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My job used to be the only place I met women and figuring out if those women were attracted to me… drove me crazy.

It’s easy to talk to a co-worker. You’re kind of stuck together. You have to be friendly to each other AND the situation makes it easy to start a conversation.

BUT there’s two big problems (of many more) in the work place and they are: 1. Sexual Harassment. 2. Very public rejection with someone you’re stuck having to see everyday…

Which makes it more likely that we NEED to know whether she’s attracted to us and open to doing something more BEFORE we make any sort of move.

This also makes those first moments we meet extremely important because we must make sure we set up things the RIGHT way before we become non-sexual work-buddies.

The answer to this problem is listed below in detail but here’s a quick one:

Following Common Social Courtesy Is Bad For Attraction

  • When around attractive women, guys tend to act like they want and need the woman’s approval, just like they would in any other social situations, by being nice, courteous, etc.
  • The paradox and irony is that needing her approval, kissing up, letting her lead and you respond, will NEVER cause her to feel that gut level of attraction for you.
  • Following the commonly accepted way of behaving when you’re dealing with a woman that you want to feel attracted to you just won’t do it.
  • (…)
  • In other words, as long as a woman is working to get your approval, she’s far less likely to be picky about you or your behaviors.

Taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 57.

That’s the easiest and most clever answer to the question about whether a female co-worker is attracted to you and of course there’s more details below so make sure you read it.

The other simple answer is to STOP looking for signals and focus on creating attraction.

***The link above is promotional. After spending years learning David’s material on dating I became an affiliate with him and will always shamelessly promote his programs.

How To Tell If A Female Coworker Is Attracted To You

in Attraction, Is She Interested, Understanding Women
Co Worker Attracted to You or Not

Attraction can be tough to figure out when it comes to someone you work with everyday.

For us guys I’d say lots of women just know when a guys attracted to her. If she’s hot she (normally) assumes every guy is hitting on her anyways. No matter what he does. If she’s somewhat attractive she might down-play it but she knows …. just hasn’t convinced herself enough.

So let’s face it – we tend to be a little too obvious when we’re around a woman we’re attracted to by how we act.

When it comes to women it’s a little different, isn’t it?

Women seem to hide their attraction or interest as if it’s goes against some social standards or goes against their best interest to show it publicly.

Sometimes they’re very obvious but that’s usually when they’re giggling or “acting” aloof around some tall model looking stud.

And since most of us guys are NOT blessed with being handsome and having a great body that leaves the rest of us wondering about our female co-workers…

How we can tell if she IS attracted to us so we can ask her out or do whatever comes next so we’re not publicly rejected or ruin a work environment or even cross the lines of sexual harassment?

Let me first say why I HATE this question AND then I’ll give you the answer which has worked for me for years when it was given t me. I’m positive it will work for you too IF you let it.

First, why I hate this question:

1. Asking it tends to show some sign of insecurity. If you believed in yourself enough you might ask, “Ha! Why wouldn’t she be attracted to me?” A little confidence goes a long way in building attraction and even if she’s only feeling it a little (which is normal) it CAN be built higher.

2. Asking it also implies it might be too late anyways because you missed the opportunity to move forward. The moment you questioned yourself you had two choices: Move forward or step back. You chose to step back which either ruins the attraction (if it was there) or casually reject her by NOT doing something a man with confidence would do… like get a personal number or ask out on a date.

3. Asking it can also mean you’re so concerned with looking for her approval to like you that you miss the point in attraction… which is that YOU create it. So while you’re busy worried about whether it’s there or not you’re wasting valuable time to make it happen.

What if we were to take those 3 reasons and turn into something more positive, would you still fill a need to ask if ANY woman is attracted to you?

Since it’s a reality that most women will do anything and everything to hide their attraction to serve their best interest, doesn’t looking for all the signs or waste time trying to “figure her out” seem like a losing battle in a game you can’t win?

So let’s go back…

#1 – Believe in yourself. Confidence IS attractive.

Acting secure in who you are or what you do is not that difficult at all because most men are born with all they will ever need to create attraction in ANY woman. Yes, ANY woman:

A mouth to talk to her. Male body parts to have sex with her. Masculinity which counters her femininity… and a BRAIN.

Yes. A brain. The very same organ which ruin your chances with any woman can also do the opposite and increase your chances too.

#2 – Move forward at a reasonable pace and she will follow. Trying or attempting to follow a woman’s lead in dating is not only a waste of time, it’s highly UN-Attractive.

