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How To Tell If A Female Coworker Is Attracted To You

in Attraction, Is She Interested, Understanding Women
Co Worker Attracted to You or Not

My job used to be the only place I met women and figuring out if those women were attracted to me or just even interested in dating… drove me crazy!

It’s easy to talk to a co-worker, you’re kind of “stuck” together for long periods of the day. You also have to be friendly to each other or else work would totally suck. Sometimes you’re even introduced to her, so no cold approach to worry about and no awkward moment while you “try” to start  conversation.

Except, when you think about it, which I know you have – makes the problem of figuring out if she’s attracted to you or interested in going out on a date so much more difficult…

Which is why you’re asking the question today:

How Can I Tell If My Co-Worker Is Attracted To Me?

It’s understandable that this situation is different than in a bar or club, a coffee shop, a market, or even on the street because there are 3 HUGE obstacles you are facing:

  1. Sexual harassment. Say the wrong thing and you’re done. Make it advance and be wrong and you’re done. Very real stuff which has definitely gotten worse over the years.
  2. Public rejection in front of your other co-workers. If she’s not interested EVERYONE will find out you FAILED. Kind of makes showing up for work a little tougher.
  3. Whether she says yes, is interested or not, no matter what happens you still have to work with this girl which just piles up the pressure on you. You’re basically stuck seeing her several times a week no matter how the attraction plays out.

Let me know if I’ve missed something, but those three reasons alone increases your NEED to KNOW without any doubt she’s into you or at least feeling a little attracted BEFORE you make any sort of move on her or ask for a date.

Why don’t we get right to it…

The beginning of the article I mentioned how work was the only place I was meeting women for a long time. And believe me working in a sporting goods store for 18 years meant a constant stream of hot sexy younger woman that never stopped coming… seriously, it was straight out of the famous quote from Matthew David McConaughey in the movie “Dazed and Confused” when he says,

“That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”

 … and  just so you know I’m NOT a pig – they were college students and they were all over 18. Promise! But I digress…

This wonderful (all be it a shitty job) gave me the opportunity to interact with lots of women and watch ALL of them get hit on or approached by every guy in the place. It was a front stage plus back stage pass very few are privileged to experience.

I saw it all and I saw enough to know EXACTLY if a girl was interested or attracted to another worker BUT… none of that meant shit. Trust me here.

No matter where you are (with a few obvious exceptions) figuring out if a girl is feeling something for you is not any different just because you’re at work. It’s always the same. Granted it can be tougher because in this situation you want to be assured it’s happening, but that’s the only difference… The pressure and the NEED to be totally convinced she’s into you.

With that said…

The best and possibly the ONLY real answer was already written and since it can not be topped, I’ll quote it. Never forget it:

How To Tell If She’s Interested – Stop Looking for Signals!

  1. Stop looking around for signals from women that they’re “interested” in you.
  2. Stop CARING whether or not a particular woman is interested in you.
  3. Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if women ENGAGE. If they do, then assume that IT’S ON!

As long as you use how she’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “she wants me” clues…

…Because YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING THEM.

David DeAngelo – How To Tell If She’s Interested – Stop Looking for Signals!

(Believe me I tried to come up with a better solution, because I wanted this article to be truly unique but it’s too perfect. When it came to me years ago it went to immediate use and has worked ever since.)

Never forget this which supports the above quote:

The more time you spend LOOKING for signals, the less time you get to create the attraction. The more time you spend in your head, the less time you’ll have to get in her head, mind, and body, if that’s what you want.

Women are very in tune with what is going on around them and they will often follow the lead of the guy they’re talking to IF you’re good enough at it.

If you’re unsure, that  makes her unsure. If you’re not confident, that makes her less confident too. When you find yourself searching for signs and signals and are unsure if she’s feeling it back – she too will be unsure HOW you feel about HER too. So just by looking for the right “it’s okay to ask me out” you’re not leading, you’re waiting for her to decide and by doing so – make it less likely to happen.

It’s just basic human behavior which can not be helped so it’s best to first LEAD the interaction in the direction you want it to go.

That’s it, we’re done.

Seriously you want more, so here you go…

Workplaces, as stated earlier, don’t automatically mean EVERY signal he gives will be as easy to detect because of the many of the reasons listed above. She, just like you, might be worried about the added pressure, or public thing going on, and could be down-playing what she is feeling because of it.

However there are plenty of “tells” women have IF you’re clued in on them AND you make sure there’s not an ulterior reason behind her actions. MEANING everything listed below can have a much different reason why it’s happening, it’s not a guarantee, just a clue or hint she likes you.

Here are a few examples:

You’ll find her popping up when she has a chance to talk to you. She’ll do it to you more than everyone else. She just seems to be in the right place at the right time – a lot.

She’ll find seemingly innocent excuses to be around you. Maybe she needs help with something which you know she could’ve done herself. She’ll start looking to you to “help” her out.

If you’re working apart from each other – you just might find her checking you out or staring at you. When you catch her doing this she’ll generally look away quickly. If not, she’s probably just spacing out which is very common at work.

She’ll ask you a lot of personal questions around your life. She’s interested in knowing certain details about you which are not always work-related. In fact, the less work related they are – the better the chance or opportunity she’s giving you to ask her out AND she wants to make sure you’re actually available.

She won’t talk about other guys too often. It will be about you and her and life in general. You won’t be hearing about her date last night or the guy she just broke up with either. (Very generally because I’ve seen it happen when she actually did like the guy but who am I to say how BAD she was at attracting a man.)

She’ll do things which lead to an exchange of information. Like pulling out her phone to show you something funny and cool. She will give you subtle hints to get you to put her information in your phone. Let’s face, work buddies don’t always tend to like to see each other outside of work. If she’s doing that, it has a reason.

