There can be two types of women as it relates to approaching them – the approachable and the inapproachable. The first one is seemingly easy – she appears inviting and everything about her is telling you it’s okay to say hello and start a conversation with her… most of the time.
However – the other type appears a little stand-offish as if she giving you a clear signal, “Do not talk to me. I don’t want you to approach me. Stay away. I don’t want to meet you!”
Of course it’s a “read” thing on your end.
You could be sensing she doesn’t know she’s putting out that vibe and be entirely wrong OR it’s true – to she isn’t approachable and everyone knows it.
Today’s post will help you separate them by giving you a few valid reasons why and a solid plan to overcome the figurative “palms up” you’re getting from them.
BUT First – you MUST consider your approach.
You could be creeping women out and not realizing it.
When you’re done with this article, read this to figure out if you’re just creeping them out: 9 Questions Reveals Why You’re A Nice Guy & Women Feel Like You’re A Creep.
You’ll find most women will appear to not want to meet you if you lack social tact.
If you feel that could be the issue – then this article will help you get that handled: Develop A Social Life, Get Involved, Give Something Back Women Do Want.
Lastly – it could be a body language problem.
They’ll see and sense this from far away and the moment you move towards them – their guards go up because they’re reading weak and tentative body language OR it’s a little scary. If you suspect this could be the problem – here’s the solution: How & Why Your Body Language Communicates Attraction To Women – Learn To Control It.
How do you know if it’s you, what you’re doing, or if it’s the place you’re trying to approach women?
Easy – here’s the rule:
If it’s happening to you consistently – like everywhere you go most women appear unapproachable, then it’s certainly YOU and not them.
Which is not the end of the world because approaching women successfully is not a difficult task:
Work on your body language, your social skills, and your conversations (how to talk to women) plus where you meet them, make sure your confidence is relatively normal and this problem goes away all by itself. Each link will also help you overcome approach anxiety but if you need more help, read this post: Approach Women With No Anxiety & Fears – Four Words Changes Everything.
Now that you’re convinced it’s not you and you’ve got the basics at least competently covered. Meaning – you don’t have to be perfect, just get them at a manageable level because approaching women is simply starting a conversation with a stranger.
So STOP putting all this undue pressure on yourself!
Here are the most common reasons why a woman would not want to be approached or appears to be un-approachable:
- She’s not interested in meeting anyone at that time.
- She’s been approached or “hit on” way too many times.
- She’s in a bad mood or having a terribly unlucky day.
- She’s worried about how she looks or whether you will actually like her.
- She’s shy and introverted. She doesn’t handle social things very well.
- She’s rejects guys quickly, rudely, and has the DO NOT APPROACH look.
- She’s out with her girlfriends and it’s an only girls night out.
- She has boyfriend and is currently in a steady relationship.
- She’s married to a jealous guy who always pops up at the worst times.
IMPORTANT: Whatever her reasons are, it’s best to understand that unless you’re doing something which would repel even the most approachable woman, do NOT take the rejection personal.
If you do, you will never, and I mean NEVER break through a tough persona, especially if she believes the best way to keep you away from her is to be rude and demeaning because it’s quick, efficient, and works EVERY time.
The best method to approaching a woman is to give her YOUR present. (When you’re done today – make sure you read my last article on approaching women.)
In short, this means whatever mood she is in you must always stay in YOUR present and at the same time, bring her to HER present state if she is not there.
For example, consider a woman shopping quickly because she wants to go home.
She is living in her FUTURE.
She has probably just got out of work and can not wait to get home and finally relax. She’s thinking about what she’s going to eat. What she’s going to watch. Her mind is literally in the future making her slightly oblivious and seemingly uncaring to what is happening around her.
Make her present situation more enjoyable than her future, going home eating and relaxing, and you WILL succeed at connecting with her.
Simple concept and understandably more difficult to achieve so don’t let it get to you. It’s not impossible and learning HOW is completely within your capability IF you know how to talk and hold a real conversation with another human being.
Now’s let’s break down that list above.