Women are looking for guys who will take a lead with little or no fear. Let’s not get into all the reasons why but if you’re constantly waiting for HER to move forward – I’m willing to bet everything that you’re not getting many real dates with the women you want.

Women HATE making any kind of move on a guy so much they would rather stay home alone then ask a guy out they like.

Yes, sometimes, especially if you do a total ass move on her, she’s going to turn you down BUT even IF she’s not into you all that much, she’s more likely to say yes to the one guy who at least tried over moving forward with a guy who won’t do ANYTHING but wait for her to lead.

The cool part about taking the lead is a woman’s attraction develops slowly over time. This means if she agrees but is not feeling it, this can easily be changed.

#3 – Her approval (or attraction) to you means NOTHING.

Seriously, she can hate everything you do and still feel attracted to you. It’s that approval seeking attitude (or the feeling she gets from guys who are always trying to catch her signals or get her to reveal her feelings) that will NEVER create the right kind of attraction.

Think hard about these two statements and decide which one will work better:

“You’re cool. I like you. Let’s (…)” OR

“Would you want to do something sometime with me?”

“How do I know if a girl is interested in me? I find it hard to read her attraction to me when I’m so busy trying to show her my self-confidence?”How to Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You

One clearly states you like her and I know most guys are deathly afraid of saying because they believe women only want the guys they can’t have but they’re wrong. Telling a woman you like her doesn’t destroy the attraction or make her not want you anymore. Being all too available or needy or easily caught however does ruin it.

Stop confusing the acts of showing a woman you’re attracted to her as being the same thing as a “declaration” of a relationship. They’re not the same.

The other (fearfully) asks for her approval and is begging her to go out with him. It’s a weak statement which is hoping she’ll approve of him in the attractive sense.

Again, while the second statement (guy) is busy trying to figure out IF she attracted to him he’s missing every opportunity to actually create it. Which is an obvious waste of time and leads to way too many rejections.

Now that you know why I believe you should avoid asking this question and why you shouldn’t worry or be concerned about the answer, let’s go back to the original question and the ONLY answer I’ve found which works every time…

How can you tell, of how do you know if a female coworker is attracted to you?

If something works, and this statement has worked for me since I heard it ten years ago and I will continue to quote it until it stops working:

  1. Stop looking around for signals from women that they’re “interested” in you.
  2. Stop CARING whether or not a particular woman is interested in you.
  3. Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if women ENGAGE. If they do, then assume that IT’S ON!

As long as you use how she’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “she wants me” clues…


David DeAngelo – How To Tell If She’s Interested – Stop Looking for Signals!

That quote was pulled from an article which you can find here at DiaLteG TM and I suggest you read it to reinforce what you read today.

I can not tell you how many opportunities with women I missed when I was too wrapped up in trying to figure out IF a woman (coworker or not) was attracted to me.

All those moments we spend wondering and looking for clues or signals from someone whose best interest or typical response is to not let it be known ARE really missed REAL opportunities to create the attraction…

So stop worrying.

Stop asking.

Stop looking.

Start creating and if she is responding positively to something you’re doing then you finally have the answer you’ve been looking for.

9 comments… add one
  • Whitney Pete

    You didn’t answer his/their question..
    I’m a girl and I this guy to know I like him, and I was looking for an article that says what men look for.. And you didn’t say anything you just told us that the guy needs to be confident, but ??? Yea so I’d say sure, but I’ll tell you guys what I do.
    I smile while talk and I’ll listen and chat to you durning our whole encounter, and I don’t do that with everyone, anyone else
    I fidget, mess my bangs up, shift my legs around, lean, kinda clumsy not too much but I might drop a paper or forget my things..
    Tell you goodbye, goodnight, see ya when I leave
    Look you in the eyes, and not move
    Look around a room, at you, then around a room again
    Sit down when you walk in
    Linger when your on shift before I leave
    Ask lots of questions, it may vary per day but I’m always asking a question, as little as how’s your day, or, what’s you favorite show to watch?

    • Thanks for sharing Whitney. As you read above, it’s not normally a good thing for “some” men to search for signals.

      BUT your list is great to read and I’m sure lots of guys can learn from it.