She might go as far as asking how you feel about work relationships or if you think they work. She might bring up a topic about someone else who is seeing someone else there. She’s doing it because she wants to know what your thoughts are on workplace romances.

Those are all basic and of course the list could go on but not everything can be covered. Way too many variables and circumstances. You understand that, right?

Lastly for the examples at least, because we have a way to go here before I make sure you’re ready to go back to work.

I’ve coached, talked, and advised a ton of women over the years. 

There were tons of women asking about a guy at work. They explained in detail how it happened, when it happened, how they hooked up (if they did) and all the sorted stories (good and bad) which brought them to me.

The common theme in everyone of them was:

  1. She was NEVER sure how the guy felt about her. (Sound familiar in your case?)
  2. They made sure they just “sort of” hung out after work. You know, just to talk a little and share a drink.

What I’m telling you is do NOT wait to figure out if she likes you or wants to do something more. Just get her outside of work as quickly and easily as you can – for a drink or something else.

Most of the time – if you think she likes you – she probably does especially if you got a lot of the signs above. The longer you wait – the harder and weirder it will get.

Friends go out all the time after work and that’s when the “good stuff” happens and that’s where you’ll find it much easier to transition to a date or more AND that’s where the hints, clues, signals, or whatever she gives you – will be much easier to spot.

I’m listening – you want more, don’t you?

GOOD no GREAT news…

I’ve found something else which is posted here which is really cool in determining EXACTLY if a woman is attracted to you. Make sure you read the entire article when you can. It’s only fair considering it was not written by me and credit needs to be given:

How to Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You

  1. Actions (What she does that indicates her interest obviously)
  2. Words (what she says to you)
  3. Body language (what she does that indicates her interest subtly)

These are also in order.

You trust her actions first, her words next, and her body language after that.

  1. If you’re getting clear buying signals in her actions, ignore her words.
  2. If you get interest from her words, ignore her body movements.
  3. Your last resort is to interpret her body language.

What about sexual energy?

#1. The first indicator is her actions to tell you she likes you.

Always watch what she does first, and ignore her words if they don’t jive with the way she behaves.

Here are a short list of “she’s interested” indicators:

  • She touches you or leans in close
  • She makes it a point to smell your cologne
  • She takes you along with her to another bar/dance club
  • She initiates conversation with you
  • She asks for your number (but only if she asks before or after giving hers. If she refuses to give you her number, she’s not interested.)
  • She looks you over (especially glances at your mouth)

#2. The next thing you listen to is her words.

What does she say to you?

Here’s a list of things that indicate her interest verbally:

  • She asks a lot of questions about you
  • She talks about sexual topics (without you initiating them)
  • She uses very sensual words when describing you
  • She tells you secrets (indicating trust)

This next list is more difficult, since you will have to refine your radar as to…

#3. What her body language is saying.

It’s much more subtle, and more difficult to read. Again, I always suggest that you make sure to judge her body language only when you have no other evidence to help you out.

Here are some buying indicators:

  • Occasional glance(s) from far away
  • Looks at you a few times (flickering glances at your lips)
  • Holds your gaze for a moment with no words
  • Looks down, then away
  • Goes out of her way to laugh with you
  • Posture changes, looks alert
  • Covers her mouth or touches her face
  • Adjusts hair, attire
  • Faces you
  • Alert, energetic
  • Pupils are dilated
  • Open posture (arms uncrossed)

How to Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You

We’ve covered a lot today and I do sincerely hope it’s been above and beyond what you expected. So make sure you sign up below or here on my main page sign up page for lots of cool stuff like this and more. Like the make you a sexy guy book I’m offering for free,  when you do sign up. Why not – if she thinks and believes you’re sexy – you won’t be waiting around from signals for her. She’ll be much more clearer how she feels.

Let’s conclude this with a little real help and inspiration so I know, without a doubt, when you head off to work tomorrow or the next day…

You’ll be beyond prepared to handle this girl problem, dilemma, question (whatever) confidently and attractively. The worst that could happen is that she is not attracted to you BUT because of your new attitude – you began creating it anyways. Wouldn’t that be cool?

You really want to know how I feel about this question, “Is my co-worker attracted to me?” Honestly I seriously hate it because of these three reasons.

#1: I’ve been there myself and quickly realized if it wasn’t for my insecurity and uneasiness around any girl – I would NEVER have to ask it.

When you believe in yourself enough AND you’re positive you have the right skills to create attraction – you will be instead asking, “Ha! Why wouldn’t she be attracted to me so of course she is!”

#2: Every stinking time I found myself asking something like this, even to myself, and was waiting for the right time and signals to do something – it was already too late.

Opportunity missed to some other guy or she lost all interest in a guy she was into, but didn’t have the courage to DO something about it.

Dating and attraction will always come with risk BUT when faced with courage time and time again will always come with REWARD. Never forget that or this:

TAKE RISKS

No doubt about it… until a man is open and excited to try new things in life, he’ll never escape his comfort zone… including “daring” to connect in a meaningful way with women.

The First Thing Women Look For In “Mr. Right”

#3: The one nice guy habit I had (among other attraction killers) which ruined lots of chances with women was the need for her approval first. Almost like I was asking her, “Hey if you like me… let me know… or else I won’t do anything about it.”

Seeking any sort of approval from her is the fastest way to either rejection or the dreaded friends zone.

For those three reasons and more if we were to sit and talk about it is WHY I hate this question but you know what, I’m a positive dude so let’s take that negative shit and turn it into something you can take with you to work or anywhere you’re interacting with women any time of the day. (Yes even including weekends or holidays.)

#1 – Believe in yourself.

REAL confidence in a guy is the one absolute trait women are ALWAYS attracted to… always.

