I was a prisoner doing a life sentence. The jury consisting of ALL women handed me the unanimous verdict...
They read aloud so EVERYONE could hear it,
"On all counts."
The judge peered at me with a disgusted look on his face. The reading glasses he wore were sliding off the tip of his nose reflecting a blinding light in my eyes. It was excruciatingly painful.
I squinted back up at him hoping for compassion, but I never got it.
He demanded I make reparations and that I, Peter White, be deemed to live out my life as number 674893123...
A prisoner of the friend's zone!
I gracefully accepted my sentence.
After all, I did feel "guilty" of doing something wrong. What it was exactly I wasn't sure because no woman ever read me my Miranda rights or provided me any legal counseling at all.
In fact, the only legal right granted to me was a speedy trial.
I lived for years with that guilty feeling. Always wanting to escape to freedom as a boyfriend but I just never believed in my innocence.
It was almost like my life had been scripted out by who I was...
A Nice Guy.
And with this great power of being nice came the greater responsibility of being alone.
Until one fateful day...
She was Eighteen when I met her.
Bold and beautiful.
Fun, exciting, AND bisexual.
She began visiting me in my eight by eight cell. Maybe it was my nice self guy that drew her in. Maybe it was how I always listened to her and would blindly put her feelings in front of my own.
Although she would always give back just as much as she got.
She looked past my moments of rage and blame fueled by my frustrations and she still wanted to be my "friend".
Yes, my friend.
My pen pal to the world of beautiful women.
And so I agreed.
The friendship failed all too quickly but in the ashes of my smoldering anger laid the seeds of a new life replacing my old desperation with a sheer determination to escape.
I finally felt my guilty feelings were not real or justified.
I began to understand that I was NOT predestined to live the "nice guy finishing last with women" role.
I realized that terrible burden of responsibility, which meant suffering as a "good guy", did not make me any more courageous or better because of it.
I wasn't carrying a burden, THAT was yet just another lame nice guy excuse:
It was an excuse for failing to study for the tests women were giving me.
It was an excuse for not doing my homework and learning how and why we feel attraction towards others.
It was an excuse for not being the man I really wanted to be.
It was an excuse for believing I was courageous when the real courage I needed to show, was never shown to any woman I wanted so desperately.
This new determination helped me to dig down deep into the feared darkness of my failures.
I tunneled my way slowly but with a clear goal in mind and used my new skilled to tunnel out even faster.
At first I used my bare fingers but then met a friend who loaned me a freaking shovel...
Someone who propelled my eminent escape and who I will forever be grateful to:
David DeAngelo gave me a gas-powered drill and introduced me to HIS friends.
Sure I swallowed some dirt along the way. Who wouldn't?
I broke a few nails.
I had to change the drill bit constantly. After all, I couldn't really afford to buy the diamond tipped one.
Here's one of those drill bits given to me from his friend....
According to his book, "The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed" I was starting in the middle of all my relationships with women and when I did manage to start at the beginning I would get stuck in the middle anyways.
The Nice Guy... Many men understand and appreciate that seduction first makes women feel uncomfortable. What these men do instead is focus on comfort first.
SUMMARY: PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH IMPROPER M3 SEQUENCING
2. Starting in the middle = protective shield problems.
4. Starting at the beginning but getting stuck in the middle = friendship zone problems.
To clarify a little further...
I put myself in the friend's zone because I would not focus first on creating attraction.
I went right into building comfort and rapport.
Those rare times when the woman WAS oddly enough attracted to me I would stay forever in the building comfort phase with her.
I never stepped through the process which leads to connection and intimacy.
The sex part would never come.
A friendship would then surely ensue.
Well you probably know the rest of that story and if you're here right now - you're probably still living out what seems like a life sentence to you.
Here's another drill bit:
1. The first and the most common reason is being too nice, two sweet, and too accommodating.
It is essential that you understand that there is a huge difference between being sweet and nice and being ATTRACTIVE.
3. Many guys make the mistake of being overly aggressive with women. Ironically, however, men often get into the friendzone because they are not aggressive enough.
A mistake I made was not focusing on attraction first. This was already covered.
However "Number 3" states not moving on to the next step of creating a sexual relationship.