      Thanks again,

  • Francis

    I started working 2 months ago and I met a girl who shows lots of signals that she likes me…she jokingly tells me I’m cute during a conversation and even tells me about her past relationship and ask about mine too.. She randomly tells me that she’s crushing on someone “he’s such a nice guy and I like his confidence and level of maturity” but i don’t think he feels the same way about me” i fit into that description because “I think I do”. Anyways, I stare at her most times and she blushes then reciprocate but looks really shy. I’ve seen her with some tear in her eyes then she says “her crush may not find her attractive” Mind you, this girl offers me things without me asking. I ignored her after this for 3 days and I noticed she was always very quiet and moody. ZERO SMILE on her face. I told her today that I have feelings for her, she gave me a big smile, hits me playfully in the shoulder and asks ” How do you know you’re telling the truth? (Smiles) and add..’We barely know each other and have only worked here for 2 months, I don’t want to break your heart, we should be friends” HOW TF DO I KNOW IF SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO GET ME TO OPEN UP TO HER. I really like this girl and she shows obvious signs that she’s attracted too; if not more attracted to me. Do I stand a chance or should I quit and move on? I’m not the type of guy that really tells a girl I like her unless I mean it. Or is she trying to play hard to get or probably mess around with my mind….I’m confused af lol

    • Francis,

      Wow. You took a page from my old book on women and how all of my “friends zone” moments went; especially how I rationalized them out.

      Mind you, it was NOT a good thing so let’s get right to it.

      It’s not typically a good thing when you meet a girl and she starts talking to you about her past relationships and how she’s crushing on some other guy. She’s showing you she only sees you as a friend. Now if you’re not used to dealing with women on this level it’s highly likely you’re going to fail and be sucked right into a trap you created for yourself – You believe she’s telling you how she attracted to you AND because she won’t reveal it, you gather all her clues as her feeling that way that is very far from what is actually going on.

      It happens. I know exactly where you’re coming from.

      Chances are, she already knew how you felt about her and when you told her how you felt about her BEFORE you did anything about anything she might’ve felt at that point went away.

      You can NOT tell a woman how you feel (in these early situations) unless a few things happen. 1. You’re creating attraction and/or have created a deeper attraction. 2. You have taken REAL action or leadership above and beyond in the direction she would have liked her “crush” to take.

      As you’ll read in the exact articles which flipped my switch years ago “telling a woman how you feel will not ever change how she feels.” Read them:

      “MISTAKE #5: Sharing “How You Feel” Too Early In The Relationship With Her”

      “Attraction is the result of a woman meeting a man who understands how attraction works… and who knows what to do in each specific situation to progress to the next level.”

      Like I said, I’ve done what you did and have thought exactly the same way you were thinking and every time the only answer at that point was to: (again I know this because I chose the wrong way and ended up being hurt every single time.)

      Choice 1. Walk away entirely and forget about her and being friends with her. AFTER get an easy education on attraction and understanding women and become objective about yourself and all your relationships with women. Sexual or not.

      Choice 2. Take your first step in eliminating the friends zone (and possibly getting out of it with her which in reality is extremely rare and is far less likely to happen) and go through my free Ebook. https://www.dialteg.com/friends-zone-steps-book/three-steps-how-why-help-you/

      Choice 3. Continue being her friend and hope she’ll change her mind even though she has already said she only wanted to be friends.

      Choice 3 is what I used to do and it never worked…. ever. And it will sting like a son of bitch.

      Okay let’s go back.

      Women don’t tell guys they’re feeling it for (this early on especially before you’re dating her) about their last relationships. It’s what they talk about to their “girlfriends” and guy friends when there is absolutely no chance of becoming sexual with him. She is NOT talking to her crush about these things.

      You stare at her. She’s guessing you like her or something about her. She blushes. It makes her feel good and maybe even more confident about getting her crush to do the same thing.

      She opens up to you about her crush not liking her and it’s upsetting. As a friend you’re there for her probably thinking you now have a shot. She’s opening up to you. Called you cute. Which by the way means “You’re a nice guy but I would never date you because I know how you feel and I’m not feeling anything for you. But since you’re acting like a friend, I’ll gladly do that because you’re nice.

      You ignore her and one of two things happens. You confused her AND she realized you do like her. You confused her and she’s not sure why. You confused her and she’s not sure what it means but since she’s not feeling it for you – it doesn’t matter that much. Ignoring her was not the thing to do unless you planned on playing a game on her which will only make it worse.

      So, while she’s confused (which is not a bad thing somewhat) , while she’s most uncertain what is going on – you let it all out and tell her how you feel. Busting any bubble which could’ve been created. If there was any sexual tension at this point, it just disappeared.

