You fell for your friend and it wasn’t something you expected. It just happened.
You’re afraid to say something because it could ruin the friendship or make it awkward for both of you. The last thing you want to happen is hating you or saying she never wants to see you again.
You’re even more afraid of saying something because you’re not sure if she even likes you back or how she really feels about you.
How did it happen? Maybe you met through a friend, maybe one of you was already “hooked up” and now you’re both free. Maybe you’re not good at this kind of shit so you played the “wait and see game,” or maybe she just didn’t seem like “girlfriend” material until you got to know her better.
Some women CAN grow on you.
Whatever your specific reasons were or are, I’m sure you’ve heard all the sad stories about being stuck in the friends zone and now you’re the lead character by accident… Trapped in a book where it feels someone else is writing the plot and as in practically every friends zone drama… .
You feel like you have NO CONTROL over the situation!
Let’s see how we can get you to gain that control of your situation and get the problem handled once and for all.
To help you out I did a little research outside my vast knowledge of being stuck in the friends zone and was quite appalled by what I found. So we’re going to go through the advice you should NOT follow which can help you avoid the all-too-common mistakes men make in these situations.
The quoted advice below is NOT what I believe you should do to tell a girl you want to be, “More than Friends” and I’m going to explain why.
1. Give her subtle compliments.
2. Share your love suggestively through a link.
3. Be attentive to her.
4. Invite her out to a small group outing.
5. Reveal your thoughts in an email or text message.
I’ve done them all and they do NOT work! Together or separate.
First – honestly, if there’s not attraction (and I don’t mean just the physical part) no matter how much you hint you want more it’s just not going to happen.
Secondly because it’s weak. Women fall for guys who are strong and confident. Not guys who “hint” at what they want.
Third – Telling her in an email or text message is not “face to face” action. It’s another weak attempt and it lacks courage which is a huge attractive trait.
Think about this: Becoming more than friends will require you to kiss her at some point and if you can not “own up” in person, how will she ever expect or believe you can become intimate with her.
Fourth the advice say to “invite her to a small group outing so you can be alone together.”
Wait…. isn’t that what you do with your friend anyways. Isn’t that part of the reason you feel for her. Because you spent some alone time together?
The article also states to “lead her into a movie or play”.
I say nope! If you want excitement to happen between you and her it’s best to make her excited. Stick to a fun date. A date you can talk. Then let the day or evening become a little more romantic as you go along. Make sure the date naturally creates fun and exciting conversation as said in this much more helpful post: Don’t Pay For Her Attention! Fun Date Ideas & Better Dating Techniques.
Remember: You already DO things with your friend, you just need to change WHAT you’re doing with HER because up until now…. it hasn’t created attraction.
Then, of course, the article suggests, “Show her your undivided attention.”
Sure… why not. While you’re at it why not smother her with affection or follow her around like some love-sick puppy. After that – Send her a video or music link which shows her how much you like her?
Again… Acting like you’re scared of showing your feelings is not what women expect from a guy that will become more than her friend.
Ask yourself this important question if you’re having any problems deciding what to do with your friend… Are you taking action yourself or are you hoping someone or something else is doing it for you?
NEVER let anyone convey a message you need to be getting across yourself so always opt for action first.
This wonderful non-informative post also tells you to compliment her. How “everyone loves compliments.” Well of course they do but women don’t suddenly feel attracted to a guy just because he starts complimenting her even subtlety.
Ask yourself this… What do you want to be loved – YOU or your compliment?
Don’t get me wrong. Genuine compliments are great and all and they can stimulate a woman but more often than not – just throwing them in hoping a woman will suddenly see you as more than a friend is NOT when they should be used.
Be more and more attentive. wait for her after class…offer to walk with her. flirt! be sweet! she has to like u in that way too before u start datin rite! Give her compliments.
This was number two and was obviously meant for young guys and girls but even if this is you Do NOT follow 99% percent of the answer you read.
After reading it again this wonderfully nice advice kept appearing…
“Tell her how you feel.”
Well obviously unless you’re brain-dead you could have come up with this one on your own.
Look around at my friends zone posts and notice how almost every one of those guys decided to “reveal his feelings to a friend” and how they got them nowhere, including me.
I’m not saying it NEVER works. I’m just saying there’s more going on and just telling her how you feel is NOT the answer if you truly want REAL RESULTS.
The only time it works is when you missed every sign she has given you and she’s been secretly attracted to you for as long as you’ve been friends. From my experience, if that IS the case – you can do absolutely anything you want because technically – you’re NOT in the friends zone AND as mentioned above… the attraction is already there.
The top advice giver proves it by stating, “She has to like u in that way before u start dating.” She’s saying – the attraction must be there first. If you get all mushy on her and there’s no attraction she’ll make it clear that you are in or always have been in her friends zone. You see there must be a real genuine attraction first and that must happen naturally.
Women don’t want to experience the awkwardness of kissing a friend for the first time.
