How to Send Messages to Women’s Online Profiles that Gets a Reply Back

You're in! Your profile is set up to receive lots of messages. Your pictures are looking good. You filled out the endless stream of questions the service has asked you to do so.

Getting dates is only a few clicks away.

Now it's time to start contacting women to let them know you're interested. Time to craft your personal messages to get you more responses.

First rule still applies:

Don't try so hard!

Second rule for this part is not a no-brainer. During my research I've found guys will send along messages without doing something very important:

Take the time to read her profile.

She does not want to hear from guys who couldn't put a few minutes into reading what she took so long to make for you.

Don't study it, just get an overall feel for the type of woman you're going to contact. That's all.

Give her a real reason to respond.

The better women will give you everything you need in her profile to help you out in your first message but you still must give her a good reason to get back to you.

Sending, "Hey, I like your profile and thought we might make a good match. Check me out and let me know." will get you nowhere quickly. Never start with "I liked your profile..." or anything even close to it.

Encourage a response by gaining her interest in having a conversation with you. That's key to all the messages you send.

All you're doing is starting a conversation with a woman who has already revealed her life to you and is looking for a date.

You can not ask for anything more to be in your favor. No cold approach. No hidden agendas. No face to face rejections.

And you have time to think about what you're going to write her. You just can not beat it. The odds are forever in your favor.

What to AVOID in your first and all follow up messages, no exceptions:

(Some are these are obvious but must be mentioned just in case. If you're a good guy, ignore them.)

  • Do not use abusive language or swear.
  • Do not be rude or obnoxious.
  • Do not bring up her or your sexual body part unless it's site appropriate.
  • Do not mention having sex with her, unless it's site appropriate.
  • Do not apologize for writing to her.
  • Do not make excuses as to why you're on a dating site.
  • Do not talk about marriage or how you might be looking to settle down soon.
  • Do not brag, boast, or pretend to be overly confident.
  • Do not profess your love to her.

Here's your REMINDER to continually work on your conversation skills and the knowing the difference between talking to woman and talking with them. Click this link to go back to part one exactly where the help is located.

What you should always do or check before you send a message:

  • Use a spell checker.

You might not need a grammar tool. It's not always necessary. Speaking directly from the words in your head are sometimes more personal and work better anyways.

  • Proof read it a few times.

A few seconds can make a difference between looking like an ass and making a impact. Don't just hit send quickly. Read it again first.

  • No run on sentences. Use punctuation and paragraphs when needed. Without it, you're done.

The letters I get sent lacking paragraphs and any kind of punctuation don't get read. I can not do it. It's annoying and impossible to read. The same should always go for every message you send. No exceptions!

  • Once you've made a commitment to send a message, do not spend too much time thinking about what to say.

The longer you take, the worse it will become. Trust me on this. If nothing comes to mind in a timely manner, save her profile or mark it down, and come back later.

Go on to the next one on your list and try again. It's going to happen so prepare for it.

Read her profile entirely unless it's long and boring and in that case, why write her anyways?

You can always send her a message asking her when her autobiography is out because you prefer the Cliff notes. 🙂

Get her smiling and laughing with the right type of humor.

Don't be a clown or throw in some random joke, they go nowhere. Here's the preview page which will show you the different humor types. The full page is only available to paid members.

Act like you've known her forever.

"Pretend" as if she's a long time friend. This typically creates a great rapport and makes her feel comfortable. Assume you've perhaps met before and you haven't seen her in a long time.

Speak to HER specifically.

Women appreciate it. She's not a number or some random picture on your phone or computer. Remember there's a real live woman on the other end.

You'd be surprised how many men miss this because it feels like a video game sometimes. They get caught up in the "electronics" of it all and forget.

Stay within yourself.

You're going to have to meet this woman so it better be who you really are in person. Don't oversell yourself or your life.

In other words, if your lifestyle does not consist of expensive dinners and attending high-class shows don't try to make her believe that's who you are just because you thought she would be more likely to respond.

Keep it brief and often to the point.

Mention something she is doing in a picture.

Appreciate something she loves doing and how you admire her for it. Stay away from saying how you always wanted to do it though. You don't want to come off that way at any time.

I've had major success using her pictures as a base for starting many conversations. There's so much going on in each one and if she took the time post it up, she really believes it's going to help her get more messages and she probably likes to show off her lifestyle.

