I would be doing more things? How could I possibly know that? Maybe I wouldn’t even like going out all the time. Maybe I’d be happy with just a few good friends? Which I do have now anyways.

I’m confident in many areas of my life and it does not appear to be connected or hindered by my shyness.”

Notice how it works.

Go very deep and disprove the connection or limited belief.

By doing so your mind will UNWIND the connection and free your mind to think more clearly.

Over time, your reactions in public or tense social situations become easier because you and “it” will begin to realize your shyness is not holding you back in many ways.

With more to come.

The next will contain the HOW as you predict your life if it was to continue this way and if you continue to hold onto this limited belief.

#5. HOW will your life be if you continue to think this way? HOW do you predict your life if you CONTINUE to hold onto this limited belief?

As you move from one question to the next, you may have noticed how hard it is to main the same limited belief.

What usually happens is a generalization or the bigger problem or belief keeps popping up.

The easiest way around this problem is to RESTATE the specific belief with each question or at the time you notice it’s been lost along the way.

If you look at my last example, you’ll notice how I got off track, so expect it to happen, and do your best to notice it happening and reiterate a VERY SPECIFIC BELIEF once more.

Here is the ONE we were working on:

The EXTERNAL is: Being seen as INFERIOR based on FALSE ASSUMPTIONS.

Now you can answer the question based on that belief alone and not on your shyness or social awkwardness.

How would your life play out if you hold on to this belief?

“I will actually start to feel even more inferior. Soon or later I’ll realize I’m not as smart as others. I’ll crawl deeper into my shell, get more depressed, and probably start hating others for make ME FEEL THIS WAY!

When I interact with others later, I will know without a doubt they’re judging me unfairly. I will feel like they are all against me. It will be me, against ALL of them. I will harbor deep resentment and find myself lashing out at others because LIFE IS UNFAIR to me.

THEY are being UNFAIR to me.

Sooner or later I will have to cut them off to try and disprove their assumptions about me BEFORE it happens OR suck it in and bury it deep. I may begin to assume things about them…

Wait – maybe I already DO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS about them judging me or making me feel inferior. I don’t know!”

Notice the shift in thinking at the end.

Notice the emotional charge.

Notice how deep the feelings went and how I wasn’t afraid to let them all out.

You must do that too.

Again – no one is going to read or see it so go there and go deep.

This is your personal private information and feelings. Feel free as you want to let anything and everything out because it WILL help you unwind it all…

And you WILL begin to feel much better.

AND sometimes, not for everyone, you will feel a HUGE RELEASE which may stir up other emotions.

Go through them and let them out. They will dissipate quickly.

Next up…

The “OF A TIME” question.

You will take your specific limited belief and try to find a TIME where you believed it was not true OR a moment or more when you didn’t feel that way based on the external belief.

This one is tough for some beliefs and easy for others.

The trick or KEY to getting this one right is to go back to the beginning and WRITE DOWN the INTERNAL STATE or how you felt and disregard the external.

Here’s what we wrote above and I bold-faced the feelings:

“This makes me feel unimportant, like nobody would ever listen to me anyways.

They assume bad shit about me and none of it’s right. I’m sorry that I can not communicate or talk to other openly without fear – but it’s just how I am.

I feel like I have no effect on the world and no one listens to me anyways.

They make me feel like they’re better than me or smarter than me, just because they’re not shy or awkward.

I feel unheard. I feel like I’m forgotten quickly. If someone even does remember me – they ONLY thing they remember is that I’m shy, awkward, and a failure in life.”

Now write down ALL of the feelings:

  • I feel unimportant.
  • I feel like nobody listens to me.
  • I feel ineffectual in the world.
  • I feel like everybody is smarter or better than me.
  • I feel like I’m easily forgotten.
  • I feel like a failure.

Once you’ve done that you can move on to the actual question for each and every feeling.

#6. Can you think OF A TIME when you did not feel this way?

Find specific examples based on your experiences when you did not feel that way.

ANY experience works. It does not have to be related to your external belief at all.

The point is to prove to yourself and SHOW YOUR MIND that this limited external belief is not who you are, and it in no way is in control over your emotions AND that despite these feelings and connection and beliefs – YOU HAVE FELT DIFFERENTLY.

Prove to yourself that this limited belief is connected unfairly to your emotional states and allow your mind to disconnect the BELIEF from the EMOTION.

Now let’s go through the feelings listed above one at a time. I can not give you specifics here so fill in your own where they apply:

  • Unimportant – I felt very important when this happened, on this day, during that time, etc…
  • When I was there or at that time – I was being listened to – I was being heard during the time when…
  • I had a big affect on that day – when that happened I made a change in the world – I had a positive effect that time when…
  • I felt smart that day I had to teach someone something – I solved a tough problem that day – I was quite clever to come up with that when…
  • This person I had not seen in a while remembered me – That person remembered my name – There was this time when…
  • I passed that exam on that day – I got that job – I succeeded on that day by doing this…

Now go one step further and VALIDATE and STRENGTHEN the positive emotions you felt during those experiences by saying ALOUD each one:

  •  I AM important.
  • I AM heard – People DO LISTEN to me.
  • I DO have a POSITIVE EFFECT on others and the world too.
  • I AM SMART and INTELLIGENT.
  • I DO leave a lasting IMPRESSION. I am REMEMBERED.
  • I HAVE achieved SUCCESS. I AM SUCCESSFUL.