      Despite how it feels, what you told me was NOT obvious signs that she was feeling attracted to you. I used to confuse them all the time. There MUST be some real chemistry which has a sexual edge happening.

      I can get (for all practical purposes) just about every woman alive to open up to me. I have that way with women. I learned it from years in the friends zone and later doing everything I could to truly understand them. Without that edge, real flirting, sexual tension, raw energy, and doing the right things right away to create attraction, I was certain to become “just her friend” she would willingly tell me everything about her.

      “An attractive single woman wants a guy who LIGHTS HER UP. She wants to FEEL GOOD. She wants mystery… she wants to laugh… she wants a challenge… she wants sexual tension… ”

      The good news is there’s a definitive list women respond to which makes it much easier to happen. Which means you can get them under control so this does not become a pattern in your life or a recurring theme of you relationships with women you want.

      Hopefully, that starts here and now… today.

      All the best and thank you for writing. I appreciate it,


      • Francis

        Peter White,
        Thanks for your response. At this point, I’m not sure what to do but I’m going to fall back, less communication, less eye contact etc (and see her reaction). Perhaps I was too fast telling her how I truly feel but at the end of the day, I don’t think it’d changed anything if she doesn’t feel the same way about me. Now that she knows my intention(feeling) I’m gonna hope the chemistry between us stays strong but if it doesn’t, then I’ll slowly have to move on. I’ll update you should change occur. If NO communication with her is a wrong move, please let me know in your comment.

        • No communication is a good move depending on why you’re doing it. If you feel you don’t want to be in her friends zone, or you can not help yourself while around her – the yes – pull away, gather yourself, and move on.

          I would NOT do it just to see if you get a reaction from her because you won’t know why she’s reacting a certain way. You’ll just confuse her more and in the end, won’t prove much of anything. She could be hurt for reasons which have nothing to do with attraction.

          You should be more concerned with how a woman is reacting to what you ARE doing and not what you are NOT doing. See the difference?

          Hope that clears up a little more for you.

          You’re welcome and the best to you.

  • Andrew

    Hey Pete, I want to know how to play my cards with my co worker. She is about 3 years older, we are both very young. She recently gotten out of a serious relationship about 4 months ago and is still very hurt from it. I really feel like she is into me because of what we talk about and how happy we are when we work together. Our conversations are very open and have no problem talking about sex or what goes on with our lifes. Mind you, she has been doing this for two years and is a current manager, I only started working at this location for a few months. When we conversate, we lose track of time and I asked her about her love life and that’s how I found out about her ex, and everything about him, she asks me about my love life and found out a lot about my ex as well (whom i’m over now). When we talk, I stare really deep into her eyes and admire her. She throws a lot of hints, and also asks me about the type of girls I’m into, how many I’ve been with and so so. Recently one of our coworkers (girl) has left our location to move to another one and she says she is sad about it and she said “who am I gonna go eat with now”. I asked her if she would be sad if I left and she said she would be “heartbroken”. I recently got her social media and we now see each other’s lives out of work. She also likes saying my name a lot! When we walk to our cars together after work she would always be the first one to say goodbye, I find myself so into her and I also told one of her best friends that she was the love of my life jokingly, and Im almost positive he has told her. She says she thinks I’m very mature and a great guy. At work I am the only male as well, I also have a great confidence level and a high self esteem and she knows this, I also know how to deal with most women I find myself interested in, but I have never had feelings for an older gal and would like your opinion on what to do Pete! I know I should take it slow and reel her in and win her over slowly, feedback would be great! Thanks for reading.

  • J

    Here is one for you Peter, co-worker has acted odd around me since I started 6 months ago she used to (and still does on occasionally) pop up everywhere I was.

    I’ve ignored these things but found them amusing.

    It has now got to the stage where she she is always coming past my desk on a route that she doesn’t need to go on, is now saying good morning and has a few times touched my arm and said Hey…she often stops for chats and has asked me a great deal of questions, I’ve called her out on it and in all honesty been quite cold and ignored her (not in an unkind way though) and this has seemed to feed her more.

    I’ve seen her watch me talk to other Female co-workers and at meetings she seems to linger around or is sitting in a seat where she is in direct range of where I sit.

    Today she once again came through the area where I sit and gave me one of those smiles.

    What’s her game and how should I play this?


  • J

    So now she is calling me a creep to coworkers behind my back when she is the one that touches me and is always around?


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