Have you ever noticed how often we put time frames on certain things?
“200 days without an accident.”
“Stayed on my diet for 20 days.”
“10 days on the wagon.”
And how most of the time, we’re not afraid to admit them publicly.
We more than casually let others know how we’re doing on popular items such as diets, smoking, and working out.
How come you never hear a guy say,
“I haven’t jerked off in five days. Woo hoo!” or
“I haven’t had a girlfriend in ten years! YES!.”
Aside from the sense of privacy on those issues we aim to make connections in conversations. We’re either finding a common interest or fighting over a difference of opinions.
Now I haven’t been in too many rooms filled with 20-year-old virgin men but wouldn’t masturbation be a common interest there? ( Wow there’s some imagery best left never to be thought again)
And you would think a group of single guys hanging out would find some common ground on why they can’t find one or how long it’s been since they’ve had a girlfriend.
But it just doesn’t happen, does it?
If you can’t find a girlfriend or just get laid you’re probably like I was – talking to your friends about the hot chic that just walked in the room. The last thing you’re going to say is,
“Hey guys I’d love to play some Darts with you but my hand needs to be fully rested for tonight. If you know what I mean.”
In one way you have to admit “having a girlfriend” is a status symbol.
We can easily assume how much status a guy has by what girl he is dating. How hot she is boosts his status and how attractive he appears to be or how he dresses puts him somewhere on a status scale…
If he’s not good-looking we can assume he has money.
If he dresses like a rock star we can assume he’s a bad boy.
If he dresses like a thug then we can assume he’s a bad ass.
If he has nothing going on – he must have a huge one.
It’s a safe bet women are doing the same thing when they see a couple. The better or “hotter” his girlfriend is, the higher status is granted to him almost immediately.
Unfortunately this can also work against a guy.
The less desirable she is, the less importance a woman might put on him. Ranking him down a peg or two.
You can “safely” assume a part of your status is also based on how much time passes between girlfriends. A two month drought’s not bad. A year drought is probably bad luck.
Several years there’s something wrong with us!
Ten years or more we’re probably still living with our parents.
To talk about this subject means having to admit a perceived lower status and I doubt any of us are wiling or should ever have to do that.
After all a man in his late thirties who hasn’t had a steady girlfriend in ten years could easily be considered a player.
Or he must be afraid of commitment.
Hell as long as you don’t say anything about it you can let women believe it’s YOUR choice. How it has nothing to do with the fact you’re having NO luck with women at all.
But your closest friends and family know the truth.
You might even avoid having them around a pretty date for fear they might spill your beans. If you’re like I was the longer you wait the better you get at faking how “choosy” you are to explain the long drought.
And with good reason…
How many women really want to date or become your first girlfriend in a very, very, very long time?
Making the problem of finding one that much harder.
The longer you go without one it feels like the steeper the climb. It’s as if everyday that passes your status is lowered a little.
I understand any guy who decides to visit this article because he has not had a girlfriend in a long time is forced to suffer through every subject I brought up and more like …
“There is no more security in having a girlfriend than there is in being a single, Dynamic man with the ability to create the dating life HE wants. Being Single is Just as Good! Do You Need a Girlfriend To Be Happy?
How, sooner or later you have to decide a few things or ask a few tough questions…
What do you consider settling?
Do you settle with any woman who wants you?
Do you feel shallow or superficial because you ONLY want a woman you’re physically attracted to?
How do you overcome or get past the fact you haven’t been intimate with a woman in so long, it’s bound to be awkward? So awkward you could easily scare her away.
So odd you’ll pull back and have her thinking you don’t want her. Accidentally putting her in “your” friends zone.
Making it all THAT much harder to even bother trying next time.
My suggestions today is to first think about the questions above and your personal answers and what they mean to you.
Let it all out below if you have to but at least get it out there!
Secondly, consider your drought as a major advantage and NOT some disadvantage or some curse you’re stuck with.
Advantage #1: You’ve learned what some men will never experience. Complete independence from women and relationships. You’ve learned to do it all by yourself, for yourself, and that kind of independence is an invaluable and actually highly attractive when used correctly.
Advantage #2: You’ve learned patience. Experienced real strength. A world without the complexity of a relationship. A world without the sometimes complex “sexual” relationships.
That might sound like a bad thing but when it comes to “figuring things out” , making clearer decisions, following your path at any time with no string attached, well it’s a great thing, and again, all those listed ARE attractive traits.
Down down-play these advantages so far. Don’t believe they make you less than a man because in fact, they have helped you mature attractively.
Advantage #3: YOU have become the ultimate challenge to women.
Think about what I wrote above…
Not advertising your drought as a consequence of not knowing how, some women will see you as a player. Which believe me, as long as you’re NOT a player, works in your favor.
Let women believe what they want to believe and never let it affect your personal state of mind. ( Let them get to you and this and all those advantages become useless. )
Act like sex comes purely natural to you, refuse to talk about your conquests, become overly comfortable around women and they will assume you’re getting something from someone. You would have to.
Again… Let women believe what they want to believe and never let it affect your personal state of mind.
Some women will assume you’re afraid of commitment. Especially if they’re starting to feel it for you.
Others will assume you’re just THAT hard to get. Definitely when they’re feeling even a little attraction.
It increase their competitive drive to get you. You’re now naturally set up as a real challenge. A guy worth fighting for, a guy worth waiting for, a guy worth sticking close to so they might be there at the right time when you’re finally ready to settle down.
Hopefully you can now see not having a girlfriend for a long time CAN be an advantage.
Being single does NOT have to be hidden or meant to lower your status or make you feel like less of a man but more as an opportunity to women.
If you really do want the best woman for you, if you don’t want to settle or be made to feel bad because you want someone you’re actually attracted to, use those advantages above to your benefit and please take the time to go through ALL the steps I wrote for you: 11 Steps to Getting A Girlfriend.