1. She’s not interested in meeting anyone at that time.
At “that” time could mean anything from experiencing a recent bad breakup to suffering a traumatic event in her life. You just don’t know why so keep all that in mind.
First, do NOT be afraid to piss her off just a little UNLESS of course it’s clear she has suffered a recent traumatic event. But since you have no way of knowing that – keep the “pissing her off” light and gentle.
I wouldn’t even suggest trying to piss her off but chances are – If she doesn’t want to be approached, she’s going to get a little upset anyways.
Don’t take it personal and don’t let it get to you.
I’ve dealt with lots of these apparent “standoffish” women and most of the time – when they say they’re not interested in meeting a guy right “now” it’s just a clever way to keep certain guys away and it works.
Let her sense you’re a persistent guy and you don’t scare away easily. Keep your emotions more stable than hers. If she can get a bad emotional reaction from you, it’s over.
However, you CAN use humor to lighten her mood and it’s highly suggested.
So stay away from trying to solve any problem she appears to be having.
The last thing this woman wants is some random guy telling her his opinion and offering condolences on her problems when he doesn’t even know her.
I’m going to suggest for this girl, you CAN pick the lamest pickup line you can come up with although make sure it’s absolutely outrageous. Let her see you know what she’s up to and you’re not going to settle just talking to her persona or the woman she lets the guys she wants nothing to do with experience.
Show no fear and stay clear of a full-out cocky/funny routine. You’re more likely to come off arrogant and pushy.
Women like this want a cool, calm, relaxed, and genuinely REAL man to approach her.
Use persistent light-hearted humor and GET HER TO SMILE QUICKLY.
Let yourself become a wonderful distraction in her (current bad time of her life) and she will gladly accept that as being something enjoyable and worth her time.
2. She’s been approached or hit on way too many times that day or always.
I would use heavily sarcastic humor based on what every other guy does.
Change her emotional state by letting her see you know what is going on. I’m not saying to sympathize with her. That should be avoided because she knows or assumes you don’t really care anyways, so why bother acting like you do.
Just be real.
You can try the opposite.
Turn it around and tell her how sad it is that no guys are hitting on her.
How you couldn’t stand seeing her like this.
Apologize for all those other guys for being lazy and scared shitless of talking to her.
This type of woman has seen and heard everything and you can separate yourself quickly by NOT trying to be different.
Be genuine and real and convey a solid message that you DO understand what she goes through and that you get it.
A great way to do this is to lead in with how you’re sick and tired of being approached yourself and you’re considering joining an all male club so you can “finally” be left alone.
This type of woman is extremely aware of anything and everything a guy will attempt with her AND she doesn’t trust a man’s sincerity. She believes they ALL just want a piece of her.
Which gives you all the more reason to NOT go there.
Assume she knows what’s going on and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.
I’m not saying to try the blatant honest approach – she’s heard that too.
BUT what she rarely gets from guys are just a quick “Hello” and a lead into a NORMAL conversation which is a relief and a break from all those other annoying guy who TRY way too hard.
3. She’s having a bad day or is in a bad mood.
Get her laughing quickly without looking like a clown so make sure you know what type of humor to use. I have a great page here to show you the difference between regular humor which is attractive and the OTHER kind. You can check it out right here: Why & How Being Funny Creates Attraction If You Use it The Right Way.
Take her far away from her present state of mind by introducing a fun flirty story which allows her imagination to enter a BETTER frame of mind.
Again, as above it’s not your job to solve her current problems so don’t try. She doesn’t want that and will not appreciate it.
The only goal is to break her current mood by bringing her to YOUR current mood. Here, now, and not overly humorous BUT just a little brighter and easy-going than her day has been so far.
Some great advice here is to ignore her mood all together. Don’t let it affect you.
I’m sure you’re well aware of how a woman can change her emotion and state of mind in seconds flat AND change them back too.
NEVER forget that when you’re approaching a woman like this because it can give you the confidence to get her smiling and for the moment, forgetting about all her problems.
She’s having a bad day.
We ALL have them.
She’ll get over it unless you ask questions about it and attempt to console her she’ll gladly accept a genuine offer (without actually saying it) from a guy who can naturally get her away from those negative feelings.
