"Reason why you fail with women number nine: You Showed No Confidence – You Have Little or No Real Confidence In Life or With Women."
Confidence - one of many of the most understood words in the English language. When it comes to women, attraction, and dating - it's even MORE misinterpreted and most guys - get it wrong!
For years - I fell for the same old "stinking" thinking too:
How can I get any confidence with women if I have no experience, and since women won't give me a freaking chance - HOW THE FUCK am I "supposed" to BE more confident.
All the while - at the same time - I got the same shitty advice from (yes, mostly women) ...
You just have to be more confident and women will like you.
I'm calling it - and you WILL agree, if you're failing with women... BULLSHIT!
On both accounts.
Sure, experience helps, but experience does not relate to confidence directly, does it?
BE more confident, as good advice, is as useless as telling someone who has anxiety issues that they just need to relax and stop worrying so much OR a doctor telling someone with chronic pain, that's it all in their head.
The truth is:
If you've had one BAD experience with a woman after another, you keep getting rejected, and every time you think "this time is going to different" it ends in the same tiring and heart wrenching way - getting nowhere but backwards...
Then of course your confidence is in the shitter and unlike the movie, "Christmas Vacation" when cousin Eddy exclaims, "The Shitter Was Full!" to Clark, there's no awaiting street sewer around to empty your bad feelings so you can fill yourself up with some "better" experiences.
Or is there?
You see - that's the thing about confidence and why it's so remarkably misunderstood and for some, so hard or impossible to achieve.
If you walk up to ten different women and you get their number or whatever, and you manage to date them, maybe even sleep with a few or all of them:
When you walk up to number 11 you're going to feel like a fucking king or mack- daddy I suppose of women AND it's going to show AND you're going to run with it.
"I'm successful! She is going to like me. I've got this handled."
AND you believe it's because you're confident.
You put two and two together and confidence must've come from all those successful experiences you've had with those previous women.
Unfortunately, just because you made a connection in your brain - doesn't make it true.
Take music as an example.
I've known many musicians in my life. Some of them were and are experts. They would learn a piece, know CONFIDENTLY they had it down - yet when it came down to performance - it was a disaster.
Nervousness and anxiety took them over and performing in front of a live audience - just wasn't going to happen.
On the side - playing for me or themselves - they were utterly masterful, mistake free performances that would amaze anyone.
Another example - think of how many actors have absolutely no confidence in themselves or their art and yet STILL manage to produce RESULTS.
Yet - how many of them ended up on drugs, anti-anxiety medicine, agoraphobics, etc... ?
Why is that?
Because CONFIDENCE has very little or anything to do with having a few successful things under your belt.
Confidence is a made-up word used typically to describe success or experience in our real world.
It's a BELIEF in oneself.
"The feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
The state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities."
It's the strength to proceed, to be persistent, DESPITE setbacks and failures.
To be willing to change when it's necessary and knowing the difference between when it must be done, or when something MUST be changed.
It's the way in which you handle any and all failures - to learn, to grow, to move on stronger than before.
It's how you manage your successes and a humble understanding of what true and real success is and means in EVERYONE'S life - including your own.
Another two examples:
Take a baseball player who misses a simple grounder - barely makes an error and yet, for the next few weeks, tanks some routine plays...
What do they say about him?
He's lost his CONFIDENCE!
Or has he?
Take a golfer - makes hundreds of two foot putts routinely until one day - one gets away; misses a few more and others claim he now has the "yips" - he's lost his confidence and THAT is his problem.
Or is it?
If confidence were that fleeting and frail for either one of those athletes - mind you - both accomplished and earning lots of cash, why would it all crumble so quickly when they're both professionals who have been through far worse IF it was just a "lack of confidence"?
It wouldn't, because it doesn't.
The REAL problem was, when a very similar moment came to them, their mind went to their last fuck up, racing through their mind, their last thoughts were still clear, vivid, and all too real; and THAT IS EXACTLY why they did it... again.
Instead of acting on professional instinct of doing something to them, which is really no more than getting up from a chair and walking across the room for the rest of us - they brought their thinking and much slower mind into the equation... and tanked it:
And yes - I agree.
Over time they lose confidence in their abilities to perform like they once had.
But again - that's just a word - they lost a BELIEF and a TRUST in their ability because confidence IS a belief and a trust in oneself.