You never hear a woman say, “I really like him because he’s not like those OTHER guys I’ve been with; he’s filled with doubt and uncertainty.”

Listen man – you are BUILT to attract women. You just have to believe it and learn the right skills to achieve or even master it.

Do whatever you can to become so secure in yourself you’ll never doubt yourself again when it comes to women at least.

Try this before all else fails – it’s worth every cent you earn from the job you’re at right now: On Being A Man –  “Become The Powerful Real Man You Were Born To Be And Start Attracting The Amazing Women You Were Meant To Be With.”

And YES. That is my persona affiliate link so we’re both getting something out of it. Of course you’ll be getting more BUT I BELIEVE in it just the same as I believe in myself so you should to.

#2 – Keep moving forward. Be a leader.

Women are looking for guys who will take a lead with little or no fear. Let’s not get into all the reasons why but if you’re constantly waiting for HER to move forward – I’m willing to bet everything that you’re not getting many real dates with the women you want.

Women HATE making any kind of move on a guy so much they would rather stay home alone then ask a guy out they like.

This includes just about every women at work that you are actually attracted to!

The truth is yes, there’s a chance she’ll reject you especially if you don’t get or understand how attraction works but think of it this way:

You don’t ask or do nothing,  she will NEVER say yes.

Trust me I’ve been with plenty of women who did the asking or took the lead and they all worked out badly because they ended up taking the masculine role OR tried to hand it over to a guy who didn’t know how to do it.

Which may sound cool at first, a woman attacking you or chasing you, but in the end, it’s emasculating and only deprives you the opportunity to be the man you’re born to be.

Understand women do like to lead their lives, careers, whatever in their own way and do not want to be told what or how to do it – but when it comes to man and woman – attraction – those sorts of things – most women WANT you to lead.

AND one more thing on this one:

A woman will more often than not accept a date or invitation from a guy she’s not that interested in just because he asked her out. She’ll do it time and time again OVER any guy who fails to do it or doesn’t have the courage to even try. (Giving him the change to create a real attraction.)

Never forget that when you see a hot chic with some supposed schlep – he went for it when every other guy wouldn’t dare risk it and now HE is reaping the REWARD.

#3 – Her approval of you means NOTHING.

Seriously, she can hate everything you do and still feel attracted to you. She can despise everything about you and yet, still sleep with you. She can absolutely not stand being around you and yet still find herself falling for you.

Hey I don’t make the rules or laws of attraction here and actually, neither does she.

So…

When you start kissing her ass, begging for her approval, trying to buy her affection with stupid shit, or playing the nice guy role hoping she’ll like you – you will NEVER create the right attraction.

If you don’t understand how attraction works, read the ebook that changed my life and learn the real secret behind attraction: Attraction Isn’t A Choice. It’s only $22.97 at this point in time so it’s a pretty easy investment for what you’re going to get. Check it out.

Waiting around and trying to figure out if she is interested in you, is in some weird twisted way trying to gain her approval because when you begin to hope she’s feeling instead of just going for it, you’re giving out a signal of please like me so I can move forward.

So stop worrying.

Stop asking.

Stop looking.

Start believing and…

Start creating attraction right now.

Give her something positive to react positively to and you’ll never have to ask if this co-worker and any other woman likes you again.

Thanks again for stopping by. Don’t forget to sign up below and any comments, questions, helpful tips, or experiences you’d like to share – don’t wait – go ahead and leave it below.

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please LIKE or SHARE my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Find and follow me on Twitter – Peter White.

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20 comments… add one
  • Whitney Pete

    You didn’t answer his/their question..
    I’m a girl and I this guy to know I like him, and I was looking for an article that says what men look for.. And you didn’t say anything you just told us that the guy needs to be confident, but ??? Yea so I’d say sure, but I’ll tell you guys what I do.
    #1
    I smile while talk and I’ll listen and chat to you durning our whole encounter, and I don’t do that with everyone, anyone else
    #2
    I fidget, mess my bangs up, shift my legs around, lean, kinda clumsy not too much but I might drop a paper or forget my things..
    #3
    Tell you goodbye, goodnight, see ya when I leave
    #4
    Look you in the eyes, and not move
    #5
    Look around a room, at you, then around a room again
    #6
    Sit down when you walk in
    #7
    Linger when your on shift before I leave
    #8
    Ask lots of questions, it may vary per day but I’m always asking a question, as little as how’s your day, or, what’s you favorite show to watch?
    Thanks!

    • Thanks for sharing Whitney. As you read above, it’s not normally a good thing for “some” men to search for signals.

      BUT your list is great to read and I’m sure lots of guys can learn from it.

      Thanks again,
      Pete

  • Francis

    I started working 2 months ago and I met a girl who shows lots of signals that she likes me…she jokingly tells me I’m cute during a conversation and even tells me about her past relationship and ask about mine too.. She randomly tells me that she’s crushing on someone “he’s such a nice guy and I like his confidence and level of maturity” but i don’t think he feels the same way about me” i fit into that description because “I think I do”. Anyways, I stare at her most times and she blushes then reciprocate but looks really shy. I’ve seen her with some tear in her eyes then she says “her crush may not find her attractive” Mind you, this girl offers me things without me asking. I ignored her after this for 3 days and I noticed she was always very quiet and moody. ZERO SMILE on her face. I told her today that I have feelings for her, she gave me a big smile, hits me playfully in the shoulder and asks ” How do you know you’re telling the truth? (Smiles) and add..’We barely know each other and have only worked here for 2 months, I don’t want to break your heart, we should be friends” HOW TF DO I KNOW IF SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO GET ME TO OPEN UP TO HER. I really like this girl and she shows obvious signs that she’s attracted too; if not more attracted to me. Do I stand a chance or should I quit and move on? I’m not the type of guy that really tells a girl I like her unless I mean it. Or is she trying to play hard to get or probably mess around with my mind….I’m confused af lol

    • Francis,

      Wow. You took a page from my old book on women and how all of my “friends zone” moments went; especially how I rationalized them out.