Time to finish the exercise with the PERSPECTIVE question.

The perspective question is a big shift to what you’ve been doing so far and perhaps the easiest one but it does have a purpose so do not skip it.

Go back to your EXTERNAL STATE and your specific limited belief and IMAGINE, very deeply and as rudely as you want, someone outside yourself treating you how you felt.

Here’s the external:

Being seen as INFERIOR based on FALSE ASSUMPTIONS.

The question:

#7. From their PERSPECTIVE – What are they specifically assuming and thinking about you?

As stated above – be as mean as you want.

One purpose is to help you see that what you believe someone is thinking about you couldn’t possibly always be true.

The other purpose is to ALLOW yourself to FEEL and LIVE in the other person’s mind which typically proves to you how false your belief is, based on the AWFUL EMOTIONAL STATE they’d have to live in and how it could never be sustained and is normally an impossibility for most.

I’m going to struggle giving you examples on this one because I’m normally a nice guy and find it extremely difficult to put down people – even when it’s an exercise or has experimental purposes.

“Look at the wallflower in the corner – what a dumb-ass!”

“Awww poor baby can’t even speak to me, probably still is dressed by someone else!”

“How does she/he even order at a drive-in window? Must never eat out then. Haha!!”

“How do you even function, you freaking moron!”

I’ll leave you to come up with your own PERSPECTIVE, as you might call them, or as they might feel like, insults.

It’s not my thing and it’s best that they come from your mind and your views anyways.

The Conclusion – some words of encouragement and a great opportunity.

All of your limited beliefs are not self-contained. They are inherently connected to one another.

As you begin to unravel one, others will fall to the side along with it.

Which is great news because doing this exercise with just a few will show you other limiting beliefs which will either unwind or help you to pick a new one to work on next time.

The way our brains are designed has an inherent flaw which can be beneficial but also can hinder our thought process and cause undue fears forming a very strict and often hurtful limited belief system.

The mind NEEDS to be correct. The mind NEEDS to explain itself and its actions or reaction to experiences and emotions.

This is one way in which the web of connections are made in us and why it creates “blind spots” making them hidden from our conscious mind.

Doing the exercise will help you to bring them to your conscious mind and help you rationalize them, thus eliminating many of your fears and blockages which arise from them.

Going through this exercise consistently will undoubtedly change your perception of the world and open up new opportunities for you.

It will also empower you and give you a stronger control over your life in many ways.

A few helpful thoughts on the procedure.

Be very specific in your choice of an external belief.

Do one at a time and if you get lost, don’t worry about it. You can always begin again and do the same one again.

If something comes to mind that is different while you’re doing, write it down for a later use. Do your best to not jump around from one to another.

Do them in order, they’re designed to achieve the best and quickest results that way.

When it comes to your internal thought process and your emotional states, NEVER forget this is private information. No one will read it.

Go deep as you need to experience it all.

If you get overly emotional, you can stop and it’s not a bad thing – certain beliefs will be crossing over to your conscious mind which is a good thing.

Never focus on the results. They will come. In fact, you’ll begin to notice a change in your thought process and feelings right away.

BUT your main focus must always be on getting better with the process.

Final thoughts.

What you’ve read today and learn is often called INNER GAME work.

There are many different and very helpful ways to achieve success in ANY part of your life.

This one was very specific to limited beliefs and can help in many areas of your life.

You can also apply this template to ANY area of your life you want to fix or work on, which certainly includes success with women and dating.

I understand this wasn’t about women and dating but it can be transferred over to EVERY aspect in life including them.

It’s something I went through personally as I drudged out my past failures and learned to face ALL my fears.

The journey wasn’t that tough at all after picking up my first attraction book from David DeAngelo which introduced me to another, and then another, as I compiled a list of helpful people one which was Dr. Paul from MindOs.

Dr. Paul and David collaborated on the Ultimate Inner Game Series which covers every area but centers more on making you a complete and total attractive man.

Here’s the page where David explains it all, the pricing, and exactly what it can do for you:

Share It Because You Know Another Guy Who Needs To Read It Too!

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Dave here I like the way you communicate, it makes me think. I am what I call a thinker, meaning I am always consciously thinking about something, usually a project or a future project how to proceed about things. But for some reason I never put it use in my social life probably because I was raised to believe only “sluts” want sex and who wants a slut, right? Right now she is looking pretty good. LOL anyway You make me think in ways I haven’t before and it is making me feel better about many things I just wanted to say I am glad I accidentally ran across your site and to say Thank You and keep up the good work. If you want to feel free to use this letter.
 
Thank You again your awesome and your teachings are also, Dave Allen

Talk about women – JOIN the Facebook group Why Do Chics…? or Visit the Facebook DiaLteG TM page and leave comments – never miss a thing and tips too.

About the author: Peter White – Blatantly honest with an awesome ability to see the reality of attraction, dating, & relationships for men and women. DiaLteG TM started as a way to help you become better with women and more attractive. All you need is here. It’s transformed into something more: A place to discuss our man problems that women just don’t seem to get or understand.

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