My point is:
Relying on past successful experiences to give you confidence is NOT how it's achieved.
It's certainly a PART of it BUT think about any successful guy with women, think about any successful person in ANY field...
Success was achieved after many failures.
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
This belief which transfers to confidence is more of OPTIMISM.
A failure is not a defeat, it's an opportunity to succeed.
It's a BELIEF system built on trust in yourself to achieve the impossible despite the failures, making the failures more of a stepping stone, more of a guideline to follow and avoid... so success can and WILL come to you.
How Does One Achieve the Ultimate & Attractive Goal of Being Confident, Which Can Eliminate This Failure With Women?
There are many ways. It doesn't matter where you start or even sometimes how you do it, the only thing that matters is your willingness and persistence to make it happen!
This is not a step-by-step guide.
This is not wiki.
This is DiaLteG TM!
You need knowledge and not the bullshit kind you want to believe because it's easy. Knowledge which is proven to work; not because it's easy, but because it's right.
And yes, sometimes it's tough to acquire and difficult to get yourself to practice, but a little sweat and work can go a long away.
You need skills - to practice them, to perfect them the best you can, to be willing to fail AND put yourself in lots of positions, with many opportunities to FAIL; so you can learn from them and eventually succeed.
You can get both by going through every article written here at DiaLteG TM and/or for a mere $22.97 you can pick up the most ethical (morally sound) ebook which will boost your confidence, give you skills, teach you about attraction:
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You need to eliminate the word SHOULD and ALWAYS from your everyday vocabulary as if you're owed something...
No one owes you anything. No woman "should" like you. Women are NOT "always" falling for the jerks.
You are NOT destined to always settle or be alone.
Replace those words as often as you can in EVERY aspect of your life.
Catch yourself saying or thinking many version of those two terrible words and I believe you'll find your outlook, along with your confidence will naturally go up.
You MUST find these four things in your life:
#1. An "Easy-Going" Attitude.
It means handling the opinions, pressures, and attitudes of others with grace, and coming across as comfortable in your own skin.
#2. Being put together.
This doesn't mean that a man has to buy trendy clothes... wear a "scent"... or look like an obsessive gym rat.
It DOES mean that he needs to master the basics of good grooming and hygiene.
Because, if a man doesn't have it together enough to attend to his own needs, a quality woman knows right away that there's NO WAY he can possibly attend to hers.
Coming across as "put together" means communicating confidence about who you are on the INSIDE as well.
You can do it by being able to carry on an interesting conversation about music... food... culture... whatever.
Becoming a good conversationalist is a sure sign that you have it all together... that you're in a healthy, curious, CONFIDENT state of mind.
#3. Being Humble.
The ability to control what you say and do so that you never come across as "above" anyone else.
#4. Having a sense of humor.
A great sense of humor is the most instant, obvious, magnetic force that makes a woman sense a man's CONFIDENCE... and therefore feel the first sparks of ATTRACTION for him.
Cultivate a comic sensibility.
Eliminate your fears around women, life, and others.
You need to start facing some small fears in your life and work your way up to the bigger ones.
If you fear talking to women - start doing it those that are easy and do it for a living like cashiers, waitresses, and yes - even the older lady at the dmv.
Start putting yourself in positions where you have to naturally overcome the fear - you'd be surprised by how you react AND you'll be amazed by how confident you'll feel afterwards.
This includes approaching women, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of making the first move, fear of going outside of your comfort zone.
There's no need to go all out - one at a time - little steps lead to big leaps in a very short time.
Learn what your fears are - admit you have them - and get to work on them.
Change your attitude around women, life, and others.
Success can come from confidence. Believe you can succeed.
Optimism is your best friend and "go to" when things go wrong.
If you're the type of person who thinks the world is against them, how everything always goes wrong for you, and what if's are one of the many negative thoughts that come to your mind...
You will NEVER experience a real true confidence.
PAY extreme and very close attention to your thoughts and catch yourself BEFORE they get out of hand and spills over to your attitude and even worse - your ACTIONS.
Change your attitude - correct your negative thoughts - be positive at ALL times and success and confidence will ALWAYS be within your reach.
Eliminate bad behaviors that are conveying false confidence to yourself and others too.
“You should see my awesome house.”
“I’m about to get a raise up to six figures a year!”
“I have a huge dick.”