They want an experience where you two felt the same way at the same time. How there was a moment where things just happened and they did and it felt amazing. This includes holding hands, hugging, kissing, play wrestling, etc…
Next up of mistaken or given advice to avoid…
Since there’s no REAL answer to quote I’ll get right to it.
Once again you get – “Tell her.” I don’t know about you but I’m getting the picture the world believes this is the only advice worth giving.
Okay I will admit one or two lines of some guy named KevinAM makes a point. He points to a link on how to tell if a girl likes you and he suggests “teasing and flirting first” to gauge her response before you ask her out.
Now that’s advice you can actually use a little of…. Thanks Kevin. Mostly because I’d say it’s best to avoid acting or doing something just to see how she responds unless you’re already in bed. In that case, experiment.
Enough of the mistakes to avoid when trying to tell your friend how you, let’s see some REAL ADVICE which can actually help you out.
After going through 3 pages and finding the ones where the actual question was answered, they all hinted at the same thing. “Tell Her!”
Have you ever seen a movie called “Let It Ride“?
The star decides the only way to win at a horse race is to find out what everyone else is betting on – and then to bet against them. So he finds everyone that always loses and whatever horse they pick, he decides NOT to pick it.
Well that is the way I feel about the advice I’ve read on your “friend” problem. You might just be better of by doing the opposite of what each of those people (except Kevin) advised.
Now that I’ve gotten all that out of my system and have kept you from making some pretty major mistakes with your friend…
Here’s how to “tell a girl” you want to be more than friends.
These are not steps.
They are guidelines. There are too many variables in your specific friendship with her.
Avoid the mistakes above and try each one at a reasonable pace.
1: Don’t tell her – SHOW her.
You do this by teasing her a little more. Flirt with her. Don’t be afraid to touch her when it’s appropriate – just don’t touch her like a friend would and try not to be all creepy about it either.
Lots of guys get stuck being just a friend because they avoided doing these little things in the first place.
I’m not telling you to attack her or anything like that but if you want to be in a physical relationship with her you’re going to have to break that ice sooner and not later.
2: NEVER let anyone else hint or tell her how you feel.
That means no secrets emails or links to videos. That kind of romance only works when you’re already involved or are casually dating and you’ve hit a pivotal point in your young relationship.
3: Don’t start giving her so much attention it’s obvious what you’re doing.
Seriously if you suddenly turn it up you’ll probably scare her away. You need to transition smoothly for things to happen between you. Remember if it doesn’t feel natural for you it won’t feel natural for her either.
Pull back a little and learn to surprise her by offering her a fun alternative to whatever she is doing.
The two posts below were written by a very clever man in the dating arena. I suggest you take a few minutes to read them before you get her to do anything with you:
- Innovative Ideas For Dates She Will Never Forget
- Using Romance To Get A Woman’s Attention and Increase Her Attraction
4: Do NOT reveal your feelings of deep love for her.
Again that only works if something more is actually going on. Instead, start to very lightly accuse her of falling for you.
Turn the tables on her and allow her to believe and feel or consider her feelings towards you are genuine and they are attractive. Trust me if you feel that strongly for her, YOUR feelings are not going anywhere so don’t rush things because you’re feeling anxious.
Do this stuff right and you’ll get plenty of opportunities to show her how much you do care for her.
If you expose a love that belongs in a longer term committed relationship you will put way too much pressure on her to make a decision which will cause her to pull back.
Give her too much time to think over acting on her emotions and she will back out. She’ll start questioning herself and you, and worry about losing the friendship and even worse, she’ll start to wonder what really was on your mind when you were together.
You can easily creep a woman out by having her believe you’ve been secretly thinking about her, “in that way.”
5: Never push a woman into feeling what you’re experiencing in your head.
It only backfires. I know exactly what it takes for a woman to follow through with her attraction for you. I say it’s best to let her create fantasies in her mind about getting with you first.
You don’t put them there, you make it impossible for her to not be able to think about anything else by sticking to a non approval seeking attitude and using your sexy attractive self to tease her.
Here’s a great tip:
Opt for a REAL seduction and risk losing her as a friend. At least that way it will hurt less and on the side, women have a certain thing for guys who take risks especially like this one.
6: Create situations where something is more likely to happen naturally.
Here is an example for you to follow. Using RF To Turn A Friend To Be Your LOVER and How To Spark Attraction.
7: Make sure you haven’t made common mistakes which may have already landed you in the friends zone – because it’s going to be that much harder to get out.
In other words, learn how you got there, why women put guys in the friends zone, and be objective about your situation.
Here are every reason known of why women put guys in the friends zone:\
If you have been doing those things with her or women in general, you may be deeper in than you would have imagined. That’s just a warning from one guy to another…Okay?
Here’s another quick tip:
Once you’ve established meeting up with her… Get her to a place where you can dance.
I don’t advocate alcohol but you have to admit a little alcohol, some dancing to get the blood rate up, music that feels good, is the perfect place to show any woman a fun slightly sexual time. And how you’re not going to be all over her just because there’s other guys around.