      Mind you, it was NOT a good thing so let’s get right to it.

      It’s not typically a good thing when you meet a girl and she starts talking to you about her past relationships and how she’s crushing on some other guy. She’s showing you she only sees you as a friend. Now if you’re not used to dealing with women on this level it’s highly likely you’re going to fail and be sucked right into a trap you created for yourself – You believe she’s telling you how she attracted to you AND because she won’t reveal it, you gather all her clues as her feeling that way that is very far from what is actually going on.

      It happens. I know exactly where you’re coming from.

      Chances are, she already knew how you felt about her and when you told her how you felt about her BEFORE you did anything about anything she might’ve felt at that point went away.

      You can NOT tell a woman how you feel (in these early situations) unless a few things happen. 1. You’re creating attraction and/or have created a deeper attraction. 2. You have taken REAL action or leadership above and beyond in the direction she would have liked her “crush” to take.

      As you’ll read in the exact articles which flipped my switch years ago “telling a woman how you feel will not ever change how she feels.” Read them:

      “MISTAKE #5: Sharing “How You Feel” Too Early In The Relationship With Her”
      https://www.dialteg.com/experts/david-deangelo/ten-reasons-why-men-fail-with-women/

      “Attraction is the result of a woman meeting a man who understands how attraction works… and who knows what to do in each specific situation to progress to the next level.”
      https://www.dialteg.com/experts/david-deangelo/what-women-hate-single-guys/

      Like I said, I’ve done what you did and have thought exactly the same way you were thinking and every time the only answer at that point was to: (again I know this because I chose the wrong way and ended up being hurt every single time.)

      Choice 1. Walk away entirely and forget about her and being friends with her. AFTER get an easy education on attraction and understanding women and become objective about yourself and all your relationships with women. Sexual or not.

      Choice 2. Take your first step in eliminating the friends zone (and possibly getting out of it with her which in reality is extremely rare and is far less likely to happen) and go through my free Ebook. https://www.dialteg.com/friends-zone-steps-book/three-steps-how-why-help-you/

      Choice 3. Continue being her friend and hope she’ll change her mind even though she has already said she only wanted to be friends.

      Choice 3 is what I used to do and it never worked…. ever. And it will sting like a son of bitch.

      Okay let’s go back.

      Women don’t tell guys they’re feeling it for (this early on especially before you’re dating her) about their last relationships. It’s what they talk about to their “girlfriends” and guy friends when there is absolutely no chance of becoming sexual with him. She is NOT talking to her crush about these things.

      You stare at her. She’s guessing you like her or something about her. She blushes. It makes her feel good and maybe even more confident about getting her crush to do the same thing.

      She opens up to you about her crush not liking her and it’s upsetting. As a friend you’re there for her probably thinking you now have a shot. She’s opening up to you. Called you cute. Which by the way means “You’re a nice guy but I would never date you because I know how you feel and I’m not feeling anything for you. But since you’re acting like a friend, I’ll gladly do that because you’re nice.

      You ignore her and one of two things happens. You confused her AND she realized you do like her. You confused her and she’s not sure why. You confused her and she’s not sure what it means but since she’s not feeling it for you – it doesn’t matter that much. Ignoring her was not the thing to do unless you planned on playing a game on her which will only make it worse.

      So, while she’s confused (which is not a bad thing somewhat) , while she’s most uncertain what is going on – you let it all out and tell her how you feel. Busting any bubble which could’ve been created. If there was any sexual tension at this point, it just disappeared.

      Despite how it feels, what you told me was NOT obvious signs that she was feeling attracted to you. I used to confuse them all the time. There MUST be some real chemistry which has a sexual edge happening.

      I can get (for all practical purposes) just about every woman alive to open up to me. I have that way with women. I learned it from years in the friends zone and later doing everything I could to truly understand them. Without that edge, real flirting, sexual tension, raw energy, and doing the right things right away to create attraction, I was certain to become “just her friend” she would willingly tell me everything about her.

      “An attractive single woman wants a guy who LIGHTS HER UP. She wants to FEEL GOOD. She wants mystery… she wants to laugh… she wants a challenge… she wants sexual tension… ”

      The good news is there’s a definitive list women respond to which makes it much easier to happen. Which means you can get them under control so this does not become a pattern in your life or a recurring theme of you relationships with women you want.

      Hopefully, that starts here and now… today.

      All the best and thank you for writing. I appreciate it,

      Pete

      • Francis

        Peter White,
        Thanks for your response. At this point, I’m not sure what to do but I’m going to fall back, less communication, less eye contact etc (and see her reaction). Perhaps I was too fast telling her how I truly feel but at the end of the day, I don’t think it’d changed anything if she doesn’t feel the same way about me. Now that she knows my intention(feeling) I’m gonna hope the chemistry between us stays strong but if it doesn’t, then I’ll slowly have to move on. I’ll update you should change occur. If NO communication with her is a wrong move, please let me know in your comment.
        Thanks!!

        • No communication is a good move depending on why you’re doing it. If you feel you don’t want to be in her friends zone, or you can not help yourself while around her – the yes – pull away, gather yourself, and move on.

          I would NOT do it just to see if you get a reaction from her because you won’t know why she’s reacting a certain way. You’ll just confuse her more and in the end, won’t prove much of anything. She could be hurt for reasons which have nothing to do with attraction.

          You should be more concerned with how a woman is reacting to what you ARE doing and not what you are NOT doing. See the difference?