The irony of bragging is what it communicates—you’re a needy guy who craves approval. Why else would you have to talk yourself up like that?
Avoid directly verbalizing your good qualities and let the woman discover them on her own. This displays your confidence in yourself as well as making
you a bit “mysterious” in her eyes.
Be an endless source of fascinating discoveries for her, not a blowhard.
2. Putting yourself down
Lower status men tend to be modest for fear of offending others and because they want to be seen as polite. Alpha males avoid self-effacing modesty except when it’s an obvious joke.
High self-esteem is attractive to women. Think highly of yourself and a woman will think highly of you.
It’s okay to make an obvious joke about putting yourself down, like in the following examples (said with a playful tone of voice):
“I’m so weak, I’m not sure if I can lift that heavy thing.” – Spoken by a bodybuilder
“I wear a leather jacket to compensate because my penis is so small.
It’s not even half an inch!” - Spoken by a man with huge confidence who obviously does not have sexual insecurities. (That’s why he’s able to joke about penis size.)
“I’m unemployed and live in my parents’ basement!” – Spoken by a well-dressed man who obviously has loads of money.
3. Putting other people down
“Ha ha look at that bum in rags!”
When you put down others, you reveal your own insecurities. The homeless guy on the sidewalk is no threat to you, so why act as if he is?
And since women are sensitive creatures who feel sorry for the less fortunate, you’ll trigger her into taking up for whoever you put down.
Similarly, don’t put down guys who are your sexual competition, since that too reveals your insecurity. Instead simply don’t pay attention to them, since they’re not worthy of your attention.
Exercise, mediate, just get yourself moving IF it's not a part of your daily schedule.
It's not 100% for every guy who lifts weights or exercises daily - but for someone who doesn't make the time to do those things AND you're low on confidence:
ANY kind of exercising from walking to vigorous housework WILL improve your mood, and based on what is released and the stronger beliefs you will develop for yourself while achieving that goal - WILL increase your confidence.
ANYTHING will work here - get creative.
If you're the type that needs a regimen AND you want to use it to attract women - win win - pick up the newer version of what I've gone through myself years ago:
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Stop putting so much emphasis on the outcome of EVERYTHING.
Confident people don't typically live in the future and they certainly don't dwell on the past.
It's okay to set goals and be pro-active BUT you'll get a much more productive outlook on life in you do this one simple thing:
Learn to enjoy the process (of practically everything) more than the result.
For an attractive and extremely confident edge in life and with women, make sure you read my post on indifference:
Lastly - as an added bonus, go through my other in-depth page on confidence as it relates to nice guy problems with women:
"Confidence is a barrier.
It helps to protect your inner self.
It’s about facing your fears despite the outcome.
It’s about handling your successes with modesty and helping others through it.
It’s about handling your failures so you can learn something from them.
It’s also about inspiring others, especially women, to feel more confident just being around you."
There are generally two main reasons (with many subsets) of why too many men fail to attract the woman they want:
One: They don't understand how attraction works for women.
Two: A lack a real confidence in not just one, but many areas of their life including women.
The typical advice given is often wrongly perceived, too general, and centers around a myth that experience is the deciding result of confidence.
While ALL experiences can boost one's confidence - it doesn't START there - it begins with a belief in oneself and a positive outlook on success, failure, and everything in-between.
I believe IF you go through "confidently" everything that's been covered in today's post you WILL become more self-confident.
Yes - that means EVERYTHING.
One piece at a time.
I understand some of you may feel too far gone, a little hopeless, frustrated, and TIRED of feeling like a piece of shit around women because you've been kicked around and beaten down from each failure you suffered through...
BUT I DO believe you can get past all that and move on with your life in a more positive and strong direction.
However, I get it!
This may not seem like enough - maybe you want more exercises, more proof, more new concepts, and unbeatable skills to make your confidence unshakable and unbreakable - AND help you get any woman you set your eyes on.
If you feel you're there - this is the only one to get you there and the high price tag proves it along with the countless success stories of guys going through the program from start to finish:
Yes of course that's an affiliate link - but it doesn't change the cost to you at all AND you'll for once and for all have all the confidence you'll ever need - everywhere in your life.
So go get it and don't look back!
This was from the quick versions you’ll find on this page:
Second Image - Woman looking confidently at you was by Mihai Stefan Photography found at Pexels.