It’s easy to talk to a co-worker, you’re kind of “stuck” together for long periods of the day.
You also have to be friendly to each other or else work would totally suck.
Sometimes you’re even introduced to her, so no cold approach to worry about and no awkward moment while you “try” to start conversation.
Except, when you think about it, which I know you have – makes the problem of figuring out if she’s attracted to you or interested in going out on a date so much more difficult…
Which is why you’re asking the question today:
How Can I Tell If My Co-Worker Is Attracted To Me?
It’s understandable that this situation is different than in a bar or club, a coffee shop, a market, or even on the street because there are 3 HUGE obstacles you are facing:
- Sexual harassment. Say the wrong thing and you’re done. Make it advance and be wrong and you’re done. Very real stuff which has definitely gotten worse over the years.
- Public rejection in front of your other co-workers. If she’s not interested EVERYONE will find out you FAILED. Kind of makes showing up for work a little tougher.
- Whether she says yes, is interested or not, no matter what happens you still have to work with this girl which just piles up the pressure on you. You’re basically stuck seeing her several times a week no matter how the attraction plays out.
Let me know if I’ve missed something, but those three reasons alone increases your NEED to KNOW without any doubt she’s into you or at least feeling a little attracted BEFORE you make any sort of move on her or ask for a date.
Why don’t we get right to it…
In the beginning of the article I mentioned how work was the only place I was meeting women for a long time. And believe me working in a sporting goods store for 18 years meant a constant stream of hot sexy younger women that never stopped coming. Seriously, it was straight out of the famous quote from Matthew McConaughey in the movie “Dazed and Confused” when he says,
“That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”
… and just so you know I’m NOT a pig – they were college students and they were all over 18. But I digress…
This wonderful job gave me the opportunity to interact with lots of women and watch ALL of them get hit on or approached by every guy in the place.
It was a front stage plus back stage pass very few are privileged to experience.
I saw it all and I saw enough to know EXACTLY if a girl was interested or attracted to another worker BUT… none of that meant shit. Trust me here.
No matter where you are (with a few obvious exceptions) figuring out if a girl is feeling something for you is not any different just because you’re at work. It’s always the same.
Granted it can be tougher because in this situation you want to be assured it’s happening, but that’s the only difference…
The pressure and the NEED to be totally convinced she’s into you.
With that said…
The best and possibly the ONLY real answer was already written and since it can not be topped, I’ll quote it. Never forget it:
How To Tell If She’s Interested – Stop Looking for Signals!
- Stop looking around for signals from women that they’re “interested” in you.
- Stop CARING whether or not a particular woman is interested in you.
- Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if women ENGAGE. If they do, then assume that IT’S ON!
As long as you use how she’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “she wants me” clues…
…Because YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING THEM.
David DeAngelo – How To Tell If She’s Interested – Stop Looking for Signals!
(Believe me I tried to come up with a better solution, because I wanted this article to be truly unique but it’s too perfect. When it came to me years ago it went to immediate use and has worked ever since.)
Never forget this which supports the above quote:
The more time you spend LOOKING for signals, the less time you get to create the attraction.
The more time you spend in your head, the less time you’ll have to get in her head, mind, and body, if that’s what you want.
Women are very in tune with what is going on around them and they will often follow the lead of the guy they’re talking to IF you’re good enough at it.
If you’re unsure, that makes her unsure.
If you’re not confident, that makes her less confident too.
When you find yourself searching for signs and signals and are unsure if she’s feeling it back – she too will be unsure HOW you feel about HER too.
So just by looking for the right “it’s okay to ask me out” you’re not leading, you’re waiting for her to decide and by doing so – make it less likely to happen.
It’s just basic human behavior which can not be helped so it’s best to first LEAD the interaction in the direction you want it to go.
That’s it, we’re done.
Seriously you want more, so here you go…
Workplaces, as stated earlier, don’t automatically mean EVERY signal he gives will be as easy to detect because of the many of the reasons listed above.
She, just like you, might be worried about the added pressure, or public thing going on, and could be down-playing what she is feeling because of it.
However there are plenty of “tells” women have IF you’re clued in on them AND you make sure there’s not an ulterior reason behind her actions.
MEANING everything listed below can have a much different reason why it’s happening, it’s not a guarantee, just a clue or hint she likes you.
Here are a few examples:
You’ll find her popping up when she has a chance to talk to you. She’ll do it to you more than everyone else. She just seems to be in the right place at the right time – a lot.
She’ll find seemingly innocent excuses to be around you. Maybe she needs help with something which you know she could’ve done herself. She’ll start looking to you to “help” her out.
