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DiaLteG TM

How I Escaped The Friends Zone and How It Can Help You Too

in Friends Zone, Inspiration
There IS a way out of the friends zone.

I was a prisoner doing a life sentence. The jury that handed me the verdict consisted of only women.


They read aloud.

“On all counts.”

The judge peered at me with a disgusted look on his face. The reading glasses he wore were sliding off the tip of his nose reflecting a blinding light on me.

I squinted back up at him hoping for compassion but I never got it.

He demanded I make reparations and that I, Peter White, be deemed to live out my life as number 674893123…

A prisoner of the friend’s zone.

I accepted my sentence.

After all I did feel “guilty” of doing something wrong. What it was exactly I wasn’t sure because women never read me my Miranda rights or provide me legal counseling. In fact the only legal right granted to me was a speedy trial.

I lived through years with that guilty feeling.

Always wanting to escape to freedom as a boyfriend but I just never believed in my innocence.

It was almost like my life had been scripted out by who I was… A Nice Guy.

And with this great power of being nice came the greater responsibility of being alone.

Until one fateful day…

She was Eighteen when I met her. Bold and beautiful. Fun, exciting, and bisexual.

She began visiting me in my eight by eight cell. Maybe it was my nice self guy that drew her in. Maybe it was how I always listened to her and would blindly put her feelings in front of mine.

Although she would always give back just as much as she got.

She looked past my moments of rage and blame fueled by my frustrations and wanted to be my friend.

Yes, my friend. My pen pal to the world of a beautiful woman.

So I agreed.

The friendship failed but in the ashes of my smoldering anger was the seeds of a new life replacing my desperation with a sheer determination to escape.

I finally felt my guilty feelings were not real.

I began to understand that I was NOT predestined to live the “nice guy finishing last with women” role.

That terrible burden of responsibility, which meant suffering as a “good guy”, did not make me any more courageous.

I wasn’t carrying a burden, THAT was just another excuse.

  • It was an excuse for failing to study for those tests a woman gives.
  • It was an excuse for not doing my homework and learning how and why we feel attraction towards others.
  • It was an excuse for not being the man I really wanted to be.
  • It was an excuse for believing I was courageous when the real courage I needed to show, was never shown to any woman I wanted so desperately.

Yet with that new determination I began to dig down deep into the feared darkness of my failures.

I tunneled my way slowly but with a clear goal in mind, and I learned how the tools I was using can control the how quickly I could tunnel.

At first I used my bare fingers but then met a friend who loaned me a freaking shovel… Someone who propelled my eminent escape and who I will forever be grateful to:

David DeAngelo gave me a gas-powered drill and introduced me to HIS friends.

Sure I swallowed some dirt along the way. Who wouldn’t? I broke a few nails. I had to change the drill bit constantly. ( After all I couldn’t afford to buy the diamond tipped one. )

Here is one of those drill bits given to me from his friend….

According to his book, “The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed” I was starting in the middle of all my relationships with women and when I did manage to start at the beginning I would get stuck in the middle anyways.

The Nice Guy… Many men understand and appreciate that seduction first makes women feel uncomfortable. What these men do instead is focus on comfort first.


2. Starting in the middle = protective shield problems.
4. Starting at the beginning but getting stuck in the middle =  friendship zone problems.


To clarify a little further…

I put myself in the friend’s zone because I would not focus first on creating attraction.

I went right into building comfort and rapport.

Those rare times when the woman was attracted to me I would stay forever in the building comfort phase with her.

I never stepped through the process which leads to connection and intimacy.

The sex part would never come.

A friendship would then surely ensue.

Well you know the rest of that story.

You’ll find more on that in my Eliminate The Friends Zone Ebook: Why Are You In The Friends Zone? She Felt No Attraction For You

Here’s another drill bit:

1. The first and the most common reason is being too nice, two sweet, and too accommodating.

It is essential that you understand that there is a huge difference between being sweet and nice and being ATTRACTIVE.

3. Many guys make the mistake of being overly aggressive with women. Ironically, however, men often get into the friendzone because they are not aggressive enough.

Practical Happiness

A mistake I made was not focusing on attraction first. This was already covered.

However “Number 3” states not moving on to the next step of creating a sexual relationship.

Keep in mind that these only point to the primary reasons and in no way will be the absolute determining factor.