4. She’s worried you won’t like HER. She gets nervous meeting new people – especially smart, confident men who might be a potential date.
Compliment her in a very unique way which will lead to more than a one word answer from her.
I have known plenty of women who are like this and if you can compliment them on something they have never heard before, they will open up quickly.
(Actually if it’s appears genuine and sincere it won’t matter too much if they’ve heard it before. A lot of the time it comes down to WHO is giving the compliment and not what the compliment is.)
This is different from reassuring her that it’s okay to talk to you. I feel that comes off like you’re patronizing her which will get you nowhere.
In other words, don’t approach her with “kid gloves” just because she appears nervous.
If you act strong and confident, she will be more comfortable talking to you because shell find it easier to be more open and confident too.
Your confidence in talking to her must be displayed quickly. Show no fear and you will ease her own fears. If you’re nervous you’ll make her even more nervous too.
Get this woman to blush quickly and then steer far away from complimenting her after the first one.
Don’t over do it because she won’t trust you or your sincerity.
NEVER use a canned line on this type of woman if you could avoid it.
If you can not find something to say that is unique to her that really does interest you, I say why are you bothering to approach her anyway or just say “Hello” and choose something, anything from both of your surroundings.
The idea of getting past this persona is to make her feel good about herself with a quick compliment and move away from that quickly.
Be at ease, get comfortable, and she’ll go there with you.
(I have a post coming up on how to develop the perfect compliment. I’ll give you the link when it’s done.)
5. She’s shy and introverted. She don’t handle social approaches so she avoids them at all cost.
This woman is slightly different from the last because her nervousness or anxiety goes above and beyond just meeting guys – she just doesn’t handle MOST social situations very well.
Your job is to above all else, as the above one is to make her feel comfortable talking to you. You’re going to have to set a tone immediately that’s it’s okay she is shy BUT that you’ve got it handled. So it’s all good.
Do NOT compliment her right away. She’s likely to become more anxious because it will add pressure to this already pressure filled public experience.
Use a quiet approach with very little energy. Match her low key attitude and bring it up a little.
Do not bring up her shyness or social anxieties because once again – you’ll only make her FEEL even more uncomfortable.
As with many approaches you want to “figuratively” take her to your present and make sure it’s a fun and enjoyable place to be and experience.
The best way to make get her there and to quickly get her talking about things (anything) she is good at and feels confident doing.
It might be tough to find or get to it quickly when you don’t know anything about her BUT most women will give you all you need to go on and will happily start talking about themselves IF you made them feel at ease to do so.
6. She’s rejects guys quickly, rudely, and has the extreme DO NOT APPROACH ME EVER look.
This girl will sting your ass quickly. I know because I’ve been there myself quite a few times. She will NOT spare your feelings.
She usually looks “stuck up” and has an aura of “I’m better than everyone!” around her.
Don’t let her persona fool you. Most of the time it’s all an act depending of course on where and when you meet a woman like this.
These women usually respond better to demanding men.
Not that she wants to be told what to do but unless you’re persistent and absolutely rock solid she won’t give you a chance. She has a list of “go to” repellent lines which scare most men away VERY quickly.
I would not be afraid to get her a little angry at first. She’s already angry already so don’t let that get to you.
Laugh at her anger if you must.
You might even have to give it right back at her. Who knows, maybe she is primed for a “heated” discussion.
Here’s an example:
HER: I’m sorry I’m not interested. Go away!
YOU: So you’ve given up guys completely? Interesting.
HER: No. Just guys like you. Go away.
YOU: Been turned down way too many times, huh? That’s a shame.
HER: Excuse me I’m turning YOU down. I NEVER get turned down.
YOU: Maybe you just don’t try hard enough.
Another tip for her is to yes, definitely be cocky with a little humor, and never apologize when you do in fact piss her off.
I understand how challenging this woman can be.
Reverse the challenge and get her to qualify herself to you and you’ll break through her persona much quicker.
Don’t go the “neg” route. It’s old and most women see it coming a mile away. There are actually a ton of “games” you can play with a woman like this which are part of a PUA’s repertoire but that’s not what I teach so you’re not getting it.