If you’re working apart from each other – you just might find her checking you out or staring at you.
When you catch her doing this she’ll generally look away quickly. If not, she’s probably just spacing out which is very common at work.
She’ll ask you a lot of personal questions around your life.
She’s interested in knowing certain details about you which are not always work-related.
In fact, the less work related they are – the better the chance or opportunity she’s giving you to ask her out AND she wants to make sure you’re actually available.
She won’t talk about other guys too often.
It will be about you and her and life in general.
You won’t be hearing about her date last night or the guy she just broke up with either.
(Very generally because I’ve seen it happen when she actually did like the guy but who am I to say how BAD she was at attracting a man.)
She’ll do things which lead to an exchange of information.
Like pulling out her phone to show you something funny and cool.
She will give you subtle hints to get you to put her information in your phone.
Let’s face, work buddies don’t always tend to like to see each other outside of work. If she’s doing that, it has a reason.
She might go as far as asking how you feel about work relationships or if you think they work.
She might bring up a topic about someone else who is seeing someone else there.
he’s doing it because she wants to know what your thoughts are on workplace romances.
Those are all basic and of course the list could go on but not everything can be covered.
Way too many variables and circumstances.
You understand that, right?
Lastly for the examples at least, because we have a way to go here before I make sure you’re ready to go back to work.
I’ve coached, talked, and advised a ton of women over the years.
There were tons of women asking about a guy at work.
They explained in detail how it happened, when it happened, how they hooked up (if they did) and all the sorted stories (good and bad) which brought them to me.
The common theme in everyone of them was:
- She was NEVER sure how the guy felt about her. (Sound familiar in your case?)
- They made sure they just “sort of” hung out after work. You know, just to talk a little and share a drink.
What I’m telling you is do NOT wait to figure out if she likes you or wants to do something more. Just get her outside of work as quickly and easily as you can – for a drink or something else.
Most of the time – if you think she likes you – she probably does especially if you got a lot of the signs above.
The longer you wait – the harder and weirder it will get.
Friends go out all the time after work and that’s when the “good stuff” happens and that’s where you’ll find it much easier to transition to a date or more AND that’s where the hints, clues, signals, or whatever she gives you – will be much easier to spot.
I’m listening – you want more, don’t you?
GOOD no GREAT news…
I’ve found something else which is posted here which is really cool in determining EXACTLY if a woman is attracted to you.
Make sure you read the entire article when you can. It’s only fair considering it was not written by me and credit needs to be given:
How to Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You
- Actions (What she does that indicates her interest obviously)
- Words (what she says to you)
- Body language (what she does that indicates her interest subtly)
These are also in order.
You trust her actions first, her words next, and her body language after that.
- If you’re getting clear buying signals in her actions, ignore her words.
- If you get interest from her words, ignore her body movements.
- Your last resort is to interpret her body language.
What about sexual energy?
#1. The first indicator is her actions to tell you she likes you.
Always watch what she does first, and ignore her words if they don’t jive with the way she behaves.
Here are a short list of “she’s interested” indicators:
- She touches you or leans in close
- She makes it a point to smell your cologne
- She takes you along with her to another bar/dance club
- She initiates conversation with you
- She asks for your number (but only if she asks before or after giving hers. If she refuses to give you her number, she’s not interested.)
- She looks you over (especially glances at your mouth)
#2. The next thing you listen to is her words.
What does she say to you?
Here’s a list of things that indicate her interest verbally:
- She asks a lot of questions about you
- She talks about sexual topics (without you initiating them)
- She uses very sensual words when describing you
- She tells you secrets (indicating trust)
This next list is more difficult, since you will have to refine your radar as to…
#3. What her body language is saying.
It’s much more subtle, and more difficult to read. Again, I always suggest that you make sure to judge her body language only when you have no other evidence to help you out.
Here are some buying indicators:
- Occasional glance(s) from far away
- Looks at you a few times (flickering glances at your lips)
- Holds your gaze for a moment with no words
- Looks down, then away
- Goes out of her way to laugh with you
- Posture changes, looks alert
- Covers her mouth or touches her face
- Adjusts hair, attire
- Faces you
- Alert, energetic
- Pupils are dilated
- Open posture (arms uncrossed)
We’ve covered a lot today and I do sincerely hope it’s been above and beyond what you expected.
So make sure you sign up below for lots of cool stuff like this and more.
Let’s conclude this with a little real help and inspiration so I know, without a doubt, when you head off to work tomorrow or the next day…
You’ll be beyond prepared to handle this girl problem, dilemma, question (whatever) confidently and attractively.
