I have made many mistakes in life but when as it relates to women, dating, and not being seen as an attractive man, there were countless errors in judgement followed by stupidity all leading me down a road of little courage, and in a state of constant recovery.
The stories I could tell you are embarrassing. Some are pathetic and sad. Others will have your mouth drop in one way or another as you exclaim loudly... Dude? What hell were you thinking you freaking idiot?!!!
Sorry, today's post is not about my specific failures but what I've learned from all the sadness, the constant wrong-doing, and how I learned how handling these shortcomings or failures, is EXACTLY what separates the truly attractive man from the others.
Don’t fear making mistakes and learn to recover quickly in many areas of your life.
This can be tough rule to see how it's related to being an attractive person, but when scrutinized further it becomes clear.
Secondly - Mistakes in dating and relationships along with rejections taken too personal can be crippling to anyone who allows it to stop them from trying again, from objectively learning from it, from actively changing the next interaction, and to not allow these things to cause a withdrawal from trying or trusting again.
From this perspective it's easy to see how attractive a person can be, is directly proportionate to one's ability to recover and learn from any hardships or mistakes that were made in the past.
It requires strength of character.
An ability to objectify situations to assess the real truth.
A courage which allows certain healthy risks to be taken time and time again.
An ability to trust oneself and others too.
It shows resolve and a fortitude to continue on despite setbacks.
ALL of which are beneficial in forming a stable relationship than can withstand troubling times, and in the short-term IS attractive to anyone seeking a long-term relationship to a casual fling.
The internal process used to make these things happen (recovery and the ability to learn from mistakes) is also a journey that grants experience and knowledge which can be fully utilized for life, making it highly relevant and somewhat imperative to being an attractive person.
Eliminating certain non-life threatening fears is not an easy task for many who suffer with too many of them.
Courage is not so easily gained and is often a seemingly grueling process which explains why it can be difficult to achieve.
Recovery from mistakes and hardships in a healthy way along with being achieved in a reasonable period of time is also not so easy, which is why many don't recover from specific events their entire life.
With this knowledge it becomes clear that too many people add undue pressure to FIX it and don't give themselves enough credit when small steps are taken in the right direction.
I don't intend to write an entire paper relieving you but I can help a little in the hopes you'll seek the personal help you need based on your unique experiences and specificity of your problems.
The First Steps to beginning the process:
STOP berating yourself and being overly critical of you, your decisions, and the mistakes you've made or probably will make in the future.
Nothing stops your progression or slows it down more than being too tough on yourself or your progress.
It's a process and not a destination.
Admit courage and getting past your fears is not easy, although it can get easier as you go along.
With that said...
ALWAYS recognize, reinforce, acknowledge, and lightly praise yourself for every minor success.
Allow yourself to FEEL GOOD in those moments and let that connection of process adhere to every step in the right direction.
Enjoyment is critical to your continuance and desire/drive in propelling yourself through each and every step along the way.
REFUSE to compare your progress to others.
This is not a competition so you mustn't let your competitive drive take over and become more important:
"Being an attractive person is NOT a competition.
It’s not who wins and who loses…
It’s about having and cultivating the ability to just LIVE and enjoying it from moment to moment, AND taking full advantage of that enlightenment so you can pass it onto others to feel it with you."
Only compare your progress to yourself.
Doing anything otherwise will only lead to a slower pace along with feelings of despair as you look outside yourself to note your success.
Mistakes are an integral part of learning anything.
I spent much of my life learning two skills some would claim are impossible to always be perfect during a performance - Golf and Music.
Some might call you a master once you reach a certain ability but we all know - there will always be another level to achieve.
It's not too difficult to see while learning either one of those skills, mistakes will happen consistently and frequently as they are practiced plus refined to eliminate the mistakes from happening more frequently.
What IS a difficult thing to see and how making those mistakes is helpful in the learning process so I tried an experiment with both of them.
I theorized that IF I could lessen the errors as often as possible, my brain and muscle memory would be more likely to remember what was right because the "rights" would outweigh the "wrongs".
In both skills I slowed down the process to a rate that was excruciatingly slow. Quite painful I might add too.
I wanted to teach my muscles and brain ONLY the right way. The slower I went, the more time I had to decisively do the right thing, get in the right position, perform the note or part of the swing, therefore burning into me ONLY correctness.
It worked a little. It certainly helped. I was training very large muscles and small muscles at the same time, plus I was putting in large amounts of time dedicated to getting them right.
However - progress was slow and tedious. Not too much of a problem until it came time to perform in REAL time.
The golf game got a little better but the mistakes were far from eliminated. The scores barely dropped even though I was swinging better and making more consistent shots.
The music expertise moved forward more rapidly but many claimed it was because I was gifted or built genetically to play.
I questioned the two theories of practice I had learned, "Practice makes perfect." but, "Perfect practice leads to perfection."
It became clear that eliminating the mistakes certainly helped build my confidence and it was helping, but what was even more clear was that I was still making mistakes.
HOW then did making mistakes help me?
Were these mistakes actually an important piece in learning?
This was not a social thing, sort of, these were muscle memory skills. Did that mean they are different rules in learning for each of them?
Yes - there are slightly different rules.
Mistakes are LEARNING TOOLS where it applies.
It didn't seem helpful, other than making me do something over and over again which helped build the muscles I needed, it felt counter productive to practice the wrong when I already knew the right way.
Herein lies the difference.
When you don't know the right way - experimentation and mistakes become the ultimately learning tool which not only gives direction but solidifies a better path to success.
Becoming a more attractive man MUST include lots of mistakes because the benefits far outweigh the failure in many ways.
New experiences always equals new learning.
Being more open to risk is a mark of courage and a fearless attitude towards the non-physical harms me may come upon in "trying".
When each setback is not taken or felt as a failure and is seen as the process of learning one does not fear failure but embraces it and uses it as a marker towards success.
A clearly marked road sign with an unlimited paths marked on it AND a CLEAR SIGN of progress.
When one only relies on success as their mark of progress, it then can easily become a TRUE failure in the learning process because it marks an end.
An end to which can never in reality be reached anyways but is made up in the brain to make one feel better and more confidence their efforts are paying off.
When no setbacks are faced, the learning process of being skillful at recovering from failures is never experienced.
Mistakes in today's context should not be feared but embraced.
Throw away any and all reliance on progress as a mark that your efforts are being rewarded.
The rewards are there each and everyday you TRY.
Don't hope or rely for life or another to pat you on the back to propel you continually forward.
Your reward is the wonderful fearless and courageous feeling you experience from TRYING and LEARNING.
You WILL recover quicker because recovery is then not necessary at all.
Today's law - when followed - gives the user a clear seen and felt trait of being an attractive person to others.
Courage is not granted, it's earned.
Recovery comes from experiences in which failure was embraced.
These combined not only offers an inspiring attitude for others to follow, which is attractive, but also proves value, worth, while at the same time offering a true non-competitive challenge to either join or despise...
The choice is up to them to make but either choose is PROOF OF ATTRACTION.
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