          Hope that clears up a little more for you.

          You’re welcome and the best to you.

  • Andrew

    Hey Pete, I want to know how to play my cards with my co worker. She is about 3 years older, we are both very young. She recently gotten out of a serious relationship about 4 months ago and is still very hurt from it. I really feel like she is into me because of what we talk about and how happy we are when we work together. Our conversations are very open and have no problem talking about sex or what goes on with our lifes. Mind you, she has been doing this for two years and is a current manager, I only started working at this location for a few months. When we conversate, we lose track of time and I asked her about her love life and that’s how I found out about her ex, and everything about him, she asks me about my love life and found out a lot about my ex as well (whom i’m over now). When we talk, I stare really deep into her eyes and admire her. She throws a lot of hints, and also asks me about the type of girls I’m into, how many I’ve been with and so so. Recently one of our coworkers (girl) has left our location to move to another one and she says she is sad about it and she said “who am I gonna go eat with now”. I asked her if she would be sad if I left and she said she would be “heartbroken”. I recently got her social media and we now see each other’s lives out of work. She also likes saying my name a lot! When we walk to our cars together after work she would always be the first one to say goodbye, I find myself so into her and I also told one of her best friends that she was the love of my life jokingly, and Im almost positive he has told her. She says she thinks I’m very mature and a great guy. At work I am the only male as well, I also have a great confidence level and a high self esteem and she knows this, I also know how to deal with most women I find myself interested in, but I have never had feelings for an older gal and would like your opinion on what to do Pete! I know I should take it slow and reel her in and win her over slowly, feedback would be great! Thanks for reading.

    • Andrew,

      I’ve seen lots of guys “hook up” with their co-workers and I noticed a pattern which is unavoidable…. Something happened outside of work and there was a REAL attraction between them. You can talk to her all you want while on the job, you can even create lots of attraction BUT until you actually DO something about it, you’ll probably only end up being her “friend from work” who she enjoys talking to about her life.

      What I see here is a “friendship” developing because you failed to mention the most important things confidently… ATTRACTION and seeing her outside of the workplace where you two can truly connect and that YOU are actively moving things forward.

      I’m not being negative. I’ve talked to lots of women about sex and stuff. They open up to me. It felt like we were connecting. I’d fall for them. I’d look for very sign that she’s into me and live in those moments but in every one of those cases NOTHING happened because I failed to see the bigger picture. And like you, I went to others to “tell them” how I might be feeling which was always a huge mistake because no one is going to do the work for you and I. REAL women don’t fall for guys who tell their friend how they feel instead of stepping up making something happen themselves.

      Moving slowly towards a relationship is cool but you must NEVER wait to create attraction. You must never wait to meet up with a woman outside of work. You must never say “reel her in” or “win her over slowly” ever again because attraction happens in an instant and normally when the moment passes, it’s too late.

      IF you believe what she’s giving you are hints then ask yourself WHY haven’t you done something about it? Are you waiting for more clues and hints? Are you waiting for HER to throw herself at you? Are you waiting for a definitive answer to avoid being rejected?

      Can you see where I’m going with this?

      Women fall for guys who move forward and lead them in the direction they want to go. Keep in mind just because you’re moving forward does not mean you have to jump right into a relationship with her. But you still have to assure attraction is there. You still have to show her you’re not just some dude at work she’s friends with unless of course, being friends is all you want.

      With all that said… playing your cards right, reeling her in, looking for signs, telling others how you feel, fishing for signs she’d give away how she feels about you is not what you must be doing because in reality, you’re not doing anything at all.

      If you want to date anyone you work with – make sure you know how attraction works and you understand how it’s created and connect with her in that way. Don’t waste any time. Exchanging numbers and do something with her outside of work as quickly as possible.

      Her age doesn’t mean anything. She’s only a few years older than you. The only concern you should have in that area is that you ARE a mature man who is confident enough, and willing enough, to risk certain things to get to a place you want to go.

      Read this:
      “A man who’s “inner strength” allows him to project the correct body language… speak slowly, directly and clearly… use humor effectively… make clear, strong decisions… gives off the kind of calm, cool confidence that’s “fuel” for attraction.”
      From https://www.dialteg.com/experts/david-deangelo/first-thing-women-look-for-in-mr-right/

      Once you got that down, stop worrying about everything else, risk the rejection early on, and nothing else will matter.

      All the best,
      Pete

  • J

    Here is one for you Peter, co-worker has acted odd around me since I started 6 months ago she used to (and still does on occasionally) pop up everywhere I was.

    I’ve ignored these things but found them amusing.

    It has now got to the stage where she she is always coming past my desk on a route that she doesn’t need to go on, is now saying good morning and has a few times touched my arm and said Hey…she often stops for chats and has asked me a great deal of questions, I’ve called her out on it and in all honesty been quite cold and ignored her (not in an unkind way though) and this has seemed to feed her more.

    I’ve seen her watch me talk to other Female co-workers and at meetings she seems to linger around or is sitting in a seat where she is in direct range of where I sit.

    Today she once again came through the area where I sit and gave me one of those smiles.

    What’s her game and how should I play this?

    Thanks

    • What do you think she’s doing?

      Do you want me to just tell you she’s hinting that she likes you when you clearly have already come to that conclusion? I can do that but I’m not the type of guy to nudge some dude I don’t know and say, “Hey man, I think that chic really likes you.” and then bring you to her and say, “Have you met… J.”

      Her game? If a woman is giving a guy lots of clues that she’s interested in him specifically and rather directly, I wouldn’t call it a game at all. I’d call it the “right” thing to do.

      I’m not really sure how you would “play” this because I don’t teach guys how to play women.

