My job used to be the only place I met women and figuring out if those women were attracted to me… drove me crazy.
It’s easy to talk to a co-worker, right? You’re kind of stuck together. You have to be friendly to each other AND the situation makes it easy to start a conversation.
BUT there’s two big problems (of many more) in the work place and they are: 1. Sexual Harassment. 2. Very public rejection with someone you’re stuck having to see everyday…
Which makes it more likely that we NEED to know whether she’s attracted to us and open to doing something more BEFORE we make any sort of move.
This also makes those first moments we meet extremely important because we must make sure we set up things the RIGHT way before we become non-sexual work-buddies.
The answer to this problem in its many areas is listed below in detail but first:
Following Common Social Courtesy Is Bad For Attraction
- When around attractive women, guys tend to act like they want and need the woman’s approval, just like they would in any other social situations, by being nice, courteous, etc.
- The paradox and irony is that needing her approval, kissing up, letting her lead and you respond, will NEVER cause her to feel that gut level of attraction for you.
- Following the commonly accepted way of behaving when you’re dealing with a woman that you want to feel attracted to you just won’t do it.
- In other words, as long as a woman is working to get your approval, she’s far less likely to be picky about you or your behaviors.
Taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 57.
That’s the easiest and most clever answer to the question about whether a female co-worker is attracted to you and of course there’s more details below so make sure you read it. The other simple answer is to STOP looking for signals and focus on creating attraction.
Attraction can be tough to figure out when it comes to someone you work with everyday.
For us guys I’d say lots of women just know when a guys attracted to her. If she’s hot she (normally) assumes every guy is hitting on her anyways. No matter what he does. If she’s somewhat attractive she might down-play it but she knows …. just hasn’t convinced herself enough.
So let’s face it – we tend to be a little too obvious when we’re around a woman we’re attracted to by how we act.
When it comes to women it’s a little different, isn’t it?
Women seem to hide their attraction or interest as if it’s goes against some social standards or goes against their best interest to show it publicly.
Sometimes they’re very obvious but that’s usually when they’re giggling or “acting” aloof around some tall model looking stud.
And since most of us guys are NOT blessed with being handsome and having a great body that leaves the rest of us wondering about our female co-workers…
How we can tell if she IS attracted to us so we can ask her out or do whatever comes next so we’re not publicly rejected or ruin a work environment or even cross the lines of sexual harassment?
Let me first say why I HATE this question AND then I’ll give you the answer which has worked for me for years when it was given t me. I’m positive it will work for you too IF you let it.
First, why I hate this question:
1. Asking it tends to show some sign of insecurity. If you believed in yourself enough you might ask, “Ha! Why wouldn’t she be attracted to me?” A little confidence goes a long way in building attraction and even if she’s only feeling it a little (which is normal) it CAN be built higher.
2. Asking it also implies it might be too late anyways because you missed the opportunity to move forward. The moment you questioned yourself you had two choices: Move forward or step back. You chose to step back which either ruins the attraction (if it was there) or casually reject her by NOT doing something a man with confidence would do… like get a personal number or ask out on a date.
3. Asking it can also mean you’re so concerned with looking for her approval to like you that you miss the point in attraction… which is that YOU create it. So while you’re busy worried about whether it’s there or not you’re wasting valuable time to make it happen.
What if we were to take those 3 reasons and turn into something more positive, would you still fill a need to ask if ANY woman is attracted to you?
Since it’s a reality that most women will do anything and everything to hide their attraction to serve their best interest, doesn’t looking for all the signs or waste time trying to “figure her out” seem like a losing battle in a game you can’t win?
So let’s go back…
#1 – Believe in yourself. Confidence IS attractive.
Acting secure in who you are or what you do is not that difficult at all because most men are born with all they will ever need to create attraction in ANY woman. Yes, ANY woman:
A mouth to talk to her. Male body parts to have sex with her. Masculinity which counters her femininity… and a BRAIN.
Yes. A brain. The very same organ which ruin your chances with any woman can also do the opposite and increase your chances too.
#2 – Move forward at a reasonable pace and she will follow. Trying or attempting to follow a woman’s lead in dating is not only a waste of time, it’s highly UN-Attractive.
Women are looking for guys who will take a lead with little or no fear. Let’s not get into all the reasons why but if you’re constantly waiting for HER to move forward – I’m willing to bet everything that you’re not getting many real dates with the women you want.
Women HATE making any kind of move on a guy so much they would rather stay home alone then ask a guy out they like.
Yes, sometimes, especially if you do a total ass move on her, she’s going to turn you down BUT even IF she’s not into you all that much, she’s more likely to say yes to the one guy who at least tried over moving forward with a guy who won’t do ANYTHING but wait for her to lead.
The cool part about taking the lead is a woman’s attraction develops slowly over time. This means if she agrees but is not feeling it, this can easily be changed.
#3 – Her approval (or attraction) to you means NOTHING.
Seriously, she can hate everything you do and still feel attracted to you. It’s that approval seeking attitude (or the feeling she gets from guys who are always trying to catch her signals or get her to reveal her feelings) that will NEVER create the right kind of attraction.
Think hard about these two statements and decide which one will work better:
“You’re cool. I like you. Let’s (…)” OR
“Would you want to do something sometime with me?”
“How do I know if a girl is interested in me? I find it hard to read her attraction to me when I’m so busy trying to show her my self-confidence?” – How to Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You
One clearly states you like her and I know most guys are deathly afraid of saying because they believe women only want the guys they can’t have but they’re wrong. Telling a woman you like her doesn’t destroy the attraction or make her not want you anymore. Being all too available or needy or easily caught however does ruin it.
Stop confusing the acts of showing a woman you’re attracted to her as being the same thing as a “declaration” of a relationship. They’re not the same.
The other (fearfully) asks for her approval and is begging her to go out with him. It’s a weak statement which is hoping she’ll approve of him in the attractive sense.
Again, while the second statement (guy) is busy trying to figure out IF she attracted to him he’s missing every opportunity to actually create it. Which is an obvious waste of time and leads to way too many rejections.
Now that you know why I believe you should avoid asking this question and why you shouldn’t worry or be concerned about the answer, let’s go back to the original question and the ONLY answer I’ve found which works every time…
How can you tell, of how do you know if a female coworker is attracted to you?
If something works, and this statement has worked for me since I heard it ten years ago and I will continue to quote it until it stops working:
- Stop looking around for signals from women that they’re “interested” in you.
- Stop CARING whether or not a particular woman is interested in you.
- Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if women ENGAGE. If they do, then assume that IT’S ON!
As long as you use how she’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “she wants me” clues…
…Because YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING THEM.
David DeAngelo – How To Tell If She’s Interested – Stop Looking for Signals!
That quote was pulled from an article which you can find here at DiaLteG TM and I suggest you read it to reinforce what you read today.
I can not tell you how many opportunities with women I missed when I was too wrapped up in trying to figure out IF a woman (coworker or not) was attracted to me.
All those moments we spend wondering and looking for clues or signals from someone whose best interest or typical response is to not let it be known ARE really missed REAL opportunities to create the attraction…
So stop worrying.
Start creating and if she is responding positively to something you’re doing then you finally have the answer you’ve been looking for.