I will say this about a woman like this:
She may appear difficult but she’s got something going on which you can use to your advantage and turn it around on her.
She’s EMOTIONALLY charged which, when handled the right way can does lead to sexual tension.
You don’t have to worry about THAT part. She’s done the hard work for you.
In my opinion, this challenging woman gets boring VERY quickly. Once I managed to open up a few, I rarely liked what was underneath but hey that’s for you to decide.
Sometimes it just better to let it go and not bother with this type. You have no way of knowing what lies beneath her rude persona and rarely is it ever a drama free “nice” woman.
BUT if you insist you’re going to need a lot more help than I can give you today.
My best and only advice is above – use it and let me know how it works for you.
7. She’s out with her girlfriends and it’s a girls night out. No guys are allowed!
Tough one because you’re going to have to first get past her girlfriends to get to her. The most obvious REAL strategy is to find the one in the group who appears to be the most social and open to meeting guys.
She’s your ticket IN, so to speak.
Introduce yourself quickly and learn ALL their names.
Don’t go at the angle of ignoring the one you want. That’s a GAME and in groups, you’re going to find one smart enough to figure out what you’re up to and she will COCK block you quickly and efficiently.
A Wingman can be your best help in these situations but if you don’t have one – it’s okay but much tougher.
You and the guy you’re with (never more than one because it’s too intimidating) will have a better chance at joining them. When you’re alone you’ll find it extremely difficult to get them to ask to join you.
BUT doing it solo means…
You’ll appear more confident and ballsy and certainly turn some heads in a good way approaching a group of women as one man.
Some warnings about what to avoid:
No long stories. They are NOT there to listen to your stories.
They are there to escape from everyday life, catch up with their friends, and avoid any outside drama forced upon them.
Do NOT offer to buy them all drinks.
Don’t use any props or pre-fabricated games likes palm reading or hand writing analysis. You’re not putting on a show for them so don’t try – you’re merely there to meet some women who are having a good time.
You must be efficient, quick, and avoid lingering around for too long unless you’re specifically asked to stay.
I’m not leaving you with much, am I?
So what’s left – how CAN you make this work for you?
What’s always worked for me happened in bars or clubs or any place where you and them will generally be there for a while. This meant I could talk to them a bit and walk away with no pressure or awkward “Can I get your number?” to one woman in front of the whole group.
As the night rolls on we meet again OR if it’s place you can dance – getting her to dance with you later is much easier once you’ve already approached them earlier.
What ALWAYS works amazingly well – with a Wingman or not is when you first get there:
Talk to everyone including guys. Make your way around the entire place. Wait a little while and do it again.
That way you’re socializing and getting to know everyone and you don’t appear like some sleezy guy just hitting on women. It sets you up to meet lots of people, they get to know you, you get to know them, and leaves you open AND inviting for others to approach you.
Which might include the women in the group you had your eyes on.
PLUS you can always head back to her group a third time and you should be all set to single her out.
So get in – get out. Leave a great fun first impression and leave. As the night progresses you’ll find things tend to come together more as your opportunities grow.
Don’t read me wrong here – there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with talking to the group for a while and then focusing on the one you like and just before you walk away – exchange contact information with her.
YES – that’s some serious stuff but it says a lot about you and if you’re willing and confident enough to do it – she WILL LOVE IT!
And so will her friends as long as you approached everyone the right way.
BEFORE we go on:
This series is only meant to get you approaching women confidently and to help you get over some of the grueling approach anxiety most men find impossible to overcome.
You can go as far as you want with what I’m giving you but – if you want to learn from the same source I did, go here:
You’ll be shown the RIGHT way to approach women in any situation, groups of them, or single women anywhere, anytime. It’s not just about bars and clubs.
It’s just a great learning tool to get this part of meeting women handled once and for all.
If you want a more specific place to approach women as in bars and clubs, it certainly requires a slightly different skill set which is here:
Both were developed and produced by David DeAngelo. You can sign up for his free dating advice newsletter here OR sign up here for some great free stuff from him which includes 5 Best Opening Lines to Spark Attraction.