For example I never pushed the next step because I as not confident enough to make it happen. Once I learned the root of my esteem “deficiencies” the path clearer on how to lead myself ( and her ) in the right direction therefore avoiding the friends zone.

I also made a detailed image of the traits I wanted ( or thought I needed ) and eventually my exterior began to mirror my interior.

The path I took helped me to finally escape the friends zone and even though it wasn’t a straight line, it WORKED.

What I’ve done, which I do hope can help you eliminate the friends zone too, has since been straightened out based on my experiences above and the ones I haven’t shared with you.

You can find them here: 3 Steps to Eliminate The Friends Zone.

You can definitely learn from the mistakes I made just as much as the mistakes you’ve made and are bound to make more. They happen but I firmly believe they CAN be used as learning tool.

You too have the choice to stop feeling guilty about bearing the burden of being nice and this can happen quickly when you utilize those so-called drill bits I mentioned earlier.

Find the ones in which you can directly relate to in your unique life and learn to take control of who you are.

You DO want control of your dating life.

You DO want to choose the women you date and stop settling or hoping one will eventually choose you.

You can NOT directly control things outside of yourself. Everyday in your life you are bombarded with the world’s events and you have, in essence, no real control over them and I will say this…

You have no control over if she will be your friend or girlfriend.

You can not make her like you.

You can not make her want you.

You can not make her see you as more than a friend.

Stick with me now….

But you can control your actions, your mind, your perception, and your reactions. You can control yourself.

This small shift in thinking changes everything.

When your focus turns inwards suddenly the outside world WILL change to meet you.

Gaining control of your dating life and the relationships that follow requires understanding yourself, determining exactly why you end up just being friends, and simultaneously giving up trying to control those around you which only cause more desperation and endless suffering.

I now avoid the friend’s zone when I choose because I gave up trying to control what I couldn’t.

I now know that nice guy in me who was perpetually stuck in the middle, worrying if she was attracted to me, was me trying to control what I couldn’t, HER feelings for me.

This caused me to jump straight into creating comfort instead of focusing on being a more attractive person.

This also caused me to constantly attempt to win her over without ever really knowing if I had sparked attraction or how to do it.

This constant seeking of approval never freed my mind up enough to make that first move.

I escaped the friend’s zone and I know any guy reading this who wants it bad enough can also eliminate it.

You do NOT have to be pre-destined to live out the label that “nice guys don’t get laid.”

Change yourself positively and demand the world meet the new you on your terms.

Learn to lead and invite women into YOUR life and avoid trying to control how they will feel.

My steps for you are simple:

  1. Distract yourself from women so your life no longer revolves around “getting” them. Focus on yourself by yes, increasing your confidence and strengthening your self- esteem from within. Give UP trying to control things which you have no right to control.
  2. Learn how attraction is naturally created, why it happens, and how step 1 makes you more attractive just be going through it.
  3. Re-introduce yourself by now communicated yourself indirectly and by building an attractive lifestyle so you can invite women in or allow to join you because they want to be more intimately involved in it, and NOT just another friend.

The process works and although I don’t cover everything it forms a concrete basis to follow and I’m positive any Escape the Friends Zone Guidebook either adds to or closely resembles it because IT WORKS.

Such as the two below which I recommend for starters:

And mine of course…

Click here for MY 3 Steps to Eliminate The Friends Zone

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please visit all my pages: The Nice Guy Approach | The Approach | Why Do Guys…? | Why Do Chics…? OR Like my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Yes, I’m a very busy guy. 🙂 Oh… I almost forgot Twitter – Peter White.

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4 comments… add one
  • Michael

    Hey Peter,
    I’m putting together a list of my own boundaries to keep myself out of the friendzone.

    – I will not stay in a friendship with a woman i’m attracted to.
    – I will not discuss with a woman i’m attracted to anything pertaining to dating/relationships( love,dating, romance, relationships, men)

    ^ Anything else i should i avoid talking to women about? I’ve read some places not to do favors for women i’m attracted to, or listen to any of their personal life problems.

    • Hey Michael. Great to hear from you again. You always keep me on my “attractive” toes. Perfect timing too because I’m developing what I may call the Friend Zone Papers with a cool report to download when you sign up. Thanks to you I’m going to include my response here plus more on it.