      If you feel like you have to play a game to get her attracted to you all I can say is that you must really think you have absolutely nothing to offer a real woman.

      What I’m seeing here is that YOU are playing some sort of mind fuck game with her and now she’s calling you out on it by calling you a creep.

      Your words here:

      “she often stops for chats and has asked me a great deal of questions, I’ve called her out on it and in all honesty been quite cold and ignored her (not in an unkind way though) and this has seemed to feed her more.”

      So you called her out on what?

      Being interested in you and your next move was to “act cold and ignore her” BUT not in an unkind way… no… Let me guess, just in a way that says, “you’re cooler than her and you know she only wants to get in your pants or something like that.” Something you can laugh about in your “alone” time.

      Seems to me you had a few choices to make from the beginning:

      1. Do what you did and eventually be called a creep for it. Who knows maybe you’ll get something from her. Maybe you’ll get laid or maybe you won’t. For her sake I do hope she isn’t falling for your bullshit but you know what, some women will. Most women won’t. So in this choice, you’ll end up in a situation full of drama. You’ll have lots of crap to deal with. But who knows, maybe you’ll get a quick Ego boost out of it and blame it all on her to make yourself feel better.

      Choice 1 then. Maybe you’ll get laid. Maybe you won’t. What you will get is a ton of bullshit to deal with and the Ego boost won’t be real.

      2. Talk to her like a real man. No games. No acting all cold and macho and pretending she only wants your dick. If you’re interested in her then do something with her. If you’re not, tell her you’re not interested.

      Choice 2: No drama. No bullshit. Plus hey, you still get the Ego boost. You also get to be a real guy… AND you might still get laid out of it if that was all she wanted from you anyways, if that’s cool with you.

      Make your choice.

      I’ve made mine.

      Pete

  • J

    So now she is calling me a creep to coworkers behind my back when she is the one that touches me and is always around?

    WTF????

  • J

    Thanks for your reply Peter, to be honest I was intoxicated when I posted that so a lot of what I said wasn’t said correctly and stupidly I left out some crucial information, we are both married!.

    I feel that you have unfairly judged me without knowing all of the facts and have made some assumptions based on what you I read I guess?…

    If anyone has been playing a “game” it is her and I am not the only one that thinks so, my co-worker told me about the creep comment and I have since spoken to this Girl about the comment and she burst into tears and told me some deeply personal things and that she meant to say weird and not a creep, she also told me that it was weird for her that I was an older, Friendly Guy and was really approachable (I hardly spoke to her the first few months I was there though), this was very odd to say as she has relations with other older Guys in the office so I was puzzled by that comment.

    I have felt awkward and uncomfortable around her since she told me about the deeply personal stuff and I’d like to know why she would, as she has only known me for 6 or months.

    I called her out on coming by my desk all of the time and asking me so many questions, as a married man and fellow co-worker I was setting boundaries.

    This is why I wanted I wanted your advice and I realize that using the word play was inappropriate.

    I wasn’t “cold” towards her, I just got on with my work and didn’t associate with her much, that wasn’t playing or being macho and I fail to see where you would see it was.

    Get laid?, I’m a married man and protecting my Wife and my job, my Wife thinks she has a crush on me and has told me to only talk to her about work stuff.

    So maybe now you can see what is really going on?, I don’t trust her and I’m not overly happy that I work in the same team as her, she really should keep her mouth shut I mean she talks smack about the Guy she sits next to all day behind his back.

    She has been creating some drama at work lately but I haven’t been paying attention to it.

    All in all I want to keep my job and not be accused of something that I haven’t done.

    Thanks

    • Thanks for the clarification J. I’d say yes, the information you left out was very important to your situation.

      What you can in these situations is to first: Be open and honest with your partner. Let them know what is happening immediately so is there no confusion. You might be surprised by how much she can help you. Secondly, and I know this sounds lame but it works. Go to a superior who can and should accept complete privacy. That will protect your job and assure nothing is left to “chance” or rumors. Tell them your plans and how you plan on handling it which is third: Be up front and honest with the person who is bothering you by clearly stating you’re involved, you’re not interested, and to please keep you out of anything going on which is not directly related to work.

      That’s all you can really do unless it persists. Which is where others (superiors, human resources) come into play.

      I mean it’s cool if you want to handle all this on your own (IF you were single) but if it’s your marriage and job which might be threatened then never be afraid to involve the people who will be affected apart from you.

      All the best,

      Pete

  • J

    Pete,

    I hope you are well, I just wanted to seek some advice about a recent situation involving this co-worker, the other day she flipped out at me over a very minor thing and threatened me with making an official complaint about bullying, I was floored because we had been getting on quite well and if I am honest I feel that she was acting this way because she feels threatened by another co-worker that I recently was moved around to sit next to.

    This is what happened, I sent out a link to all of my team about how many words they could type, no one had an issue with this expect for her and she replied back too busy to do this.

    All of us were busy that day and it was on a Friday morning before the shift started, she later came over to me and said how’s your new desk, I said to her “oh I’m too busy to talk to you at the moment” and I was actually joking but she said God you don’t need to be so rude…stormed off and I later received an email from her saying that her feelings was hurt and that she was sorry if my feelings were hurt.

    I had sent her back a polite reply and stated that no one asked her to take the test then and there… but later on because my co-worker had made a minor complaint about her radio being loud (it was and distracting for a whole of people) we had to have a meeting and at the end of it she went at me and said that my behaviour was bullying, don’t talk to her the way I do anymore or there will be an official complaint made and she slammed the door.

    I’m just not keen to get caught up in all of her toxic drama and I cannot understand why flipped out the way she did or why she is acting like this.

    Also I honesty think that my Boss might be a bit blind, this coworker is toxic and her actions affect the whole team, if she was to switch to another team, our team would be far better off and harmonious.