8. She has boyfriend and is in a steady relationship.
Seriously? We’re not going there.
She doesn’t want a single guy approaching her and once you find out WHY – let it go.
You wouldn’t want some dude hitting on your girlfriend – so don’t BE that guy.
Read the next one for more info and why it’s included here.
9. She’s married to a jealous guy who always pops up at the worst time.
Nope. Not going here either.
Women with jealous married husbands are off limits.
I’ve included the last two because sometimes – this is why they don’t want to be approached. It has nothing to do with you at all.
The HOW part is simple – start with something covered today – be genuine and chances are any decent woman will tell you WHY she wants you to not bother even trying.
I KNOW – I hear you…
SOME women WILL lie to you about having a boyfriend or husband to get you to go away. You must admit it can and does work for them.
I have an article here about why women will tell you they have a boyfriend (or husband) 4 Reasons Why You Meet A Girl, She Quickly Mentions Her Boyfriend. Another add on to the last article which can be helpful here is: How To Get Her To Tell You If She’s Single Or Has A Boyfriend.
Back to the women not telling you the truth about her having a partner:
Starting off with a blatant LIE when all you’re doing is saying “Hello” is probably not the best way to start off with a woman who feels being untruthful is her “go to” thing.
So why bother, right?
In fact number 8 – she has a boyfriend and number 9 – she has a very probable husband can be approached but since they’re not available they’ll let you know why so it’s all good.
No harm done – ASSUME every woman you see and want to approach is single because thinking the opposite – that they’re all taken will do more harm than good when it comes to meeting women.
Number 6 – the don’t approach me rudely women – yeah, I’m going to say it’s best to stay away from them entirely. Obviously they have serious issues and those are issues you’ll be dealing with along side her.
Don’t make the challenge of her override your intuition. Her challenge is not the kind of challenge you want from a woman anyways.
The majority of women, slightly dependent on WHERE you see them, are easily approached. They won’t mind at all to have a great guy start up a conversation with them.
Most of the time you’ll use the same strategy on every woman.
BUT – as you’ve seen from today’s post – there are a few who must be handled a little differently like the shy one or the overly nervous woman which is the MAIN reason this post was written.
Approaching groups of women seems to be the toughest but it’s not impossible and if it’s something you want to do – you certainly can use what was written above to help you succeed. It was something I perfected well in my single days.
The rest – the ones who are in a relationship – no biggie – they’re taken. Don’t assume all women are taken and if approached the right way, they will tell you nicely why they’re not interested.
The last type (rude) – just skip her. NOT worth your time and effort.
You might like the challenge and you might find getting her in bed quicker is easier because she’s so emotionally charged all the time – but for a drama free life filled with meeting lots of wonderfully NICE potential women to date – she’s not for you.
Let some other guy deal with her very personal issues.
Remember – approaching women requires only a few things on your end to become VERY successful at doing:
- Body language.
- Social skills.
- Conversations (how to talk to women).
- Removing your fears and anxiety.
Get those handled and it will become so natural you’ll never have to use a line, a pickup routine, a canned opener, or any so-called PUA trick in the book.
Meeting women is a natural thing.
Approaching them may be a nerve wracking experience but never forget – it’s NO different than starting a conversation with a total stranger. You wouldn’t play a game with them, you don’t need any tricks to do that – there’s little pressure, AND most people do it all the time.
Just because you’re attracted to her should NOT make a difference at all.
Never forget to not take it all so personal. Rejection happens and unless you’re getting the same results over and over again which might prompt you to look for outside help – simply move on and try again with someone new in a new setting with a new positive mindset.
- Photo by dids.
- Wedding Crashers – Imbd Movie details.
- Will Ferrell – Imbd bio.
- Approaching Women and Starting Conversations.
- Meeting Women in Bars and Clubs and other Public Places.
- David DeAngelo – Page at DiaLteG TM, products, and article links.
- Free dating advice newsletter – David’s Free newsletter.
- 5 Best Opening Lines to Spark Attraction – David’s special newsletter sign up page.