The worst that could happen is that she is not attracted to you BUT because of your new attitude – you began creating it anyways. Wouldn’t that be cool?
You really want to know how I feel about this question, “Is my co-worker attracted to me?” Honestly I seriously hate it because of these three reasons.
#1: I’ve been there myself and quickly realized if it wasn’t for my insecurity and uneasiness around any girl – I would NEVER have to ask it.
When you believe in yourself enough AND you’re positive you have the right skills to create attraction – you will be instead asking, “Ha! Why wouldn’t she be attracted to me so of course she is!”
#2: Every stinking time I found myself asking something like this, even to myself, and was waiting for the right time and signals to do something – it was already too late.
Opportunity missed to some other guy or she lost all interest in a guy she was into, but didn’t have the courage to DO something about it.
Dating and attraction will always come with risk BUT when faced with courage time and time again will always come with REWARD. Never forget that or this:
No doubt about it… until a man is open and excited to try new things in life, he’ll never escape his comfort zone… including “daring” to connect in a meaningful way with women.
#3: The one nice guy habit I had (among other attraction killers) which ruined lots of chances with women was the need for her approval first. Almost like I was asking her, “Hey if you like me… let me know… or else I won’t do anything about it.”
Seeking any sort of approval from her is the fastest way to either rejection or the dreaded friends zone.
For those three reasons and more if we were to sit and talk about it is WHY I hate this question but you know what, I’m a positive dude so let’s take that negative shit and turn it into something you can take with you to work or anywhere you’re interacting with women any time of the day. (Yes even including weekends or holidays.)
#1 – Believe in yourself.
REAL confidence in a guy is the one absolute trait women are ALWAYS attracted to… always.
You never hear a woman say, “I really like him because he’s not like those OTHER guys I’ve been with; he’s filled with doubt and uncertainty.”
Listen man – you are BUILT to attract women. You just have to believe it and learn the right skills to achieve or even master it.
Do whatever you can to become so secure in yourself you’ll never doubt yourself again when it comes to women at least.
Here’s my “ultimate” page on confidence: Why Confidence Is So Attractive to Women, What It Is, & How To Get It Quickly.
#2 – Keep moving forward. Be a leader.
Women are looking for guys who will take a lead with little or no fear. Let’s not get into all the reasons why but if you’re constantly waiting for HER to move forward – I’m willing to bet everything that you’re not getting many real dates with the women you want.
Women HATE making any kind of move on a guy so much they would rather stay home alone then ask a guy out they like.
This includes just about every women at work that you are actually attracted to!
The truth is yes, there’s a chance she’ll reject you especially if you don’t get or understand how attraction works but think of it this way:
You don’t ask or do nothing, she will NEVER say yes.
Trust me I’ve been with plenty of women who did the asking or took the lead and they all worked out badly because they ended up taking the masculine role OR tried to hand it over to a guy who didn’t know how to do it.
Which may sound cool at first, a woman attacking you or chasing you, but in the end, it’s emasculating and only deprives you the opportunity to be the man you’re born to be.
Understand women do like to lead their lives, careers, whatever in their own way and do not want to be told what or how to do it – but when it comes to man and woman – attraction – those sorts of things – most women WANT you to lead.
AND one more thing on this one:
A woman will more often than not accept a date or invitation from a guy she’s not that interested in just because he asked her out.
She’ll do it time and time again OVER any guy who fails to do it or doesn’t have the courage to even try.
(Giving him the change to create a real attraction.)
Never forget that when you see a hot chic with some supposed schlep – he went for it when every other guy wouldn’t dare risk it and now HE is reaping the REWARD.
#3 – Her approval of you means NOTHING.
Seriously, she can hate everything you do and still feel attracted to you.
She can despise everything about you and yet, still sleep with you.
She can absolutely not stand being around you and yet still find herself falling for you.
Hey I don’t make the rules or laws of attraction here and actually, neither does she.
When you start kissing her ass, begging for her approval, trying to buy her affection with stupid shit, or playing the nice guy role hoping she’ll like you – you will NEVER create the right attraction.
Waiting around and trying to figure out if she is interested in you, is in some weird twisted way trying to gain her approval because when you begin to hope she’s feeling instead of just going for it, you’re giving out a signal of please like me so I can move forward.
So stop worrying.
Start believing and…
Start creating attraction right now.
Give her something positive to react positively to and you’ll never have to ask if this co-worker and any other woman likes you again.
Oh and read this: The Real Secret to Attracting Women & Getting Laid No One Knows But Me.