Bust her ass a little. Tease her with a smile.

Just make sure she can laugh with you and at herself too. This is a toughie and must be done right. Otherwise, you're in for either a world of shit from her, no response back at all, or a fight you can eventually win but you must really good at it.

I've got into a few sparring matches with some incredibly hot women which eventually turned into something more but it's not easy and not always worth the extra effort.

So... be careful and again make sure she's laughing too.

You might need to read these first:

Why Cocky & Funny Attracts Women - Using Humor To Trigger Her Attraction

Cocky Comedy - The Difference  Being Confident & Acting Like a Jerk

Be charming and start flirting right away.

There's something to say about a charming man women can not resist to smile when they meet him. When you add a flirting to it can get you more than in her message door.  The hard part is you have to know how to be that guy or else it's not going to help you much.

If you don't feel charming or it's just not you, take a look at the quote below. If you come across with all those items I believe you'll come off more than just charming. I picked it up off this post from David:

An Easy-Going Attitude, He's Put Together, He's Humble and He Has A Sense of Humor. 

The 4 Sure Signs Of Confidence That Women Look For In A Man

Be persistent and it's okay to write a second perhaps even a third message.

Obviously you don't want to be an ass and bug the shit out of any one woman. But messages do get lost and missed. Feel free to send a follow up or something different the second time.

Women do like the a touch of persistence. You'd be surprised how after the  second one she  sends back a smile and likes what you wrote her.

Act a little indifferent and let her know everything is going to be okay if she gets back to you.

This is a cool little tip because it says a lot about you and your abundant attitude towards the world and the women in it. You want to come across as "Hey, everything looks great. Just wanted to let you know it's going to be okay to get back to me."  

Keep in mind this is an attitude and not necessarily exactly what you want to write her although I've done it with some success.

The end of today's lesson is upon us...

We've covered a lot so let's wrap it up so you can get to making some new contacts and start setting up the dates you're going get.

Hey man, you have to keep this fun and enjoy the process along the way or else you're not going to like doing it. This will come off in your writing and you definitely don't want that.

So.... have fun with it. Don't get all serious and put undue pressure on yourself.

You might get it done quickly. You might not. Either way, keep moving forward. Keep practicing. It's worth it. Your dating life is worth it.

Put in the effort and reap the rewards.

This messaging stuff is not as hard as some work it out to because you have many advantages in your corner and as mentioned above:

All you're doing is starting a conversation with a woman who has already revealed her life to you and is looking for a date.

You can not ask for anything more to be in your favor. No cold approach. No hidden agendas. No face to face rejections.

AND you have time to think about what you're going to write her.

Some positive thoughts to keep in mind if you get stuck or need some encouragement.

Most men get lost in the "sea of sausage" on these sites. Most men also waste their money and only join for about three months and do nothing to make it happen.

They build a lame profile and wait for responses and only hope women will come to them. They then leave frustrated with a feeling of being outnumbered by men who can show off their wealth and status.

Which is good news for you!

The women keep coming looking for dates and the other men who don't put the work in like you do, fade away leaving it wide open for you.

Don't hesitate. Message often. Keep working it. Keep searching for new ones to write to. You must be persistent and stay updated almost daily.

You can and will beat any competition out there.

Lastly... or once again:

I needed a lot of help with women outside the internet and pulled it altogether as I went along. If you don't know how to trigger attraction in the "real" world, the internet won't be any different.

Don't fool yourself into believing it will different, because it won't.

My FIRST step was to buy THE books on attraction: Attraction Isn't A Choice and Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo and used them to practice in the internet and in real life.

My friend tossed me the next step, meeting women online which you can read about below.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to reveal my tips and tricks and thank yourself too for getting it under your control.  You're the one doing the real. I got the easy part.

Here's to your success!

If you have any problems, questions, comments, experiences, advice, tips, or whatever that pertains to this page in online dating - leave them below.

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Credits:Image of woman wanting a message from you by Angela Roma.
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About the Expert: Peter White – Dating and Attraction Expert. Creator of DiaLteG™. (dial – teg) Thanks for stopping by and giving me the opportunity to teach you a little something about women.

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The article is posted in these Categories: Attractive Communication – How To Communicate Yourself Attractively, Dating – Advice, Tips, How To Enjoy and Have Better Dates

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