      I remember writing the “list” several times in my life. It never worked for me the way I wanted it to because:

      1. I found myself losing hot girl “friends” who have lots of hot “potential” girlfriends. This happened when I started going out and meeting more women but I was still not confident in my skills to attract them. I was making more new friends than anything else. Over time this problem worked itself out. I realized through experience and not in any “aha” moment the pyramid of social interactions don’t limit its reach to just one pyramid.

      I’ll explain that concept a little more.

      You meet an attractive woman. She has at least a couple ‘not so hot’ friends. Each of those two friends have their own ‘not so hot’ friends. As the social circles of people interacts and the numbers of people grows the pyramid has a new base in which if you climb the social ladder, you’ll find new stable woman on top of that. If you throw away every interaction in which one woman just wants to be friends and she exists on the top of the pyramid of women you want to date, you end up missing easy opportunities to meet women you might not normally meet. Typically because those women may never hang out in the same places you would.

      2. I could not hold myself to the list with women I already knew.

      3. I decided to take the back door to attracting more women because it was easier and it just made more sense to me. As for your list this would be the same as saying, “I can do a favor for a woman I was attracted to if I am completely assured and confident I wasn’t doing it hoping she would see me as more than a friend after.” Another example would be, “I can talk to women about dating and relationships as long as I’m not doing it to be a consoling friend.” The last one is hard to explain in a sentence but this post will explain it in more detail.
      Creative Phrasing Guest Post

      Don’t get me wrong I think the list is a great idea. Too many guys who find themselves in the friend zone don’t have clear boundaries. Their emotions often get tangled and they find themselves getting stuck on one woman after another. Eventually the frustration builds so they get angry. Which as was in my case forced me to write a list out. I’m definitely going to write more details about that on my list as I go along.

      I will have to ask you to do yourself a favor though when you are writing your list Michael. Instead of writing “I will not stay in a friendship with a woman I’m attracted to.” try this instead –

      “If I can not handle the emotions or if I can not stop myself from falling for her more by being just her friend, I will refuse to be friends with her.”

      In other words your list would achieve better results if it is written based on your level of interactions with women you are attracted to. Think of it this way. Let’s say you meet two attractive friends and for some reason you pursued more with only one of them and you find out she doesn’t feel it for you but the other is still on the fence. Because you did not make too many mistakes with either of them. The other one is potentially still there and if you display to her you can not handle being just friends with her hotter friend, she will assume you can not handle attractive women in your life. If this attitude crosses over into new meetings you may be seen as having a weak character or low self-worth.

      (The back door method I mention above with regards to the above paragraph or the post I gave a link to would go something like this. Instead of stating to myself I will not allow myself to stay in a friendship with a woman I’m attracted to, I will make it clear to HER from initial contact I am putting her in MY friend zone. When this is done creatively and not so directly you’ll find if you’re really good at it, the last place that woman wants to be is in YOUR friend zone.)

      Well with all that said, off the top of my head here are some items I put on my list back then:
      I will not answer the phone just because she calls.
      I will not build my life around hers.
      I will not re-route my days just to be with her.
      I will not blow off a previous engagement.
      I will not pretend to be waiting for her by refusing to see other women.
      My opinions and my choices are just as valid as hers.
      I will not (not) do something just because I think she might not like what I’m doing.
      I will not buy her a gift just because I think she will enjoy it.

      Remember those are items based on a relationship where i want more and she doesn’t. They consisted of some things I would do hoping to change her mind. When in fact they drove me deeper into the friend zone and pushed her closer to someone else.

      Let me know what you think and you know what to do if you have any more questions. I’m here.

      Thanks again for making me think Michael.

  • Michael

    Thanks Peter for the advice, and yes i suppose i can reframe my list, that should be no problem. My making of the list, is simply because i’m going back to school(college) in a couple of weeks,and I don’t wanna get into a habit of developing a huge amount of female “friends” and the easiest way i know to prevent that is be very careful about what I speak to woman i’m interested about, i’m trying to go up there with that “bad” boy mindset,and bad boy typically have no use for female friends , like carlos xuma said in the bad boy formula program, bad boy aren’t out there looking for friends,they are out there trying to collect lovers,and lovers only. I guess my boundaries might be a little strong,but that’s only because i’m trying to rid myself of my “nice” guy ways and behaviors,and move closer to a better more attractive man.

    • Great idea Michael. I can not wait to hear about your success with these college women you will be collecting as lovers. Practice safe sex please.. in other words make sure they don’t have giant sized boyfriends living close by. Good luck and keep me informed.

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