Keep in mind that these only point to the primary reasons and in no way will be the absolute determining factor.
For example, I never pushed the next step because I was not confident enough to make it happen.
Once I learned the root of my esteem "deficiencies" the path became clearer on how to lead myself ( and her ) in the right direction therefore avoiding the friends zone.
I also made a detailed image of the traits I wanted (or thought I needed) and eventually my exterior began to mirror my interior.
The path I took helped me to finally escape the friends zone and even though it wasn't a straight line, it WORKED.
What I've done, which I do hope can help you eliminate the friends zone too, has since been straightened out based on my experiences above and the ones I haven't shared with you.
You can definitely learn from the mistakes I made just as much as the mistakes you've made and are bound to make more. They happen but I firmly believe they CAN be used as learning tool.
You too have the choice to stop feeling guilty about bearing the burden of being nice and this can happen quickly when you utilize those so-called drill bits I mentioned earlier.
Find the ones in which you can directly relate to in your unique life and learn to take control of who you are.
You DO want control of your dating life.
You DO want to choose the women you date and stop settling or hoping one will eventually choose you.
You can NOT directly control things outside of yourself. Everyday in your life you are bombarded with the world's events and you have, in essence, no real control over them and I will say this...
You have no control over if she will be your friend or girlfriend.
You can not make her like you.
You can not make her want you.
You can not make her see you as more than a friend.
Stick with me now....
But you can control your actions, your mind, your perception, and your reactions.
You can control yourself.
This small shift in thinking changes everything.
When your focus turns inwards suddenly the outside world WILL change to meet you.
Gaining control of your dating life and the relationships that follow requires understanding yourself, determining exactly why you end up just being friends, and simultaneously giving up trying to control those around you which only causes you even more desperation and endless suffering.
I now avoid the friend's zone when I choose to, because I gave up trying to control what I couldn't.
I now know that nice guy in me who was perpetually stuck in the middle, worrying if she was attracted to me, was me trying to control what I couldn't, HER feelings for me.
This caused me to jump straight into creating comfort instead of focusing on being a more attractive person.
This also caused me to constantly attempt to win her over without ever really knowing if I had sparked attraction or how to do it.
This constant seeking of approval never freed my mind up enough to make that first move.
I escaped the friend's zone and I know if you want it bad enough, you too can also eliminate it entirely from your dating life!
You do NOT have to be pre-destined to live out the label that "nice guys don't get laid."
Change yourself positively and demand the world meet the new you on YOUR new terms.
Learn to lead and invite women into YOUR life and avoid trying to control how they may or may not feel towards you.
My steps for you are simple:
FIRST STEP: DISTRACTION.
Distract yourself from women so your life no longer revolves around "getting" them.
Focus on yourself first.
Increase or build your confidence and strengthen your self- esteem from within.
Give UP trying to control things which you have no right to control.
This will give you all the distraction you'll need today:
The idea is simple and simplicity is often the most brilliant solution.
STOP seeing your friend so much by distracting yourself from her (and women in general) and get your head together.
STEP TWO: STUDY ATTRACTION.
Learn how attraction is naturally created, why it happens, and how step 1 makes you more attractive just by going through the step of distraction.
Study attraction and how it's triggered through communication skills and indirectly through the person you are or how you communicate yourself to others including men and women:
And throw this one in IF you want to save a few dollars because despite being THE BEST book out there which helped me to escape the friends zone - it's introductory BUT PERFECT to get the job done at $14.97:
Throw in a membership to DiaLteG TM and you'll know all you'll ever need to know about attraction and how it's going to certainly help you escape and avoid the friends zone FOREVER.
Free preview page below:
STEP 3: The RE-INTRODUCTION PHASE:
Re-introduce yourself to whomever and whenever and start communicating your new self - differently.
Build yourself an attractive lifestyle that you love to be in and invite the women you want or desire to join you.
This step is the easy one IF you've fully gone through the first two.
If it's not working - do it again. The second time through is quicker because you've already laid down the groundwork.
You're probably just missing a few things.
This is where you slowly start seeing your friend again and interacting with her on a level which shows her indirectly you're a new "more attractive" man.