Let her see you interact with other women and here’s the cool part – when you’re hanging out in situations like this – acknowledge her “secretly.” I’ve done it plenty of times and it works. Motion a private joke to her. Make her smile without a word. Stick your tongue out at her when she looks like some guy has her trapped in a boring “pickup” conversation.
I believe the key to those last points is to create a unique connection with her on a level most guys are afraid of creating. It’s a special bond which makes it easy to transition to some more intimate moments.
It also immediately sets a flirty tone which not all friends do with each other.
This also shows her how comfortable you are around other women. It lets her know, especially if you reject a few that you’re a selective guy and when she finally gets it through your actions and not your words – that you find her above all those “other” women – she’ll feel special.
She may even start to wonder what it would be like to “be” with you and much more open to starting something with you. I bet if you do that right she’ll be the one who comes after you! That would be pretty cool, right?
Which brings me to another overlooked point on telling a girl you like her:
Getting her to come to you.
Seriously – why not. I’ve done it. Sure it’s a lot tougher but it offers you the best chance at succeeding without having to say a word or risk getting all mushy just to get rejected. You don’t even have to put your ass on the line.
And think about this…
What feels more natural to a woman when she’s the one making the move on you. In her own way of course.
Keep in mind some women attack, some hint more, some give you every available single and that’s her way of making the move. It’s not always a physical “grab you by the crotch thing”.
Most women are very subtle but if you can notice the clues – you’re in and you’ll have a green light to advance with her.
For more details on how to get women to chase YOU, read one of my more recent articles: You Want More Dating Choices, Then Learn How To Get Women To Chase You
The advice I’ve given here is kind of random and I understand some of you may not get it at first… so let’s see if I can break it down to some conclusion in your head so you’ll know exactly…
How To Tell A Girl You Want To Be More Than Friends
Understand your role in the friendship – if you’re constantly in the friends zone – read my ebook first –> Eliminate The Friends Zone
Understand if there’s no attraction in the first place, telling her will NOT change a thing. If you’ve been friends for a long time chances are, even if attraction was there in the beginning, it has diminished to nearly nothing.
Women fall for men of ACTION. Never let someone else do what you should be doing. No crazy emails or texts or having a friend reveal your feelings for you.
DO NOT reveal your feelings especially if you’re madly in love with her. Again, if she’s not feeling it you will most likely lose her forever and ruin the friendship too.
NUMBER ONE: Start doing things that are different with her. Don’t call her when she always expects it. Don’t meet up with her in places you normally do. Break out of the routine and yes, actually start seeing her less.
NUMBER TWO: Start creating attraction by whatever means possible to assure they are there. This means you’re going to have to start treating her “differently.” You must step out of the friendship role and become something more than just a guy she likes to hang out with or vent her frustrations to.
NUMBER THREE: Re-create your dating profile. She must begin to see you as a dating option and not just a friend. Try this –> Facebook – Friends To Lovers. I’m sure you’re both using a social network and an easy way to spark her attraction is get this handled immediately because it’s unfortunate, but she’s seeing everything you’re doing there OR she’s ignoring you on it because she’s not sexually interested in you.
Now that you understand the rules or how you got stuck in the friends zone or how there must be attraction present AND…
You’re stepping out of the friendship role or routine you got stuck in AND…
You’re creating attraction AND…
You’re NOT so “always available” to her anymore ( possibly because there are other women in your life you’re seeing ) AND…
You’ve created an attractive image she gets to check out when she’s alone….
NUMBER FOUR: DON’T TELL her anything, SHOW HER by getting closer and allow things to happen naturally just like they do for every man or woman who ever hooked up since the dawn of time. Put yourself in situations with her where it’s more likely to happen and I don’t mean your bedroom.
One more bit of advice. Something I alluded to above… Learn the right way to seduce a woman. Opt for a real natural seduction and risk losing her as a friend because women “dig” guys who take these kind of risks, especially if it’s for her.
Before that ( seduction ) is going to happen, follow the guidelines above and do NOT just jump all over her.
- Be patient.
- Pull back a little.
- Become a little less available.
- Let her see you with other women.
- Show her you’re a selective person who actually has choices.
- Possibly get her to chase your lifestyle a little.
Then on to seducing the new love of your life and not just another friend who you told how much you liked her.
*7 Second Seduction and First Date Seduction are solid pieces with the right advice. From start to finish his methods are consistent and start from an Alpha Male core fearless belief system which is one reason it works well for any guy who wants to enjoy more sex with lots of women.
*These are the Seven Principles of Seduction and there’s no better way to get started seducing women so you’ll never have to worry about getting laid again. You can also try a more advanced course titled The Seduction Method.
*Here’s a free ebook I picked up to round out your education today: Escaping The Friend Zone. It’s a (.pdf) file hosted here at DiaLteG TM and there’s no charge or silly sign ups to get it. Just save it and enjoy! It’s a good solid read. Feel free to let me know what you think below.