    Thanks Pete.

  • K

    I ran across your article when trying to figure out a situation I’ve found myself in recently. I’ve been working with a woman for a couple years and was in a relationship until recently. After I was single we started spending more time together outside of the office. I’ve gone over to her house a few times but nothing physical has happened. We have both talked about relationships and what we are looking for too.

    Thing is at first she was just someone to talk to and I had no romantic feelings towards her. The more time I spent with her the more I started to feel for her. At this point I do want to date her but I’m now unsure how to proceed.

    Kind of a summary of the interactions so far…I’ve helped her out several times at her house by building furniture she purchased for her apartment. We have spent a few days just hanging out and having lunch. Most recently we went for a walk on a nature trail and went back to her place and I made her dinner. All of this has been ongoing for about 4 months or so. I didn’t see her in a romantic/sexual way until the last couple weeks though. At work we frequently take breaks together or go to lunch together (she doesn’t do this with anyone else).

    She has told me I’m smart, amazing, and caring…I even told her I had heard rumors going around the office of people wondering what was going on between us. Her reply was she liked having me in her life and didn’t want that to change. She has talked about one other guy but only that he asked her out and she said no because she wasn’t interested. She also frequently calls just to talk about random things.

    The last thing to mention is a work party is coming up. It is an annual fancy party and I asked her if she wanted to go with me. It isn’t formally a date but there is dancing and stuff. I was intending to push my luck there and see how it goes. Any advice?

    • Hey K,

      Honestly, the first time I read your comment I was a little worried. Doing things for her. Making her dinner. Being somewhat “friends” all this time with nothing else happening. It all seemed one sided. I didn’t hear you talk about her doing things for you besides calling you up or taking her breaks with you. Both of which don’t really mean much besides hanging out as friends and talking as friends.

      Then, you mentioning to her that “others” were talking about you two seemed like you were fishing for a clue or hint from her as to how she feels about you, and I don’t like that either. She’s going to know what you’re doing and her response wasn’t too promising.

      Yet, I’m not one to call something off until there’s hard proof and now it’s up to you to make it happen BEFORE you get too deep.

      So first, you’re not pushing your luck. Don’t think of it that way. You’re there to have fun and interact with her in a more than friendly way and if she isn’t into it, she must let you know one way or another.

      NOW is the time to move forward but you must do it in a way which is mature, masculine, and attractive. Don’t just “tell” her how you feel and hope she feels the same way. MAKE it happen. Get close to her. I hate to say “put the moves on her” but in a way, that’s what you need to do. The next step is getting physical and the longer you wait, the less likely it’s going to happen.

      The more you “talk” about it or confess your feelings the less it’s going to happen also.

      Sure women love a good talker but they want the guy to throw caution into the wind and take action regardless of the outcome. That alone may be attractive enough for her.

      You don’t need a formal date for it to happen. Just a few moments where it naturally happens like getting close, a romantic moment or setting, a light touch, a real eye locking moment, etc…

      Don’t look for signs or signals. Make it happen and she’ll let you know if she wants you to move forward from there. Avoid making it an awkward moment. If you must talk about it, do it while at the same time moving in so she knows you’re about taking action.

      You’re going to know real quickly if you’re in her friends zone or how she feels if you take this route. If you wait around for her, or hoping she’ll let you know, or continue to be there for her regardless of her being there for you or attaching something beyond a friendship, she will only ever see you as a friend.

      If you get rejected, it’s okay and you’re going to save a lot of time and heartache.

      Make it happen like a real man, a gentlemen, take actionable steps, and you’ll increase the odds of something happening.

      It’s really just that simple.

      Focus on creating fun, excitement, and when the moment arrives – DO something.

      Hope it all works out for you and best of luck,
      Pete

  • C

    I was searching the web for insight on possibly dating a coworker and ran across this site. I’m not sure where to begin so I’ll just give the full run down. I’ve worked with a woman who I am attracted to for almost two years now. In that two year time frame there was nothing between us (at least I think) until recently when I began to noticed certain things she did. She would compliment me on how I dressed, smile at me in passing, and often I would catch her staring at me. When I did she would look away or play it off. I’m not one to draw signs that she is attracted to me based on this, but lately she would come by my area to chat quite often. I’m naturally quiet until I’m spoken to so I though she’s just being friendly to my group as a whole until she singled me out. I don’t remember the details of how it started (I was oblivious to this at first) but I found out we have certain movies, shows and other interests in common. Almost every day she would come over to tell me what she has watched and what she thought of it or some other interest like food or traveling. Still, I thought it was no big deal but as she started approaching me more I found myself more attracted to her especially when I eyes meet. There was this one time where I mentioned a beach I like to visit because it’s peaceful and she subtly implied that I must have been there with someone because of the pause I took. I reassured her that it was my alone time place. I found it flattering and it was at that point when I began to really noticed her actions. I started initiating conversation and would give her compliments to her as well. Now when she approaches and engage in conversation our eyes lock on each other for what seems like forever but it just for several seconds I think. My coworkers have begin to noticed these interactions and joke about it. She even caught one of the guys joking calling me her guy at a ice cream social and she looked flustered. I am still unsure of her attraction to me because I know that women can be confusing sometimes but the way she looks at me is very different than the ways she looks at other workers. Even the tone of her voice changes when she talks to me. With others she’s more open it seems but with me it’s almost as if she’s shy. Thinking about it now I think I will change what I said earlier. I know she may be attracted to me but I don’t know to what degree. She is gorgeous and about 4 or 5 years younger so again I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing. Even an older woman have noticed and mentioned it to me. I don’t know if I should pursue this further or what. Oh yeah and did I mentioned she’s MY SUPERVISOR!

