I used to believe there was a “formula” which worked when it came to attracting women and it always went like this:
If I could only do “this” I could finally get women to start liking me.
Then I would “plug in” the “fixable” area and the problem would be solved.
- If I could only make more money…I could take her places.
- If I only had a better job…I could support a family.
- If I could have a better body…she would be sexually attracted to me.
- If I could get out more…I would meet more women and one of them HAD to fall for me.
- If I could look like “him”… women would throw themselves at me.
- If I could only have a better place to live… women would want to visit me more.
- If I could only look a little better… women would want to get close to me.
- If I was only a little taller…I would not get rejected.
As that list went on throughout my life.
But the truth was – no matter I “plugged” in or tried to fix…
I knew absolutely NOTHING about attracting women.
So… I went out and made more money but that only helped to attract women, who were attracted to money.
I went out and found a better job but that only helped to attract women who were looking for a father or husband.
I went out and bought shoes that made me look taller but that only increased my anxiety about having to take them off.
I also worked diligently on my body and even learned how to show it off but that only helped me to attract women who were more superficial than I was.
I tried to look a little better and sure, women noticed me more… but none of that did anything to help me understand women, how they worked, and what attraction was.
Something an old member here quoted much better than I could ever…
As I keep going through your stuff (…) as well as David W and Carlos’s programs, I can see a pattern. I feel that I’ve never had much of an issue attracting women generally. I just never knew how it worked or recognized that I was doing it.
It simply happened and I never fully embraced the possibilities or understood the process.
As though, it was a natural thing that you were powerless over. I’d suppose most men are in that position. But being able to understand how to work with that and manage the relationship is incredibly empowering.
Even at these earlier stages of awareness.
So why is understanding women so important when it comes to attraction?
I believe men project their own facts, beliefs, and opinions based on their past experiences with women.
I know for a fact I believed you had to be good-looking to get beautiful women and so through my teenage years as I was forming into what was supposed to be a mature adult I let women be the judge of how good-looking guys were.
In other words If you were a beautiful girl, the guy you were dating became the model of a good-looking guy to me and I found myself trying to model myself after them.
Sounds reasonable doesn’t it?
If one guy is getting the women you want, what’s wrong with modeling yourself after him.
Well a problem occurs in your future beliefs and opinions which are formed each day of your life.
Suddenly you’re judging yourself against another guy because of how he looks. Your opinion of him becomes part of the problem.
And if you’re NOT getting what you want from women you begin to believe you’re not that good-looking.
See how that works and how it winds up biting you in the ass.
Unfortunately this type of thinking happens all the time and the only way to “re-wire” how you think about your “women” problems is to gain a better understanding the female mind.
You must take your lesson in attraction as seriously as you do any other problems we encounter.
When your car breaks down and you don’t understand how to fix it, you take it to someone who does. When you suffer from a broken leg you take it to a doctor who understands how to fix it right.
And that is what I mean by seriously.
When you’re dating life is filled with doubts or if you believe the “if I could only – formula” about attraction AND they are not working, you must take your problem to someone who understands women.
Now you might not care to learn how to fix you own car. It’s just not your thing. You certainly don’t want to get stuck fixing your broken leg.
But when it comes to “fixing” your attraction with women a quick “check up” or a temporary splint is not always advisable.
So it’s important to get the right help as quickly as possible.
How you communicate with women will either demonstrate you understand them or not and at some point you’re going to be doing it all by yourself. (Unlike fixing your car.) Sure someone can teach you how and you could do exactly as your told but sooner or later you’ll be left making your own choices.
And that is where the understanding truly pays off.
If you project yourself as a man who DOES get her, if you project yourself as a man whose beliefs about women comes from a deeper understanding and not just some quick fix…
AND if your opinions are firmly based on making each new experience better than the last…
You’ll project to her a man whose attractive qualities are only measured against himself and not some “magic formula” you believe works on all women.
When you understand the process of how attraction works and when you understand how it works in many different situations like casual dating and during relationships you won’t have to constantly seek some “magic formula” to help you out.
Now I realize I’m sounding like every other “guru” out there and how each one of them offers some course in showing you how attraction works. And how each and every one of them seems to understand women better than the next guy.
But there’s a reason for this.
They understand the only real way to getting results in attracting women never starts with…
“If I could only do this…”
It starts with your decision to get the help and understanding you personally need based on your specific needs.
Not the guy down the street where you see some super-hot chic leaving his place every weekend.
So where do you go from here?
Who do you put your trust in?
Do you spend the money or opt for something free and piece it together yourself?
Do you get all excited today but forget all about it tomorrow going back to your old “If I could” ways?
And how do you feel about getting help?
Will it hurt your ego?
Will it feel manipulative?
Are you positive this stuff works or will you waste your time blaming every negative action on the process you were taught?
You know I wish I had the ultimate answer for you. I wish I could wave some “magic formula” wand and make it all go away. I really wish I was your one stop “guru” who could answer your every dating question and solve all your attraction desires.
But honestly my “Nice Guy Approach” is not for everyone. I don’t feel wrong admitting that.
I can however guarantee you without any doubt in my mind – I believed I was a hopeless romantic who was destined to fail with women at every turn.
And yet I have found my way to giving advice to other men. Not the hound dogs who are just looking to get a little but the really nice guys who are sick and tired of not being “her” choice and have finally had enough.
My answer or advice for you today is simple…
- Don’t for one minute believe attracting and understanding women is out of your reach.
- Don’t for one second let those negative thoughts control your future which can be changed starting today and now.
- Don’t for any length of time let your “ego” stop you from getting an education in a very natural thing like attraction. Because it just not worth it.
My suggestions or recommendation is what I’ve used but please remember to always choose your own path based on your own personal needs.