    I’ve been out of the dating loop for several years due to begin married at the time. While I have dated here and there after divorce with her it feels different. I’m not as smooth as I can be and I have to really think about what I say. It’s nerve wrecking at times but strangely I like it. It feels like I’m back in high school with the jitters and stuff. I just don’t want to jump the broom on this if it’s one sided especially with her being my boss and all. I would appreciate any insight you may have on this matter.

    • Peter White

      Tough one C. Mainly because she’s your supervisor. That could obviously cause some problems in the future. But hey, a job is just a job and a good woman is not something which should be easily dismissed, right?

      In other words – if it’s not the “boss” thing – what are you waiting for?

      Okay, first of all, as much as assumptions are down-played in our world – ASSUME if a woman is interacting with you long enough and differently than other women, then she is feelings something for you. I don’t some of the things you were doing with her – like assuring her it was your alone time or the way you’ve (sort of) begun to initiate things with her – only because once you started to feel like she was attracted to you, you began to act different.

      Also, where you’re at right now you seem to be putting her on a pedestal, and you raised her up a bit higher as in what you wrote here,”She is gorgeous and about 4 or 5 years younger so again I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing.” That may not seem like you’re raising her up but bringing yourself down is effectively the same as raising her up. It’s all relative. Keep things in perspective, keep her at your level.

      Sure she probably enjoys your nervousness or quiet demeanor around her and that you’re not all in her face like other guys probably are, but you still must be confident in who you are and where you plan on taking things with her.

      So with all that said – again – what are you waiting for – you have lots of things in common, find something that is fun and interesting to do with her and go for it. Keeping in mind that she is your supervisor so must decide quickly whether you can deal with dating your boss. That’s the real issue here. The rest is just a woman looking to connect with a guy who happens to be you, right? That’s the easy part. You’ve done it before. I’m sure she has too.

      Listen, as if you didn’t know this women love to talk, they also love it when a guy is open, upfront, and honest with them. Feel more than free to discuss the supervisor issue with her and lay it right on the table. She’ll actually appreciate it. Don’t accuse her of anything, don’t set things too far forward by saying things like, “But what if we were to become boyfriend and girlfriend”. That’s going too far. But mention something like, “I’m going to do (this) soon, love to invite you, it would be fun… but you are my supervisor… wouldn’t want you to start bossing me around. 🙂 Seriously, what are your thoughts?”

      Please let me know how it goes. I’m very interested in hearing it.

      Thanks for asking and all the best of luck to you C,
      Pete

  • M

    Hey Pete,
    So here’s my situation…. I work night shift in a medical setting, so my coworkers and I are very close in general almost like a family. I’m very experienced at my profession and am asked questions and for help by all of my peers. So a lot of the “signs” I have read are null and void, as we all do speak a lot about personal things and interests with each other, that’s how we pass the downtime in the middle of the night. There is one girl who I’ve been working with for the past year now, which stands out and she’s caught my interest and I believe I have hers as well. I’m a confident guy that will take charge of any task I’m also sarcastic and love banter. Usually when I make my comments people just laugh or dont play along. But this girl has a response to everything I say. When we work alongside one another we talk for hours if it’s a slow night we’re always playful and never run out of topics. We’ve both been approached by other employees asking if we have a thing for each other (saying our banter reminds them of being in highschool when they had crushes) I usually respond saying shes the only one who will play along. So the problem and the reason I wont ask her on a date is shes had a boyfriend for 5 years. I’m not that kind of guy who goes for girls in relationships she does complain about him to other coworkers a lot and goes on vacation without him, she asked a month ago when she knows it’s time to break up which the response was only she can decide that… So I’m at a loss I do feel like she has feelings for me and I know I have them for her I just can’t act on them not sure what to do…..

    • Hey M,

      Tough situation. I hear you.

      But you DO have the easy part in all this so I wouldn’t concern yourself too much over it.

      It seems she’s looking (or waiting) for YOU to tell her or give her one last reason to break up with him AND if that’s the case, then being the man you say you are – you must NOT do it. This is her thing and her thing alone to do.

      Helping her, pushing her, deciding for her – will only make things worse in the end. Imagine if you hooked up after you did it, how you’d feel and how you’ll always have this guy in the back of your head telling you she left him for YOU and what if another guy comes along when or if she grows tired of you.

      So be careful – for all you know you might even be in her friends zone. I can not tell from what you told me and the way she opens up to you is kind of hinting that anyways. Trust me I’ve got along with plenty of women who were with some other guy, we “appeared” to have a connection, and then boom – she drops her boyfriend by cheating or leaving him for some other guy. I’m not saying it’s definite but it’s certainly plausible because it does happen to nice guys way too much. (Thinking there’s a sexual connection when it’s really just friendly banter and a woman opening up to you.)

      My advice would be to back off a little and let her make her own decisions. Let her decide for herself. Let her make the change in her life BEFORE you say or do anything otherwise or more than you already have. I realize she’s a co-worker and you’re kind of “stuck” seeing each other BUT those things happen when we fall for people we work with and honestly, it’s something you must not only consider but think about IF something were to happen ever after (if they break up.)

      Again – you have the easy part. Just back off a little. Let her life play out as she sees fit. Do NOT get involved in it. In the end – when her “dust” settles if something was going to happen, then and only then should you proceed forward.

      If you really do like her – you will be patient and you MUST still try and see other women. If you really like her – you do NOT want to be her rebound. You do NOT want to get involved with her so she jumps from one relationship to another. The timing just isn’t there or here. It’s not the right time and it might not be for a while.

      Think of everything first. Consider all the risks. Consider or play out the future just a little in your head FIRST and you’ll have all the answers you need.

      Wishing you all the best and hope it works out favorably for you,
      Pete

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